Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Our Secret Past ❯ In The End, It Doesn't Really Matter ( Chapter 1 )

Ryou: Hello minna-sama. This is my latest Jou/Seto fic but I am only writing this to try to get out of the writers block I've been having. This, as the same for my other stories, will start out a PG-13 rating but go up to R very shortly. That is...if I get reviews telling me where to go with this. I was up one night at three the morning and I just had the urge to write. I didn't want to waste this spontaneous urge to write on the other fics for fear of it running out all to soon...so I started this fic. So just keeping the fact that I have no idea where this is going in mind as you read and review...maybe you could give me some ideas...or pointers...I'm afraid that the chapters wont be all to long thought...I'm still just starting this fic out.

It may be a bit confusing at first but I promise...It will become very clear as soon as we get the fun little flashbacks out of the way^_^

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~*~Seto's POV~*~

When I look into your eyes...Those beautiful amber eyes...forever burnt into my memory...I see everything we had...everything we'd shared...And...That's why I never look into your eyes anymore. I remember them perfectly...everything they held, every emotion...your eyes were so transparent...I could see into your very soul without even trying. That's why I wont look you in the eye...I'm afraid of what I would see...I wont deny that I miss what we had...There would be no use denying that constant ache in my heart every time you're near...or every time I hurt you...But somehow I think its better this way. We could never hurt each other this way. It just...wasn't meant to be. We weren't meant to be. But that doesn't mean I'll stop loving you...you mean too much to me...I cant just forget...I don't want to forget...That night you found me...You saved me...I had already had a crush on you but I think that's when it turned into something else...something more important...deeper than anything I had ever felt...even for Mokuba.

Flashback~

That night I had ran. Away...as far as I could get. Mokuba was at a friend's house so I didn't need to worry about what could happen to him once I left. I was hurt. Bad hurt. It hurt all over. I knew I had a concussion. My green hair was matted to my face with dried blood...my blood. My shirt was torn open and cuts were everywhere on my chest and abdomen. After Gozaburo-sama sliced the butcher knife down my chest and didn't seem to stop, I knew I had to get out of there. I grabbed a vase and smashed it over his head. I was out the door before he even hit the ground...if he did at all. I was scared...It was dark and I couldn't see a thing. It had even begun to rain. My thoughts began to wander as I slipped in and out of consciousness. My thoughts always wandered to you...and I was wishing you were here. I imagined your arms encircling my body and holding me tight. I knew I was dreaming when you did just that. I knew I had to have been hallucinating. You would have never of done this on your own free will...But as your eyes continued to stare into mine I remember thinking that everything was going to be okay. And when I heard your soft angelic voice...I knew it was true.

"Seto? Seto please hang on...Please...I'll get you help I promise! Please...just don't leave me alone, Seto..." I knew you couldn't have been real...but then when people are unconscious from pain they won't feel it...or much of anything. And I was sure as hell feeling the pain now...along with a collage of emotions from you. Your eyes were so sad as you held me...your father calling an ambulance. You were crying I realized...Your hand was on my face, smoothing the rain away from my eyes and...I remember grasping your hand in mine...smiling at you and saying;

"Don't worry...I wont." before I passed out completely.

I woke up in the hospital with you at my side. You were on your knees, your head resting on my hand which was interlinked with yours. You stayed up all night with me? Why? My heart soared at just the thought of another person caring that much about me besides Mokuba...And...It was you. Just then, your head shot up. Your eyes searched around for a second before they came to rest on mine. Your eyes were the same...those sad pools of deep chocolate. So sad...I reach up and cup the side of your face in my palm. Your hand moves to hold mine and you lean into my touch. Then I felt it...you were crying again. The silvery tears running down your pale face. I sat up a little and you dive-bombed me in a hug, you arms flew around my waist and your head was buried in the crook of my neck. I knew from that moment that I loved you, would always love you and...

"I love you." You love me too. I held you to me, rubbing your back, soothing the sobs until they were no more. You look up at me with more tears, ready to fall. Your amber eyes looking like pure gold enlightened by the sun. Your eyes were still sad though...I knew how to fix that.

"I love you too." I say and your face lights up so brightly...as if it was never sad. You hug me again, nuzzling my neck and under my chin fondly as I pet your hair...so soft...And that's when I also realized I couldn't let this happen again. I had to stop Gozaburo once and for all...I had too many things to live for. You being the most important right next to Mokuba...I couldn't let Gozaburo hurt me...I couldn't let you see that. And...That's why not but three weeks later...Mr. Kaiba Gozaburo was killed...thought to have been suicide...jumping out a third story window.

End Flashback~

That's how it all started...We were sort of friends before that...more like silently overseers, watching each other...Needless to say our relationship went into full throttle. We were rarely seen apart and when we were it was to maybe go the bathroom or take a shower. But once Gozaburo had his *ahem * accident you practically moved in with me. The only ones who knew about our relationship outside of our friendship as everyone believed it to be was Yuugi and Yami. I love you so much...But...that's all over now. I am hanging out more with 'them' now...but I still fight with you constantly. It never went out of the same insults thought...I'm sure we're both glad for that...I don't think you've mentioned it outside of your head since it happened...unless it was with Yami or Yuugi. They've all seemed to accept me right into their little group...Except you. When I'm around you slip into obscurity...pretending no one notices you're in the same room. And of course they've noticed...Then...this is one of the times that I slip into obscurity. And that's why Yuugi keeps poking me. I face him slowly.

"Yes, Yuugi?" I ask. He smiles. Yuugi's got to be the most carefree of us all.

"I don't think you've heard a word we've said the whole night, Kaiba." Yuugi comments, smiling to show that he was okay with it.

"I'm, sorry, Yuugi." I apologize. Yuugi waves his hand.

"S'ok. What we were saying is that Anzu's birthday is coming up." I nod and face Anzu. She nods and smiles.

"Yes. It's this Saturday and I'm have a sleep over at a hotel. I've been saving up for years to have this party. So it'll be the works!" she said happily. "Of course everyone is invited, even you, Kaiba-kun." She says giggling. Saturday...only two days away.

"Thanks. I'll be sure to attend. If you need anything, feel free to ask." I offered.

"Thanks, Kaiba-kun, I will." Suddenly you pull forward.

"Kuso! I nearly forgot! Anzu-chan, what do you want for your birthday?" Anzu smiled.

"Don't worry about it, Jouno. Whatever you get me will be fine, I'm sure of it." Looks like he'd been spacing out too.

"Poor make inu, cant figure out what to get a girl for her birthday?" I taunt.

"Ya know what Kaiba? I don't want to deal with you tonight, or ever for that matter, okay? So just beat it and leave me alone!" You growl. Well too bad Jouno! You're stuck with me.

"Kaiba don't be mean. Jouno, don't be so cruel to Kaiba! He's turned over a new leaf these past two years ya know." Yuugi said; You just continue to glare at me.

"Not with me he hasn't. His hair might have changed and he may have grown taller but he will never be the same or different ever again to me." I look at him, the hurt I feel shining through my eyes. I walk over to him and set my hand on his shoulder. He flinches away form me.

"Jounouchi I-"

"Don't touch me Kaiba. You don't have the right to touch me like that anymore. Don't you ever touch me like that again. I'm not just some insignificant lowlife warm and willing body you can toss around and be done with in a few hours. I've been hurt enough and I'm through with your games. I'm not yours to touch anymore. Leave me be." J-Jounouchi...I...oh gods this is it isn't it...? The end of us...I clench my fists as he brushes past me and out the door. I look down, trying to hide the tears that are falling down my face. I grid my teeth and try to be emotionless...but I gave that up with the first chance to join this group...in hopes of getting close to you again.

"K...Kaiba?" Yami questions. I try to suck it up before I face them...I'm such a fool...This is all my fault...If only I'd trusted him instead of jumping to conclusions...I face them, the tears till falling. Everyone gasps.

"Tell them if you want. I'm going out the back way." I answer. Yuugi sets a hand on my forearm. I stop.

"Thank you. I'm fine, Yuugi. Don't worry yourself about me." I was thanking him for everything he's put himself through for me, because he didn't have to and he knows that. I faced Anzu, she had a look of confusion and worry as well as everyone else with the exception of Yami and Yuugi. "And Anzu? I'll be at your part no matter what. I know what it means to you." I say. In fact I knew about her part before this...She's been saving for years. Literally. It is her 18 birthday after all, so no wonder she wants it to be special. I respect that and I wont let something you've done to upset me prevent me from attending her party.

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Ryou: Well that was short but I promise if you review I'll get the next chapter out soon!! *smile *

'Make inu' means 'Pathetic dog'