Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Paranoid ❯ Myself ( Chapter 8 )

 

The huge house was drowning in deafening silence -there was no sound or movement to break the frigid monotony. The attic door was sealed and morbid, bringing with it an air of frosty pain and memory.

 

Well…at least that's how it seemed.

 

Until, finally, a sign of human presence broke hotly through the silence.

 

“WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING TO TELL ME?” an irate shout echoed around the empty corridors.

 

Marik banged the door of his sister's bedroom shut and proceeded to reveal the little book that was hidden behind his back. Isis immediately stood up from her bed and watched her brother with shocked, wide eyes.

 

Marik threw the diary in front of her feet with an impressive, violent movement. She could see that his sparkling lavender eyes had altered from fury and desperation. Marik probably didn't even know how desperate he looked…

 

The blonde Egyptian took a few harsh steps towards her and paused ominously.

 

“Is there anything else I must know except, of course, for the fact that he and I have FUCKED? Or maybe you don't consider that important!!” he barked harshly into her face. She shut her eyes at his uncontrolled accusations. She was quite shocked -how had he managed to find the diary?

 

“W-where did you get this?” she croaked out quite pathetically. She didn't really want to provoke her brother's anger…it was well known that when Marik got angry, he had the tense to become violent- like his father…

 

“Shut your mouth, woman!!” Marik shouted immediately “I'm the one who asks the questions now!”

 

All right…now Isis knew that he was really angry. Marik never called her `woman'…moreover, she had never seen him shout so desperately.

 

“How long were you planning to keep it from me? Why was I the only one who didn't know? Did you really think that you could fool me that easily, sister!!!??!”

 

He watched her lower her eyes to the floor in shame and guilt. Now he felt truly justified.

 

“Or maybe you thought I'd really be content with your evasive answers? The only one who really helped me understand what's going on around here was myself!!” He pointed at the fallen diary which was lying desolately in front of Isis's feet. She bent down and picked it up.

 

“Mariku…we just thought you needed some time…” she started slowly, trying to placate him but failing miserably.

 

“You know what Bakura does up there, don't you? You know he's become alcoholic!! Yet you do nothing!! It could have been so much easier if you told me the whole story all along!! What are you trying to do Isis- hide my life from me?? It's MY life! I deserve to know about it!! You could have-”

 

But this time, his angry tone was interrupted by Isis's furious voice “I could have what?? WHAT?? Shut up, Marik! Don't talk about things you don't understand!! You haven't seen Bakura scream and shout, nor have you seen your own brother turn paranoid and try to kill the people that love him!!”

 

Marik froze, and suddenly, his shoulders slumped and he stared at Isis with a blank expression. “I…did…what?”

 

Isis's eyes flashed with ire “Oh yes, that's right, Marik!! You're not the one who had to watch Bakura cry and try to bring you back while you were trying to stab him! Don't you tell me that I haven't tried to help Bakura, coz you're wrong!! You don't know a thing, ok? I'm not telling you what you want to know, because if you find out the truth, you'll die of guilt!! So don't blame me, coz all I'm trying to do is help!!”

 

Marik stayed silent after that. He watched his sister breathe hoarsely after her most unusual outburst. And then he spoke again, this time using a calm, normal tone.

 

“What else are you hiding form me?” he simply asked, making Isis turn to him. “What else did I do when I was crazy?”

 

Isis sighed heavily at the question “I don't want to tell you. You don't need to know…You should focus on rebuilding your life- that's the whole point. It's no use reliving the past -it will only make you guilty.”

 

Marik eyes narrowed as he eyed her warily “A man can't regain his life when he has no past. I already have memories from what you call, my `fantasy world'…But if I have to live in this world from now on, then I have to know my past…And you have to tell me.”

 

Isis nodded slowly, watching her brother's tired face. “I have nothing to tell you, really…You have read the most important part in the diary…Before you got in the asylum, your whole life revolved around Bakura. You were so involved with each other, that you had no other important issues to care about…then you became lovers, and it was the last straw…after that, all you could think about was one another!”

 

Marik closed his eyes slowly, still trying to accept the idea that he had been truly in love with Bakura. He nodded for Isis to continue. “You were planning to study Egyptology together and enhance the library…Actually, Marik, you wanted to be an archaeologist…Then, I don't know what happened. One moment you were there and the other you were not…” she seemed a little reluctant to speak at that point.

 

Marik raised a curious eyebrow at Isis's words “No one really understood why, but one day you just…flipped.” She gulped and looked at him in discomfort. It was clear she was hiding something, but Marik knew that pressuring her further would be useless. “You were going crazy, saying something about Pharaohs and world domination and all that…You tried to stab Bakura with a knife, claiming that it wasn't really a knife- it was a Rod or something…”

 

Marik's eyes widened. Millennium Rod? Tried to kill Bakura? “We took you to the asylum, and the psychiatrist reached a conclusion about your hallucinations…Although they really don't know why you went so crazy so suddenly…they are sure that it had to do with traumatic experiences from your childhood.”

 

Marik's eyes widened. Traumatic experiences?

 

Isis shook her head as tears began to gather in her eyes “You probably took bits and pieces of information from your real life and used them to build a dream world…For example, you never really liked Rishido in real life, so after you got crazy, you always screamed whenever you saw Rishido. You used to say that there was something in his face that would kill you, or something…And then…you had always studied Egyptology and you were planning to become an archeologist, so you used bits and pieces of that information in your hallucinations. It's only logical, since you've studied Ancient Egypt ever since you were a child…And finally, your traumatic experience…was our abusive father.”

 

Isis sighed pathetically as she saw Marik's wide eyes “And about Bakura…” she gulped “You just went into a fit whenever you saw him…spat on his face…tried to hit him…you used to call him a demon and a blood-sucker... ” she shook the tears away “Those were dark times…I hope you never have to experience the pain of seeing your sibling writhe and curse like a madman…”

 

Marik did feel guilty as he watched her break. He had a feeling that Isis hadn't told him half of the things he had done while demented. As his sister's form broke down in tears, he didn't know what to do. Idly, he wondered whether his old self would rush to comfort her or just stand there like he was doing right then.

 

Suddenly, the creak of the door echoed from behind him. Marik turned around instantly, only to come face to face with the wide green eyes of a well-known bald man.

 

“Rishido!!” Marik exclaimed in spite of himself. His voice was slightly terrorized, since he still couldn't shake off the feeling that he'd vaporize the moment he saw Rishid. But the blonde Egyptian's lavender eyes widened at the sight of Rishid' s face.

 

No scar. Only a lean tanned cheek and forehead -it was slightly peculiar to see Rishid with a clean, flawless face…

 

“Marik!” Rishid shouted suddenly with a shocked expression. Marik found slight annoyance at Rishid' s direct way of addressing him. He had been used to `Master Marik' for far too long. Rishid wasn't his servant in this place…

 

“What are you doing here?” Rishid asked in disbelief, and then his eyes turned to the shaking figure at the corner of the room. “Isis!” he ran to his wife and enveloped her in a hug. Then, he turned fiercely back to Marik.

 

“What have you done to her, you beast?” the man asked bluntly and Marik suddenly understood what Isis meant. There was a lot of hate and anger in the man's voice, and Marik was slowly starting to realize how much he had hurt these people.

 

“H-He didn't d-do anything, Rishido…” Isis stuttered between sobs. “Surprise…” she said pathetically, trying to lighten the mood by referring to Marik's return home. Rishid' s eyes widened incredulously as he turned to Marik with a questioning glance.

 

“What does this mean?” he inquired and earned a sigh from Marik.

 

“I'm not crazy anymore. I'm back home…” Marik simply said “It's a long story…but I'm sure sister would like to tell you…”

 

“Bakura's diary!!” Rishido suddenly exclaimed when his eyes focused on the little book that was lying on the floor.

 

Marik felt the urge to roll his eyes “Actually, it's MY diary, though I don't understand why everyone keeps forgetting that little detail. And by the way, Rishido, I don't want you reading my personal thoughts. I trust my sister will want to take it back to Bakura…” Marik stated with the air of a lord who speaks to his minions.

 

Marik swiftly exited the room, eager to escape the tense atmosphere of Isis's bedroom. He saw that the attic door was still sealed and sighed. Oh well, his little chat with Bakura would have to wait. Although Marik didn't really know what he was supposed to tell the albino now that he knew about…their past…

 

`Hey Bakura, sorry I almost killed you when I was crazy, but you know I love ya, right?' Marik rolled his eyes at the thought. Oh yeah…that would be great…And wait a minute; he didn't feel anything for Bakura anyway, right?

 

Of course not. He was just guilty. Guilty about making Bakura anorexic and sad…That's all. He just wanted to help Bakura…it's not like he felt something…

 

Right?

 

Marik opened the door to his bedroom and walked in. His eyes narrowed as he went into the bathroom and looked at his reflection. A blonde, desperate boy blinked back at him.

 

Right. He was definitely heartless and cruel. He didn't want Bakura.

 

At the mere thought of the albino, his eyes seemed to become all dreamy. And now that he had learned about their past…it was all the worst. He recalled all the fiery descriptions in the diary. He even swore that images of memory had started to flood his mind. Images of that night…

 

Marik sighed inwardly as he realized his reflection was grinning giddily back at him. Why had he started smiling at his thoughts?

 

His expression sobered up and he stiffened.

 

`Who am I kidding?'

 

 

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A soft, somewhat shy knock came from the bedroom door. Marik wouldn't even have heard it if he hadn't just been slacking off.

 

With a groan, the Egyptian rolled over and sat up on the bed. He wrapped his hands around his knees and eyed the door suspiciously.

 

`What now?' he thought in annoyance. “Come in.” he stated in a crispy, gruff voice. The wooden door opened hesitantly to reveal the notorious bloodshot albino eyes. As Bakura entered, Marik was assaulted by refreshed memories of the diary. All the descriptions in that book truly did qualify for Bakura.

 

The boy really did look like a god. A god that had risen from the deepest chasms of ice, bringing an air of frost wherever he went. Marik could feel it that very moment: the room seemed to get suspiciously cooler with Bakura's entrance. But the diary always said that Bakura's body heat and warmth was incredible…Marik wished he could only have a way to test that theory …

 

But then, a sudden thought cut through the Egyptian's mind like a knife. Bakura wasn't the same any more. Now he was more living-dead than he was human…and Marik felt his soul crush miserably, for he knew that HE had been the one to cause Bakura's pain.

 

At that moment though, as Marik watched the refined albino's face turn to him and watch him with calm compassion, he admired Bakura like no other. That boy had taken all the hits willingly…he had kept quiet and stuck by Marik's side throughout his schizophrenia…How could Bakura continue to try and bring Marik back even now?

 

It was truly praiseworthy. If the love that Bakura and Marik had had in the past was worth all this torture, then it must have been something untouchable. Marik was jealous of it. After all, he had never had love in his crazy Yugioh reality…It was unfair for him not to remember the greatest love he had ever experienced. And even now, he felt like it wasn't really him who had been Bakura's lover.

 

Maybe it was another Marik…a better person. Himself, he didn't even know how to love…how could he ever share a healthy relationship with someone…how could he make someone love him so much so as to become a zombie at his absence??

 

That was probably why Bakura was always shying away from him. Though they had been lovers in the past, Bakura felt that this Marik was a different person…

 

“Hey…” Bakura started quite hesitantly, and for once, Marik understood the reason behind Bakura's persistent gaze and uncomfortable movements. How to act in the presence of your lover, who doesn't really remember that he's your lover, anyway?

 

“…so how are you?” Bakura asked in an attempt to strike up a conversation. The Egyptian could only imagine how hard it was for the albino to maintain a calm façade in front of the person he craved.

 

Marik felt himself smile proudly at that thought…Bakura still wanted him…right? Even if he was different…he was still Marik, right? But of course, that was not the point…The point was that Marik finally recognized the reason behind Bakura's hopeful gazes. The albino was searching for a miracle…a miracle that would bring his buried lover out of Marik's memory…a miracle that would bring the old Marik back…

 

Marik frowned.

 

So Bakura loved the other Marik…the old Marik, not the crazy one…It was only logical, but it hurt the Egyptian to no ends- knowing he could not be loved or wanted for what he was.

 

“…I'm fine…” Marik finally answered in a tone that was sufficiently sharp but soft at the same time. Marik didn't want to raise suspicions by acting too nice to Bakura all of a sudden. He was planning to start acting amiably…it was the least he could do to atone for his guilt. He was tortured by the voices in the back of his head that kept reminding him he was the one responsible for Bakura's grief.

 

It was time to set things straight.

 

Bakura seemed extremely uncomfortable. He obviously didn't know what to say next, and Marik could clearly distinguish the fear of rejection linger in Bakura's features. Bakura had been heartbroken by Marik too many times as it seemed. Marik believed it was time to start helping the boy out. He DID feel guilty after all…

 

The silence was finally broken by the blonde boy, in an attempt to reassure the albino that they could still talk civilly.

 

A customary sly grin found its way on Marik's face “So did you find it?” Bakura seemed puzzled by the sudden question. His bloody eyes locked curiously on Marik's crystal orbs.

 

“Huh?” Bakura asked confusedly, only to earn a slow grin from Marik.

 

“The thing you were looking for this morning…” the Egyptian commented, while eyeing Bakura with a curious gaze. He was referring to the diary, of course.

 

Bakura squirmed and his red eyes flew to gaze at the wall of the room “Umm…yeah…we found it…actually, Isis found it…”

 

“Cool…” Marik smiled unconsciously, as he started to notice all kinds of little things about Bakura. For example, the way the albino twisted loose white strands of hair around his long digits, or the way he balanced his weight on his left foot…

 

Marik was suddenly hit by a wave of reality. Bakura and he had been lovers. As in, they had slept together…multiple times. And now here he was, sitting on his bed with Bakura standing a few feet away, looking uncomfortable. Marik could only imagine what thoughts went through Bakura's head at this moment, so he decided to spice things up a little… just to check what Bakura's reaction would be and if the albino really did see him as his old…love.

 

Although he really didn't know why he felt the need to `check'…

 

“…Hey Bakura…com' ere…” Marik motioned towards the free space next to him. He was actually egging Bakura to go sit with him on the bed.

 

Marik watched Bakura's eyes grow wide, a shy pink hue covering the albino's cheeks. Oh yes…Bakura was having `those' kind of thoughts too…Marik reveled in his new-found ability to interpret all of Bakura's reactions and feelings flawlessly.

 

The Egyptian decided he liked watching the verification of Bakura's everlasting attraction to him. He liked watching the albino squirm and blush like that. It still seemed a bit out of place for the boy to blush at the presence of Marik after all this time -who knows what the two of them had done, after all.

 

“Ummm…” Bakura averted his eyes helplessly “Actually…I just came here to ask you if you wanted to come to the bar…I have to go to work, so…”

 

The Egyptian eyed his friend curiously. The bar? Bakura still worked in the bar -even though alone?

 

“So…” Bakura trailed on and shot a pointed gaze at Marik “How `bout it, Mariku? Are you coming?”

 

With a swish of golden blonde, Marik had jumped up from his bed. “Of course” he simply said and eyed Bakura up and down, awaiting the albino's next reaction.

 

“Umm…cool…” Bakura lowered his gaze to the floor, but not before he gave the Egyptian's lavender eyes a hopeful gaze “So…I'll just…leave you get dressed…”

 

Marik nodded wordlessly and watched Bakura exit the room. Instantly, the blonde turned around and took his shirt off, wondering what to wear that would suit a bar.

 

He finally settled on a sleeveless black shirt and black leather pants. He was slightly bothered at himself for making such a fuss over his appearance, but he felt strangely committed now.

 

After he had read the diary, he had felt generally committed. He just HAD to take care of himself more…after all, he should make a good impression on Bakura.

 

Not that he cared; of course…it was just that Bakura used to be his mate, so…it would only be logical to…

 

…to…

 

…to…be…more…beautiful…around Bakura…

 

…right?

 

`Oh well…' Marik thought as he took hold of the hair-gel near the sink. He grinned slightly, as he mixed the foamy gel with a fair amount of water. He dipped his head downwards and applied the gel.

 

The out-of-bed look would surely look good on his soft, generally airy hair. The gel wouldn't make his hair really sticky; it would only help create a tousled effect.

 

He smiled when he looked back at his reflection. Wild long hair, hip-hugging leather pants, army boots and black shirt…Now all he needed was a pair of golden armlets and his beloved earrings…

 

Then he would start to look a bit like what was once considered Bakura's lover: Marik Ishtar. And maybe if he tried to look more like himself, Bakura would see that it really WAS him…

 

…not some crazy Yami…