Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Paranoid ❯ It's been so long ( Chapter 13 )

He couldn't tell Bakura- he just couldn't.

 

He didn't want to crush the albino's hope…Bakura obviously believed in Marik's sanity, and he trusted that his old lover would come back, eventually. Marik just couldn't tell the boy that not only was he not coming back, he was having hallucinations again!!

 

Bakura was depressed enough as it was…the albino had only recently started to relate to a happy state….Marik didn't want Bakura to become depressed and start drinking again. No way. It wasn't worth it. His psychological problems could wait…

 

But then again…he had to tell somebody…he couldn't hold the burden of his psychosis all alone…there had to be someone he could talk to! Why was he having hallucinations again?

 

But then again…a shrink? He, Marik Ishtar, visiting a shrink? He might as well go to a psychic…

 

Marik looked at the card in his hand. He was still in that bathroom, with Bakura and Isis standing at the other side of the door, waiting for some kind of sign from Marik.

 

Marik pulled the towel away from his body and rushed to wear the clothing left in the sink. When he had successfully put on his trousers, he turned briefly and glanced at the bathtub. Immediately, a cold shiver ran up his spine at the memory of his father…

 

It didn't matter who he would confide in, anymore…all that mattered was that he had to get out of that place…now.

 

The blonde boy roughly shoved the psychiatrist's card in his pocket and stepped towards the door. Bakura was still banging from the other side. He hadn't broken down the door, after all.

 

Marik had shouted just in time, that he was still in the bathtub. That had stopped Bakura…for a while.

 

Finally, with swift movements, the blonde turned the key to unlock the door and opened it. There stood Bakura, even paler than usual, accompanied by an equally worried Isis.

 

Marik slipped into his act of indifference. His eyes inconspicuously floated to Bakura “What's this all about?”

 

He really hoped the albino wouldn't notice his slightly shaking hands and his generally tousled appearance.

 

Naturally, Bakura eyed him up and down. “We heard screams from downstairs…what happened, are you okay?”

 

Marik rolled his eyes in a show of weariness. Then, he looked at Bakura and shook his head dismissively. “Of course I'm o-” but he froze. His eyes were plastered at a spot on the wall behind Bakura.

 

The albino was watching him curiously; his head tilted to the side a bit. Marik was frozen on the spot, his eyes wide and his breath shallow. He was focused on the wall behind his albino friend.

 

A figure in a purple cloak…standing behind Bakura.

 

The blonde's breath hitched in his throat, as he saw the darkness covering the figure's face.

 

`Not again.'

 

An involuntary shiver ran up Marik's spine as he watched what he now knew was a hallucination- a mere demon of his fantasy. The figure was just standing there, not moving…not doing anything ominous.

 

But Marik was horrified. He promptly ignored Bakura's words and Isis's pleas to shake him into reality.

 

No. He wasn't staying around to see his dead father again. Not this time.

 

The blonde Egyptian frantically shook his head in silent denial. Then, with a sudden, forceful movement, he shoved Bakura and Isis to the side and darted away in the speed of a torpedo.

 

Bakura's calls chased him down the corridor, but Marik didn't care to stop. He had to get out immediately. He had to get away from the demons that haunted him…first it was his father…and then it was his own feelings- Yami Marik.

 

With a fast sprint, Marik reached the front door and pulled it open, not caring to close it after he ran outside. He glanced around to think of what he would do next and his eye caught the garage.

 

`That's it!!' his mind imploded and he ran to his motorbike. He had to get away! He had to get as far away as he could…

 

As he mounted his bike and ignited the motor, he saw Bakura run towards him from the house.

 

“Mariku, wait!!” the boy shouted, but it was obviously too late. Marik had just ran past him with the motorcycle.

 

“MARIK!!” Isis distant cry was heard from afar, but Marik paid no heed. He didn't know where he was going or what he would do…he just had to get away!

 

“Bakura!! Follow him!!” the Egyptian's sister shouted after the motorbike had become a mere speck in the distance. But before she could say anything else, a familiar convertible car sped past their house.

 

Isis saw the car run after the motorbike, and she clasped her hands over her mouth.

 

`Please…let them be okay…'

 

 

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Marik's eyes swept the surroundings in alert. Luckily, no more purple cloaked devils had come to pay him a visit.

 

Now he just sped with his motorbike, leading the way to an unknown destination. It didn't matter where he went as long as he had time to think things through…

 

He needed some time alone, before he could return to that place…

 

Everything was just so confusing…He felt he needed to confess his problems to somebody and just let everything out of his chest, but he didn't have anyone except Bakura…Then again, he didn't want to tell Bakura he was crazy, since it would completely crush the albino's hopes of Marik's recovery…

 

Then there was that shrink…but…

 

Marik started to go a bit slower with his bike, in order to reach into his pocket and take out the card. He looked at it thoughtfully and his lilac eyes became considerably darker.

 

A shrink?

 

He huffed indignantly as he turned his attention back to the road. Firstly, he didn't know where this person's address was…Secondly…he just couldn't go.

 

He didn't want to do confess to a complete stranger. Actually, when he really thought about it, what good would it do him? That shrink wouldn't tell him anything he didn't already know!

 

Why go and spill his guts to a crappy psychiatrist who believes he is crazy, anyway? That would seem completely unfair to Bakura. After all, Bakura had proven his trust to Marik…it was only fair that Marik treated him the same way.

 

No. He wouldn't go to the shrink. He wouldn't go to anyone. Since he had a problem, and he knew it…he'd deal with it alone. After all, even if he did tell the shrink everything, there was nothing the shrink could do to end the hallucinations.

 

It was only Marik who could do it. He had to wipe out the paranoia by himself, just as he had done in the bathroom. If he believed in himself…then all demons would disappear before him…just like Yami Marik in the bathtub.

 

Only when Marik truly believed he didn't need hate anymore did the demon disappear. It doesn't matter what one says or does…he must believe in himself first of all.

 

`Know yourself' Marik thought. It was the most important thing he could counsel himself at the moment. Now, he knew himself. He knew he was partially insane. And since he knew his enemy…he could fight it.

 

Suddenly, he threw the paper card on the road, where it was crushed by the wheels of a passing car.

 

`No.' Marik thought immediately `No shrinks. It isn't fair for Bakura…and it isn't fair for me. Only I can kill my demons…I can't share them with anyone else…and I can't ask anyone to kill them FOR me. Only when I kill them by myself…will they be truly dead.'

 

He needed time. Time to think alone…He didn't feel the need to confess anymore. Fine, he could confess to anyone…so what? It wouldn't give him the solution to his problems. He had to sit and think…he just needed time to process everything new…

 

He sped up his motorcycle and proceeded to drive to an unknown place, all the time unaware of the convertible car that was tailing him.

 

 

 

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Finally, he had reached a secluded, quiet spot. It was a dark, frosty night, and the beach had been left completely forgotten…

 

Marik was perched on a sharp rock, which was located on the west side of the sandy beach. The boy reveled in the pleasant feeling of the sea air ruffling his hair.

 

He chanced a quick glance towards his motorcycle, which had been parked a few meters away.

 

Everything was silent.

 

Good.

 

The boy sighed slowly, as he focused his piercing amethyst eyes on the waves that crashed against the rocks beneath him.

 

How beautiful and crystal clear- the water. Why couldn't his life be like the water…clean and simple? Marik crouched on the rock he was sitting on and bent down to touch the cool surface of the liquid of life.

 

Why did it all have to be so complicated? Why did his feelings erupt like fiery volcanoes all the time? Couldn't he be more like the water- cool and stable? Why did he always have to be so stagnant in his problems?

 

First there was the fact that he had suddenly woken up in a totally different world, with totally different people…He had awoken in a world where he didn't need to hate, didn't need to suffer…

 

Then there were the people: Bakura, Isis…. Marik never remembered having any kind of relationship with anyone- much less Bakura…

 

He never remembered having any kind of romantic or sexual experience in his entire life…how was it that suddenly he learned he had already experienced love?

 

Why?

 

And if he used to have such a great, peaceful life…then why did he go crazy? What kind of pent up feelings did he have in order to reach the brink of insanity?

 

Marik was sure that it was something that had to do with his father…Only that murderous, raving lunatic had the power to ruin peoples' lives….even in death!

 

Suddenly, Marik was aware of someone's presence behind him. Losing no time, he turned around to see the newcomer.

 

The spectacle could be considered incredible.

 

Bakura was standing in front of his now parked car. His loose, airy clothes clung to his frail body while his white hair had taken the hue of blue-gray. Marik immediately felt the air somehow grow cooler at Bakura's presence, and he feared to look straight in those blood pools for some reason.

 

Another problem. How to explain to Bakura the reason why he had ran out of the house like a chased animal?

 

Marik decided it was better left unsaid. He swept his eyes away from Bakura's penetrating dark gaze, and turned back to the ocean. He was not too surprised to hear light footsteps approach him.

 

 

Bakura was coming for answers…answers that Marik didn't have…

 

Couldn't everyone just leave him alone for a while?

 

Then again…that had always been his problem, hadn't it? He was always left alone…

 

When the footsteps finally stopped, Marik knew that Bakura was standing right behind him. The Egyptian was tempted for a moment. What if he forgot about everything and everyone? He could be with Bakura…they could be together- without problems…

 

Wouldn't it just be so simple to grab Bakura's arm and kiss the beautiful boy senseless? Marik didn't even know HOW to kiss, but perhaps…his passion could cope for lack of experience.

 

When the Egyptian heard a low sigh come from those pale lips, he knew Bakura was waiting for something- an explanation perhaps. Marik suddenly felt so disappointed with himself…he couldn't even offer Bakura the most vital things…like trust and true friendship…

 

Nah…he had too many insecurities for that...He suddenly saw before him, the true scale of his whole life- the life he didn't remember. All he could remember were his torturous hallucinations…and the ghosts that haunted him in every waking moment. He was miserable…truly miserable.

 

He was a man without past, present or future. He was just a shadow of what once was…a mere replica of the real Marik Ishtar. His very existence had been reduced to the ravings of an insane boy…his whole world had been turned upside down.

 

The nightmares that once plagued his memories…they were all lies…His whole life the way he remembered it…nothing but a hallucination. Now he finally realized that there was no way to fight it, except to become his old self again.

 

But how does one return to his old life, when he has absolutely no memories of it?

 

Suddenly, Marik felt a heavy load burden his heart and he echoed Bakura's sigh. He turned to look at the horizon, aware of the twin red eyes that were stinging the back of his head.

 

“Heh…I bet no one has ever had a life as dark and terrifying as mine in this world…”

 

Marik didn't even notice the words that left his mouth…they just slipped away from his soul…spilling into the air. Bakura didn't say anything, obviously waiting for Marik to continue his little dazed rant.

 

“…to me, even falling asleep feels horrifying…”

 

The Egyptian fell to silence, but he didn't really expect an answer. In fact, it jarred him a bit when he heard the light voice talk from behind him.

 

“You're very egotistical, Marik…” the feathery tone commented neutrally. Marik raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the answer. “You believe you're the only one who has problems…well think again. Other people have problems too.”

 

Marik nodded slowly. Of course…how could he think like that? Bakura had problems too…Bakura's life must have also been a nightmare from the moment he lost the one he loved…

 

“Bakura…” the blonde started slowly, his voice a mixture of weariness and pain. He didn't really know what he wanted to say. Apologize, perhaps? Maybe ask for true forgiveness? What did he want to say?

 

“I can't do it.” he finally said, and was surprised to feel his mouth move on its own accord “I can't be the Marik you love…it's just too late for that…”

 

He heard a sharp intake of breath and knew he had startled the poor boy behind him. Bakura was probably not expecting to hear that anytime soon.

 

“W-What? What did you say?” the floating voice inquired rigidly, his tone carrying the haste of shock. Marik slowly turned his head, to come face to face with the gaping expression of his friend.

 

“I know, Bakura…” Marik said steadily “…Everything.”

 

Bakura just stood there, trying to return to his previous calm state…”Everything?” the boy asked in sheer disbelief.

 

“Everything.” Marik repeated with finality, and turned back to watch the dark water hit the shore.

 

Suddenly, he sensed Bakura crawl next to him…it wasn't long until the boy was sitting beside him on the rock. It was quite dark and Marik couldn't clearly make out the albino's characteristics…but he still knew the boy was blushing.

 

“How long have you known?” Bakura asked a bit distantly, and Marik noticed the sad edge Bakura's voice took. It only helped make Marik feel even guiltier.

 

“For a couple of days.” Marik glanced briefly at Bakura's stiff face “I found the diary.”

 

At this, Bakura turned to look at him, and Marik instantly felt his heart thump painfully in his chest. The albino was so undeniably beautiful from up close. Their faces were mere inches apart, and Marik was clearly dazed by the other boy's lordly features.

 

“Y-You did what?” the wide bloodshot eyes questioned him vividly, and Marik felt himself sink in those fiery red orbs.

 

“Well…” he started a bit uncomfortably “you see…it wasn't Isis who found it, really….I sort of…gave it to her…after I read it.”

 

Bakura clearly shook his head in shock “Don't tell me you read-”

 

Marik nodded heatedly “Yes. I read everything.”

 

Bakura lowered his head in obvious dejection “I'm sorry…” he finally said, as he turned to gaze at the sunset “I never meant to bring this burden to you…that's why I never told you. You had enough to worry about…I can understand if you don't want anything to do with me…after all-”

 

Marik smiled in a rare, sad way “After all, YOU don't want to be with ME. I understand. I'm not the man I used to be…I can see why you don't…well, you know.”

 

Bakura finally stopped his rant and turned a confused stare at the blonde “What are you talking about, Mariku? You mean you actually-” he asked finally, his bloody eyes swirling in pools of scarlet.

 

Marik smirked and turned his rejected stare back to the ocean “I guess I just can't be my old self…I'm not the person you fell in love with…I'm completely different…I see why you don't want me-”

 

But he never got to finish that sentence. In a matter of seconds, his lips were blocked by impossible warmth. His eyes widened considerably, as he felt his whole body come to contact with drowning heat.

 

It took a few shocked moments for him to realize that it was Bakura's silky soft lips that were on his. It felt so much better than last night…it felt complete. The kiss wasn't demanding, but it wasn't completely chaste either.

 

Marik's eyes were wide open; burning lilac holes into his partner's closed ones. The Egyptian had technically never kissed before, so he didn't know how to respond.

 

He just stayed there, numb and absolutely shocked. He couldn't move a muscle, he couldn't even breathe. His heart was beating in a rhythm so frantic that he was sure it would soon shred his chest into pieces.

 

The warmth was just so incredibly intoxicating, and Bakura's fresh smell immediately drowned his senses. The warm lips that caressed his gave a taste of wet sweetness and Marik savored it as much as he could. Instinctively, Marik's eyes slid closed and his hands rose to dig into that silver hair he so worshipped.

 

The reaction to his movements was unexpectedly fervent, as Marik felt Bakura's long, pale arms wrap desperately around his waist. He was pulled even closer to the source of heat, as Bakura continued to kiss him with an urgency unknown to mankind.

 

Finally, the need for oxygen broke through, and both boys separated. Marik's hands slid away from Bakura, but the albino didn't pull away from Marik's waist.

 

Finally, when their ragged breathing became more relaxed, Marik found himself in a curious position. What was he supposed to do now? He didn't even know where it hit him! First he was there, buried in his own miserable musings…and now he had somehow ended kissing Bakura desperately, his mind having ceased all proper functions. What was he supposed to say now?

 

Finally, it was Bakura's voice that broke the silence “The one I love is Marik…” the boy said, and the Egyptian was surprised to detect a husky quality he had never heard before in Bakura's voice. It sounded undoubtedly…like a purr…

 

“No matter what you say…you're Marik.” Bakura finished, finally letting Marik's heated body slip away from is grip. Marik suddenly acknowledged what Bakura had just said.

 

He was Marik…He really was Marik. Bakura saw him as Marik. Bakura loved him as Marik…He WAS Marik.

 

And Bakura had just confessed he loved him. Loved HIM. For what HE was: Marik.

 

The tanned boy unexpectedly grabbed both sides of the albino's head and literally crushed their lips together in a zealous attempt to convey his feelings of gratitude. Bakura was obviously more than willing to oblige, as he let his pale hands roam over Marik's back in desperate need.

 

Marik didn't even know what he was doing. He couldn't really understand how he could kiss like that, but he dismissed it nonetheless. Instead, he buried his fingers in those silky silver strands and caressed all he could find.

 

The blonde Egyptian felt a shiver of heat run through his spine when the beautiful albino's silky tongue ran over his bottom lip. He knew what was coming next, and couldn't even stop himself from doing it. They both opened their mouths, allowing their tongues to probe each other's mouths, tasting every single crevice they could find.

 

Marik soon believed he was drowning in wet heat and couldn't recall any part of his `Dream World' feeling as real as this. Bakura's hands were running all over the tanned Egyptian, caressing Marik's body in pent up despair. Marik felt like Bakura was sucking the very life force out of him, as their tongues dueled with each other frantically.

 

Soon, Marik let his own hands run over his partner's body, savoring the touch of soft skin and irresistible tense muscles. Bakura started letting small, erotic gasps into their fiery kiss, and Marik felt his brain leaving his body, to be replaced by insatiable lust.

 

It wasn't long before they broke apart, gasping for breath. Marik immediately dipped his head to kiss the albino's long, swan neck, eliciting pleasure-chocked gasps from the one he loved so much.

 

“M-Marik…please…it's been s-so…long” came the passionate whisper.

 

When he raised his head to look at Bakura's face, he saw the boy's swollen red lips coupled only by his bloody eyes. Marik couldn't believe those eyes…now they were burning even redder for some reason, liquid fire swirling with desire inside them.

 

Neither of them registered fully what they were doing, as Marik promptly attacked his handsome albino, sending them both tumbling off the rock and onto the dark sand.

 

Suddenly, the fact that they were all alone, at night, on a secluded beach hit Marik full force. He sent his tongue to meet Bakura's in a breathtaking kiss, while he allowed his body to roll over the pale one, thus pinning Bakura to the ground.

 

Bakura's fervent gripping the other's body had sent Marik's temperature to record highs, and the blonde wasted no time in drowning his face in the curve of his lover's throat.

 

Hesitantly, he felt a clothed knee rub against his most sensitive territory and he let out an involuntary groan. Bakura instantly threaded his hands in the golden-platinum hair, pushing Marik's head further into the crook of his neck. Slowly, the albino ran his intrusive fingers over his Egyptian's back and under his black shirt. The pale boy kept gasping and moaning occasionally and Marik tried to suck as much as he could of the boy's neck.

 

“Mariku…”

 

Marik was having trouble thinking, as he found every single movement and sound Bakura made so undeniably erotic, he couldn't contain his sudden outburst of euphoria. It all ended when that knee rubbed against him again. That was when he lost all control.

 

Roughly, he gripped Bakura's hips and crushed them against his own. They both gave strangled cries as their now obvious attraction was revealed. Marik bent to capture Bakura's lips in another one of those wet kisses, but this time, the friction of their bodies rubbing against each other brought moans and cries to their kiss.

 

Finally, Bakura nipped on his lover's lower lip and raised his head slightly, so he could leave a wet trail on Marik's exposed throat with his tongue. It was all a bit hazy for the lust-crazed Egyptian. He never thought he would experience something as intense as this.

 

Who would have thought…with Bakura.

 

Their now excitedly rubbing hips stopped suddenly, as Bakura arched his whole body upwards, begging to be touched completely. His pale hands ran under the other's shirt and over his tanned chest.

 

Marik understood the point instantly. Suddenly, and with great effort, he pulled away from Bakura completely, and sat up. Bakura let out a small groan of frustrated need and sat up after Marik.

 

Marik almost chocked on his breath when he saw the blood-colored passion twirl around Bakura's eyes. With a couple frantic movements, Marik practically ripped his own shirt off. Suddenly, he grabbed the thin fabric of Bakura's shirt and literally tore it off. Instantly, he grabbed Bakura's arm in an almost painful grip, and practically threw the other boy to a lying position. However, the albino didn't seem at all bothered. He just pulled Marik over his body with equal desperate force, spreading his legs eagerly for the other boy to nest warmly.

 

Marik detected the blood-fetished triumph that shone in Bakura's eyes as the albino smiled eagerly. Marik dipped his head and started teasing one of his beloved's erect, tight nipples, all the while gaining aroused moans.

 

“Mariku…it's been so long…” Bakura moaned again while reflexively tightening his legs, which were now wrapped suggestively around Marik's lower abdomen. Marik nearly felt the urgency hidden behind that statement and suddenly felt a heated hand grab his sides and pull him upwards to come face to face with the lust-filled eyes.

 

“Make love to me.” It was as simple as that, but the feelings and the need hidden in the blood eyes were scorching Marik's very existence.

 

Bakura's words went straight to Marik's lust, and the Egyptian pushed his body against the pliant one under him roughly, all the while burying Bakura further into the sand, letting the Bakura's puffy-lipped, wanton expression lull him into absolute sin.

 

“With pleasure…” those were the last coherent words coming from Marik's lips, since from that moment on, he only screamed his lover's name in the throes of unknown passion.