Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Persuasion ❯ Moment ( Chapter 3 )

Title: Persuasion

Author: Aria Marier

Pairing: Seto/Jou

Ratings: PG-13

Spoilers: none

Disclaimer: If I owned YGO, I would be rich and cool and Japanese. Instead, I'm sitting in my dorm room drinking coffee and writing fics.

Summary: The million dollar question: when is love the right thing? And what happens when you're persuaded to give it up? Loosely based on a Jane Austen book of the same name.

Persuasion

Moment

~ ~ ~

This is too fantastic to be real, and I almost laugh---I would laugh, if it weren't for the fact that, even if this is a dream, I don't want to hurt you or chase you away with any sign of mockery. If it is a dream, it's the best one yet, and I don't want it to end just now. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of your long fingers weaving gently through my hair, the slightly spicy scent of your skin, how my heart is thudding so hard I think I must be bruising you.

You shift, my eyes open slightly---I am still unwilling to awaken from this dream, but your eyes are so---beautiful---worried, you are worried that you've gone too far---you are worried---Seto Kaiba, afraid of rejection? It's almost laughable, and I can't quite keep it in this time, so a reluctant smile creeps out.

Your eyes widen. Is this a good sign? Your hand, cool and strong and so gently moving, pauses for a moment, stiffens.

"Pup," you say. "Please." Again. You pause---are you rallying for some leap of faith, or some challenge you have suddenly decided to face?

"I need this," you tell me, and your eyes shift from side to side, following mine, watching for a change in emotion, in situation, in anything that might make you regret what you've just said. You're in deep now---but it almost seems like you don't know it yet.

I shrug.

"What the hell," I say, as casually as I can, but you smile, and I know you're seeing me glow. If it's a dream, then I'm going with it. If it's not---

I won't get another chance like this again.

* * *

"Bakura?" Ahead of us, lavender white hair shakes as Yugi's voice calls out. He looks around, dark poet's eyes surprised and widened. We move towards him in a clump of loud chatter, and even though he scares me sometimes, I'm glad to see him. He takes attention away from my direction, so I no longer see Yugi looking over at how Mai is suddenly pushed up against my shoulder. Her pale golden hair loops over my shoulder and brushes against my chest.

I smile. I hope you're seeing this.

"Bakura, where have you been, man?" This from Tristan, who is still holding onto Tea's hand like she`s going to make a run for it the second he lets go.

She smiles sweetly.

"We haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

Bakura stutters a bit, and looks awkward, his dark eyes wide and nervous. His skin seems paler than usual, translucent. Not that he ever looked healthy,

but now it seems like a good gust of wind would knock him over now, and he wouldn't even whimper.

His hand moves quickly to the shimmering golden ring on his chest, but then snaps away as if stung. He looks down and away, like he's ashamed of something.

"I've been busy," he mutters. We give a collective shrug, except for Yugi, who looks at those deep eyes a bit more closely.

"I guess," he says slowly, then that big, bright grin he has spreads over his face. "Well, come along with us now!" he says, and grabs Bakura's arm.

Did I see him wince?

The shy smile begins to form on Bakura's lips, and I shake my head. Seeing things, I guess.

A small hand slips down my arm and entwines its slim fingers with my rough ones. I look up, surprised, into Mai's big violet eyes. She's beaming at me, and for a second I entertain a thought of the stability of her mental state---there's no other excuse for her suddenly flirtatious behavior---but then it feels so nice to have a smooth, warm hand in mine, and it's soothing the ache I get from seeing your hand brushing casually through Serenity's long, shining red hair. My heart twists, and I turn to Mai, take refuge in the beautiful eyes, in the glory of golden hair. She smiles brilliantly at me as we talk, and all I want to do is lose myself in her gorgeous eyes, to smile freely, to laugh at her jokes.

But all I see is you, walking ahead of us, your hand clasped in my sister's.

Mai, I'm sorry. There was a time when I would have killed for this. But, of course, you never looked at me then. And now I'm not worth the effort that you're making.

I'm sorry.

* * *

Something tells me I'm losing this game. I would look back, but the grin on your face and the interest in her eyes are just too painful---and it makes me wonder if I've really left you behind after all, or if you've somehow stuck with me through those eight long months. I look over at Serenity, who smiles---serenely---up at me. I try to smile back, but I can't force myself to. Suddenly all I want is the old burning hate, the trite rivalry of the old times---when I could insult you and all it meant was that I insulted you. When I wasn't fooling myself with your sister. When Yugi wasn't watching me---you---us---out of those wide innocent eyes of his.

At least that creepy alter ego of his, Yami, is staying out of this. I have no doubt that he'd blow the whole secret with one misplaced challenge.

Mai laughs behind me---you must have said something funny, done something funny---I remember how you used to force me to laugh.

You said you lived to make me smile.

I drop Serenity's hand---her smile falters, her eyes question---I look away. I hate seeing your expressions in her eyes. They make me hate myself---something you made me stop doing.

I have to get away. An excuse comes roughly from my throat---I say something about the company and tug myself away from her, from you. The others barely notice---Tristan is still wrapped up in Tea and Yugi is busy interrogating Bakura, who looks terrified. I don't look at you as I walk away---I can't bear to see the triumph in your eyes.

The wind drags at my coat, and I make sure my back is straight and that I'm standing tall. My decision has been made, and you should all know it as soon as possible. I think of Serenity, and for an instant feel guilt, feel pain---but it passes. She's very sweet---she doesn't deserve to get caught up in this the way I am forcing her to.

The way you've forced me to. For a second the old heat flares in me---my breath catches, my eyes narrow---the road ahead of me clouds slightly. How dare you---how dare you do this to me. How dare you linger in my head and then appear again eight long---desolate---months later with that same smirk plastered on your idiotic face. That I used to love.

I walk faster.

How could I have loved such an incompetent fool? You stumble over the simplest concepts---blinded by your loyalties and your passions.

I smirk to myself---those same loyalties and passions used to burn in me, for just a little while.

When I had you.

My mansion looms up ahead of me, and I slam the gate behind me---stomp over the manicured front lawn to the door. Inside, it smells clean---cool, spice-laden air brushes against me as I go to a couch and collapse on it.

This has to end.

~ ~ ~

Silence between us again---and this time I don't dare break it. The night is warm against me---your shoulder when it brushes suddenly against mine is warm. You look up apologetically, but don't meet my eyes. Awkwardness has settled comfortably over us, and my face burns more with each step we take closer to my house.

I don't know what I expect---what I'd really enjoy---I think---is a long talk with you. I have a sudden vision of us settled in the squashy leather couch in my favorite room, watching a movie, maybe, or listening to music. Or playing a game of some kind. I have a sudden, urgent desire to understand you---all your life and passion must come from something---what is it that makes you live each day with the kind of fiery energy that you have? It would exhaust me before the week was out.

I try to look over, but I can't, and I feel my cheeks flare even more when you stumble slightly and crash softly into me.

"Sorry," you mutter, and I nod, my hand outstretched to balance you---but you don't use it. All right, I can deal with that. My hand drops back to my side, and we continue walking.

"So," you say, bravely breaking the silence. I smile in spite of myself---I have nothing to say, but I can't wait to hear your next attempt.

"Do you…go out walking a lot?" A little pathetic, but a good try, nonetheless.

"I do sometimes," I say. Silence. I attempt to elaborate. "When I have time. The company keeps me very busy."

"Yeah, I can see how avoiding those backstabbing corporate types would keep you on your toes," you say lightly. It strikes home---I have a sudden, vivid and not entirely painless recollection of what those backstabbing corporate types did to my little brother---and to me. I have nothing to say, and you seem to realize, belatedly, that you've said something not entirely appropriate.

I relax a little, and I want to smile---but it's sort of fun watching you squirm like this. After all---it's too strange for us to be moving straight from fights and insults to long, in-depth conversations about our lives and motivations.

Blessedly, the mansion is around the next corner---I almost sigh, but it wouldn't do for you to see me lose control too many times. I palm the gate open and gesture for you to walk in, and you do, a little slowly and carefully---like you don't want to break anything.

I brush past you to turn on a light---but I pause, because you smell spicy and clean and delicious and your eyes turn to me, wide and glowing and deep. Time stops.

I struggle to regain my composure, because you're looking at me, puzzled. Did I say something? Did I do something? I'm not sure, so instead I turn away from you and run my hand over the wall, looking for the light switch. I find it just as a hand comes from out of nowhere and slides up my side, across my stomach. I hesitate---my eyes close at your touch and you run your palm slowly over my stomach and move up close behind me. Your breath comes warm against my back---I feel your hair, scruffy and softer than it looks against the skin of my neck---you're a little shorter than I am, so I imagine you, feel you moving up against my back as you stand on your toes, stretch and bring your other hand up, move the hair from the nape of my neck and brush your lips softly against the skin there. I can't help it---a long, shuddering breath escapes me, and my hand drops from the light switch.

Who is in control here?

All I know in the next few moments is burning, blazing desire flaming up my spine and I turn and grab you forcefully---you look shocked, but an answering flare flickers in the honey-depth of your eyes and I know you like it---the shock of your body slamming into the opposite wall snaps into my own, I hear the breath as it is knocked from your lungs but then I am up against you, moving into you and I hear roaring in my ears when you look up at me with darkened eyes---I close mine quickly and bend to your waiting mouth, open it, cherish it and you and every movement you make against me.

If this is hate---then I will never hate again.

But this burning blaze---so like the hate that used to fuel our fights---this is different in some incredible, undeniable way.

I breathe it against your mouth, against your skin. "Joey. Love…"

And feel you whisper it back, your warm breath vibrating softly against my mouth, against my skin. "Seto. Love…"

I thrill to your voice saying my name---I've never loved my name the way I do now, when you speak it.

Love.

Always.

* * *

You walk away with hardly a word, and even when I see the hurt in my sister's eyes I can't help but feel relieved. I'm used to you, now, but it stills aches a bit when you look up suddenly or give one of your rare smiles or when I see your coat flapping behind you as you walk away from me.

"Joey?"

I only realize I've been staring, watching you leave, when Mai puts a slim hand lightly on my shoulder. I turn to her and smile.

Two can play at this game.

Ahead of us, Yugi and Bakura are joined by Serenity. I watch, amused, as she tries to pull smiles out of Bakura's shy face. My sister, the soft touch. Show her something vulnerable and afraid, and she protects it and cares for it with a fierceness that no one ever suspects. I've seen her look at starving puppies and abandoned kittens with the same fierce sympathy that she has now, looking at Bakura. Not that the guy couldn't use it---he has the look of death on him, somehow. Like he doesn't eat; or is slowly bleeding his life away.

I shake my head, and see only Bakura, pale and thin, to be sure, but smiling and almost happy.

And that's my last thought before the speeding blue blur of a car comes and tries to wipe my sister out of existence.

All I see is blue, I hear a long and terrifying note sound as the driver spins out of control and Tea screams. I want to tell her to be quiet, but my vision has gone suddenly red because the car is spinning right in front of me and even though I didn't hear Serenity scream, I know that it was headed right for her.

I don't hear a thud, or a crack, or any sickening noise that would tell me whether or not my sister were dead or alive, but the car has come to a sliding halt and when I run around I see that it glanced her as it hit the curb, that she's lying at an odd angle on the cement of the sidewalk and doesn't move, doesn't open her eyes when I fall beside her and call out her name.

A man gets shakily out of the car, tears running down his face, in shock and looking like he's about to pass out. He mumbles something about the brakes, about losing control, staring at the crumpled heap that is my sister with the expression of a doomed man.

I yell her name---tears are streaming down my face and hitting her jacket, but I don't care because I can see now that her chest is still moving---she breathes---she lives---I yell for someone to call for an ambulance and look up to find that Bakura is already on the phone, giving directions and specifics in a calm, breaking voice. His eyes are wide with fear, and his skin seems paler than ever, but I could have kissed him for the presence of mind I'd never suspected he had.

Leaving Tea sobbing into Tristan's arms, Yugi and Bakura and I pile into the back of the ambulance with Serenity and the cool, sympathetic EMT. She refuses to answer my questions about the injuries, but one of her glove-coated hands rests for a second on my sister's pale forehead and I feel that everything will be all right.

"Oh Serenity," I mumble into her hair. "We just got you out of the hospital---and now you're heading back into it.

And then the thought strikes me---any money we had---that prize that Yugi gave me at Duelist Kingdom---that was all used up on her operation and medical care. We have no money for hospital bills, for surgery, for anything. We barely have money for school lunch---buying milk and bread and peanut butter for the kitchen back home almost broke me.

And the only person I know who can help is you.

When I show up at your door in the evening, I hesitate to ring the doorbell, but I shouldn't have, because when I hesitate a million memories of this place rush back to me, and I have to fight to keep them from spilling out as tears loosened by the accident.

I ring the bell, and knock three times for good measure. It takes a little while for you to get to the door---I have the sudden feeling that you don't get many visitors and weren't expecting anyone at all tonight---least of all me.

So when your door opens and you stand there, I watch as your expression changes from your usual neutral gaze to surprise to---something, to a closed, cold look that I've seen once before. You say nothing, but I'm about to break down right here in front of you, not even inside on a soft couch or away from prying eyes---so I push past you impatiently, into the entrance hall, but from here I don't know what to do. I remember how to get anywhere in this huge empty house of yours, but I don't dare push you too far---not until you know why I've come.

You turn, that queer, closed expression still on your face as the door swings shut and now I don't now if I can hold it in but I have to try, so I keep my voice steady as I tell you that there's been an accident, and now the tears are coming anyway, but I wipe them away, suddenly angry, and the closed expression vanishes like smoke.

* * *

"What happened?" My mind is totally numbed, but I feel that something important has just happened, and so I struggle to keep the ringing in my ears from blocking out what you are trying to say. "What accident? Joey, what's going on?"

I watch your hands clench and unclench as you try to fight back hysterics---I have a sudden desire to wrap you in my arms and smother those sobs that threaten to break out any second---I've never seen you like this, and your voice breaks against me, ragged with sobs, chattering like you're frozen to the core.

"It's Serenity---oh God, Se-Seto, it's Serenity and I don't have any money to help her so---so I thought maybe you could help and and and I've left her at the hospital to come here---"

You look up, and if the way you said my name just then hadn't broken my heart than the way you look right now would. I want to reach out, but I refrain. What would you think?

"Calm down," I say, but my voice is shaking. I throw my coat back on and take out my phone. "We're going over now."

In the car, you've calmed down enough to tell me what happened, and your voice shakes a little but I have to admire your stability. No wonder Serenity came to rely on you the way she does---a little of her hero-worship seems to make sense now. I listen quietly, and think about what to do, how to make sure she has the best care, what happens if something is seriously wrong. I'm shaken, and I don't like it, but what's surprising is that I'm almost more concerned for your welfare than for hers. That mask of toughness has settled back over you, and you look away, realizing that to thank me would be to go against your better judgment. I see the struggle, and so look out the window as silence grows between us.

As the car pulls up to the hospital, we leave it at a run and make a beeline for the desk. After you try alternately pleading, threatening, and tricking the receptionist, I shove you aside and mention a few choice comments about my own situation and my relationship with your family---although I say we are connected, I stop almost too abruptly and almost blush at the idea of those connections. You've gone silent and I can only assume that the same thoughts have crossed your mind. I glare at the woman, and she blanches.

"Certainly, Mr. Kaiba, sir," she stammers, and her fingers flutter over the keyboard. She looks up, nervous, but with the information we need. I nod to her and pull you along, down the white sterile hallways and into the stairwell where I start up a flight but you grab my sleeve. I turn.

You're looking away.

"Thanks, Kaiba," you mutter, and something inside me twists.

"Don't think I did this for you, Wheeler." It comes out before I can stop it, but it's probably just as well. You pale, then flush, like I slapped you. I glare at you---I can feel myself freezing up again, and I hate myself for it, but I suddenly remember the way you told me we had to end it eight months ago. You wouldn't look at me then, either, and all I could do was watch you tell me that you were leaving.

I found out later that you'd been persuaded by Yugi to give me up---he didn't think it was healthy, didn't think it was right for you to be involved with someone like me. I wasn't worth his precious Joey's time and effort and love---that wouldn't be so bad---but you listened.

And I can't forgive you for it.

So I look at you coldly, and then turn away, move up the stairs with you in silence---but in the back of my mind I know I'm doing the wrong thing.

I just wish I knew what the right one was.

* * *

It's been a week, and I haven't seen you since that day in the hospital, although I know you've been around---helping from behind the scenes. I wonder, dully, what kept you away from Serenity---if the person I loved had been nearly killed I would have been there for every second of their recovery---but you made your excuses and haven't visited once.

At least not when I was there.

And now I'm sitting at school, looking out the window and thinking about this---us---you.

Tristan comes by and slaps me on the back, I turn and grin up at him. He leans against the wall with his hands in his pockets and starts chatting. I listen but I don't hear a word he says, because you've just entered the room and sat down a few desks away. I see you, out of the corner of my eye, take out paper and a pen and start writing. I look back at Tristan and am surprised to see that he's looking at you, too, with---is that pity on his face?

"Tristan?"

"Man, I almost pity the poor sucker," he says, turning back and grinning at me. I glare.

"What are you talking about?"

He starts. "You mean---you didn't know? About Serenity? And Bakura?"

I look at him. No way.

He looks surprised. "How---never mind. I guess he's been visiting her a lot and keeping her company---and now they're a couple."

Now my jaw drops. "You're kidding."

He shakes his head.

"Serenity and Bakura?" I can't really wrap my mind around this, but I don't want to think too hard because somewhere in the back of my head is the knowledge that you're free, and I don't dare think about it because the feeling is too much like joy, senseless, total, complete and insane joy.

"Wow." I shake my head.

Tristan shrugs. "Guess this means you can go back to hating Kaiba in peace, huh?"

Did you stiffen? Are you listening?

I shrug and force a laugh. "I guess."

Tristan leans back again and looks out the window. "Funny how love works, huh?" I shrug. I have nothing to say on the subject.

"Speaking of which," he begins, and gives me a small look. "I hear Yugi's been trying to get you with Mai."

I roll my eyes. "She isn't my type."

He laughs. "Are you kidding? She's blonde and beautiful. She's everybody's type. Besides, I thought you've been in love with her all year, or something."

I smile. "No, not with her. She's fun, but no."

He turns to me, curious. "So who've you been mooning about, then? You've been acting weird all year. What, did you get your heart broken, or something?" He laughs, and I laugh with him.

"Something like that."

"Man," he says, "a few days ago, I would have told you to get over it, but now---"

I wait, intrigued. He continues jerkily, his eyes at a distance.

"I don't know…but I remember a while ago, last fall, maybe, you were acting all funny and when I asked you what was wrong with you, you just grinned and said `love'. And you wouldn't tell me who you were in love with, and it almost killed me, plus," and he grins, "you were REALLY annoying. So I was kind of glad when Yugi convinced you to break up with them, but now I think you should have stuck with it." He looks back at me. "I mean, real love only comes once in a long while, right?"

I shrug, trying hard not to show what's going on in my head. "You know what, Tristan, I think you might actually have gotten something right for a change." I sigh a little, then look back up at him with a bit of a mocking smile.

"The problem with love is that you just can't get rid of it when you'd like to," I begin. "You never get it at the right time, and then you can't get rid of it, even if you want to---it kind of sticks, doesn't it?"

He nods, still looking out the window, and we sit in silence for a second until a noise behind me makes us both jump. I turn.

You've stood up suddenly, and you're carefully not looking at me. I feel myself beginning to flush---did you hear me? Could you possibly---?

Tristan pushes himself off the wall and walks around me towards the door.

"Gotta go," he says. "I'm meeting Tea." Passing by, he leans down and pats my shoulder, grins, looks from me to your back and leaves.

I sit in shock. Does he---?

You leave right behind him, knocking a chair almost over in your hurry to get out of the room, and so I sit by myself in an empty classroom, thinking, until the janitor comes in half an hour later and starts cleaning. I get up to leave and nod hello to him, but as I'm about to step out the door, he says, "Joey Wheeler, right?"

I turn and nod. He looks at a piece of paper in his hand and then holds it out to me. "You forgot this."

I take it, see my name written on the top fold in your handwriting. My heart thuds, and I have to leave before my legs start working and I collapse, so a leave the room at a run, and make my way outside where I collapse against the tree and unfold the paper with shaking hands.

I have to say something, it says, I have to reply by some means to what I can hear you saying, but I can hardly write, my hand is shaking so much. Do you mean it? That you never stopped loving me? Because, God, Joey, I've been proud and bitter and weak but I have never, never stopped loving you. I thought I had, thought I'd forgotten you, but it was all resentment at the way you abandoned me eight months ago. I've been foolish and awful and if you can find it in you to forgive me---please forgive me. It's all I can ask, but the way you are speaking right now I dare hope for more---that you still love me.

My hands are shaking so much I drop the letter. Hurriedly, I pick it up from the grass, read it again, and again, and again. My heart is pounding so that I can hardly think, my legs are weak but my only thought is getting to you, so I get up, push myself from the tree and set off at a run.

My breath sobs rough in my throat as I race through the streets, blind to everything around me. A car screeches to a halt to avoid me as I sprint across a street---I have to get to you.

Your mansion looms ahead of me, and I never saw anything so wonderful

in my life, but I don't dare stop now. Already you might be regretting the note you wrote, already your bitterness might be working on you again, before I can tell you everything in my head and heart and soul and give it all to you.

I come to a halt, wheezing, at your door, and my hand trembles as I go to ring the doorbell but the door opens anyway and you are standing there with your eyes blazing.

I straighten up. "I---I just heard about Serenity and Bakura," I hear myself saying stupidly. "I'm sorry…"

You look at me. "Are you?"

I can't do it anymore.

"Seto," I say, or try to say, but my voice has dropped to a whisper and the world swirls around at me. I start falling, my legs, my body finally rebelling from the stress of the week, of the day, of these past fifteen minutes when all I could do was get to you---but you step forward, I fall into you instead of to my knees. I press my face into your shoulder, feel your hand, incredibly, moving across my back, your arms moving around me until I am clinging to you and you are clinging to me and I hear your rough voice in my ear whispering that you love me.

I look up, into your eyes now blazing with heat, and smile.

* * *

We stumble into my house, a tangle of arms and legs and silky falls of hair. Somehow we make it to my room, and we fall on the bed, laughing at the pure joy that's running through our blood.

I breathe deeply, my face against your skin. You smell cool and spicy, and I look up into your flaming honeybrown eyes. I prop myself on an elbow and run a hand over your chest and stomach, love the smile that grows lazily on your face.

"Seto." I love my name when you say it.

"What, puppy?"

You smile, and reach up, run a hand along my jaw and over the back of my neck, working your fingers up into my hair.

"Love," you whisper.

"Always," I say. "Always, always."

* * *