Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Possession ❯ Dear God ( Chapter 26 )

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Yell at Xing and tell him to give me my account back.

AN: Shizuka's up. At last. ^_^;; Oh, and the 'you' she refers to is Yugi. Yes, I'm writing in a weird style again. Oh well. You still love me, ne?

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He won't let anyone touch you.

Anyone.

They say your first lover is your worst - when you're young and stupid and the relationship is new, and when you're still so enthralled that everything you see is coated in stars and sunlight. And if you were both virgins when you started (or so I've heard) - it gets still worse before it ends. Because you're not ready, because you weren't ready - because neither one of you has any idea of what the heck you're doing.

I look at you and can see a reason to wait.

You don't regret it - I know you don't. You're so very much in love with him that you don't regret an instant of anything at all.

But it's there, and you don't deny it - not that you could... they see him and see the devil's work, but you're just as bad as he can be... you might even be worse because you're still so very innocent, even now...

I'd always thought that once it happened, you grew up, somehow, but no, that's wrong, isn't it? You're still so young... he's still so young... sure, you're a few years older than me, but you seem... you both seem... so young... I don't know anybody else like you, and I'm kind of happy about that - at least, that's the only way I can see things without getting too confused - not that I really know what's going on, anyway.

They say everyone's an idiot in love. I guess it must be true - my big brother's in love, did you know? With a pretty duelist named Mai Kujaku... you know her, too. Did you even know that he's fallen in love?

Or were you too wrapped up in that other Yugi to notice? My brother's still your best friend, you know...

I didn't go to his party, and frankly, I'm glad I didn't. He shrugged and brushed me off when I asked what happened, but I heard talking him on the phone with Mai.

I think I know what he means now, when he says that you've got your soul in the shadows, but you're so happy that the shadows glow for your sake.

Do you love him?

I know you're madly, passionately, desperately in love with your other you... but do you still love my brother? Have you got room in your heart for him?

Katsuya laughs when I ask him that - he'll shake his head and say you're like his brother, of course he still loves you, and of course you love him too, and it doesn't really matter who you're in love with because you'll always be friends, and friends never let each other down, no matter what.

Sometimes I wonder... but he's happy for you. And I heard you laughing, yesterday, when you came with him to pick me up, and your other you came along because Katsuya says he never leaves you alone.

You know what?

He doesn't.

I was peeking out the window and looking at you all - my big brother telling you two a story while you waited down on the sidewalk for me - and the two of you were snuggled against each other so tightly that it was hard to tell which legs belonged to whom - just a tangle of ebony and pale-dusky skin and a tumble of silky gold bangs. You were all shiny leather and flashing gold, and maybe I was just a little bit afraid of you then. Not when you were all raging and violent with fury - but it was only when I was watching you, just hanging out like a normal guy, that I realized that you weren't a normal guy.

You're scary when you're normal-looking. When you look normal, you could be anybody, but... you're not.

Katsuya was right about one thing - mom would have a fit if she met you - either one of you, and especially both of you together.

You're both very... I wouldn't call it dreamy, since your other you scares me, and your light... or whatever it is that makes that glow around you... it sometimes hurts to see, but either way, you're both the kind of handsome that makes people stop and stare or run away to escape your eyes.

You do dress in an awful lot of leather... but it looks good on you, makes the girls I know squeal when they see you duel, but they're just sort of silly, and they don't even know you.

Sometimes it seems like nobody knows you, not even my big brother, and those are the times that everyone except Katsuya gets so nervous about.

Only once or twice - but did the world stop spinning, or was it just you?

And Bakura and Malik... Katsuya says stay off the streets on dark dark nights, because they might as well turn into strangers, and even the innocent can't run away when the darkness wants to play...

I wonder, is he talking about you?

Katsuya never tells me what it is that your other half does - and when he talks about Bakura and Malik, he says even less. But I can guess, even if nobody's willing to tell me. I can guess.

...but honestly, I don't think I want to know.

You're so happy... you're so angry and you're so pretty and so very, very strange...

Once or twice, Katsuya's dragged me up to see you - once or twice when he's swung me back around and dragged me off even quicker than he dragged me up - once or twice when I've seen you with your fingers laced in his and your eyes halfway closed and your lips halfway parted and you leaning up on your tiptoes... did you kiss him then?

What does he taste like that you find so fascinating?

...my big brother's never kissed Mai, but I know he wants to, and... well... I've never been kissed, either. Funny how it's you - you who Katsuya swore never kissed a girl before... I think... I think he must have stolen your first kiss, because you wouldn't have given it willingly, would you?

Did you?

...I don't want to know the answer to that, either. I want this all to go away, but it won't, and no matter how hard I wish, you aren't going to change for the sake of a silly little girl. You'd never give him up for anything, not even for my brother.

You were supposed to love him best. Why don't you? He still cares... but you're too caught up in you to even care!

It's so strange! How do you fall in love with someone who looks just like you?

Well... I don't see your other you very much, but when I do, it's kind of hard to tell you apart - if you don't look at the eyes.

And you're a lot softer than he'll ever be.

Does he love you? Really? He seems so cold, somehow, but even when he holds you - he's so guarded if there's anyone near, and if I'm far away, I can't even tell what he seems like to you... I don't think I ever could.

He's handsome enough... but handsome like empty things lost in the shadows and summer lightning and the sky.

And you're a guy. I mean, you're a guy. If you were a girl, yeah, I can see how he might sweep you off your feet... he is very pretty, despite it all...

Doesn't it matter?

I don't know...

Why do you like him so much?

And... it sounds mean to even think it, but why does he like you back? It's obvious that he's the jealous type - really really really obvious, but why's he like that? It's not like you're a flirt or anything... and you're just another boy... aren't you?

But then again... maybe you aren't.

I hope... I hope, when I grow up a little bit more, I can look at your friends and not be so afraid. Maybe I'll stop hiding behind my brother when I finally can see what you've been doing. Maybe I can learn to live with it, the way my brother did. Maybe I can... Maybe...

I'm so scared.

And I'm praying that I don't grow up to be anything like you.

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AN: Er... comments, anyone?

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