Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Pretty Little Liar ❯ Chapter 4

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Chapter Four
Cleaning up the mess he'd made was easy. Getting back onto my feet and ignoring the pain became easy. Walking down the hall and getting in the elevator was cake. Facing Yuugi and his friends at dinner was awkward and hard.
I broke down into the elevator while it took me to the first floor, wanting to let it all out. I just--I just couldn't take this anymore. I wanted it all to end, for Mariku to leave me alone and let me get on with my life, for me to be able to spend time with Yuugi and his friends, to start living life like a regular teenaged boy. Why was my life composed of torture, anguish, and despair? Had I done something wrong in a previous life and the gods saw it fit to punish me in this one? I hated it, my life. It was all wrong, twisted and sick, it was not normal.
I was not normal. I was the crooked one, the tainted one, I brought everything that happened to me upon myself. Mariku was born from me, I was the one who couldn't handle the pain back then during the Tomb Guardian's initiation and created him out of sheer desperation. He had become my crutch in a sense. Even after the ritual was completed and my back started to heal, it still hurt. The pain would not go away, it was a constant companion, like a shadow following its master, it stung and mocked me in the cruelest way. But...Mariku had been there with me. When he first came to me, I didn't feel so...alone. Rishid and Isis were there, they had always been there and I couldn't have asked for better siblings, but Mariku was different. I could...I could tell him things I could never have told Rishid, turn to him for the things I could never go to Isis about, and...I trusted him. He was my first friend.
What a fool I was, what a fool I still am. It was pathetic and laughable that a creator couldn't rid himself of a demon of his own creation. If I was the almighty maker of Mariku, how come I couldn't just smite him away and be done with it?
He had gotten too powerful. Being locked away within my mind for so long, just sitting in the background and only talking to me during seldom times (and at that point, I had no idea he was the one who had murdered my father), and he waited, like a predator stalking its prey, he waited until the right moment to catch me off guard and steal my body from me, turn the master into the helpless victim. All the while, he'd been gathering strength within me. He watched my every move from then on, soaked it in like a sponge, and fed off of it until the day he finally broke free.
I realized this all too, too late. There was no hope now. If only I'd figured this out before things got to this point...maybe I could have beaten him before he got so strong, maybe things could've been different. I'm so stupid.
The little dinging of the elevator brought me back to real life and I stumbled out, still a little blinded by my tears and jumped. I couldn't go to the cafeteria squalling like a baby. They would ask questions and then I would fumble for an answer and Mariku would get pissed off all over again and I definitely didn't want to know what he'd do to me if he got angry enough. Death would be way too kind for a psycho like him. Drying my tears as I walked down the hall, I came upon the entrance to the cafeteria and wiped away at my face with my shirt as best as I could. I waited for a little bit, in case my eyes were red or puffy, before taking a breath and walking in.
"Malik-kun!" Ah, Yuugi was always so energetic. Where in the world did the boy get it from? I didn't have time to wonder when he plastered his body against mine, head banging into my stomach. He was so short, but it suited him. "You're finally here! You were in the bathroom for awhile."
I felt my face burn and looked up at his friends, Jonouchi giving me a questionable look as he filled his plate up with food. "Uh...my stomach hurt. I think I'm getting sick."
I was surprised my crappy little lie worked. The smaller boy instantly broke away from his crushing embrace and backed away from me. "Oh, yeah. You were saying this morning that you didn't feel well. I'm sorry." He held up his hands, grinning. "Just don't give it to me! I hate being sick!"
I couldn't help but spit out a giggle at his strangeness as I moved up next to Jonouchi and grabbed a plate of my own. I scanned the table full of food, finding...meat. Always meat. Yuck.
"Here you go." Almost as if reading my mind, the taller blonde next to me scooted a plate full of mixed vegetables and smiled. "Just for you, my friend."
"Um...thanks." These people were really too kind to a lowlife like me. I sighed, trying to push the depressing thoughts away again as I filled my plate up with food.
Yuugi was tugging on my arm (again) and led me to the table once I'd gotten a glass of water. "I've been about to die for you to get here, Malik-kun." He motioned for me to sit next to a short-haired brunette girl who smiled when I pulled my chair out and sat next to me once I got settled. "We all wanted to properly introduce ourselves to you."
"...Huh?"
The girl next to me nodded in agreement. "Yeah. With all that happened, we really didn't get to...to, uh, see the real you and we wanted to get to know you a little better. You seem like a sweet boy and since this blimp is taking its time getting back to Domino, we all figured now was a good time."
I flushed at her flattery. "Oh...thanks. Um...I'm Malik." I held out a hand and she shook it with enthusiasm.
"Anzu!"
The introductions continued like that on down the table. I only caught a few easy names like Mai (the woman who had sat next to me last night) and Otogi, and of course, I already knew who Bakura was, but the rest of the gang's names escaped me, but I felt like an idiot asking for their names right after they'd been given to me, so I just smiled and shook hands.
Yuugi's face was lit up with such happiness, he could've rivaled the sun with his brightness. "Yay! Malik-kun, let's start all over, okay? This tournament never happened, your dark half never got control of your body, let's just say we all got together for a cruise and got held up on the way back."
I sank a little in my chair, fiddling with my plate of vegetables, feeling tears threatening to spring up again. No, no, I couldn't cry, they would ask questions. I could pull that sick stunt all night, but it would only work for so long... Yuugi, if only you spoke the truth, God, how I wished I could just pretend nothing happened and get on with my life, make friends with all of you, hang out like normal people do, play games and act stupid...but...Mariku would never let me go. I was trapped. Caged. A prisoner to my own demon. And when these three days were up, I had no idea what he planned to do with me. I still stuck by my fear of him killing me, but now it wasn't so strong. Why blackmail me, keep me from telling my secret, only to murder me later? Mariku was more complicated than that.
An entity of hatred, pain, and envy, he definitely had something up his sleeve for the final day. I could almost taste it and it terrified me, the unknown, the thought of just...what would happen to me? What was he going to do with me (or to me)? I almost wished the final day were here, if just to end my agonizing suspense. But, it was only day one, and it hadn't even ended yet. I had two whole more days of torture.
"Attention all duelists and passengers, it will be lights out in thirty minutes. Please make your way back to your rooms before then. Thank you and have a good night."
Anzu leaned back in her chair and stretched, yawning as she did so. "Aww. I hated not being able to have a say-so with my own lights. That's the only drawback of this place."
I nodded. "Yeah. I know what you mean." A quick glance down at my half-empty plate and my stomach no longer craved food. Lights out was just another phrase for 'Torture Malik'. "I think I'm going to go ahead and turn in. I want a bath before they turn everything off."
Yuugi gave me an almost tearful look as I grabbed my plate and stood up to dump it in the garbage. "Aww, we were just getting to know each other better." He crossed his arms in a bit of a childish manner. "Stupid blimp and its automatic lights!"
Jonouchi patted his friend while still focusing on his food. "Down, boy. You don't need to get hyper right before bedtime."
Yuugi was so lucky to have people like he did. Even though the way they interacted with each other might seem immature and strange to other people, it was easy to spot their happiness. Wasn't that all that mattered? Mariku had always been my only friend (or so I thought), so I didn't really understand why Jonouchi ruffled Yuugi's hair and Yuugi slapped his hands away, looking annoyed, but laughing through the whole thing and how he and his friend could just sit there, laughing and carrying on like there wasn't a care in the world. It was foreign to me. Alien. I coveted it, too.
Not wanting to get anymore depressed than I already was, I said my good nights to everyone before taking the elevator back up to the hall where my room rested. My room. The place where Mariku had taken me for the first time. The place where he cruelly snatched my virginity away and claimed it as his own.
Even though it sounds so stupid, I took pride in my virginity. It was the only thing I had left that I felt was pure about myself. I had created a demon, sinned by killing my father and blaming it on Mariku, hurt people to gain what I thought would end my suffering, and selfishly put my own brother's life on the line, using him like he was a piece of dirt, and I was stained for all of it. I was not an innocent person, I was in every possible aspect of the word, guilty for everything I had done. Even now, the last thing I could claim was untouched by evil had been taken away from me, so...it was hopeless. There wasn't anything else to it.
My room was a little cold upon entry. I hadn't remembered leaving the air conditioner on, but it was easy to ignore as I made a beeline for the bathroom. Even though soap and water couldn't bring my virginity (in relation, my 'innocence') back, the least it could do was wash away the dirt and grime Mariku had coated me in. Warm water was bliss. I almost felt like it could take away his touches, his horrible whispers in my ear, his presence...but it was just a lie. Just something I used to comfort myself with. A temporary crutch used until it was kicked from underneath me.
The steam from the water had already fogged up my mirror by the time I was stripped naked, but I didn't mind. I didn't want to look at myself in that thing anyway. I was ugly, inside, horribly ugly and disgusting, almost as much as Mariku and looking at my face only reminded me of how horribly polluted I was.
The water was scalding, but it felt good. The immense heat only reminded me of the hot, hot days in Egypt. Ever since we'd come to the surface once my father died, the heat was like a fuel for life. It was energizing, comforting, and beautiful and searing hot water brought back familiar memories, not necessarily good ones, though.
Once I was pretty sure every inch of me had been hit with water, I turned around to reach for the shampoo...and screamed, leaping back into the wall and almost slipping and falling over.
Mariku was there in the shower with me, and I don't know why but his bare body shocked me and only added to my stress as the water pounded against it and dripped down. A physical being, a body of his own, yet not human.
"W-w-what are you doing here?" My voice was a harsh whisper, both from surprise and terror and I could hear my heart pounding God-awfully loud against my ears. Even though he had taken me twice already, I melted under his gaze. I didn't want those eyes on my body, especially not when it was so naked and vulnerable.
"You shouldn't be so shocked, Hikari." Raising his fingers, that malicious grin never falling from his horrible twisted face, he stroked the side of my wet face in an almost affectionate way. Against the hot water, the touch was freezing and I shivered, never remembering a time when I could still be standing from shaking so much. I wanted to slap his hand away, do something fast to get those horrible fingers away from my skin, but that would be stupid and result in an almost definite enraged Mariku, so I sufficed with jerking my head away. "Hey, don't do that." He sounded somewhat amused, and took my face in both of his hands this time. I think I preferred his fingers. "Why so shy, Malik? You should be used to me by now. We've...connected twice already and I've seen you naked plenty of times, even before last night."
He was touching me, he was touching me, he wasn't letting go, he was touching me. "I-It's just the way I am." Augh, enough with the stuttering. It was really getting old and...Mariku was right. He was always, always right. I should be used to him by now, but...I just wasn't. It wasn't normal to get used to being raped, or was it? I don't know. But, it's considered natural to fall into a habit once you've done something long enough, wasn't it? Being raped over and over, would I finally get used to it? It would lessen the pain, the torture, if I were to see it as a habit, but that was horrible. It was a crime, dark, tainted, and I refused to accept it as something I would have to get used to. Mariku could burn in hell.
That slit of a smile was back, the one that reminded me of a snake cornering a mouse, and he leaned forward, touching my nose with his, his lips just grazing mine ever-so-slightly, not exactly kissing, but still touching. I was still. "Then, we'll continue until you are comfortable, Hikari." Those cold lips were freezing in the hot water, the tongue strangely warm, but big and disgusting, and defiling. His tongue demanded entrance when I refused to open my mouth, but I backed away until I was as far up against the wall as I could go, trying to jerk my head away. The large hands caught me, gripped and squeezed until I couldn't move my head anymore, and he claimed my mouth once more. "Open up, Malik. Don't make me force you."
His voice, calm and collected, showered with threat, and I shook in his hold, trying to look at anything besides his empty eyes. "P-Please, Mariku. I don't want this."
"I didn't ask if you wanted it or not, I told you to open your mouth." He leaned in again, and again I jerked and pulled. He was getting angry at me for my retaliation, I could tell. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed before he reached down, nabbed my arms in a crushing grip, and forced them above my head, right underneath the showerhead that continued its downpour of scalding water. My heart beat like a drum against my chest, pounding in my ears. "I'm getting annoyed with this resistance."
My tears fell and I sobbed, my face burning for showing such pathetic weakness in front of my enemy. If anyone, I didn't want to cry in front of him. "Mariku, please, please stop. Do anything else, but...please, don't do this."
I expected him to grow angry at my begging, punish me for my back talk and insubordination, so when his frown curled into a smile, I shivered and almost lost it. "You're beautiful when you cry, Hikari. If you don't do what I tell you, I might just make you shed more of those pretty little tears of yours. I can make you so much more miserable than this. You should be thanking me that I haven't run out there and told them what you've hidden from them this whole time. But, if you're so determined to be like this, I might just drag you out there right now for all of them to see and tell them the truth."
"Don't." The tears were like a second skin, the feeling of them against me became numb and familiar. "Please, don't tell them. I don't...I don't want to be rejected."
The sinister cloud that hung over his head disappeared and he gave me a small smile before reaching up with the hand that wasn't trapping my wrists to pet the side of my face again. "Then listen to me. Listen and let me do this. As long as you do what I tell you, you'll be able to keep them as friends and they'll never have to know anything." He paused, waiting for me to say something, and leaned back into my face when I didn't. "...Are you ready?"
I didn't even hesitate as I nodded.
I don't think I'll ever understand why it's called 'making love'. Because when two people love each other so much in the world that they'd die for one another, love someone so bad that they want all the happiness for that person, and they finally shed their clothes, show each other their naked bodies and 'make love', give each other pleasure because they love them, how could something so wonderful and beautiful be so horrible and ugly at the same time? You have sex with someone to show that you love that person, it's a way of connecting, of becoming one (or so I've been told). It's what two people just do when they love one another, so...why? Just why? What Mariku was doing to me was not love. When he moved me down onto my back in the tub, touched and degraded and molested me, that was not love. When he grew aroused from touching me, hardened himself and took me for the third time in two days, it was not love. While I was rocked into over and over, begging and screaming for him to stop, because it hurt, it wasn't pleasurable, it didn't feel good, it just hurt, he was above me, enjoying every second of it, every thrust he made, he would groan and throw his head back as he built his climax. Doing something that was meant to be beautiful to someone who did not want it...it twisted the meaning of the word, mocked it to an unbearable extent, showed just how cruel the world was sometimes, and how devilish the people who lived in it could be. Even through the haze of pain and Mariku's groans, I could feel the tiniest bits of pleasure peek their grotesque faces up when he hit that same spot he'd hit before, causing me to moan. Horrible, horrible, God, what was wrong with me? I wish he'd kill me, just end this, everything and let me be.
I whined and moaned, loving that feeling as he pulled out and pushed back in, quickening, thrusting harder and harder, drawing it out for himself, and I could finally feel the pleasure once the pain had passed, just like I had earlier. He knew where to hit that spot now, and he purposely did it to make me love and hate him.
Making love...I spat at it. What a horrendous way of putting it. How was ripping open another person, taking them by force for yourself, love? It wasn't. There wasn't an ounce of love when Mariku once again climaxed inside of me and I screamed when, for the third time, I didn't reach it myself before he pulled out of me, smiling at the mixture of red and white as it was washed from me and sucked down the drain. Torture, torture, that's all it was. I wanted to reach up and grab his face in my hands, squeeze him until his blood ran out over my fingers, laugh and grin while he was the one in pain, feel pleasure myself when he screamed and begged for me to stop, only for me to ignore his cries and dig deeper and harder until he wanted to die.
He draped his body over mine in a way where he wasn't really lying on top of me, just sort of flopped over where I wouldn't be uncomfortable with his weight. He leaned up, hair now limp from being wet, and grabbed my chin, giving me a kiss to the mouth, smiling like there wasn't anything wrong, nothing abnormal with what he'd done, what he was doing. "I love you, Hikari. I love that you are my light, that I am your darkness. We complete each other. We fill each other up." Another kiss, and I was spent.
I...I couldn't take this anymore. Kill me, please, please, someone just kill me. I cried, sobbing, covering my eyes with my hands so I wouldn't have to look at him as he kissed my face everywhere, over and over again. Rape, rape, making love, no, no, it wasn't love, this wasn't love, there was no such thing as love. Mariku could not love. He lusted. "Please." I was surprised at myself for speaking, and he detached his mouth from my neck to look me in the face once I removed my hands. "Mariku, kill me. I can't take this." I sobbed like a baby.
The look on his face was foreign. It didn't match with him at all. No person like him should look...shameful, but I could see it in his eyes and it made me mad. He knew there was no hope for me, I knew there was no hope. It was the end. These three days would come and go, he would rape me whenever he wanted, and by the third day...I just didn't know. "I won't kill you, Hikari, if you're afraid of that. I know what I said in the past, but things were different. I can't kill you, to be more specific, and you can't get rid of me either." He snaked his arms around my torso, leaning over me and burying his face into my neck, nuzzling me and rubbing his nose against my ear. "I need you, Hikari. And you need to get used to me because I'm not going anywhere. I know this hurts you, but it will pass. I won't just take you this whole time. I'll give back to you when the time is right."
My tears leaked out into his hair that was in my face as he moved to suck on my neck. "...Why are you doing this? What is the point?" My eyes were burning, hot tears pooling out.
He only laughed, continuing to hug me and suck on my neck, never answering.
As I lay there, his body draped over mine, mouth still exploring my face, neck, and chest, as those lights above us went out and he was still there, still wrapped around my body, I had to guess that he really didn't know why he was doing what he did either.