Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Project Bakura Hood ❯ Chapter 2: And it goes on.... ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

***Starting Commentary***

Authoress Hotaru: Again, we do not in any way own Yu-Gi-Oh, Chobits, Yu Yu Hakusho, Gundam Wing, Kyo Kara Maoh and/or Robin Hood and anything else that gets mentioned within this story ((if you want to call it that)). Now onto Authoress Dorie's commentary **sigh** with me, Seto, Malik and Merik. Why are horny and hornier here again?

Merik: Because it's Valentines and you wanted company cause you don't have a guy present right now.

Authoress Hotaru: **groan** need you remind me?

Malik: **hugs Authoress Hotaru really tight** we'll be your Valentines! **mutters** in bed.

Seto: I thought you two were gay.

Malik: We're bi…Right Merik?

Merik: **in process of checking out Malik's leather bound ass** I'm seme.

Malik: No your not.
Merik: Yes I am.

Authoress Dorie: No you're not and I've got the pictures to prove it.

Seto: Where do you get these pictures?

Authoress Dorie: Hotaru and her fan club.

Authoress Hotaru: **smiles a bit** I love spy stuff.

Seto: Unn….

Merik: Hey, you got any images of Bakura? I kind of need some extra cash.

Authoress Hotaru: Does a Bakura in a Dark Magician Girl Outfit count?

Merik and Malik: Let me see.

Authoress Dorie: **laughing manically**

Seto: Um….Happy Valentines Day. **Hands Dorie roses**

Authoress Dorie: **stops suddenly and grabs roses** Aww…You're so sweet. I won't tie you up tonight and take photos. Plus for tonight only, not too much embarrassing in story side comments.

Seto: Embarrassing what?

Authoress Dorie: I haven't decided yet…I don't really want to drop the sex.

**Start of Chapter 2:The Madness Continues**

Seto: **holding lute like it's a baseball bat walks on forestry scene** and so my fellow audience members, we return to the forest of Bakura Hood. Here comes the leader of the troupe of Gay men/women decked as men willing to partake of delicacies and deserts before sitting to eat dinner.

Bakura:**Leaning down to kiss Maid Ryou's lips but pauses as he catches sight of Seto-A-Dale then growls** Get the hell out of here, Seto!

Seto: I'm going, I'm going. **stops when he encounters Authoress Dorie at edge of scene** I did good right?

Authoress Dorie: Yes sweetie. I just thought I'd give Bakura his Valentine's Present. **Shouts across stage** Don't forget to use these! **Throws a twenty pack of small size Trojan Condoms at Bakura and Ryou**

Ryou: **Turns bright crimson**

Bakura: Hey! Don't get me confused with Merik!

Merik: What the hell! You guys said you'd stop with those comments.

Seto: I love how evil and perverted you are.

Authoress Dorie: Yeah…Let's go. **both walk off of scene**.

Bakura: **turns back to Ryou** Where were we?

Authoress Hotaru: Just getting to dinner.

Bakura: **sweat drop and falls partially in annoyance**

Ryou: **curse under breath**

Yugi: **appears walking in with other characters** I cannot allow milady to be molested any further! We must depart to meet with Princess Mokuba's fiancé.

Ryou and Mokuba: **grumbling** I'm not a girl.

Malik: But they haven't done anything worthy of my cameras yet.

Authoress Hotaru: What cameras? **crosses arms**

Malik: The secret spy ones Merik took from you.

Authoress Hotaru: Merik….**growls threatingly**

Merik: It was for those lake bath photos.

Authoress Hotaru: **smiles**

**strange figure walks onto scene looking around**

Kurama: Hello…Has anyone seen a three eyed short demon in black run by?

Authoress Hotaru: **grins happily** Kurama-chan!

Authoress Dorie: **returns and squeals** Kurama! **approaches and clings to Kurama's form** Have you come to do that three way with Seto and I?

Seto: **comes back** You've been cheating on me with this girl and what's that about a three way!? I'm not doing it with this woman!

Kurama: **sweat drop** I'm a boy.

Seto: **blinks blankly** Oh…In that case…**pulls out schedule book** I'm open at 3 AM with Dorie tonight.

Kurama: Okay.

Joey: Seto's bi?

Authoress Hotaru: Shut up. Don't knock it till you've tried it. And Kurama, Hiei's tied up at the moment. **wink**

Authoress Dorie: **throwing petals, skipping around stage happily singing** I'm gonna be in a bishie-sandwiche! I'm gonna be---**suddenly stops** Wait, you're with Hiei? Ewe..

Authoress Hotaru: **blushes** and Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing—Though watching him screw Heero is much hotter than actually being with him. Three ways are fun. **sighs pleasantly**

Authoress Dorie: At least your not screwing Rini.

Authoress Hotaru: Eww...mindset is permanently damaged.

Yugi: Are we ever going to get back to the story.

Authoress Dorie: Eh…Go ahead. **Drags Kurama and Seto off stage**

Authoress Hotaru: **removes Cell phone and dials number** Yes Hiei, you can remove the vibrator now. Oh...**turns back to Bakura and Ryou** Get to the dinner scene.

***Dinner Scene***

Maiko & His Group: **Dressed up as whore-house women with skirts that are 2 inches too short and don't cover up their asses and dicks**

Weevil: How come we get clothes that cover bits we don't have but don't cover bits we do?

**everyone looks to Weevil and shudders violently**

Honda: **does a recheck** What do you care? You're balls haven't even dropped.

Weevil: Mom says I'm a late bloomer.

Joey: **snorts** No wonder your voice is so high.

Weevil: **squeaks** Hey!

Malik: **smacks apple into Weevil's mouth while passing by**

Bakura: **rises up from seat** Please my guests and honored friends **snorts** Enjoy our conquests…

Merik: **getting Bakura back for earlier comments** When did you conquest Ryou, let alone any one else?

Bakura: **growls** Rishid—2 days ago.

Malik: **whining** But Rishid was my other partner?

Merik/Ryou: How much will it take to make Rishid disappear?

Yugi: As much as it would to get back on track with this story.

Ryou: **whimpers** Bakura….I don't want to Prince Pegasus's castle and be molested by the freak with Mokuba.

Bakura: Fear not my maid, I will not leave you in his care for too long.

Ryou: **hearts in eyes** When shall I expect you, Milord?

Bakura: As soon as I've completed my duty by the people.

Merik: **coughs laughing** What duty, you don't give them anything.

Ryou: **Glares at Bakura** That duty huh?

**scene fades to castle as Authoress Hotaru appears with bull-dozer pushing all forest characters off scene with tables/trees and everything else included before reappearing pulling castle onto scene**

Authoress Dorie: **appears on new castle scene making out with Seto and Kurama in three way kiss** How the heck did she get that?

Authoress Hotaru: **shows up walking by with bull-dozer keys** I borrowed it from Quatre—since Seto's computer was PMSing again.

Authoress Dorie: How is a computer PMSing?

Kurama: Go ask the Chobit Chicks—They are always PMSing.

Authoress Hotaru: And how do you know the Chobits Girls?

Kurama: Because I got asked if I'd like a role on the show last year. Guest appearance or something.

Rex: **doing standard guard walk with Noah** Excuse me, not to complain—because you're all very hot and lovely, but what are you doing here?

Authoress Dorie: I'm the authoress of great power, I am your goddess. I control the world.

Kurama: **looks at Seto** This is your fault.

Seto: She's going to be a perfect bride.

Authoress Dorie: **squeals** Seto is that a proposal?

Seto: **smiles a secret smile** I will talk to you about it somewhere more private later.

Kurama: Does this mean no three way?

Seto: I didn't say that.

Noah: Nobody answered Mr. Rex's question.

Seto: Shut up. **smacks him over head with lute**

Authoress Dorie: Wow…That's pent up frustration to the max.

Authoress Hotaru: Actually, I have work here. **removes sealed envelop** I have a letter from Bakthan's New Supreme Queen Former Demon Empress, Celi concerning a young Pharaoh.

Rex: Ramses?

Seto: Seti?

Authoress Hotaru: That's you, idiot. No—Pharaoh King of this country, Atemu-Yami. Understand?

Rex: I think so. Please follow me ma'am…And Miss and company—There's a bed just down that hallway. **points out appearing door for Authoress Dorie whose gone back to making out with Seto whilst Kurama watches pleased**

**Authoress Hotaru and Rex and Noah, who Rex is dragging along down stairs and is hitting his head repeatedly**

Noah: Ow…Ow…Oh my aching heads…**goes unconscious**

Prince Pegasus: **turns from sipping wine and reading Funny Bunny comic** Oh my, is this the lovely Princess Mokuba who I am to marry?

Authoress Hotaru: **glares darkly** I'm not Mokuba—Do I look twelve to you?

Prince Pegasus: Weren't you that like four times?

Authoress Hotaru: Shut up and take this damn letter. **throws letter in Pega-ass's face**

Prince Pegasus: Thank you, milady. Perhaps I'll see you cleaning my bed chamber some time?

Authoress Hotaru: ** now annoyed** I'm dating Death and a Fire Demon with a very short temper as well as a gun happy fellow.

Authoress Dorie: **appears walking down stairs** But I thought everything about Hiei was short.

Authoress Hotaru: Everything about Hiei is not short! I can name at least one thing that isn't anyway.

Authoress Dorie: Um-hum.

Pegasus: Who is this lass who looks extremely flustered and has such rumpled clothing?

Authoress Dorie: I'm Seto Kaiba's Wench.

Authoress Hotaru: And Kurama's, and Gwendal's and Gunters and Ru Barura Dom's, and every other Bishie except the ones in Gundam Wing—Which I claimed first and all the other anime's you call crap—and all the guys you've maimed/killed and **stops out of breath**.

Authoress Dorie: I know, but I'm marrying Seto….He's agreed to more partners as well.

Pegsasus: So you're a whore basically.

Authoress Dorie: So you want to live life without a penis?

Rex: He already does.

Authoress Hotaru: **looks curiously at brunette** how do you that disgusting topic?

Rex: Um...Espa told me.

Authoress Dorie: How does Espa know?

Rex: He's Psychic?

Authoress Hotaru: No he's not.

Rex: **stops to think then eyes go wide with realization** Eww…..Espa and Pegi-ass, yuck.

Authoresses: Eww….

Pegasus: **in Donald Trump style at Rex** You are fired.

Authoress Hotaru: I hope we don't get slapped with a law suit from the bald guy.

Authoress Dorie: Please—I can beat him up.

Authoress Hotaru: I don't doubt that—but my finances can't take any more damage…Maybe we can borrow money from your hubbie to be?

Authoress Dorie: Don't worry already…I can handle it.

Pegasus: **finally reading letter** So Celi wants a ransom for milord to get out of prison for sending one of her old lovers to the shadow realm who in turn insulted a Hikari.

Authoress Hotaru: **shrugs**

Authoress Dorie: You mean someone actually insulted a Hikari and walked away with a shadow realm sending? How unusual.

Authoress Hotaru: Yeah well…Yami wasn't there for the most part. Wolfram was beating the moron up cause he was insulting his King.

Authoress Dorie: Which one.

Authoress Hotaru: The one that appears whenever Yuri goes Beserk.

Authoress Dorie: You mean that Yami like one?

Authoress Hotaru: Yep. That's him

Authoress Dorie: What an idiot.

Seto: Moving on.

Pegasus: **reading letter** If you do not pay this ransom, we will have to find other means to get the money **quoting now** “cough cough Bakura Hood end cough”. So I must tax the people before Bakura Hood takes all my money! I'm not afraid of that White haired want to be me.

Rex: Eww….Who would want to be you?

Pegasus: didn't I fire you? **pulls lever**

Rex: **falls down trap door hole into cushioned platform that lands in whore house and glances around** I like being fired.

Pegasus: Damn, that's not where that's supposed to go.

Authoress Hotaru: I think Authoress Dorie tinkered with it a bit…Quick way to get her lovers out when she needed a break I believe.

Authoress Dorie: But I don't love Rex, it shouldn't of gone there.

Authoress Hotaru: **sighs** Damnit Noah---Didn't I say not to touch any of the machines here. **kicks unconscious Noah**

Soldier Bandit Keith: **runs down carrying trumpet. Starts blowing it really loudly in Authoress Hotaru's ears** Announcing the arrival of Princess Mokuba and company along with scantily dressed Sheriff Maiko of Umi and his femmie-comrades in arms.

Authoress Hotaru: **growling, grabs his horn and shoves it into regions unknown before pulling a Heero Yuy and shooting Keith in the face 3 times.**

Kurama: **comes down looking for lovers whilst fixing shirt** Oh my god, you—

Authoress Hotaru: We did that already.

Kurama: **shrugs** By the way, what does this string do? **pulls on rope located near door and sign flies down with TBC writing on it.**

Pegasus: But I wasn't finished yet.

Authoress Hotaru: **lifts up Heero's stolen pistol** It is now. **grins darkly**

****Ending Commentary***

Authoress Dorie: This story has now gone from Ryou and Bakura to you, me, Seto and all our lovers.

Seto: And why was Kurama here? And who the hell is Ru Barura Dom?

Authoress Dorie: Don't ask, I was watching Irresponsible Captain Tylor.

Authoress Hotaru: We promise, right now, to let Bakura Hood and his team become more involved in their own story next chapter.

Authoress Dorie: Let's see how long that lasts for.

Authoress Hotaru: Okay, I promise….Cause you can't make it past the first 2 lines without talking to Seto.

Noah: **wakes up behind scene screen and starts screaming** Dead body! Dead body!

Authoress Hotaru: **groans tiredly**

Hiei: **appears** You're taking too long. Merik and Malik are getting annoying. **picks Authoress Hotaru up as she waves good bye to Authoress Dorie Kaiba** Seeya later Kurama.

Kurama: **nods and tugs Authoress Dorie and Seto back to the bedroom.**

Noah: **still screaming** Dead body!

**From no where Heero Yuy shows up and growls at the over-emotional, over-reacting male before kung fu-ing him over neck to knock him out again**

Heero: Hn…

Duo: **following Heero** Hey Hee-chan…Have you found Hotaru yet? I want to know how she got that Gun from you when it was in your spandex shorts… **eyes Heero's tight ass in shorts before both walk off stage looking for Authoress**