Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius.

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Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit.

By Tamlin

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"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Bakura growled at his idiot light. "Get that coat off. You're not going out."

Ryou stubbornly buttoned up the jacket and ducked into the closet for his umbrella. "It's the second Saturday of the month. I have a meeting."

"Fuck the damn meeting." Bakura snarled trying to take over their body, only managing to make Ryou drop the umbrella.

Ryou calmly picked the umbrella up. "Would you like me to bring you back anything?"

"Idiot. If you go out, I go out. What part of sharing a body don't you get." Bakura made another stab at gaining control.

Ryou patiently waited him out, then quickly pulled the Millennium Ring off and dropped it on a table. "No. I'm going out. You are staying home."

There was a inaudible howl from the ring that Ryou could sense, full of anger and frustration, "I'll bring you back some rice candy, Bakura."

Ryou stepped out the door, opened his umbrella and quickly walked down the street. He just had enough time to get to the Henny Penny Café and meet with the others.

He didn't blame Bakura for not wanting to come out. Even with the umbrella and rain jacket he was soaked. By the time he had reached the overly quaint café, that was designed to look like a hen house complete with a giant red hen, smiling scarily from the top of the coop, his legs below his coat were drenched. Water ran down his hands, wetting the cuffs of his shirt and his sneakers and socks were soggy.

A waitress dressed in a bright red uniform with and amazing amount of stiff white petticoats beneath it smiled cheerily at him as he folded his umbrella and mopped off his face. "Welcome to Henny Penny! How many in your party?"

Ryou smiled back, "I'm here to meet with my friends, Yugi Motou and Malik Ishtar. Are they here yet, by any chance?"

"Oh, yes sir. Right this way." She perkily bounced ahead of him into the depths of the restaurant, passing walls made out of weathered wood, old esoteric utensils that had something to do with farming, lights made out of overturned bushel baskets and tables full of guests sitting around fattening food.

Ryou squishily trudged after her wondering if he could get to the restroom before the meeting started and wring out his socks. He didn't want to be late. The meeting was only once a month and he hated wasting even a moment of that precious time. Yet, if he caught a cold, Bakura would be snarling and grumpy for weeks. He frowned obstinately, the meeting was important. It was how he survived dealing with his erratic and sometimes violent other. He wasn't going to let a few sniffles and the prospect of a grumpy spirit spoil the one time a month he actually felt like he was worth something.

Yugi and Malik were already sitting looking over the menu. They both grinned as he walked up. The waitress deposited his menu on the table, smiled cheerily and bounded away to serve other customers.

"Hey, You`re here!" Yugi dropped his menu revealing that his neck was conspicuously lacking anything even remotely resembling a Millennium Puzzle.

Malik, who most obviously didn't have the Millennium Rod anywhere around him, waved his menu at him, "Hey, go wring out in the men's room. Unless you have any objections, we're going to make this a long meeting."

Ryou nodded, "Sounds good! I'll be right back. If the waitress comes can you order me a hot tea?"

Malik nodded, "Sure, no problem."

Ryou squished away.

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Yugi grinned happily as Ryou squeezed a slice of lemon into his tea and added the whole packet of honey, "I now call H.U.G.S., Hikari's United Group Support, to order. The first item on the agenda is…." He looked down at the piece of paper in front of him. "picking the next meeting spot."

Malik raised his hand, "I vote for Burger Bonanza."

Ryou nodded, "Seconded, I love their milkshakes."

Yugi made a note, "It's unanimous, Burger Bonanza it is and Malik it's your turn to be group leader."

"What's the topic?" Malik sipped his coffee then added a few more teaspoons of sugar to it.

Ryou looked at the paper in front of him. "I believe it is "It's Older Than You: Teaching Your Yami Math".

"Better find another topic. I suck at math." Malik sipped his coffee then nodded happily.

Ryou read down the list, "Laundry Is Not a Dirty Word: House Breaking Stubborn Yamis? Leave that Toaster Alone: Modern Appliances and Your Ancient Spirit? It's Not Your Father's Horse Anymore: Mass Transit and Pedestrian Safety? Communicating Effectively: Learning to Curse in Egyptian?"

"Bingo." Malik raised a exultant finger.

"Great!" Yugi consulted his paper again as Ryou made a note on his. "Today's topic is…. `No, You Can't Send Him to the Shadow Realm: Socializing Your Yami.' However, before we get into the main topic why don't we have the problem solving session first? Who wants to go first?"

Malik raised his hand. "I'd like to go first."

Yugi and Ryou nodded settling back into their chairs.

"My yami keeps dragging the Millennium Rod to bed. It's really getting to be a pain. I`m not kidding. Last night I woke up with the damn thing stuck in my….well, it hurt. A LOT!" Malik squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. "Anyone got any suggestions?"

"Is it deliberate?" Ryou sipped his tea, considering his friends problem.

"No, I don't think so. A couple of mornings I let him wake up with the fucking thing in his backside. He wasn't a happy yami." Malik shook his head disgusted.

"Has he said anything about why he does it?" Yugi leaned back in his chair as a waitress deposited his burger and fries in front of him.

Malik shrugged and snitched a fry from Yugi's plate. "He gets worried about it."

Ryou smiled, "How about getting him a rack or something to hold it?"

Malik leaned back as the waitress set his plate of spaghetti in front of him. "Hmm. Not a bad idea. I could put it over the bed."

Yugi took a bite of his burger. "Grandpa's got a old rack in the back that came with some sword and sorcery game awhile back. It's kinda weird. Want that?"

Malik nodded. "Sure. Anything's better than waking up with a Millennium Rod stuck in you and I'm sure Marik will love the weirdness. Isis might complain, but then," he shrugged, "complaining is her life."

Ryou sighed, "At least your sister understands. Last time my father came home, he found some of my yami's girlie magazines." He shook his head, blushing slightly.

Yugi nodded, "Think we should do an art appreciation session?"

"Oh, god no!" Ryou turned even paler than normal, "Can you see the havoc of letting my yami loose in a museum?"

"Good point." Malik twirled his spaghetti onto his fork.

Yugi looked at his list again, "Okay, any other problems Malik?"

"No, not really. Marik wants to take over the world still, but I'm not too worried. The last plan had something to do with a pack of gum and a ball point pen." Malik chased a meatball down and speared it, " So, I'm betting the world's safe."

"That`s good," Yugi smiled somewhat doubtfully at the blond, then turned quickly to Ryou, feeling glad his yami was only obsessed with TV. "How about you Ryou?"

"He's still impossible. I really don't know what to do." Ryou wilted in his chair. "Every time we talk he yells, sometimes he hits me, but mostly it's yelling and cursing. I'm weak. I'm worthless. I'm stupid. I should just drop out of school." He dropped his head looking down at his plate. "I hate being yelled at, it makes me feel sick. The more he yells, the worse I feel, the worse I feel, the more he yells."

Yugi and Malik exchanged worried looks. Malik reached out and held Ryou's shoulder, "My yami did say there was a way to lock a spirit away, it would only last a little while, but maybe…"

Yugi nodded, "Yami said that box the puzzle came in could do that too, would you like to borrow it? At least till you feel better?"

Ryou shook his head, "No. I really can't explain it, but I keep getting the impression that, well, that he doesn't really mean it. It's like he just doesn't know what else to do." He looked away, to where a family was sitting eating. They were all laughing, the smallest, a toddler, kept standing on her seat and hugging her father as he tried to get her to eat a chicken stick. "Besides, I don't have anyone else."

"Hmmm." Malik sat back. "Merik was like that at first. Remember he even tossed me out of my own body?"

Ryou pulled his eyes away from the happy family and looked at Malik curiously, "What did you do?"

"Tricked him." Malik smiled. "Isis, Shadi and I made him believe that if he didn't behave himself he'd get cursed. Being cursed is a very serious thing you know."

Yugi giggled, "You should have seen my yami a couple of days ago. There was a rat down in the shop. He nearly had hysterics. Apparently, rats are cursed with bad luck."

Malik nodded, "So are cats, in the right circumstances. Get a black cat pissed at you and let your yami take over." He smiled evilly, "It's priceless."

Yugi took another bite of his burger, watching the waitress deliver Ryou's plate of roast chicken. "They'll even go for new beliefs. Yami now wakes up at the crack of dawn on the first of every month just to recite `rabbit, rabbit, rabbit'. He truly believes if he doesn't, he'll be cursed."

"Ha! My yami keeps looking at where we're putting our feet when we're out walking. I'm not allowed to step on any cracks. He's terrified he'll actually break his mother's back." Malik gobbled another forkful of spaghetti.

"I didn't think he had a mother." Ryou carefully cut up his chicken and took a bite.

"He doesn't." Malik twirled another fork of spaghetti.

"Then why…."

Yugi cleared his throat. "I think we're getting off topic. Ryou needs help teaching Bakura to be nice. Any suggestions?"

"Tell him he's cursed if he harms Ryou." Malik waved his fork at Ryou. "One step out of line and…"

"He'll go to the shadow realm?" Ryou sighed. "I think he goes there for fun. He likes it. When Malik sent him there it was like punishing a kid by making him go to Disneyland."

"No tell him he gets bad luck." Yugi dipped one of his fries into some ketchup, "Bad luck is worse than the Shadow Realm, you can`t escape it."

Malik looked thoughtful as he chewed his pasta. "That could work. That could really work."

"We'd need to get everyone in on it." Yugi bit his lip, thinking of what it would take.

"Not if we do it right." Malik grinned. "I've got an idea."

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Bakura grumbled as his hikari settled the Millennium Ring back around his neck. "Idiot. What the fuck did you do that for?"

Ryou smiled gently as his yami materialized. He was sitting on his bed, cozily dressed in a warm, thick bathrobe and soft, lambskin slippers. It was getting late, the streetlights were gleaming pitifully against the sleeting rain outside. The meeting had gone on much, much longer than expected as they had hammered out the details of Bakura's lesson in manners. Then, when he got home, he had deliberately not put on the Ring, needing to first take a hot shower to de-thaw and set up a few things around the house to `help' his yami. Now, it was getting late, which was perfect for the first part of the scheme. "I got you something. Malik thought you might need it."

"And why would that crazed moron think I need something?" Bakura snarled, trying to hide his excitement as Ryou showed him a brightly colored bag. He loved presents. He especially loved it when Ryou would get him something. He really, really loved it if it was wrapped in bright paper and crinkly ribbons. He had to hide it though. He couldn't show weakness in front of his hikari. His angel was vulnerable, helpless, all but abandoned by his nearest kin. Ryou needed him to be strong and strong men don't squeal in glee when presented with bright, sparkly packages.

Ryou pulled out the present, noting how Bakura's eyes latched onto the holographic prism paper and mound of glittering, metallically shining ribbons. His yami's clever, agile fingers twitched. His mouth slightly quivered. Small signs, but all that his other would ever show. Ryou suppressed his grin. Got you, Yami.

Bakura snorted and turned away. Ra! I didn't know they made ribbon like that and what is with that paper? Gotta cover. Maybe tonight when Ryou's asleep…Yes, tonight.

Ryou put the package down and stood with a yawn. "I'm rather tired tonight Yami. I think I'll go to bed early."

"I told you not to go out." Bakura snapped, trying unsuccessfully to keep his mind off glittering paper. "If you catch a cold, moron, I'm not taking over the body."

"Don't worry yami. I'm just tired, remember I had to stay up late studying last night." Ryou yawned again.

"Drop out of school. It's not doing you any good." Bakura thumped onto the bed watching his hikari take off his bathrobe and slide under the covers.

"Goon night, Yami." Ryou turned off the light, and settled back into the blankets, leaving his overheated yami blinking in the sudden darkness.

Bakura growled back and drifted back into the ring to wait till his tenshi fell asleep.

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Bakura picked up the package, reverently combing the ribbons out with careful fingers. He quickly slipped out of his light's room and headed to the kitchen, holding the gift close to himself. Sure, the pharaoh had that dippy hikari with that annoyingly cheerful group of hangers on, and Marik had a hikari with a family that knew more about magic than possibly even the pharaoh, but he considered that he was the lucky one when it came to having a hikari. His hikari wasn't some little, freaky punk with a bizarrely cheerful personality and a fetish for dumpy shirts. He didn't dress look a hooker with a fake tan and peroxide hair. He was more beautiful than the other two combined, -Scary image there, he shuddered- was sexy as hell, and his hikari had great taste. He gently set the gift down on the kitchen table and turned on the overhead lights.

The paper sparkled. The ribbons glittered. He leaned close, not touching, inspecting the way the light bounced off the paper. He extended a finger tracing the pattern of the paper. It was smooth, cool, exciting. He shivered in delight, then quickly checked to make sure his light was still asleep. Finding Ryou dreaming happily, he sat down with a boyish smile and flicked a ribbon with a finger tip. It bounced, he bounced, then checked guiltily around, making sure no one saw that slip. Reassured, he sat toying with the ribbon, watching the way the light played on it's metallic surface, entranced that something so supple, so springy, could look so much like something metallic. Finally, tiring of the ribbon he pried it off with exquisite care, making sure it didn't harm the paper, and set it aside. He picked up the gift and turned it to watch the light sparkle on the paper, shifting and changing with each movement of his hand. It looked like crystals, diamonds. He turned it again watching the light dance on imaginary prisms, then put it down and delicately removed the tape holding the paper together and set it aside, finding himself holding a book. He frowned. What the hell and I supposed to do with this. Idiot Malik, like I need a…He trailed off as he turned the book and saw the title. Omens: Modern Man's Book of Luck. Bakura jerked back as if the book had bit him, dropping it on the table.

Oh, Ra! I never thought! A new world, a new time, of course, there's new things to be careful off. He quickly surveyed his surroundings, seeing nothing suspicious or dangerous, he grabbed the book and hunched over the kitchen table, started reading. Oh, Ra! There's so many new rules! How am I ever supposed to protect Ryou from all this???

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Ryou ambled down the stairs, noting that the umbrella he left open to dry near the front door was now neatly folded and leaning against the wall. He smiled and walked into the kitchen, a mirror was now propped against the wall behind the stove and a red ribbon now hung from the overhead light. He made himself breakfast, absently smiling at the scissors, which he had left open on the counter yesterday, were now closed and put in the utensil drawer.

Bakura made an appearance as he slipped his school bag over his shoulder. "Why the fuck are you going out?"

"I need to go to the bookstore." Ryou looked out the window noting that rain still drizzled down from the dark sky.

"You've got plenty of books here. Screw the bookstore." Bakura felt panic slip up his spine. He hadn't finished that book yet and the outside world might be a dangerous place for his light.

"I've have to go Bakura." Ryou sighed and looked down at his toes, not letting his yami see his face. "I've got to go find a book on mistletoe for a class assignment. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Mistletoe?" Bakura paused. Didn't the book say something about mistletoe? Good luck, or was it kisses…I could do with both, right now. He eyed Ryou speculatively as his hormones danced tantalizing images across his mind.

Ryou picked up his umbrella, "I also need to stop at the park and pick some up, so I might be gone for a couple of hours."

He wants to bring some home? "Yes. Good idea." Bakura nodded enthusiastically. "Now, take care crossing the streets, and bundle up."

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Ryou giggled as he stepped out the door and walked down the path. Phase one complete, now to really get to work.

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Yugi was waiting for him in the park on the bench by the fountain of three children spitting water into the air in soft splashing arcs. Last year, in a move of brilliant city managing, the park commission had tried to clean the fountain by adding a green foaming cleaner to the water. The letters of complaint in the newspaper and apparently to the park commission office had been, well, colorful. Ryou hadn't blamed the complainers, statues of three kids projectile vomiting in the center of Domino City Park had been rather startling.

Yugi turned and stood up as he approached, "Well, how did it go?"

Ryou smiled, "Well, things are looking good. The things I set out for him to find were all found and fixed and he even told me to be careful crossing streets today."

Yugi nodded as they continued walking, "Remember, take it slow. Malik's got his end covered, but we need to give him time."

"Don't worry Yugi." Ryou dodged a small child on a bike, who whizzed past, followed by a frantic father. "If this helps my yami. I can be patient."

Yugi nodded and handed him a handful of tiny brightly colored scrolls and a small bag of mistletoe. "Here's the mistletoe and I also picked these up. They're astrological charts for the next month. I asked my yami if he knew when Bakura was born, he wasn't quite sure so I picked all of them up."

"Thanks Yugi." Ryou put them in his pocket. "I'll be sure to leave them someplace he can accidentally find them."

"Okay, I gotta go." Yugi veered away when they reached the street. "Kaiba and Jonouchi are dueling in about a hour. I want to go see it."

"Don't you already know the outcome?" Ryou asked.

"Sure, Kaiba's going to destroy him in a turn or two," Yugi scampered down the sidewalk, "but I want to see if Kaiba has any new cards."

Ryou waved and walked to the bookstore to pick up the book Malik promised would be waiting for him there.

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Ryou tugged the armchair into the corner and looked at the new configuration of the living room. The long, gray leather sofa now sat directly across from the television, his mother's rocking chair had been scavenged from one of the bedrooms and was now set next to the window with a small dainty table next to it and the arm chair sat neatly across from it.

His stomach growled hungrily. He hadn't eaten since breakfast and the sun was now starting to sink into a soft, gentle twilight. The rain had finally disappeared early this morning and by mid-afternoon the sun had chased most of the clouds away. Now, only a few stragglers meandered across the sky, being painted with the setting sun.

He look one last time around the room in satisfaction, walked over to the closet and pulled out a couple of his father's old hats and a pair of his shoes, then walked into the kitchen, set the shoes on the table and turned and headed upstairs.

"Yami?" Ryou walked into his room and tossed the hats on the bed. "Yami?"

"What the fuck do you want?" Bakura snapped, materializing to stand glowering in front of Ryou.

"I was just going through a few of dad's old things, do you want any of them?" He motioned to the hats on the bed.

"What the fuck do I need with that shit?" Bakura glared at the bed, then stopped. Hats, on the bed. Oh, Ra, what was it about hats on the bed. It wasn't good. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. "Get rid of those fucking hats!"

Ryou nodded and carefully stacked them and set them neatly on the end of the bed. "Sure Yami." He yawned dramatically, politely covering his mouth, "I'll get rid of them later. There's a pair of shoes downstairs that I think I'll keep. They just need a bit of polishing."

Bakura stood glaring at the hats, then glared at his hikari. Did the boy have no sense? "Get rid of them now."

"Yami, I'm really tired." Ryou yawned again, dropping to sit on the edge of the bed. "Do you want to take over?"

Bakura grabbed control and promptly snatched the hats off the bed, noting that Ryou had gone into his soul room and shut the door. "Idiot! Don't leave the fucking hats on the fucking bed." He yelled through the door. Safe and secret on the other side Ryou slipped giggling inaudibly to the floor.

Bakura tossed the hats into the trash, checked around the room and seeing nothing else out of place, relaxed a bit. He walked over to the closet and pulled out a box. Tucked neatly in the box was his things; carefully folded gift paper, a small tangle of bouncy ribbon, a tennis bracelet of diamonds he had snitched from the arm of a old lady, a couple of rings unwittingly donated by various people, a wallet that had accidentally been left in his possession by a large fat man exiting a bank, a pen that lit up in various colors, a gold pin, a pair of sunglasses, three magazines of amazingly proportioned women, a card from Ryou and his new book. He picked up the book and headed to the living room. He absently noted the new furniture configuration as he flung himself onto the couch and opened his book.

Hats: Hats are bad luck if left on a bed.

He nodded, "Thought so." and continued to read, scootching down on the couch till his head rested against the arm, with his knees raised to prop up his book. His stomach started to growl. He ignored it. It growled louder. He stopped and noticed that he was hungry. When was the last time Ryou ate? Ryou was the one who took care of the body, why hadn't he eaten? Was his hikari feeling ill? The body didn't feel sick. He frowned, put the book on the floor and wandered off the to kitchen, just to come tearing out a second later and snatch up his book. Shoes. Shoes on a table. What the hell was it about…ah, there, shoes on a table are, oh well, that's not too bad, the bad luck only last till the end of the day. He noted the sun going down and walked back into the kitchen and shoved the shoes off the table.

He set his book down and opened the freezer and pulled out a small box with a picture of succulent slices of roast chicken, smothered in creamy, smooth gravy, with amazingly green vegetables and a delicate tart sitting demurely at the side. He long ago realized that whatever food was presented on the box of food, held little resemblance to the actual meal inside, which would be lumpy, bland, anemic and probably, if eaten too often, led to cancer.

He wasn't quite sure what cancer was, but it seemed to be caused by too much of anything. As he put the little box in the microwave and set the controls, he wondered if sex caused cancer. If so, that probably explained his old friends' short life span. Hell, if he had actually died a normal death, he probably would have died of it. Not really a bad way to go. Better then getting stuck in a ring for 5000 years, have your soul split in two, have half of it reincarnated in a foreign country where they brew the most god awful beer and still have to put up with that idiot pharaoh. He sighed as he watched his meal spin slowly around. Why, oh why, couldn't I have died of too much sex?

The microwave finally dinged and he pulled out his meal. It smelled dismal. Modern food was actually one of the reasons he let Ryou do all the eating. Nothing tasted right. He peeled the top of the box off and sat down, opening his book and found his page again.

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Ryou logged onto his computer and checked his e-mail. There was a note from his father, telling what an exciting time he was having unearthing a Nubian burial chamber. -Hurrah, hurrah, another few scattered beads and a half intact, moldy mummy for the world to gawk at- an e-greeting from Yugi, with a happy smiling bunny rabbit, with nothing else on it except a web address, a note from Malik saying that his yami loved the rack for the millennium rod and 250 pieces of spam for enlarging a certain portion of his anatomy. He quickly deleted them before Bakura could notice them and typed in the web address Yugi had sent him.

It was perfect. Malik had done a amazing job. The site was smooth, professional, with a elegant, yet simple search function, a understated classy banner, and tons of superstitious nonsense that had been carefully crafted with Bakura in mind. Ryou surfed around the site for awhile and felt a warm glow of happiness. Under the subheading of DEATH, there was a entry, "Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit: must be said at the beginning of each month. Failure to chant this protective mantra, causes an accumulation of bad luck that needs to be mitigated. If enough bad luck accumulates warning omens, dire bad luck, fatalities of those closest to the victim and other tragedies will plague the victim with increasing ferociousness till death. Parents can chant the mantra for children under the age of three, but it is important to teach children this IMMEDIATELY, so that they will be protected. Many of the most tragic incidents in modern and ancient times have been traced to failure to chant this mantra. See: The Fall of the Roman Empire, The Sack of Rome, Overpopulation, American Civil War, The Eruption of Visuevius, Genghis Khan, Typhoons, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Fall of the Shogunate, World War I and II, the Black Death, The Great Depression."

Ryou almost laughed. Note, it doesn't say what will happen if the person can't die because they're an immortal spirit. I guess the bad luck just keeps on coming. Ryou carefully deleted the session, restarted the computer, logged back onto the net and called Malik's site back up. He then leaned back in his chair and stepped into the corridor between his soul room and his yami's.

"Yami? Are you busy? I found a web site that you might want to look at. It has to do with that book you're reading." He knocked gently at the door.

Bakura yanked the door open and sneered, "What? I'm busy."

"Oh, okay. The site I found is called "Luck and You". I'll put it on my favorites, so you can see it later."

"Wait." Bakura grabbed him and pulled him back, "I want to use the body."

Ryou nodded, "Sure, Yami. Just turn off the monitor please."

Bakura grunted a slight acknowledgement, as Ryou entered his room ad closed his door.

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Bakura sat shaking as he finished reading the last entry on the page. Oh, sweet Ra, have mercy on me. He quickly reviewed his life, each tragic event building on the last. Oh Ra, it was the rabbits. No one ever told me about the rabbits. He quickly grabbed Ryou's calendar and checked the date. I missed it. How many have I missed? Does the time I was in the ring count? Do I start counting from when I was born? Or when I emerged from the ring? He stood up and quickly fetched his book from the closet, flipping the pages madly looking for the all important mantra. It's not in here! Wait. There. "Chanting rabbit, rabbit, rabbit at the beginning of the month wards off evil and insures prosperity." Shit, that tells me nothing! What is this mitigation? What the fuck am I supposed to do? He ran his hands through his hair making the wild locks even wilder.

"Ryou!" He went to the corridor between their soul rooms and pounded on his light's door. "Ryou!"

His light opened the door, looking questioningly at him. "Yes, Yami?"

"Did you read that shit about chanting rabbit, rabbit, rabbit on the website?" He paced quickly back and forth along the hall.

"Not really Yami." Ryou tipped his head to the side as if considering, " It didn't seem to have any new information in it. I was actually more interested in…"

"I don't give a fuck what the hell you were interested in!" Bakura attacked his innocent hair again, making it nearly bush out straight. "What the fuck do you do if you never chanted that shit?!!!"

Ryou put the most surprised, appalled face he could on, and gasped, "Never?"

"Never! No one ever said it back in Egypt." Bakura spun about and stomped over to him.

"Well, I guess that explains the whole Shadow Game thing then." Ryou shook his head sadly.

Bakura stopped, stunned. "The Shadow Games?"
"Well, if no one was saying rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, then nearly having the world get destroyed by the Shadow Games would be the result." He looked thoughtful for a second, nodding, "That might also explain why Egypt was plagued by bad luck for so long."

Bakura felt his knees get a bit rubbery. "How do you stop the bad luck?"

"It depends, if we count from when you were first born, well, I don't think you can stop it, but if we do it from the day you woke up then…I'm pretty sure you can still work it off." Ryou chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "No, I'll bet it's from the day you woke up. So that would mean…" He stood silently for a moment as Bakura nearly danced in place. "I think you would have to do the …well, no that's if you only miss for a couple of months."

Bakura nearly screamed, "Just tell me what the fuck I have to do!"

"I really don't know Yami. People now are very careful to say it. I'll have to ask." Ryou stepped back as his yami shrieked and started cursing. Damn, I wish I had a tape recorder, this really would help Malik with next month's topic.

"Yami, please, calm down. Please. I'll go and ask Yugi's grandpa." Ryou darted down the corridor to take control of their body, only to be yanked back.

"What the fuck can that old shit have to say?" Bakura snarled tossing Ryou back towards his soul room.

"He is very old yami. He'll probably know what to do." Ryou caught himself from stumbling and falling by clinging to the edge of the door. Calm, calm, he's now hooked and we just have to reel him in. A little thrashing around is to be expected. "Would you like me to call him?"

"That old fuck is more full of shit than a sewer. Call Malik." Bakura stormed into his own soul room.

Ryou blinked, not believing his luck. "Sure, I'm sure one of the Ishtars knows something. That's a great idea Yami."

Bakura just snorted as he slammed his door.

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Ryou tapped nervously on Bakura's door. "Bakura, I talked to Malik and to Isis."

The door was opened so quickly the hinges shivered. "Well?!"

"It really isn't too bad." Ryou smiled nervously at his yami who was actually quivering like a guitar string that had just been plucked. Well, he is being played, so I suppose it makes sense. "Isis said that all you have to do is recite the chant every morning and do one selfless thing for every number in the month. So on the first you do one good thing, then on the second you do two and so on."

Bakura's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "By the thirtieth day I would have to do thirty selfless things a month."

Ryou nodded, " Yes, but the good news is that you only have to do it for six months!"

"That's not good news! No fuckin' way am I doing selfless deeds for six months." His door slammed and a angry voice screamed, "NONE!"

.

.

Ryou slumped against the park bench feeling defeated and tired. There was nothing left to do. They had tried and it hadn't worked. He closed his eyes as the image of the rest of his life slowly passed in front of them. Long days of screamed abuse, getting smacked around by his soul partner, being alone. His yami had shut himself up in his soul room and wouldn't come out. He had the impression that Bakura had drifted off for some R&R in the shadow realm. Now, he was all alone. He should have known that the crazy plan wouldn't work. Making Bakura believe that he would be cursed if he didn't say rabbit, rabbit, rabbit could only be believed by someone as crazed as Malik.

"Hey, don't feel all glum." He felt someone sit down next to him. He opened his eyes and found himself looking at someone he truly never wanted to look at again. Marik.

"Hello Marik, how have you been?" He edged nervously away as the insane spirit smiled gently at him. BAKURA! OH, GOD! BAKURA! HELP!

"Malik told me what was going on." Marik nodded, still smiling gently. "He said you were having a few problems. I think I can help you there."

Ryou shrieked for his yami as Marik reached out, still smiling and pulled him closer. The blond spirit carefully pulled him to his feet and pulled him along as he walked down the path, toward the wilder part of the park.

"Now, don't get me wrong. It's a great plan," Marik said in a casual voice as he turned his head looking for something. "But, it's far too subtle for Bakura." He paused, looking into the distance, then shaking his head kept walking. "You see, Bakura is a very practical spirit. He needs proof, direct proof. Just handing him a book and a web site might make him a bit jumpy, but to make him actually do something…he needs…something more…concrete." He pulled Ryou off the path, leading him deep into the trees, then turned. "Don't worry Ryou. It'll be fine. Just remember, direct proof."

.

.

Bakura sat in one of the most forbidding spots in the shadow realm, watching a monster that had no true name ooze slimily over a greasy rock that corroded under the corrosive goo that it spread in it's wake. The sky rumbled darkly as green streaks of lightning shot across the clear, cloudless sky. Bakura didn't even bother looking at them any more. Sure for the first millennium or so they were rather interesting, but he'd gotten over the fascination. Now, it was just a good place to go if you didn't want to be bothered. And bothered is just what he'd been.

He spat on the slug like creature and smirked as it started to wither and die. "Bah, who needs luck."

A couple more slug like creatures appeared and started to devour their fallen friend. The ground shifted and a dark crack shattered the landscape, swallowing the creatures. Bakura nimbly jumped out of the way and settled himself on another rock. "Luck is for weaklings."

"Tomb Robber!"

Bakura frowned a little, it sounded just like the pharaoh had called to him. Why the fuck would that ass be calling me?

He watched as another crack appeared crawling across the ground, rocks and blasted earth tumbled into it's maw. "Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit my ass."

"Tomb Robber!"

That truly sounded like the pharaoh, and much closer too. Bakura looked up and saw the slight figure of the spirit of the puzzle heading for him. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Where is your hikari?" Yami Yugi jumped lightly to the top of a nearby rock, absently flicking off a few slugs with the toe of his shoe.

"What the fuck business is that of yours?" Bakura turned away, "He's probably at home."

"He's been missing for three days" the pharaoh, snapped, "He is most definitely not at home. Now, where is your hikari?"

"How the fuck should I know?" Bakura glared at the elegant figure wondering if he could pitch him down one of the crevices. "I've been gone."

The pharaoh snorted, "Should have known. You're useless." He leapt nimbly down and started back the way he came. "Stay here then, tomb robber, since you can't do anything else right."
Bakura snarled, "And you can."

The other spirit turned, "I can say that my hikari is at home in his room, unharmed, happy and safe." He shook his head in disgust. "All you can say is, "How the fuck should I know." Yami Yugi walked away. "Useless, even when protecting your own light."

Bakura lunged for the other, only to hit the ground as Yami Yugi disappeared. "Fucking, no good pharaoh. Pretending to be all good and kind. Well, you don't fool me you heartless bastard. Ha! If your light is tucked away safe and sound it's because you haven't decided to kill him yet!" He shook the sand out of his hair, looking around to see if he could sense the other spirit. When he found no trace of him he sat back down on a rock.

If something had happened to Ryou. I would know. He's probably off someplace avoiding that ass. Bakura leaned back looking at the sky. Hell, he's probably doing homework again. Lost in some project.

He frowned. Still, might be a good idea to check on him.

.

.

Ryou was not amused. At first he had to admit, it was a bit startling to be dragged off on some crazed scavenger hunt by Malik's nutcase yami. He got over that by the first day. Whatever Marik was up to, harming him was apparently not on the schedule. The second day of his little trip, had involved shopping and pickles. He had always thought Marik was crazy, now as the new, proud owner of thousands and thousands of pickles, he knew the spirit was completely wacko. The third day involved putting all those pickles all over the house. Not just putting the hundreds of pickle jars around the house, but opening them and dumping them onto the carpet of all the rooms, then taking the now empty jars to the dump to be rid of them.

The next thing on the agenda seemed to involve pink nail polish and a lot of fishing line. Ryou sat on the side of the bridge, overlooking the deep river canyon, wondering if it was too late to opt for being flung into the shadow realm, beaten to death, or becoming a helpless mind slave.

"Just tie the line to the edge of the rail and I'll be done here in a second." Marik was sitting cross-legged, carefully painting the Millennium Ring a bright, hot pink.

"Why? Why are we doing this?" Ryou tied the nearly invisible line to the edge of the railing, making sure the knot was tight.

Marik was biting the tip of his tongue in concentration, "You know, I'm not quite as insane as you think I am. And if I was, I'm not as stupid."

Ryou carefully kept his face innocently blank.

"It's useful to have people believe I am, and I confess, I love teasing Malik with it. But I'm really not." He nodded in satisfaction as he sat back inspecting the ring. "Now this for example, looks completely crazy, but it's actually brilliant."

"Oh." Ryou looked down at the now eye hurtingly pink Millennium Ring.

"Omens, little one, omens. The stranger the better. That's what'll get your yami." He carefully picked up the ring by it's cord and tied it to the end of the line. "We just have to convince that pig headed, scatter brain that he's cursed." He carefully lowered the Ring and scooped up the boxes that they had brought with them. "Now pick up your fishing pole and listen up, because this is what you're going to do…"

.

.

Bakura materialized in the middle of a river. He yelped and hopped out onto a nearby rock, looking around for his light. When he spotted him, he blinked. The image didn't go away, so he blinked again. Nope, still there. He rubbed his eyes and looked around to find himself facing the Millennium Ring. He blinked, rubbed his eyes and looked back at Ryou, who was smiling happily at him from the edge of the river.

"Hi, Yami. Could you please not stand there? You're scarring the rabbits." Ryou waved merrily to where a small white rabbit was perched on a rock in the middle of the river, glaring at him with pink eyes.

Bakura looked around the river and realized that there was a whole lot of rabbits glaring at him, "S-sure." He looked again at the Ring that seemed to be floating just above his head, gleaming bright, bright pink in the sun, then looked over at his hikari, who was dressed in a long, lacy, Victorian gown, with a huge plumed hat on his head and was busy tying a carrot to the end of a fishing line. A small white rabbit was sitting grumpily in a fishing creel next to him.

"Yami, how am I ever supposed to catch all those rabbits if you're scaring them?" Ryou sulked at him, "Now, why don't you go back to the ring and I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

Bakura quivered as a sudden rain of black feathers started tumbling around him. He looked up into the clear sky. Oh Ra! I am really loosing it. "Okay, later tonight, then."

.

.

"Pharaoh!" Bakura shrieked, racing to the spot in the shadows that the other spirit favored. "Pharaoh!"

"What?" Yami Yugi lay sprawled next to a sleepy river with glowing water. He looked up as Bakura tumbled to a halt next to him.

"Rabbits. What the hell is with rabbits?" Bakura gasped, looking at the river a little wildly. "I found Ryou. He was fishing for rabbits."

Yami Yugi frowned, "Have you been over at the sulfur pools again? Last time you were there, you swore that Ra was talking to you."

"No, no. I went to find Ryou, just to make sure he was fine, and he was at this river, and there were all these rabbits, and the ring was just floating there in the air, and Ryou was dressed in this…"

"And you call me insane." Marik walk over and sat down next to the pharaoh.

"No, no. I mean, well, yeah, but no, Ryou was there, and he had this hat on," Bakura made a large sweeping gesture around his head, "and he was tying a carrot onto a fishing line. And the ring was pink. He told me to leave, because I was scaring the rabbits."

"See, I at least have a more rational fixation. I want to rule the world." Marik yawned and leaned back against his elbows. "He seems to be stuck on rabbits."

"I am not stuck on rabbits. I just want to know what the hell is going on." Bakura pulled at his hair.

"Maybe you need a vacation." Yami Yugi watched as Bakura sunk to his knees.

"He might have missed." Marik muttered thoughtfully, "I've never really seen how it could happen, but I saw a mention of it in a book once."

The pharaoh looked over at him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"Well, he could have missed the real world and ended up in a shadow composite, half in the real world and half in shadow, not really part of either." Marik shrugged. "It seemed like some gibberish some board sorcerer wannabe scribbled down. I really didn't see any point in studying it, so I kind of skipped the finer details."

Yami Yugi considered it, "Yes, it sounds like gibberish. My opinion is that the tomb robber's finally lost it."

Marik nodded, glancing over at the now hyperventilating Bakura, "I hate to say it, but it's possible."

"I have not lost it!" Bakura screamed scrambling to his feet. "I'm perfectly fine."

Marik suddenly sat up, frowning, "Didn't your hikari call awhile back about saying rabbit, rabbit, rabbit?"

Yami Yugi jerked upright too and looked at Bakura, "You have been saying that, haven't you."

Marik shook his head, "No, if I remember, Ryou was worried because Bakura hadn't been saying it."

The pharaoh looked pityingly at the spirit of the ring. "Oh. You are in trouble aren't you?"

.

.

Bakura emerged from the ring standing in the kitchen. Ryou was standing, dressed quite normally, with the golden Millennium Ring hanging serenely around his neck, cooking something at the stove and humming a soft tune. He turned and smiled as Bakura appeared.

"Hello, Yami."

Bakura looked around wildly, there were bunnies sitting on the table, lots of bunnies, with hot pink little eyes, that all seemed to be looking right at him and there were pickles, everywhere. "Ryou, hmmm, you seem to have gotten a few pets."

Ryou arched his eyebrows questioningly, then smiled, "Oh, no. They just came over for dinner."

"Ryou, rabbits don't just come over for dinner." Bakura squelched across the floor trying not to slip on the pickles. The bunnies milled about on the table a second, then settled down as Ryou dumped a frying pan full of carrots onto the table.

"Well, they seem to like my cooking." Ryou picked one up and cuddled it.

"Ryou, what the fuck is going on?" Bakura felt a now very, very familiar sensation feather down his back.

"Nothing." Ryou shooed a rabbit off his chair and sat down. "It's really nice to see you Yami. Did you have a nice time in the shadow realm?"

Bakura, looked wide eyed at his beaming light. "Yes, I had a great time. Lighting, slugs, bumped into the pharaoh. Just lovely."

"That's nice." Ryou picked up a carrot from the midst of the now placidly chewing rabbits and started eating it. "Nothing much happened here. I went to Tokyo for the opening of a exhibit of Egyptian relics. Nothing very interesting."

Bakura nodded, watching the rabbits chew up the carrots. "I heard you were gone. The pharaoh told me."

"Oh dear, Yugi said they had been worried about me. I hope they didn't bother you." Ryou dropped his half finished carrot back into the pile of rabbits and stood up.

"No, not really. You know the pharaoh." Bakura scrambled after Ryou as his light left the kitchen.

The living room looked much the same, pickles covered the floor, a rabbit was sitting on the sofa watching Powerpuff Girls, another was rocking placidly in the rocking chair by the window, with a tea cup sitting on the spindly table next to it. The top of a carrot was sticking out of the cup. As Bakura looked out the window, bunnies raced across the front walk.

Ryou squished up the hall, taking care not to trip on any pickles or rabbits, "I'm going to go to bed now Yami. Don't worry about our guests, they'll be fine."

Bakura followed silently behind him, dodging out of the way as a rabbit hopped past him.

Ryou opened the door to his room and walked over to his bed. There was a huge form under the covers, that Ryou ignored as he pulled a pair of pajamas out from one of his drawers. "Do you want to surf the net tonight Yami?"

Bakura, looking a little warily at the bed, shook his head, "Is this a joke Ryou? If it is, it's not very funny."

Ryou looked over at him puzzled as he pulled down the covers, revealing a large stuffed pickle. "Is what a joke Yami?"

"The pickles. The rabbits. It's not funny." Bakura watched as a soft, white fuzzy face emerged from under the bed and looked up at him.

"Yami, are you feeling alright?" Ryou stepped carefully closer to him, peering worriedly into his face, "You're not feeling sick are you?"

As another bunny slipped out from under the bed, Bakura shook his head and disappeared back into the ring.

.

.

Bakura slumped next to the river watching the glowing water flow smoothly past, trying to put his thoughts in order. Fist there had been Ryou disappearing. Okay, not a biggie, his light had gone to Tokyo. Then, the next, had been the river, standing in the river. Now a river, in itself is not bad, it had been Ryou and the rabbits that had been odd, then there was the ring, floating above his head, pink. Okay, that hadn't been a good thing, and wait…wasn't there, yes, feathers, black feathers. Not good. Not good at all. He frowned at the smooth ripples of the water before him.

"Still fighting it?" Marik flopped down next to him.

"Shut the fuck up." Bakura looked at the other spirit out of the corner of his eyes.

"Face it, thief. You are screwed." Marik yawned lazily and stretched out on the smooth soft grass.

"Yeah, but how to get unscrewed is the problem." Bakura grumped, pulling a blade of grass up and twisting it around his fingers.

"Didn't Ryou tell you?" Marik rested his chin on his crossed arms, staring out at the river.

"Tell me what?" Bakura tossed the blade away and pulled up another.

"A selfless deed for every number of the month, for six months." Marik let his eyes flutter closed. "Be happy you caught it quick. Some poor schmuck once had to do selfless deeds for a year."

"How many months did you get?" Bakura sighed and lay back.

"None. Can you really picture Isis allowing me to forget something that important. Ra. I was nearly chanting it the moment I came out of the Rod the fist time."

Bakura nodded. "Oh well, better get started then." He turned his head and grinned evilly, "My fist good deed is to not kick your sorry ass."

Marik yawned, "Up yours thief."

.

.

Ryou consulted his paper as he sipped his milkshake. Yugi and Malik sat around the table already eating the Super Supreme Deluxe World Famous Gut Buster Pizza that the giggly waitress had deposited on the table. "I now call H.U.G.S., Hikari's United Group Support, to order. The first item on the agenda is where are we going to meet next time."

Yugi gulped trying to clear his throat. "I vote for Frieda's Fritter House."

Malik shrugged, "Works for me."

Ryou jotted the name of the restaurant down on the paper. "Okay, we meet there. Now, is there any old business we need to discuss?"
Yugi grinned, "How's Bakura doing?"

Ryou smiled happily, "He's doing fine. He actually took control yesterday while I was walking to school to help an old lady across the street."

Malik laughed. "I saw him a couple weeks ago doing your homework at lunch. I nearly spit up, I couldn't believe it."

"I couldn't either. I hate to tell him what grade I actually received on it." Ryou took a slice of pizza and bit down.

"That bad?" Yugi finished his slice and licked his fingers clean.

"It's the thought that counts." Ryou rolled his eyes. "Any other old business?"

The other two hikaris shook their heads.

"All right then," Ryou consulted his notes, "Yugi, you're in charge of the next meeting. The topic is: What's a Little Bondage Between Friends: Sex and Your Yami."

"Hey, I want that one!" Malik frowned.

Yugi nodded, "Let him have it. Yami and I really haven't tried that yet.."

Ryou made a note, "All right, how about: They Don't Care That Your 5000 Years Old: Underage Drinking and Ancient Spirits."

"Okay, I can do that one." Yugi picked up another slice and started eating. "I can still hear Yami's howls when I tried explaining to him he couldn't have a beer in a restaurant."

Malik nodded, "I keep them at home in the frig., it saves on wear and tear on the ears."

"Okay, lets save it till next month." Ryou nibbled at the edge of his slice as he read, "Okay, it's time for problem solving. I'm out this week, since my yami is being an angel. So, anyone else?"

~*~*~*

This story is for all my reviewers from my story "Chrysalis". This is why Bakura was doing Ryou's homework in chapter one. Thanks. I appreciate all of you and hope you like this little gift.