Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Rain ❯ Rain 4/4 ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Rain (4/4)

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Bakura was smirking. The picture Ryou made, recoiling in fear from a bird smaller than his hand, was just too good for words. The door was shut behind him now and he was standing in front of Bakura with wrath glowing in his face and water dripping from his coat.

When he sneezed, Bakura couldn't hold it back any longer, and burst out laughing.

"It's not funny!" Ryou fumed instantly, but his protest did less than nothing to halt the outburst of mirth. Bakura let the hilarity of it all wash over him until he was barely standing, holding his sides and gasping for breath. All the anger he'd felt for his lighter half, all the resentment and dislike, seemed to recede for that one moment and he allowed himself to be free - at Ryou's expense, of course.

"Shut UP!"

Snickering helplessly, Bakura cracked one eye open and scrutinised the younger boy. His fists were clenched at his sides and there was an expression of humiliation on his face that sobered Bakura instantly. //He looks like he's about to cry…//

"I'm not," said Ryou furiously, and instantly proved the words to be a lie. Bakura could do nothing more than stare in amazement as his light burst into tears, making his already-damp cheeks even wetter and his eyes go red, before Ryou turned away and huddled into himself.

"Ryou?" he questioned.

"Shut up," the teenager said, and choked on a fresh sob. Abruptly he spun around, glaring at Bakura. "Just - just shut up, Bakura!" he yelled. "You don't have a clue what you do to me, do you? You don't have the faintest goddamn idea!" Bakura's eyes widened, shocked by Ryou swearing. "You just go along, confusing me and hurting me, blowing hot and cold and not caring, and when I - I know I'm stupid, it took me ages to work out that I wanted you and then you act like it's nothing when it's everything to me. And then - and then you laugh at me! You just - laugh at - at me - and - it-"

The hiccup that signalled Ryou running out of accusations begged to be laughed at, but Bakura refused. "Shit, Ryou," he said, voice low and hesitant. A faint, millennia-old instinct for self-defence spoke through him. "You hurt me, too," he said, then wanted to kick himself for it as instant guilt sprang to his lighter half's thoughts. He remembered a time when he used to make Ryou smile, rather than cry, and wanted to run away from this boy who didn't deserve to be hurt.

The faint drip-drip of water onto wood interrupted Bakura's thoughts and he noticed that rain was still falling from Ryou's coat. For the first time he realised that although the boy's cheeks were bright pink, the rest of his face was white tinged with blue.

"You're freezing to death," he muttered, and grabbed Ryou's hands, covering them with his own. A shiver ran through him just from touching his fingers, and he took Ryou's arm and dragged him into the house to sit in front of the wood heater. The teenager was silent and passive as Bakura took off his raincoat and grabbed a blanket from the pile of fresh laundry sitting on the rug. He kept his eyes on the floor, not looking up when he was wrapped in soft folds. When Bakura sat down beside him, he caught Ryou giving him a glance out of the corner of his eye and looking quickly away.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," came the soft voice. "I'm sorry."

//Shit shit shit// Bakura thought vehemently. When Ryou shot a startled look at him, he averted his gaze, clinging desperately to the shredded remnants of his cold detachment. "Yeah, you hurt me," he admitted. "But I hurt you too, so why don't we just call it even." He knew curt words weren't what Ryou needed right now, but something about being alone in the dark for five thousand years and a desecrator of the sacred for a lifetime before that held the apology from his lips.

Ryou sniffed, and a quiver ran through him. A handful of soft patting sounds as drops of water hit the carpet indicated that his hair was still wet. Huddled in the blanket, eyes rimmed with red, he looked utterly pathetic. Bakura felt the stirrings of pity somewhere in his chest, and wanted to strangle them. He stood, infuriated with the fact that he cared for Ryou and despising his vulnerability in exposing his feelings, his heart, inviting Ryou to wound him. He'd let the boy get too close - a mistake he'd sworn long ago he wouldn't make. And look where it had gotten him. Betrayed.

The first crash of thunder greeted him as he reached the back porch and he found himself smirking. An appropriately dramatic entrance for a tomb robber. He sat down grumpily, crossing his legs and wrapping his arms around his knees, and watched the storm's intensity mount. He liked the weather's violence; it matched how he was feeling.

"I guess it's a good thing I rescued that bird when I did," Ryou murmured from the doorway. "I'd hate to be out in this."

Bakura tensed as the voice cut into his thoughts. He found himself gritting his teeth as Ryou sat down beside him, still curled up in the blanket. Stupid Ryou, intruding on my personal space… But when the teenager shifted as if to get to his feet, Bakura shot a hand out and grabbed his arm, holding him in place, before he realised what he was doing.

Ryou flinched from the touch and turned fearful, questioning eyes on Bakura. He immediately felt embarrassed - what did I do that for? - but refused to let it show. He looked away.

"Don't go," he said gruffly.

Even the storm seemed to quieten in response to his entreaty. Weakness! Why must I be so weak? Why must I show him how weak I am? Appalled at himself, Bakura withdrew into his defensive shell, wrapping his arms around his legs again and reinforcing the barrier that held their mind-link closed, confused and furious with his own feelings.

Then a hesitant voice spoke beside him and made him dissolve. "I won't leave you, Bakura."

He won't … he's not going to … what the hell? Bakura didn't bother to hide his bewilderment as he met Ryou's gaze and was stunned by what he found there. "But … you hated me," he stated bluntly. "After everything … everything I've done to you … Damnit Ryou, why?" The last word was almost in a yell.

//Scared-can't-trust-you-but-want-to-be-near-you-can't-help-car ing-for-you//

The thoughts Ryou sent to him were jumbled, contrasting with the passive vulnerability in the teenager's expression. There was fear in his eyes still, and his resolve was pained, but determination overrode reluctance.

//I want to believe in you//

//…I don't deserve you//

//I want to be with you//

Ryou could be strong, in his own way. It must have taken courage beyond what Bakura thought his lighter half capable of to take that step. Bakura knew he'd hurt the boy, more than once, in more than one way, but hadn't believed they could put that past behind them.

"We can try," said Ryou, responding once again to thoughts not intended to be shared. "Will you, Bakura?" He'd been trying to be strong, but now his emotions overcame him and he was almost pleading. "Stay with me? Be with me? Please?"

Bakura had never felt so lost for words as he did then. He felt clumsy and inadequate in the face of Ryou's honesty. There was pain in his eyes now as Bakura stalled, not answering, and the ache of defeat and crushed hopes. Reluctantly, hating his insecurity and weakness, Bakura steeled his resolve, and allowed Ryou into his mind.

By Ra, it hurt! It wounded everything he'd held to be a part of himself to surrender control to the teenager and his innermost thoughts wailed in protest at this utter, voluntary exposure. He felt the nakedness of his soul like a physical chill, bared to the harsh winds of judgement and cruelty, frail and unprotected.

When Bakura came to himself his head was buried in Ryou's shoulder and he'd collapsed against him, devoid of any will to drive his body. He jerked upright - how could I let him do that? - and turned his back on his lighter half, trying desperately not to shrink away. After baring his soul, abandoning the deepest and most private parts of himself, he had to cling desperately to the incorporeal memories of his former, armoured confidence to preserve his sense of self. He was strong, he was composed, he was in control of himself, and he was definitely not upset by the ordeal.

He wasn't even fooling himself.

Bakura almost jumped out of his skin when a pair of arms encircled his waist. He twisted in Ryou's embrace, needing to be able to see him, acutely aware that the tables had turned and now he was the one who couldn't trust Ryou. But…

//Won't-hurt-you-don't-want-to-hurt-you-just-want-to-be-with-yo u//

…But how could he not have faith in him, when his green eyes were so honest and his hands were resting in the small of Bakura's back, and the mind-link was telling him that there was no longer any reason for such distance between them? Of course they couldn't immediately be as intimate as lifelong lovers. They were building on the past, not erasing it. But as Ryou shyly pressed a kiss to his lips, Bakura thought that perhaps things were just fine as they were, and they had as good a place to start from as any.

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