Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Rich Men and Their Pets - the Musical! ❯ Rich Men and Their Pets - the Musical! ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Rich Men and Their Pets - the Musical!

Author: Kleptomaniac Can Opener

Beta: Saku Rose

Rating: PG

Genre: Humor

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Insaneness in Script Major

Pairings: Seto x Jou, Otogi x Honda

Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns Yugi-Oh, `Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better' is from `Annie Get Your Gun', and `Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood' is from `Mr. Roger's Neighborhood'.

 

Summary: It's a battle of wills, and the music's playing!

 

~*~*~*~

 

[It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. So Jounouchi and Honda thought it would be a fun idea for them and their lovers to spend the day together.]

[Of course, when you fill a room with competitive people, the inevitable happens.]

 

Seto: *talking to Otogi sitting next to him* So I sat down and-

Jou: *drinking glass cracks in his hand*

Seto: --showed him how it's really played.

Jou: *slams his glass onto central table*

 

[Cue the music.]

 

Jou: Anything you can do, I can do better!

Seto: Ha! XD

Jou: *leans across the table, growling* I can do anything better than you.

Seto: *smirks* No, you can't.

Jou: Yes, I can.

Seto: No, you can't.

Jou: Yes, I can.

Seto: No, you can't.

Jou: Yes, I can! Yes, I can!

 

Otogi: *grins, not one to be left out* Anything you can be, I can be greater.

Seto: *irritated* In your dreams!

Otogi: *smirking* Sooner or later I'm greater than you.

Seto: No, you're not.

Otogi: Yes, I am.

Seto: No, you're not.

Otogi: Yes, I am.

Seto: No, you're NOT!

Otogi: *smug* Yes, I am! Yes, I AM! *sexy pose* I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.

Seto: *snorts* I can shoot a sparrow with a bow and arrow.

 

Honda: *tired of being ignored* I can live on bread and cheese!

Otogi: *impressed* And only on that?

Honda: ^_^ Yup!

Seto: *sneer* So can a rat!

Otogi/Honda: *GLARE*

 

Jou: *clears his throat and tries to help his friend* Any note you can sing, I can sing higher.

Otogi: Ha! I can sing anything higher than you!

Jou: No, you can't.

Otogi: Yes, I can.

Jou: *leans closer* No, you can't!

Otogi: *grins* Yes, I can!

Jou: *stands up* No, you can't!

Otogi: *leans back* Yes, I can!

 

[Glass starts to shake.]

 

Jou: No, you CAN'T!

Otogi: *smuuug* Yes, I CAAAN!

 

[A glass breaks. Honda, Seto, and Jounouchi rub their ears.]

 

Honda: How can you go so high?

Seto: Because he's a girl.

Otogi: *GLARE*

 

Seto: *smirks* Anything you can say, I can say softer.

Honda: *jumps in to defend his boyfriend!* I can say anything softer than you.

Seto: *snorts* No, you can't.

Honda: *grinds his teeth* Yes, I can.

Seto: *shakes his head* No, you can't.

Honda: Yes, I can. >_<

Seto: No, you can't.

Honda: Yes, I can. *bellows* YES, I CAN! *oops, sweatdrops*

Jou: *snickers*

 

Otogi: Well, I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.

Jou: I can drink it quicker!

Honda: *laughs* And get even sicker.

Jou: *glares*

Otogi: I can open any safe. *tosses his hair*

Honda/Jou: Wow! Without being caught?

Otogi: You bet.

Seto: *evil glint in his eyes* That's what I thought, you crook!

Otogi: Uh oh! *runs*

Seto: *chases him around the room*

 

[Jounouchi and Honda watch for a minute but get bored.]

 

Honda: Any note you can hold, I can hold longer.

Jou: I can hold any note longer than you!

Honda: No, you caan't.

Jou: Yes, I caaan.

Honda: No, you caaaaan't.

Jou: Yes, I caaaaaan.

Honda: No, you caaaaaaaan't!

Jou: Yes, I caaaaaaaaaan!

Honda: *takes a deep breath* No, you CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!

Jou: Yes, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII can!

Honda: O_O Yes, you caaaaan! *pats his friend on the back* Where'd you learn to do THAT?

Jou: *blushes as he pants for air* Um, the bedroom.

Honda: *blush* Oh.

 

[Seto and Otogi sit back down after some kind of backroom agreement.]

 

Otogi: *snorts and tosses his hair* Yeah, but anything you can say, I can say faster.

Seto: *rolls his eyes* I can say anything faster than YOU.

Otogi: No, you can't.

Seto: Yes, I can.

Otogi: No,youcan't.

Seto: Yes,Ican.

Otogi: *frowns* Noyoucan't!

Seto: YesIcan! *WIN*

 

Jou: *huffs* I can jump a hurdle! *shows off his long legs*

Otogi: *shrugs his shoulders* I can wear a girdle. :P

Honda: I can knit a sweater! ^_^ *proud*

Seto: *snickers* I can fill it better. *makes an arm muscle*

Honda: XP

Jou: <3

Otogi: I can do most anything. *puffs out his chest*

Jou/Honda: Can you bake a pie?

Otogi: >_> No.

Jou/Honda: *look to Seto*

Seto: *clears his throat* Neither can I.

Jou/Honda: We can! *high-five for the win!*

 

Otogi: *pouts* Anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter!

Seto: Che! I can sing anything sweeter than you!

Otogi: *grins* No~ you ca~n't.

Seto: *can't back down now* Ye~s I ca~n.

Jou/Honda: *swooning* <3

Otogi: No~ yo~u ca~n't.

Seto: Ye~s I~ ca~n.

Jou/Honda: *turning to goo* <3<3

Otogi: No~ yo~u ca~n't!

Seto: Ye~s I~ ca~n!

Jou/Honda: *melting* <3<3<3

Otogi: No, you ca~n't! Ca~n't! Ca~n't!

Seto: Yes, I ca~n! Ca~n! Ca~n!

Jou/Honda: *total puddles of gooey stuff*

Otogi/Seto: No~ yo~u CA~N'T/Ye~s I~ CA~N!

 

[It's then that Jounouchi and Honda decide to skip the rest of the head butting part of courtship and to just go straight to the procreation part. It was more productive and infinitely more fun.]

 

[It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.]

[Won't you be mine?]

[Won't you be mine?]