Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Scar Tissue ❯ Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Yao-Ling 
Fucked up, maaaaan.
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Horror | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.21.2008 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 255 | Status: Work In Progress
Fucked up, maaaaan.
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Horror | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.21.2008 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 255 | Status: Work In Progress
someone reviewed on here? Hmm, what a change. First review I’ve gotten on media miner, which is odd since I get a load of feedback on ff.horror. Anyway, yeah, anon reviewer, this is going to be updated. Like I said before, my main account is at ff.horror. This account here is just additional commercialization.
Ciao.
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“…Ryou?̶ 1;
Mariku’s chest felt heavy, an invisible weight inside of him that clenched up and made his heart beat faster. The joke needed to be over, now. It wasn’t funny anymore. Mariku’s laughs had stopped after the words last spoken. Ryou gave him so many new feelings… this one, he supposed, could be described as hopelessness. …But he was Mariku Ishtar, he couldn’t feel anything like that, he wasn’t helpless.
Ryou looked almost giddy when he replied. “…Mariku?” He mocked him in the same soft tone he had used. It was not right as Ryou grinned, showing his teeth, rubbing up all over his body and kissing his neck; Mariku wasn’t someone who should be kissed, and at the very least, not in this situation. His touches seemed desperate as he moved his hands over him, as if there was not time to memorize every part of him. And Mariku wished there wasn’t.
“Ryou… This isn’t funny anymore.” Mariku felt sick as Ryou moved off of him to stand up, smiling in that twisted way. Panicking when he began to leave him, Mariku became more desperate in his words to keep Ryou with him, and not off to finalize his plan. “Ryou, Ryou listen to me. R-Ryou, come over here. Please, Ryou, please come over here.” God… he even sounded pathetic to himself. He couldn’t help the waver in his voice. Please… had that word ever left his mouth before?
“Do you still think this is a joke, even now?” His back was turned to him, fluorescent light cast over his shoulders, accenting the folds on his striped shirt. There was something a bit melancholy how he stood in front of him, as if Mariku could pick apart at him until he found the reason of his actions if he tried hard enough. His hands were lax, palms facing inward, and the harder he looked at him, the less insane he seemed. Just a boy lost in his own delusional fantasies to find the world of reality crash around him. Was he regretting what he planned to do, what Mariku prayed to any divine being listening was a lie?
“I’m not laughing, Ryou.” He was sure to make his voice as quiet as possible, to make himself as submissive as possible, even if it hurt his pride. Mariku would rather have that die then himself. “Come back to me, please, just talk this out with me. Please, Ryou, I know you won’t do this, and I can help you, I promise.” Was that Malik talking, or himself? Mariku felt lost here… as if he was disappearing and leaving his mind with only the original personality, the original Malik.
He heard a laugh, a soft chuckle, and Ryou turned to look at him over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed in what Mariku hoped was amusement. Glancing away with a small smile upon his lips to the medical table, he turned all the way back towards him. Reaching out with one hand, his fingers were soft as they trailed along his chin to hold his head in place. His touch made Mariku shiver with feeling. Everything about Ryou made him feel, physically and mentally.
“Why do you believe that I won’t hurt you, Mariku?” He was a master of sadism as he spoke with his gentle voice and his gentle touch, stroking the skin of his jaw. “Am I really that much incapable of having you fear me?” Pausing, Ryou opened his mouth and then closed it again, kneeling down between his legs and pressing up to him. Refraining from trying to shake away from him, Mariku allowed his body to welcome him as much as possible. After all, a host should always be humble to their guest.
“Or is it that you’re scared to believe me? Are you scared that I have succeeded in everything that I’ve said? Are you scared that you do fear me?” His lips replaced his fingers as he moved along his cheek. “This will… be the greatest moment of my life, everything I’ve worked for. I’m going to bend your mind and pick apart at your psyche until Mariku is dead and only Malik remains. I’m going to alter your body as I see fit. Just how your image of me is deformed, I’m going to deform you. Every part of you, every inch… Because your mind is something that should be worshipped. Oh little Malik Ishtar and his split personality… I wonder how long it would take to make him go insane?”
Speaking his words with the lift of made up song, Ryou grabbed at the collar of his cape suddenly, jerking it up so that they were eyelevel and Mariku found it hard to breathe.
“You’ll learn very soon that you have every reason to fear me, pet, and you’ll learn very soon to think over what you say before you say it. I don’t really appreciate you trying to twist my emotions to feel sorry for you. The world has never felt sorry for me, so I don’t think it’d be exactly fair to give those feelings out so easily. You have a long, long way to go until your death, so I think it’d be best for both you and me if you’d just be good and quiet and not talk back.” Hissing, Ryou narrowed his eyes at him this time in anger as he stared down at him. And Mariku did as he said. He stayed absolutely quiet until Ryou threw him back against the hard concrete wall. This…wasn’t…couldn’t be real. Mariku wished desperately to stop feeling, to stop thinking, so that that this really could be a dream as Ryou stood again and picked up the rod. Chest clenching in fear, the feeling was cut short as Ryou pointed it at him.
His body a slave to the rod and its new wielder, Mariku was mocked down to the core of his existence.
How could he feel terror? How could he feel something as human as terror when Mariku was created from such a thing? Why was it that he was able to be shaken to the core with horror as Ryou undid the chains around his middle? Shouldn’t Mariku be able to revel in the emotion? But he was just Malik. Just Malik, had always been Malik, and always would be Malik. There was no one else with him, no Mariku to save him. All that Mariku was was a lie used to comfort himself when he didn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. There was no darker side in him other than his own self. Malik was Mariku. Malik was himself. Mariku was nobody. Malik was born from nothing other than the natural flesh and blood of his mother and father. Terror could be felt because terror was familiar in Malik’s life. This was… just another obstacle. Just another layer on his life as Ryou took his arm out of the tourniquet. Just another obstacle as he lifted him up with effort and moved to lay him on the cold, metal table, strapping his wrists and ankles and thighs down. Terror was able to be felt because it was only true thing that Mariku, Malik had ever known.
Terror was heightened as Ryou left his field of view to come back with a medical saw. He brought no anesthetic.
Plunged in to the world of feeling when the hold of the rod on him was relinquished, Mariku gasped as if he broke the surface of freezing water. And he couldn’t take it. Mariku realized Ryou for the truths he had told. He really, really was going to do this. Everything around him terrified him, the sights, the feelings, the smell. The medical saw, Ryou, the table, the bright, bright light burning into his eyes. The feeling of the table against his back, the feeling of his arm in an illusion of dissatatchment from the rest of his body, the feeling of terror itself. The smell of disinfectant, the smell of still water, the smell of Ryou.
Ryou
Ryou.
Ryou.
He was scared of Ryou. He feared Ryou. He didn’t want Ryou close to him as he hopped up onto the table to straddle his chest. Everything about this room, his situation, his terror was Ryou. Ryou had caused it, Ryou had created it. Ryou and his beautiful face and his beautiful hair and his kind smile. Ryou wasn’t kind. Ryou was an actor, a sadist, a product of the world’s own pollution. Because hadn’t it been the world that had created Ryou this way? Ryou was born innocent just as everyone was. He was not born a torturer. Someone had done this to him, had broken his mind down to make him this way. Mariku understood, Malik understood. Ryou was just like him.
Mariku couldn’t keep his heart rate normal, and it beat so fast that he feared that it would kill him before Ryou did. His breaths were labored and they came in hard, hyperventilating when his wide eyes darted all around the room, settling on the medical saw. It was electric, suspended from the ceiling by a mechanical support arm, and the blade glinted, reflecting the fluorescent light above them. He was scared, like an animal. Ryou was right, he was an animal, cornered, terrified, resigned to death. But an animal fought back. Mariku was not. Mariku couldn’t. Mariku was helpless against his attacker, the predator, as it had stalked him and paralyzed him, dragging him back to its den to devour him.
“Oh, Mariku.” He couldn’t decide if he wanted to fool himself into Ryou’s fake caring, just so that he could be comforted. “Mariku, it’s okay, it’ll all be over soon.”
Mariku knew that Ryou was doing it on purpose, pretending to be concerned as he tenderly stroked the side of his face with his pretty, smooth, pale fingers. His hyperventilation increased as Ryou leaned forward and moved his body back so that he rested on top of him, chest against chest, and head in his hands. He didn’t want to be touched. He wanted to be let go. He wanted this to not be real. It was surreal enough, wasn’t it…?
“Don’t be scared, now isn’t the time to be scared. Mariku, look at me.” He knew that by saying those things, that it would heighten his fear only more with his coupled sweet voice. Turning his head to make him look at him, Mariku furrowed his eyebrows at the sight of his large brown eyes. “It’ll be better after this. I’m going to take good care of you, much better care then how you were before. You don’t need this arm, anyway. What use is it when you don’t write with your left? It’ll make you a better pet, and you’ll always remember me even if I’m not with you. Getting rid of this problem limb will make you perfect.”
Ryou’s hands were soft as they moved down him, touching the sides of his chest where the chains used to restrain him. He wasn’t surprised either as Ryou kissed him softly. But just as Ryou planned, his touches and kisses did nothing more than to heighten his terror. He bucked up against him suddenly, jerking so that Ryou was caught off guard and fell off of him slightly, continuing to thrash even when his touches stopped.
“Get me out of here!” Fuck, he was scared. “Stop this! I give up, I give in! You win, Ryou! Ryou, let me go! Please, please Ryou!!” That had to have been Malik speaking. But Mariku agreed. Now was the time to ignore his pride and to save himself. This was so surreal.
“Do you ever even listen to me!?” Ryou was the one screaming now as he slammed his fist down onto his chest, successfully knocking the breath out of him. “This is the point, Mariku! The point is to show the world that I’m not some fucking little quiet boy, that I know how to hurt!” Mariku had never seen him this angry as he continued to punch him in the chest and face. The punches meant nothing. But his words did. Mariku was finding it harder and harder to try and console himself that Ryou was just lying. “And believe me, I’ll hurt you.”
Mariku believed him, he really did.
Having calmed down enough that Ryou wasn’t screaming, but shaking in anger, he grit his teeth and hopped back up next to him, this time near his hips. Nervous and scared, Mariku’s eyebrows continued to stay furrowed as he looked down at him. He felt like he was going to die. His chest was twisted and clenched and defiled with fear, and nothing that went on before his eyes was steady. It was a haze, a horrible, terror induced haze where nothing but similar feelings could be felt. And it made him feel sick.
“You need to calm down, Mariku.” Ryou’s voice was still slick with anger, and Mariku could feel the way that his shaking slowly began to recede, becoming more calm so that the anger almost left him complete. Almost, but not quite. “I can’t have you protesting and thrashing around when I begin to operate, it would make things too risky, and I need to make clean cuts along your bone and arteries.” Again, that sickness plagued his mind as he heard his words. “I need a way to make you relax, and to keep you still during the operation. A sedative would do quite fine, don’t you think?” Speaking languidly, Ryou moved in a way that mimicked his voice, hopping again off of the table.
Mariku was so confused when he wanted Ryou to come back to him. He hated him, he feared him, like nothing other. But… he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to be alone in a situation like this. Mariku wanted someone to tell him that it would be okay, and to touch him kindly, just like Ryou had. It was okay that he was just mocking his fear when he did so. All he wanted was someone to be there with him, even if it was the person who caused his pain. Without him, Mariku felt alone, isolated on the medical table, small, like he could be easily destroyed. Alone, Mariku felt like Malik.
“Ry-”
“I had planned to go to medical school, you know.” Craning his head, Mariku could faintly see him at the other side of the room, where the counters were, going through different drawers and cupboards. The sound of his voice comforted him just a bit, just a small thing that let him know that he wasn’t alone. Mariku had had enough of being alone… “’Brilliant’, they had said, ‘ a natural’. Even if I was young, I was able to attend college classes in the summer, basic ones, never drabbling in anything for someone of more experience. But I’ve read, I’ve learned, and I’ve studied in my spare time, and in one area in particular.
Amputation and the sedation process interested me very much. I suppose that it was the feeling of power, the knowledge of how to render another person unconscious, unable to help themselves without their consent if I so pleased. And you’ll be my first experiment, and if all goes well, you won’t be the last. When Bakura rightfully steals all the senen items back and I am ruler over humanity, I plan on testing the limits of the human tolerance. How far can I go without killing? But, it’s okay if I fail the first couple of times. I’ll always remember you, though, even when you die.”
Ryou paused, and Mariku’s neck began to cramp, regretful that he had to lay his head back down. Ryou’s words scared him, but it was a different feeling of fear this time. The fear of his seriousness, the idea that he planned to fully go into this, that in his mind, in Ryou’s mind, everything he said made perfect sense, and was completely sane. Ryou was not sane, his words were not things a normal person said. He wasn’t an actor, and he was hell bent on doing exactly as he had told. Ambitious, Ryou would stop at nothing until he achieved his goals. And Mariku despaired. He couldn’t feel his left arm… Looking to the side, Mariku looked at the tourniquet glove that surrounded the junction of his upper arm and shoulder. What would he look like without it…?
“I’ve planned this for a while, Mariku. It was when Bakura handed me over to you, I think, that I knew that it would be Malik who was going to be my pet, who I would practice on. What sort of sedative would I use? Analgesia? Amethocaine? Halothane? Obtundation? All compounds of the basic chemical equation, but there’s one similarity in all of them that I wasn’t fond of; anesthetic. Because you see, Mariku, Malik…I want you to feel everything. I want you to feel the blade as it saws through your arm and tears through your flesh, nerves and arteries cut off. I want you to remember the pain, and remember that it was me that caused it.
…I’m going to use Rocuronium, a type of Neuromuscular-blocking drug, which is adjunct to anesthesia to induce paralysis so that I can operate without you thrashing around and ruining my work. And, my personal attraction to the drug: the patients are still aware of pain even after full conduction block has occurred. You’ll feel everything, see everything, hear everything as the Rocuronium enters your blood stream, and you’ll be helpless to do anything to stop me from amputating.” And Ryou appeared in his area of vision, smiling down at him with his twisted amusement, needle in hand.
“R-Ry-…” He was Malik as he hyperventilated and felt his terrified body and mind freeze up. “N-Not a needle, put it away. G-Get it away from me, this isn’t real, this isn’t real-!” Squeezing his eyes shut, Malik shook his head from side to side, choking on his own terror, it suffocating him, taking his body over so that it was the only thing left to feel, and Malik wanted to die. Die here and now on the cold, metal table, and not have to feel what Ryou planned on doing to him. C-Cut his arm off? It…would be worse then the initiation. C-cut his arm off and keep him as his pet, his slave? Mariku’s life, Malik’s life would mean nothing. He would have been born for nothing, and the pharaoh would never be part of his mind again.
Ryou shushed him as his voice rose and his desperation increased, smiling in wicked amusement at his abject terror. Nothing that his mind told his body to do seemed to be working. His mind told his body to run and kill Ryou and save himself, to hide his face in his hands and sob. But his body disobeyed, and only listened to the straps holding him down and keeping him from doing such things. And still, a part of him refused to believe that what was happening was real, even as Ryou turned his left arm facing up and wiped an alcohol covered swab over the inside of his elbow, leaning over to kiss him after.
“You’re going to do just fine, and I’ll be quick, I promise. It won’t be so terrible. I plan on giving you pleasure before I give you pain.”
It was his last chance to save himself as Ryou lifted the needle up to the fluorescent light and tapped it to settle the drug, getting it ready to enter his arm. It was his last chance to save himself, his last chance, his last chance…! He screamed, he kicked, he thrashed, but it still did nothing. He sobbed and begged and pleaded, scratching at the table with his fingernails, kicking the heel of his foot down, but still it did nothing. Nothing he did helped him. Nothing he could do could save himself from Ryou as he smiled down at him. Mariku couldn’t save him this time. Mariku had saved him from his life in the dark, had let him come into the light, but Mariku couldn’t save him now. And Mariku realized this, and Mariku was gone. It was only Malik now. He was left to face what was happening to him. Alone. Alone.
“Everything will be okay, I promise. The drug will help settle your fear.”
Fear, Fear? This went beyond fear. This was Malik being stripped from everything he had, everything he ever was and anything he ever could have been. This was Malik being reduced to the animal he was, struggling for life. Life, the basic foundation of…everything. And Ryou was going to take it from him. There were no words to describe what he was feeling. It was not something as easy as fear.
“I’m going to make you perfect.”
A cold, prickling sensation at the inside of his elbow, and Malik didn’t have time to scream again as Ryou pushed the needle into his arm, a beautiful pathway to his vein, where the drug entered him. And he was still, then. But not because of the drug, but because it…had started. He had done it.
Ryou had never been lying.
“See, Malik, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Ryou was quick to dispose of the needle and move back to him, lifting himself onto the table to sit next to him, stroking his face. “Like I said, scream for a more appropriate time.” Malik’s tongue felt heavy and flat against the bottom of his mouth. Maybe that was the drug… A wretched whimper was all he could manage, and Malik despaired when it not only displayed everything that he was feeling, but Ryou laughed at it. A cruel, mocking, harsh laugh. Ryou laughed at him, at everything he was, and at everything he had done to try and save himself. Ryou laughed at him.
“I’m going to enjoy you so much.” Making a pleased noise when Malik did not resist, Ryou leaned over him and kissed him on the lips. It was a soft thing, but what it portrayed was the opposite. Ryou was right when he said that he could feel anything but do nothing about it, stuck in a position of suspended animation, paralysis, as he moved his tongue into his mouth. Malik could feel that as it played with his own. Ryou tasted innocent.
Moving away after a while to let him breathe, Ryou looked at him oddly, and again, Malik despaired. “I was worried that since the Rocuronium is a form of neuromuscular block, it may have paralyzed the muscles required for breathing, and I would have to use mechanical ventilation to maintain adequate respiration. But it seems you’re breathing fine on your own, so I can continue with my…plans.” Kissing him again softly, Ryou moved down to his hips where he had been briefly before.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”
Malik was confused as Ryou began to unbutton his pants, throwing his belt to the side where it landed with a dull thud. He wanted to yell for him to stop whatever he was doing, to jerk away from his fingers as they slid underneath the top of his underwear; but he couldn’t. Ryou smiled up at him, keeping his eyes locked on his own as he unstrapped his ankles and pulled his pants and underwear down, leaving his bottom half cold and naked on the unforgiving metal table. Slightly, Malik understood. But…why? Why would he do that to him? Nobody had ever done anything like that to him before. Mariku- no, Malik was confused.
“Another perk of this drug is that, if stimulated, it will heighten sexual desire.” His eyes were narrowed again and his horrible, horrible smile was present as he moved down to between his legs. Like always, his skin was smooth and his touch was gentle as he groped his legs, stroking the insides of his thighs, and Malik was transfixed by him. Wanting to object, Malik was scared to have Ryou’s mouth so close to such an…important part of himself as he kissed slowly up the inside of his leg. A strangled sob left his mouth. Pathetic.
“You shouldn’t be so adverse to this, Mariku, Malik. You should take pleasure when it’s given to you. I won’t be doing this very often in the future, after all. It will your job to pleasure me, so accept this and relax.” His breathing shallow, Malik was horrified as Ryou took him into his mouth. He didn’t understand… Ryou wanted to hurt him, so…why? He didn’t want his mouth around him. Would he bite? Was that why? All that was left to do was to lay his head back onto the metal table and wait for it to be over, for everything to be over. He just wanted his life back.
It did feel good, Ryou’s mouth, and Malik pined for his touch and attention in such a horrible situation, comforted when he could feel him near him, against him. His mouth was talented, wet and hot and- maybe he should listen to what Ryou had said. Maybe he should just accept this, hold onto it. Because this wasn’t hurting him. This felt…good.
Ryou’s tongue felt good as it curled around the head of his growing erection, teasing him just a bit as his hand gently squeezed the base. The question of whether Ryou had done this before came to his mind. To who, when? It wasn’t thought of much as Ryou began to suck on him, coaxing him to reach full hardness, Malik gasping when the tip of his penis hit the back of his throat. He was right again when he said that the drug had affected him, reaching erection much sooner then he did with his own hands. He hadn’t done it often, or for very long, but Malik had masturbated before, and, god, it was nothing in comparison to what Ryou was doing now.
Humming a bit, Ryou continued to suck and pump him up and down, Malik’s breaths coming in shorter and shorter and leaving longer and longer. He didn’t want to like this, to like what Ryou was doing. He shouldn’t like this. It was sick. Ryou would be the person who would kill him in the end, who was killing him now as the drug pulsed through his body. Ryou terrified him, petrified him, and who had, and would, hurt him to the point where the part of Mariku was gone, and only Malik remained. He was going to amputate his arm, keep him as his slave, his pet, and yet… Ryou had worked him to the point where he wished that he could thrust up into his mouth.
Everything slurred together as Ryou’s mouth continued to stay on him, sucking and licking and doing every other little thing that he seemed so talented at. Malik panted, feeling helpless as he couldn’t even beg for Ryou to stop, to leave him alone, and to not let him finish. Malik didn’t want to reach climax. It would be admitting his helplessness. But if things went the way he wanted, he would be out of the horrible white room, away from Ryou and his crazed smile, and the Pharaoh would be dead, his life having meaning once again. Bobbing his head up and down upon him, Ryou shifted so that he lifted one of Malik’s legs over his shoulder. Again confused, Malik could do nothing to protest as Ryou slid a finger into him where his fingers should never go. It didn’t hurt necessarily, and it was uncomfortable, but Ryou’s mouth distracted him as it did something different, tongue moving to a new place.
Moving his finger out, Ryou thrust it back in so that it reached the knuckle, humming again to distract him from the uncomfortable feeling. Choking a little, Malik could do nothing but endure it, moaning when he was sucked and licked and stroked. He cried out, furrowing his eyebrows, wanting to be away, for it to be over as he felt himself start to reach orgasm. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want this! Ryou’s mouth felt too good…
Moaning when he felt Ryou pause, no longer sucking and touching him, Malik ached to thrust up into his mouth, and moaned again when is mouth left him in want. He had been close, too… Unable to look anywhere else but up, Malik’s eyes widened when he saw Ryou above him, looking down at him, hand on the medical saw. He was transfixed then in horrible, aching, muted terror, knowing what Ryou was doing, and time went slow then. He could feel his heart beat like he was an actor in a movie, the film slowed down so that every movement he made was elongated and drawn out. Th…um…pp,…th…um…pp,…th…um…p p… He was so scared. Malik no longer felt pleasure. A twisted smile, and Ryou flipped the switch up.
There was a gentle whirring as the machine slowly came to life, and Malik could not tear his eyes from it. Not noticing when Ryou left his area of vision, Malik only gasped lightly when he felt his mouth around him again, as if he had never left. But even his strokes and sucks and licks could do nothing to keep his attention away from the saw as Malik watched in something more than terror as the blade slowly began to turn above him. The light glinted off of it, reflecting on every tooth of the saw as it turned faster and faster, warming up. Warming up for the task ahead of it. Malik felt sick. Physically sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to rid himself of the feeling of more than terror. He wanted everything to end.
The machine reaching full speed as the blade whirred and turned, Malik was reminded of Ryou’s talents and presence as he felt heat beginning to pool in his abdomen, leaving him delirious and terrified, the feelings mixing into one horrible sensation as Ryou sucked harder and pumped him faster. He was terrified he was terrified he was terrified he didn’t want to come. Sobs left his mouth in a desperate plea to be let go, to not finalize what he had started, but were drowned out by the sound of the medical saw above him. Malik was helpless to defend himself as Ryou sucked hard one last time and felt the heat that had accumulated inside him reach it’s limit, cumming hard inside his mouth, Ryou swallowing all of it.
Orgasm took him over and left him blind and vulnerable to the world. It hazed over his mind as his muscles contracted and relaxed, breathing suddenly slower. Orgasm was like Mariku. It lied to him, gave him false hope. Mariku was everything Malik could not be; lies. Orgasm made everything okay; lies. Mariku could save him from anything; lies. Orgasm kept him safe for even just a brief moment; lies. Lies. Everything lied to him. Everything lied to him. Except Ryou.
Ryou had never lied to him.
Ryou had told him the truth.
Ryou kept his word.
Ryou was honest.
Ryou was the only truth Malik had left.
“R-Ryou…” Malik didn’t understand that he was able to talk. He repeated his name when he didn’t feel Ryou next to him, starting to panic a little. “R-Ryou-…!” He wanted Ryou to hold him. He wanted Ryou to tell him that everything was okay, that he wouldn’t hurt him. Malik didn’t want to feel so alone and scared, because…Malik knew what would happen next. He needed Ryou’s soft hands to hold him and touch him and comfort him. The cold operating table was no substitute, and the only thing that held him were the straps restraining his limbs.
“I must not have used enough of the drug.” Too tired to do anything other than lay quietly, Malik sobbed when he felt Ryou’s hand on his forehead and his voice above him. Above him, near the-… “It’s no matter, I’ll just have to move quickly so you don’t start regaining more control over your body.” He heard a click. Malik was more then scared to open his eyes. His body was tired, but his body was able to hyperventilate and his mind was able to process more then fear. There was a short kiss to his cheek, and hands removed the tourniquet around his arm, a numbing sensation shooting throughout his body from the pivoting point of his shoulder.
“Now would be the appropriate time to scream.”
Snapping his eyes open at his words, nothing came out of his mouth at first when he saw Ryou above him and next to him, the saw centimeters away from his arm. But the screams came in supple supply as he moved only a short amount, and the first, sharp tooth of the blade tore into his skin and ripped it off of him and through his flesh.
There was no word to describe what he felt as the saw cut through his nerves, tearing them, mutilating him, deforming him. It tore through everything. Skin, bone, arteries, tissue, muscle… it was an orchestra of pain, humming with deep bass and trembling with piercing treble. But there was no build up. It was all climax, forte. Blood splattered against the side of his face, gushing out of his arm and soaking his clothes. It was everywhere, everything, just like the pain. The pain was his world, everything he knew, and the only thing he could comprehend. And just like the more then fear, this was more than pain.
No words adequate.
He couldn’t hear himself scream, couldn’t hear his own voice as he desperately tried to portray everything he was feeling, but the boundaries of physical limit wouldn’t let him, so he was forced to merely…scream. Malik could feel little bits of his flesh and skin torn from his arm splatter over him, blood covering him. Ryou had gone to no lengths to make sure that he wouldn’t be messy with the operation.
Horrible, aching, piercing pain was felt when the saw reached the first nerve. The more then pain was something physical as it hazed over his mind. Pain was to alert the brain to what was happening at that specific part of the body, and Malik hated it. He knew what was happening, all too well. Starting to be unable to cope with the pain, Malik started to become lightheaded as the saw hit bone, halfway over. His screams, the pain, the drug, blood loss… they all contributed, and Malik wished for more than anything to faint. But even in the most helpless point of his life, Malik couldn’t save himself.
Malik didn’t know how long it went on, how long he continued to scream, or how long he was tortured beyond human comprehension. All he knew was the pain as it numbed his body so that it was all he could think of and live. Malik lived pain. He could feel the blood gushing out of his arm, wanting Ryou to save him.
Ryou…
Ryou who had done this to him.
Ryou had killed him.
“I-I don’t want to die!!” Were his words even recognizable through his more then pain?
“Then don’t.” Ryou…
“Save me! Help me, Ryou! Don’t let me die!” If he didn’t stop bleeding, he would die…
“You have to…pull off the…ah-… clamp yourself.” Ryou’s voice was heavy and strained, and Malik was confused through his haze of more then pain. The clamp…
The clamp had been connected to his nerve ending to keep the blood flow going. His nerve… Malik could not imagine the pain that would happen when he took it off. If he could take it off. M-Malik couldn’t do it, he couldn’t save himself. He was too tired, too light headed. Malik was going to die.
Malik didn’t want to die. Malik couldn’t die. Malik had to live.
It was the hardest thing he had ever done in his entire life when he slowly sat up. It was harder then when he had created Mariku and killed his father, harder then when he had lived through his initiation, harder then when he had dueled Yami no Yuugi through the rod, harder then the battle within himself with Mariku. The pain was like a wave as it washed over him again, making him scream in absolute agony with every little move he made, hardly noticing the tears of pain that had been spilling out of his eyes.
Moving with shaky limbs and a deteriorating consciousness, Malik saw Ryou. And again, Malik wished desperately to be sick. Sitting near his waist, Ryou held his arm, the arm he had cut off of him, and used his own hand, the one that he had had ever since he was born to masturbate with. He used his hand as he moved it up and down his erection, blood splattering from the end with every thrust of his hips and every movement of his hand. Drenched in blood, Ryou was almost unrecognizable as he looked at him with his young eyes. There was nothing young about Ryou as he suddenly gave his twisted grin and threw his head back and laughed, coming all over himself and the arm he had cut off of him.
Unable to watch any longer, Malik grit his teeth together and reached to his side, screaming louder as he moved his fingers over his open wound, flesh, muscle, tissue, bone… searching for the clamp. The touch of plastic against his fingers, Malik ripped it from his nerve. Almost immediately, his body spasmed, and then became suddenly lax, Malik giving into unconsciousness. He had tried to save himself, and maybe this time, he had been successful. But his life was in Ryou’s hands, now. He had done all he could. Whether he lived or died wasn’t up to him.
Ryou had spoke the truth.
Ciao.
---
“…Ryou?̶ 1;
Mariku’s chest felt heavy, an invisible weight inside of him that clenched up and made his heart beat faster. The joke needed to be over, now. It wasn’t funny anymore. Mariku’s laughs had stopped after the words last spoken. Ryou gave him so many new feelings… this one, he supposed, could be described as hopelessness. …But he was Mariku Ishtar, he couldn’t feel anything like that, he wasn’t helpless.
Ryou looked almost giddy when he replied. “…Mariku?” He mocked him in the same soft tone he had used. It was not right as Ryou grinned, showing his teeth, rubbing up all over his body and kissing his neck; Mariku wasn’t someone who should be kissed, and at the very least, not in this situation. His touches seemed desperate as he moved his hands over him, as if there was not time to memorize every part of him. And Mariku wished there wasn’t.
“Ryou… This isn’t funny anymore.” Mariku felt sick as Ryou moved off of him to stand up, smiling in that twisted way. Panicking when he began to leave him, Mariku became more desperate in his words to keep Ryou with him, and not off to finalize his plan. “Ryou, Ryou listen to me. R-Ryou, come over here. Please, Ryou, please come over here.” God… he even sounded pathetic to himself. He couldn’t help the waver in his voice. Please… had that word ever left his mouth before?
“Do you still think this is a joke, even now?” His back was turned to him, fluorescent light cast over his shoulders, accenting the folds on his striped shirt. There was something a bit melancholy how he stood in front of him, as if Mariku could pick apart at him until he found the reason of his actions if he tried hard enough. His hands were lax, palms facing inward, and the harder he looked at him, the less insane he seemed. Just a boy lost in his own delusional fantasies to find the world of reality crash around him. Was he regretting what he planned to do, what Mariku prayed to any divine being listening was a lie?
“I’m not laughing, Ryou.” He was sure to make his voice as quiet as possible, to make himself as submissive as possible, even if it hurt his pride. Mariku would rather have that die then himself. “Come back to me, please, just talk this out with me. Please, Ryou, I know you won’t do this, and I can help you, I promise.” Was that Malik talking, or himself? Mariku felt lost here… as if he was disappearing and leaving his mind with only the original personality, the original Malik.
He heard a laugh, a soft chuckle, and Ryou turned to look at him over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed in what Mariku hoped was amusement. Glancing away with a small smile upon his lips to the medical table, he turned all the way back towards him. Reaching out with one hand, his fingers were soft as they trailed along his chin to hold his head in place. His touch made Mariku shiver with feeling. Everything about Ryou made him feel, physically and mentally.
“Why do you believe that I won’t hurt you, Mariku?” He was a master of sadism as he spoke with his gentle voice and his gentle touch, stroking the skin of his jaw. “Am I really that much incapable of having you fear me?” Pausing, Ryou opened his mouth and then closed it again, kneeling down between his legs and pressing up to him. Refraining from trying to shake away from him, Mariku allowed his body to welcome him as much as possible. After all, a host should always be humble to their guest.
“Or is it that you’re scared to believe me? Are you scared that I have succeeded in everything that I’ve said? Are you scared that you do fear me?” His lips replaced his fingers as he moved along his cheek. “This will… be the greatest moment of my life, everything I’ve worked for. I’m going to bend your mind and pick apart at your psyche until Mariku is dead and only Malik remains. I’m going to alter your body as I see fit. Just how your image of me is deformed, I’m going to deform you. Every part of you, every inch… Because your mind is something that should be worshipped. Oh little Malik Ishtar and his split personality… I wonder how long it would take to make him go insane?”
Speaking his words with the lift of made up song, Ryou grabbed at the collar of his cape suddenly, jerking it up so that they were eyelevel and Mariku found it hard to breathe.
“You’ll learn very soon that you have every reason to fear me, pet, and you’ll learn very soon to think over what you say before you say it. I don’t really appreciate you trying to twist my emotions to feel sorry for you. The world has never felt sorry for me, so I don’t think it’d be exactly fair to give those feelings out so easily. You have a long, long way to go until your death, so I think it’d be best for both you and me if you’d just be good and quiet and not talk back.” Hissing, Ryou narrowed his eyes at him this time in anger as he stared down at him. And Mariku did as he said. He stayed absolutely quiet until Ryou threw him back against the hard concrete wall. This…wasn’t…couldn’t be real. Mariku wished desperately to stop feeling, to stop thinking, so that that this really could be a dream as Ryou stood again and picked up the rod. Chest clenching in fear, the feeling was cut short as Ryou pointed it at him.
His body a slave to the rod and its new wielder, Mariku was mocked down to the core of his existence.
How could he feel terror? How could he feel something as human as terror when Mariku was created from such a thing? Why was it that he was able to be shaken to the core with horror as Ryou undid the chains around his middle? Shouldn’t Mariku be able to revel in the emotion? But he was just Malik. Just Malik, had always been Malik, and always would be Malik. There was no one else with him, no Mariku to save him. All that Mariku was was a lie used to comfort himself when he didn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. There was no darker side in him other than his own self. Malik was Mariku. Malik was himself. Mariku was nobody. Malik was born from nothing other than the natural flesh and blood of his mother and father. Terror could be felt because terror was familiar in Malik’s life. This was… just another obstacle. Just another layer on his life as Ryou took his arm out of the tourniquet. Just another obstacle as he lifted him up with effort and moved to lay him on the cold, metal table, strapping his wrists and ankles and thighs down. Terror was able to be felt because it was only true thing that Mariku, Malik had ever known.
Terror was heightened as Ryou left his field of view to come back with a medical saw. He brought no anesthetic.
Plunged in to the world of feeling when the hold of the rod on him was relinquished, Mariku gasped as if he broke the surface of freezing water. And he couldn’t take it. Mariku realized Ryou for the truths he had told. He really, really was going to do this. Everything around him terrified him, the sights, the feelings, the smell. The medical saw, Ryou, the table, the bright, bright light burning into his eyes. The feeling of the table against his back, the feeling of his arm in an illusion of dissatatchment from the rest of his body, the feeling of terror itself. The smell of disinfectant, the smell of still water, the smell of Ryou.
Ryou
Ryou.
Ryou.
He was scared of Ryou. He feared Ryou. He didn’t want Ryou close to him as he hopped up onto the table to straddle his chest. Everything about this room, his situation, his terror was Ryou. Ryou had caused it, Ryou had created it. Ryou and his beautiful face and his beautiful hair and his kind smile. Ryou wasn’t kind. Ryou was an actor, a sadist, a product of the world’s own pollution. Because hadn’t it been the world that had created Ryou this way? Ryou was born innocent just as everyone was. He was not born a torturer. Someone had done this to him, had broken his mind down to make him this way. Mariku understood, Malik understood. Ryou was just like him.
Mariku couldn’t keep his heart rate normal, and it beat so fast that he feared that it would kill him before Ryou did. His breaths were labored and they came in hard, hyperventilating when his wide eyes darted all around the room, settling on the medical saw. It was electric, suspended from the ceiling by a mechanical support arm, and the blade glinted, reflecting the fluorescent light above them. He was scared, like an animal. Ryou was right, he was an animal, cornered, terrified, resigned to death. But an animal fought back. Mariku was not. Mariku couldn’t. Mariku was helpless against his attacker, the predator, as it had stalked him and paralyzed him, dragging him back to its den to devour him.
“Oh, Mariku.” He couldn’t decide if he wanted to fool himself into Ryou’s fake caring, just so that he could be comforted. “Mariku, it’s okay, it’ll all be over soon.”
Mariku knew that Ryou was doing it on purpose, pretending to be concerned as he tenderly stroked the side of his face with his pretty, smooth, pale fingers. His hyperventilation increased as Ryou leaned forward and moved his body back so that he rested on top of him, chest against chest, and head in his hands. He didn’t want to be touched. He wanted to be let go. He wanted this to not be real. It was surreal enough, wasn’t it…?
“Don’t be scared, now isn’t the time to be scared. Mariku, look at me.” He knew that by saying those things, that it would heighten his fear only more with his coupled sweet voice. Turning his head to make him look at him, Mariku furrowed his eyebrows at the sight of his large brown eyes. “It’ll be better after this. I’m going to take good care of you, much better care then how you were before. You don’t need this arm, anyway. What use is it when you don’t write with your left? It’ll make you a better pet, and you’ll always remember me even if I’m not with you. Getting rid of this problem limb will make you perfect.”
Ryou’s hands were soft as they moved down him, touching the sides of his chest where the chains used to restrain him. He wasn’t surprised either as Ryou kissed him softly. But just as Ryou planned, his touches and kisses did nothing more than to heighten his terror. He bucked up against him suddenly, jerking so that Ryou was caught off guard and fell off of him slightly, continuing to thrash even when his touches stopped.
“Get me out of here!” Fuck, he was scared. “Stop this! I give up, I give in! You win, Ryou! Ryou, let me go! Please, please Ryou!!” That had to have been Malik speaking. But Mariku agreed. Now was the time to ignore his pride and to save himself. This was so surreal.
“Do you ever even listen to me!?” Ryou was the one screaming now as he slammed his fist down onto his chest, successfully knocking the breath out of him. “This is the point, Mariku! The point is to show the world that I’m not some fucking little quiet boy, that I know how to hurt!” Mariku had never seen him this angry as he continued to punch him in the chest and face. The punches meant nothing. But his words did. Mariku was finding it harder and harder to try and console himself that Ryou was just lying. “And believe me, I’ll hurt you.”
Mariku believed him, he really did.
Having calmed down enough that Ryou wasn’t screaming, but shaking in anger, he grit his teeth and hopped back up next to him, this time near his hips. Nervous and scared, Mariku’s eyebrows continued to stay furrowed as he looked down at him. He felt like he was going to die. His chest was twisted and clenched and defiled with fear, and nothing that went on before his eyes was steady. It was a haze, a horrible, terror induced haze where nothing but similar feelings could be felt. And it made him feel sick.
“You need to calm down, Mariku.” Ryou’s voice was still slick with anger, and Mariku could feel the way that his shaking slowly began to recede, becoming more calm so that the anger almost left him complete. Almost, but not quite. “I can’t have you protesting and thrashing around when I begin to operate, it would make things too risky, and I need to make clean cuts along your bone and arteries.” Again, that sickness plagued his mind as he heard his words. “I need a way to make you relax, and to keep you still during the operation. A sedative would do quite fine, don’t you think?” Speaking languidly, Ryou moved in a way that mimicked his voice, hopping again off of the table.
Mariku was so confused when he wanted Ryou to come back to him. He hated him, he feared him, like nothing other. But… he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to be alone in a situation like this. Mariku wanted someone to tell him that it would be okay, and to touch him kindly, just like Ryou had. It was okay that he was just mocking his fear when he did so. All he wanted was someone to be there with him, even if it was the person who caused his pain. Without him, Mariku felt alone, isolated on the medical table, small, like he could be easily destroyed. Alone, Mariku felt like Malik.
“Ry-”
“I had planned to go to medical school, you know.” Craning his head, Mariku could faintly see him at the other side of the room, where the counters were, going through different drawers and cupboards. The sound of his voice comforted him just a bit, just a small thing that let him know that he wasn’t alone. Mariku had had enough of being alone… “’Brilliant’, they had said, ‘ a natural’. Even if I was young, I was able to attend college classes in the summer, basic ones, never drabbling in anything for someone of more experience. But I’ve read, I’ve learned, and I’ve studied in my spare time, and in one area in particular.
Amputation and the sedation process interested me very much. I suppose that it was the feeling of power, the knowledge of how to render another person unconscious, unable to help themselves without their consent if I so pleased. And you’ll be my first experiment, and if all goes well, you won’t be the last. When Bakura rightfully steals all the senen items back and I am ruler over humanity, I plan on testing the limits of the human tolerance. How far can I go without killing? But, it’s okay if I fail the first couple of times. I’ll always remember you, though, even when you die.”
Ryou paused, and Mariku’s neck began to cramp, regretful that he had to lay his head back down. Ryou’s words scared him, but it was a different feeling of fear this time. The fear of his seriousness, the idea that he planned to fully go into this, that in his mind, in Ryou’s mind, everything he said made perfect sense, and was completely sane. Ryou was not sane, his words were not things a normal person said. He wasn’t an actor, and he was hell bent on doing exactly as he had told. Ambitious, Ryou would stop at nothing until he achieved his goals. And Mariku despaired. He couldn’t feel his left arm… Looking to the side, Mariku looked at the tourniquet glove that surrounded the junction of his upper arm and shoulder. What would he look like without it…?
“I’ve planned this for a while, Mariku. It was when Bakura handed me over to you, I think, that I knew that it would be Malik who was going to be my pet, who I would practice on. What sort of sedative would I use? Analgesia? Amethocaine? Halothane? Obtundation? All compounds of the basic chemical equation, but there’s one similarity in all of them that I wasn’t fond of; anesthetic. Because you see, Mariku, Malik…I want you to feel everything. I want you to feel the blade as it saws through your arm and tears through your flesh, nerves and arteries cut off. I want you to remember the pain, and remember that it was me that caused it.
…I’m going to use Rocuronium, a type of Neuromuscular-blocking drug, which is adjunct to anesthesia to induce paralysis so that I can operate without you thrashing around and ruining my work. And, my personal attraction to the drug: the patients are still aware of pain even after full conduction block has occurred. You’ll feel everything, see everything, hear everything as the Rocuronium enters your blood stream, and you’ll be helpless to do anything to stop me from amputating.” And Ryou appeared in his area of vision, smiling down at him with his twisted amusement, needle in hand.
“R-Ry-…” He was Malik as he hyperventilated and felt his terrified body and mind freeze up. “N-Not a needle, put it away. G-Get it away from me, this isn’t real, this isn’t real-!” Squeezing his eyes shut, Malik shook his head from side to side, choking on his own terror, it suffocating him, taking his body over so that it was the only thing left to feel, and Malik wanted to die. Die here and now on the cold, metal table, and not have to feel what Ryou planned on doing to him. C-Cut his arm off? It…would be worse then the initiation. C-cut his arm off and keep him as his pet, his slave? Mariku’s life, Malik’s life would mean nothing. He would have been born for nothing, and the pharaoh would never be part of his mind again.
Ryou shushed him as his voice rose and his desperation increased, smiling in wicked amusement at his abject terror. Nothing that his mind told his body to do seemed to be working. His mind told his body to run and kill Ryou and save himself, to hide his face in his hands and sob. But his body disobeyed, and only listened to the straps holding him down and keeping him from doing such things. And still, a part of him refused to believe that what was happening was real, even as Ryou turned his left arm facing up and wiped an alcohol covered swab over the inside of his elbow, leaning over to kiss him after.
“You’re going to do just fine, and I’ll be quick, I promise. It won’t be so terrible. I plan on giving you pleasure before I give you pain.”
It was his last chance to save himself as Ryou lifted the needle up to the fluorescent light and tapped it to settle the drug, getting it ready to enter his arm. It was his last chance to save himself, his last chance, his last chance…! He screamed, he kicked, he thrashed, but it still did nothing. He sobbed and begged and pleaded, scratching at the table with his fingernails, kicking the heel of his foot down, but still it did nothing. Nothing he did helped him. Nothing he could do could save himself from Ryou as he smiled down at him. Mariku couldn’t save him this time. Mariku had saved him from his life in the dark, had let him come into the light, but Mariku couldn’t save him now. And Mariku realized this, and Mariku was gone. It was only Malik now. He was left to face what was happening to him. Alone. Alone.
“Everything will be okay, I promise. The drug will help settle your fear.”
Fear, Fear? This went beyond fear. This was Malik being stripped from everything he had, everything he ever was and anything he ever could have been. This was Malik being reduced to the animal he was, struggling for life. Life, the basic foundation of…everything. And Ryou was going to take it from him. There were no words to describe what he was feeling. It was not something as easy as fear.
“I’m going to make you perfect.”
A cold, prickling sensation at the inside of his elbow, and Malik didn’t have time to scream again as Ryou pushed the needle into his arm, a beautiful pathway to his vein, where the drug entered him. And he was still, then. But not because of the drug, but because it…had started. He had done it.
Ryou had never been lying.
“See, Malik, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Ryou was quick to dispose of the needle and move back to him, lifting himself onto the table to sit next to him, stroking his face. “Like I said, scream for a more appropriate time.” Malik’s tongue felt heavy and flat against the bottom of his mouth. Maybe that was the drug… A wretched whimper was all he could manage, and Malik despaired when it not only displayed everything that he was feeling, but Ryou laughed at it. A cruel, mocking, harsh laugh. Ryou laughed at him, at everything he was, and at everything he had done to try and save himself. Ryou laughed at him.
“I’m going to enjoy you so much.” Making a pleased noise when Malik did not resist, Ryou leaned over him and kissed him on the lips. It was a soft thing, but what it portrayed was the opposite. Ryou was right when he said that he could feel anything but do nothing about it, stuck in a position of suspended animation, paralysis, as he moved his tongue into his mouth. Malik could feel that as it played with his own. Ryou tasted innocent.
Moving away after a while to let him breathe, Ryou looked at him oddly, and again, Malik despaired. “I was worried that since the Rocuronium is a form of neuromuscular block, it may have paralyzed the muscles required for breathing, and I would have to use mechanical ventilation to maintain adequate respiration. But it seems you’re breathing fine on your own, so I can continue with my…plans.” Kissing him again softly, Ryou moved down to his hips where he had been briefly before.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”
Malik was confused as Ryou began to unbutton his pants, throwing his belt to the side where it landed with a dull thud. He wanted to yell for him to stop whatever he was doing, to jerk away from his fingers as they slid underneath the top of his underwear; but he couldn’t. Ryou smiled up at him, keeping his eyes locked on his own as he unstrapped his ankles and pulled his pants and underwear down, leaving his bottom half cold and naked on the unforgiving metal table. Slightly, Malik understood. But…why? Why would he do that to him? Nobody had ever done anything like that to him before. Mariku- no, Malik was confused.
“Another perk of this drug is that, if stimulated, it will heighten sexual desire.” His eyes were narrowed again and his horrible, horrible smile was present as he moved down to between his legs. Like always, his skin was smooth and his touch was gentle as he groped his legs, stroking the insides of his thighs, and Malik was transfixed by him. Wanting to object, Malik was scared to have Ryou’s mouth so close to such an…important part of himself as he kissed slowly up the inside of his leg. A strangled sob left his mouth. Pathetic.
“You shouldn’t be so adverse to this, Mariku, Malik. You should take pleasure when it’s given to you. I won’t be doing this very often in the future, after all. It will your job to pleasure me, so accept this and relax.” His breathing shallow, Malik was horrified as Ryou took him into his mouth. He didn’t understand… Ryou wanted to hurt him, so…why? He didn’t want his mouth around him. Would he bite? Was that why? All that was left to do was to lay his head back onto the metal table and wait for it to be over, for everything to be over. He just wanted his life back.
It did feel good, Ryou’s mouth, and Malik pined for his touch and attention in such a horrible situation, comforted when he could feel him near him, against him. His mouth was talented, wet and hot and- maybe he should listen to what Ryou had said. Maybe he should just accept this, hold onto it. Because this wasn’t hurting him. This felt…good.
Ryou’s tongue felt good as it curled around the head of his growing erection, teasing him just a bit as his hand gently squeezed the base. The question of whether Ryou had done this before came to his mind. To who, when? It wasn’t thought of much as Ryou began to suck on him, coaxing him to reach full hardness, Malik gasping when the tip of his penis hit the back of his throat. He was right again when he said that the drug had affected him, reaching erection much sooner then he did with his own hands. He hadn’t done it often, or for very long, but Malik had masturbated before, and, god, it was nothing in comparison to what Ryou was doing now.
Humming a bit, Ryou continued to suck and pump him up and down, Malik’s breaths coming in shorter and shorter and leaving longer and longer. He didn’t want to like this, to like what Ryou was doing. He shouldn’t like this. It was sick. Ryou would be the person who would kill him in the end, who was killing him now as the drug pulsed through his body. Ryou terrified him, petrified him, and who had, and would, hurt him to the point where the part of Mariku was gone, and only Malik remained. He was going to amputate his arm, keep him as his slave, his pet, and yet… Ryou had worked him to the point where he wished that he could thrust up into his mouth.
Everything slurred together as Ryou’s mouth continued to stay on him, sucking and licking and doing every other little thing that he seemed so talented at. Malik panted, feeling helpless as he couldn’t even beg for Ryou to stop, to leave him alone, and to not let him finish. Malik didn’t want to reach climax. It would be admitting his helplessness. But if things went the way he wanted, he would be out of the horrible white room, away from Ryou and his crazed smile, and the Pharaoh would be dead, his life having meaning once again. Bobbing his head up and down upon him, Ryou shifted so that he lifted one of Malik’s legs over his shoulder. Again confused, Malik could do nothing to protest as Ryou slid a finger into him where his fingers should never go. It didn’t hurt necessarily, and it was uncomfortable, but Ryou’s mouth distracted him as it did something different, tongue moving to a new place.
Moving his finger out, Ryou thrust it back in so that it reached the knuckle, humming again to distract him from the uncomfortable feeling. Choking a little, Malik could do nothing but endure it, moaning when he was sucked and licked and stroked. He cried out, furrowing his eyebrows, wanting to be away, for it to be over as he felt himself start to reach orgasm. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want this! Ryou’s mouth felt too good…
Moaning when he felt Ryou pause, no longer sucking and touching him, Malik ached to thrust up into his mouth, and moaned again when is mouth left him in want. He had been close, too… Unable to look anywhere else but up, Malik’s eyes widened when he saw Ryou above him, looking down at him, hand on the medical saw. He was transfixed then in horrible, aching, muted terror, knowing what Ryou was doing, and time went slow then. He could feel his heart beat like he was an actor in a movie, the film slowed down so that every movement he made was elongated and drawn out. Th…um…pp,…th…um…pp,…th…um…p p… He was so scared. Malik no longer felt pleasure. A twisted smile, and Ryou flipped the switch up.
There was a gentle whirring as the machine slowly came to life, and Malik could not tear his eyes from it. Not noticing when Ryou left his area of vision, Malik only gasped lightly when he felt his mouth around him again, as if he had never left. But even his strokes and sucks and licks could do nothing to keep his attention away from the saw as Malik watched in something more than terror as the blade slowly began to turn above him. The light glinted off of it, reflecting on every tooth of the saw as it turned faster and faster, warming up. Warming up for the task ahead of it. Malik felt sick. Physically sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to rid himself of the feeling of more than terror. He wanted everything to end.
The machine reaching full speed as the blade whirred and turned, Malik was reminded of Ryou’s talents and presence as he felt heat beginning to pool in his abdomen, leaving him delirious and terrified, the feelings mixing into one horrible sensation as Ryou sucked harder and pumped him faster. He was terrified he was terrified he was terrified he didn’t want to come. Sobs left his mouth in a desperate plea to be let go, to not finalize what he had started, but were drowned out by the sound of the medical saw above him. Malik was helpless to defend himself as Ryou sucked hard one last time and felt the heat that had accumulated inside him reach it’s limit, cumming hard inside his mouth, Ryou swallowing all of it.
Orgasm took him over and left him blind and vulnerable to the world. It hazed over his mind as his muscles contracted and relaxed, breathing suddenly slower. Orgasm was like Mariku. It lied to him, gave him false hope. Mariku was everything Malik could not be; lies. Orgasm made everything okay; lies. Mariku could save him from anything; lies. Orgasm kept him safe for even just a brief moment; lies. Lies. Everything lied to him. Everything lied to him. Except Ryou.
Ryou had never lied to him.
Ryou had told him the truth.
Ryou kept his word.
Ryou was honest.
Ryou was the only truth Malik had left.
“R-Ryou…” Malik didn’t understand that he was able to talk. He repeated his name when he didn’t feel Ryou next to him, starting to panic a little. “R-Ryou-…!” He wanted Ryou to hold him. He wanted Ryou to tell him that everything was okay, that he wouldn’t hurt him. Malik didn’t want to feel so alone and scared, because…Malik knew what would happen next. He needed Ryou’s soft hands to hold him and touch him and comfort him. The cold operating table was no substitute, and the only thing that held him were the straps restraining his limbs.
“I must not have used enough of the drug.” Too tired to do anything other than lay quietly, Malik sobbed when he felt Ryou’s hand on his forehead and his voice above him. Above him, near the-… “It’s no matter, I’ll just have to move quickly so you don’t start regaining more control over your body.” He heard a click. Malik was more then scared to open his eyes. His body was tired, but his body was able to hyperventilate and his mind was able to process more then fear. There was a short kiss to his cheek, and hands removed the tourniquet around his arm, a numbing sensation shooting throughout his body from the pivoting point of his shoulder.
“Now would be the appropriate time to scream.”
Snapping his eyes open at his words, nothing came out of his mouth at first when he saw Ryou above him and next to him, the saw centimeters away from his arm. But the screams came in supple supply as he moved only a short amount, and the first, sharp tooth of the blade tore into his skin and ripped it off of him and through his flesh.
There was no word to describe what he felt as the saw cut through his nerves, tearing them, mutilating him, deforming him. It tore through everything. Skin, bone, arteries, tissue, muscle… it was an orchestra of pain, humming with deep bass and trembling with piercing treble. But there was no build up. It was all climax, forte. Blood splattered against the side of his face, gushing out of his arm and soaking his clothes. It was everywhere, everything, just like the pain. The pain was his world, everything he knew, and the only thing he could comprehend. And just like the more then fear, this was more than pain.
No words adequate.
He couldn’t hear himself scream, couldn’t hear his own voice as he desperately tried to portray everything he was feeling, but the boundaries of physical limit wouldn’t let him, so he was forced to merely…scream. Malik could feel little bits of his flesh and skin torn from his arm splatter over him, blood covering him. Ryou had gone to no lengths to make sure that he wouldn’t be messy with the operation.
Horrible, aching, piercing pain was felt when the saw reached the first nerve. The more then pain was something physical as it hazed over his mind. Pain was to alert the brain to what was happening at that specific part of the body, and Malik hated it. He knew what was happening, all too well. Starting to be unable to cope with the pain, Malik started to become lightheaded as the saw hit bone, halfway over. His screams, the pain, the drug, blood loss… they all contributed, and Malik wished for more than anything to faint. But even in the most helpless point of his life, Malik couldn’t save himself.
Malik didn’t know how long it went on, how long he continued to scream, or how long he was tortured beyond human comprehension. All he knew was the pain as it numbed his body so that it was all he could think of and live. Malik lived pain. He could feel the blood gushing out of his arm, wanting Ryou to save him.
Ryou…
Ryou who had done this to him.
Ryou had killed him.
“I-I don’t want to die!!” Were his words even recognizable through his more then pain?
“Then don’t.” Ryou…
“Save me! Help me, Ryou! Don’t let me die!” If he didn’t stop bleeding, he would die…
“You have to…pull off the…ah-… clamp yourself.” Ryou’s voice was heavy and strained, and Malik was confused through his haze of more then pain. The clamp…
The clamp had been connected to his nerve ending to keep the blood flow going. His nerve… Malik could not imagine the pain that would happen when he took it off. If he could take it off. M-Malik couldn’t do it, he couldn’t save himself. He was too tired, too light headed. Malik was going to die.
Malik didn’t want to die. Malik couldn’t die. Malik had to live.
It was the hardest thing he had ever done in his entire life when he slowly sat up. It was harder then when he had created Mariku and killed his father, harder then when he had lived through his initiation, harder then when he had dueled Yami no Yuugi through the rod, harder then the battle within himself with Mariku. The pain was like a wave as it washed over him again, making him scream in absolute agony with every little move he made, hardly noticing the tears of pain that had been spilling out of his eyes.
Moving with shaky limbs and a deteriorating consciousness, Malik saw Ryou. And again, Malik wished desperately to be sick. Sitting near his waist, Ryou held his arm, the arm he had cut off of him, and used his own hand, the one that he had had ever since he was born to masturbate with. He used his hand as he moved it up and down his erection, blood splattering from the end with every thrust of his hips and every movement of his hand. Drenched in blood, Ryou was almost unrecognizable as he looked at him with his young eyes. There was nothing young about Ryou as he suddenly gave his twisted grin and threw his head back and laughed, coming all over himself and the arm he had cut off of him.
Unable to watch any longer, Malik grit his teeth together and reached to his side, screaming louder as he moved his fingers over his open wound, flesh, muscle, tissue, bone… searching for the clamp. The touch of plastic against his fingers, Malik ripped it from his nerve. Almost immediately, his body spasmed, and then became suddenly lax, Malik giving into unconsciousness. He had tried to save himself, and maybe this time, he had been successful. But his life was in Ryou’s hands, now. He had done all he could. Whether he lived or died wasn’t up to him.
Ryou had spoke the truth.