Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Simple ❯ A Little Buzzed ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to Yu-Gi-Oh
Note: Story will be updated every Wednesday
Warning: TONS of cursing throughout story
Chapter Warning: sexual content (lemon), underage alcohol consumption, mentions of a suicide attempt, homosexual slander, abuse and near-death experience
Suicide Attempt Note: It's not a real suicide attempt but it could be conceived as one.
Lemon Warning: If you want to skip the lemon, don't read past the statement "Not for this". If you don't think you're going to remember that, use F and Ctrl to activate the Find function to highlight the words and skip to the third part where the lemon is finished.
Lemon Note: The lemons actually DO serve a purpose, though, so yeah, I didn't just write it and post it without a reason...
Homosexual Slander Warning: The usual, use of the word "fag/faggot".
Abuse Warning: Descriptions of physical abuse are used in chapter.
Near-Death Experience Warning: I don't really know how to describe this aside from it's not self-inflicted and things are a little graphic in description.
Chapter XI: A Little Buzzed
"Cliff diving. I want to do it."
Bakura, Malik and Seto stopped their conversation mid-speech to look over at him with wide eyes.
"What?" his blond cousin muttered.
"Are you insane?" the brunet hissed.
"The fuck?" the silver-haired boy asked.
"Please?"
All three of them swapped looks and then turned back and shrugged slightly.
"When do you want to go?" Malik finally asked.
"Now. Today."
"Why not tomorrow or next week?" Seto inquired.
"No. It has to be today."
"Why?" Bakura demanded a little gruffly.
"Because I don't know when the hell I'll ever get up the nerve to do it again," Yami replied, shifting his weight back and forth. "And you three have done it before. I want to do it now."
Again the three of them swapped looks and then shrugged as they got up, nodding at him; it took about thirty minutes to get to the beach where they would jump, Yami looking down at the water and tilting his head curiously.
There was something that Bakura was forgetting and he knew it, he just couldn't grasp it as they all got out of the car; Malik was the one to lead the way up the side of the cliff's path and towards the top so that they could jump from the highest point.
The water was crashing violently against the rock wall beneath them and it sent chills of fear and intimidation and pure adrenaline through the red-eyed teen who stared with a bright gaze like a coming sunset.
"Are you ready?" Seto asked, looking over the edge and turning back to Yami.
Thank god the kid was not afraid of heights.
Yami stripped of his dark gray jacket and threw it on the ground, looking down at the water as it crashed a little more violently; Bakura felt a nagging sensation at the back of his head but he couldn't figure out what it was. Something about this entire situation made his spine chill with fear.
It was sort of warm, but maybe that was the black tank top and the dark gray skinny jeans talking. But the light breeze made him want to purr and that was far from his clothes speaking.
"All right. Just jump when–"
Yami sprang so fast they didn't even know how to react. Their cousin disappeared under the water where it crashed against the rocks and he didn't resurface immediately, the water covering him completely and hiding him from their sights. It was freezing beneath the smallest bit of a sunny patch that stretched for miles, but Yami wasn't bothered with the cold temperature. His eyes stayed closed as he pushed his way back to the surface. Oxygen was leaving his system too fast and he needed air before he ran out completely; he was kicking and pushing frantically towards the top but the lack of air made his head spin and the roar of the waves, even from underwater, made his eardrums pound violently only to be doubled with the throbbing of the blood in his veins.
Something grabbed him by the arm and for whatever reason, he realized slowly that it was Bakura; the silver-haired teen had apparently dove in after him, probably startled by his failure to reappear. As soon as they hit the surface Yami was gulping in air and feeling salt water burn a path down his throat as he gasped and squeezed his eyes open into slits, giving the taller teen a look before breathing harder.
Bakura pulled him along towards the shore, surprised when he spotted his other two cousins had not jumped just yet.
"Damn it, I knew I forgot about something!" he hissed.
"What the fuck happened?" Seto demanded, running over with Malik on his heels.
"He can't swim."
"What?" Seto spat.
"Of course he can't swim…" Malik muttered, shaking his head. "How the fuck did we forget about that?"
"Do you care to explain to me why you just jumped off a cliff when you can't evenswim? How the fuck does your brain work and tell you that it'sokay?" the brunet snarled at him coldly while Yami sat up and shook himself out, hands in his lap as he watched them; Bakura sat in the same position next to him, legs stretched out, hands in lap, just watching.
"Answer me, damn you!"
"Because I can!" Yami snapped. "Because I…I can."
"Because you can." Seto snorted and rolled his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "Because you can."
"Dude, if this was a suicide attempt, you brought the wrong people," Malik laughed, causing all three of them to look at him with wide eyes–Seto and Bakura because they didn't think about it and Yami because he couldn't figure out how that was supposed to be funny. "You're supposed to take people whodon'tgive a fuck about you."
"Yeah, like Yugi," Bakura agreed.
And then all three of them were silent.
Yami stared in confusion as the three of them avoided his gaze, feeling as if he had just been witness to some kind of private joke and it was pissing him off by all means. "What? What the fuck is wrong with the three of you? Someone says Yugi's name and you all hide from me?"
"It's not…" Malik frowned and then scratched at the upper right half of his mouth, thinking hard. "Um…"
"It's just…"
"Look, Yami, we think you're a little too attached to that kid," Seto announced, cutting straight to the point and leaving nothing behind in his answer; Yami gave him a blank look and tilted his head in thorough confusion. "You're around him more than you are any of us."
He blinked. Was he?
He sought through his memory of the last two weeks. Oh yes, he had been around Yugi more often than he had his cousins. And not for the project. But because he had wanted to be around him. It was strange and awkward because it got a lot of stares and a lot of fucked up attention that he didn't want or care for, and he was adding fuel to the fire because that stupid car was still following him, but he never stopped.
He was lonely and his heart hurt and the only balm to it was Yugi himself.
Which was sickening by all means, because Yami had a really good idea of what that meant, but it was true and he had no other way around it.
Besides, Yugi was the reason he wanted to jump off the cliffs anyways…
He thought it over.
Was it a suicide attempt?
He didn't know anymore.
Ra, he didn't knowanythinganymore.
He had no idea about anything.
"Maybe."
"Maybe?" Malik echoed.
"What are you, a fucking parrot?" Bakura barked. "He said maybe."
"For fuck's sake, are you deaf? You don't need to yell."
"Am I yelling?" the silver-haired teen asked too loudly.
Yami reached over and pinched his nose. "Blow."
Bakura gave him a small glare but followed instructions and then batted his hand away before nodding a little. "I'm good now."
Seto shook his head, looking at the sky with a small scowl before rolling his eyes. Oh, of course. He justhadto be related to these three dimwits.
"If this wasn't a suicide attempt, then what was it?"
Yami shrugged. "Fun?"
"Fun?" Seto asked incredulously. "That's crap. You've never wanted to jump off a cliff a day before in your life."
"Well…not usually, but I wanted to this time," he muttered.
All three of them gave him worried looks before shaking their heads.
Yami ground his teeth together.So sorry for being such a big fucking inconvenience.

Again, he really wasn't sure how he got there. Maybe the bartender got him a cab. Maybe he fucking walked. Either way, he wound up there again, plastered and tired and aching and feeling like his skin was on fire.
Yugi answered on the third knock, earphones in and a strange outfit of a black cotton sweater that hugged his upper body and a dark gray vest with black skinny jeans and some gray Converse. At first he looked surprised and then he burst out laughing and the noise made Yami's ears ring but he ignored it because his head was already buzzing and it took priority because honestly, he was starting to think he had flies in his head.
"Look who it is," he snickered, shaking his head before gesturing him inside, closing the door behind him and locking it with a roll of his eyes. "So…what brings you here? At"–he took a glance at his phone–"three a.m. on a Saturday?"
Three a.m.? Was it really three a.m.?
Hmm.
Well, that was certainly different from when he left at ten in the evening.
He pursed his lips, trying to think of an answer, but then fell short and shrugged before stumbling and then straightening again, confused by the lack of judgment.
Yugi laughed behind him and then grabbed his wrist, his other hand gripping his waist as he led him up the stairs and to the couch.
That burning was slowly dissipating and again, all it did was make Yami question himself before looking at him with wide eyes; Yugi got him to the couch before heading off into the kitchen and coming back with a cold coffee drink.
"I don't know if this will work or not, but it's coffee," the boy said thoughtfully, pursing his lips and looking at the ingredients on the back. Either this would help sober him up or it would put him to sleep. Milk and honey, caramel, coffee…two thousand other things he neither knew nor cared to know about.
Yami took it from him, looked it over, and then glowered as he put it down and turned to look at him; Yugi blinked a few times and then shrugged as he took his seat next to him, looking at the TV again.
"Hey."
He turned his attention towards the taller teen, raising an eyebrow. "I want to watch the wolves."
"Wolves?" Yami echoed, suddenly turning towards the TV with wide eyes and watching as a pack of them ran across the screen; Yugi smirked and crossed his legs, watching as well.
It was only when the show turned its attention towards lions that both of them turned away from the screen, Yugi asking, "What did you want earlier?" while Yami stared blankly and then scrunched up his nose.
"I don't know."
Yugi laughed at the way his words slurred together. Yami drunk was honestly a hilarious creature. "Okay then."
Yami tipped his head to the side and squinted at him before announcing, "You look like me."
And then he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, blue-violet eyes bright as he stared at the red-eyed boy who looked confused before smiling widely and looking incredibly proud of himself.
"You're just noticing this?"
"Um…no?"
Yugi snickered and shook his head. "How much did you drink?"
Yami started to count on his fingers and then looked confused. "What?"
"I asked how much you drank."
"Um…" He went back to counting before holding his hands up. "Five of these."
"Fifty?" the smaller teen cried, wide-eyed and shocked.
Yami thought it over and then nodded slowly. "Mmhmm. Is that two times…ten?"
Yugi nearly choked on his own relief. Fuck, Yami was crazy. "Twenty."
"I think so? Maybe? No, I like fifty better. Itsoundsbetter."
He nearly cried he was laughing so hard.
"I…want…to fuck…you."
Yugi laughed again and shook his head, thinking he was joking before blinking wide eyes; oh crap, were they back to doing that again? Two weeks of them just sitting around and talking, sticking together because that was all they could do, and not once had this been brought up in discussion or otherwise.
"Uh…"
He nodded eagerly and then leaned forward and pressed his lips against his and Yugi laughed into his mouth when he felt his tongue rotating back and forth in confusion, batting at his before taking the opposite direction again. A drunken Yami meant hilarious make out sessions. That was a plus.
He moved a hand to the back of his neck and pulled his face closer and Yugi put his hands on either side of Yami's face before pushing back gently, feeling Yami yield to his touch and pull back with a scowl.
"Yami, we shouldn't be doing this."
"Why not?"
Was he…pouting?
Yugi barely stopped himself from laughing again. Yami had crossed his arms and was glaring, lips pursed and eyebrows drawn together, petulant in his posture, occasionally sniffing loudly.
"What the fuck did you do? Crack or something?" he muttered, rolling his eyes.
Yami tilted his head. "The white stuff?"
He felt a chill course through him. "Yami, tell me you didn't do…the white stuff."
He shook his head immediately. "There was no white stuff."
"Have you ever…done…the white stuff?"
Again, an immediate shake of his head. "I don't do drugs."
"Oh, thank god."
"Who?"
"G–Ra, Yami. Thank Ra."
Yami blinked and then nodded before frowning. "What am I thanking him for?"
Yugi snorted before shaking his head. "Yami, are you sure you want to fuck me?"
"Mmhmm. You're very pretty."
He wasn't sure whether to be insulted or flattered.
"But what about all the things going on?"
Yami didn't get it out of his mouth that this waswhyhe got drunk. He started to, but then he stopped, and he didn't really understand in his haze why he did so, but he did. Instead he merely shrugged and then blinked.
Yugi made him feel good and that was what he wanted. To feel good.
Ra, what he wouldn't give to feel good right now…
At least the burning sensation was gone.
But the ache was still beneath his veins. And the exhaustion made his head feel heavy with something his hazy mind couldn't really pick up on.
"Please?"
Was he…begging?
Yami couldn't quite wrap his head around it and Yugi had just as hard a time grasping this concept.
"Yami, don't beg."
Was that what he was doing? Truly?
Yugi leaned forward and let one of his hands fist into his soft hair and the movement brought out a purr from Yami who looked confused even as he made the noise, almost as if he couldn't quite figure out how he was doing it, and Yugi smiled against his lips when he pressed them together.
"Not for this."
And Yami furrowed his brows, because he knew that statement from somewhere, because he had said it, but he couldn't really graspwhyhe ever said it.
Yugi didn't give him the answer and instead worked his mouth against his, let his tongue slip inside, let Yami play around by moving in circles around it, let him grab at his vest and pull him a little closer. He let him search his mouth, where that oh-so-sweet taste begged at his mind to be remembered but left him confused and tired from the effort of it all.
It took a moment, but Yugi managed to redirect his body's alignment to lay on the couch with his legs drawn up, open for Yami to slip between, unsurprised when Yami took up the space above him and took up trading kissing to breathe instead.
Yugi knew as well as a sober Yami would have that this was hardly the way to fix anything, as it had been the first night or the time that Yugi topped for the second time, but it was short-termed and it was what Yami needed.
And Yugi wanted the attention.
He so desperately craved it.
Because he was being deprived of it aside from snide comments and looks of disgust at school.
And he knew, in the back of his mind, that if it were not Yami, if it were just some random boy from school rather than him, it would be okay, because no one would care. But they were on separate sides of the spectrum, they were bad and good, smart and smartass, tiny and larger than life. Famous and…regular.
One's father was anti-gay and one's grandfather would be glad if Yugi would just get someone.
They were so completely opposite, but that was what made them fit.
Because of the opposition they brought with them, they balanced each other. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. They could bleed into each other, feed off each other, and not worry about it later because it would be okay when they separated again. They fought and they tore into each other without remorse.
They bit and they scratched and they drew blood.
It was what they did.
And it was only done between them because no one else could take Yugi's inconsistency like Yami and no one could truly understand the red-eyed teen like Yugi.
They were broken in different places but that was what made themright.
But, if only, if only, Yami was not who he was and Yugi wasn't either.
Maybe everything would be so much easier.
Yami was against his stomach now, pulled away, kissing little paths along the indent in his flesh and sticking his tongue in his bellybutton, swirling the wet muscle and humming in the back of his throat for a few seconds.
Yugi moaned and writhed beneath him, because the touch of his tongue was sinful, delicious in its corruption, and he loved it so much that it made his head spin with delight and his pants so tight that it hurt in the most satisfying of ways.
His nose pushed Yugi's shirt up to his chest, up to his neck, kissing at his ribs one after the other in a way that made Yugi tremble and wonder what was with him. Was this affection he was giving him induced by alcohol or was it real?
And…if it was real…what did he want from him?
Yugi trembled with the thought of what Yami might want. If he wanted a relationship, Yugi couldn't give him that.
They all ended in failure. His parents, his grandparents, even his great-grandparents. His aunts on his dad's side. The only solid couple that he knew of was his grandparents on his dad's side and he only met them once and knew that they only succeeded by manipulating the other–his grandfather made the money, his grandmotherusedthe money, his grandfather wanted to use some money and he had to go through her; in all actuality, he had no real footing in this marriage and it made Yugi sick to his stomach whenever he had interacted with them.
No, relationships…they never worked. He refused to become attached like that to anyone.
And that feeling was only intensified after what had happened with Tea. He'd crushed on her for so fucking long, actually thought that maybe they could be something later, but she was a bitch and he didn't understand how he could have such horrible luck.
But maybe it was also amplified by Yami's constant running after he handed his body over to him. Because he never stuck around for long. So maybe, despite how much he hated to admit it, there was a high chance that Yami's own actions had furthered his distrust for relationships.
A mouth, warm and needy and soft, kissed wet trails up and down his neck; teeth gently grabbed at the choker around his neck, tugged softly once, and then a soft pink tongue flattened and licked a path up the column of his flesh.
Yami's hands busied themselves with Yugi's waistband and Yugi opened his eyes into slits to regard him curiously; if Yami was expecting something, why would he have to get drunk to demand it?
In all honesty, Yami was stronger and faster and a lot scarier than Yugi was. He could fight him, yes, but Yami seemed like one of those people who could build stamina as time passed rather than lose energy. It was probably how he fought when he had to.
And Yugi knew for a fact that had Yami not been so sluggish and tired and exhausted that day when he looked him up online, he would have beaten the shit out of him and gotten out the house like he had wanted. It was honestly that easy for the red-eyed teen…
So if he wanted to demand something of him, he could force him. If he was the type of person who wanted to, he could have raped him a million times by now.
But Yami wasn't that type.
So demanding…was not in his nature.
Not directly, anyways.
He fought for what he wanted without making it too obvious and he clawed his way to his success because that was what hedid. He didn't try to force something on another person just for the hell of it, because that wasn't who hewas. He was fierce and dangerous, and if he wanted to, he could burn like fire, but he was more complex and so he didn't do those things.
No, if he wanted it, he would fight for it, but it would be in less obvious ways.
He wouldn't force Yugi into anything, but by the time it was all over, maybe he would triumph.
If he said no right now…
"No."
Yami stopped short, just as expected, his hands no longer pulling his pants down, his eyes wide as he tilted his head in confusion. "No?"
Yugi blinked and thought fast. "No, don't take off my socks."
He looked thoroughly confused now and then looked at Yugi's feet because, in all honesty, both of them knew he was nowhere near there yet. He had just gotten his jeans to his knees and Yami gave him a small frown of clear puzzlement before going back to slowly kissing from his pelvis to his inner thigh and then along his legs.
Fuck, was this…worship?
Was Yami…worshipping him?
Yugi blinked a few times. There was no way. No way at all…
That couldn't be it. Nope, Yugi was seeing things where there was nothing.
That was all.
Yep.
Yami pulled his pants all the way off and then looked at him curiously for a moment before suddenly he pulled back and then started digging around in his pockets before producing a small baggy of aluminum wrappers and holding them out to him.
"Do you want to use this? It's cleaner."
Wait, didYugiwant to use one or was he asking if he wantedYamito use one?
"Wait, me use one or you use one?"
"You use one…I could use one too."
Yugi stared blankly for a long moment and Yami didn't move from where he was perched between his legs, still fully clothed and looking completely confused. And then, finally, his mind produced him with the incident in the stall, right before their pictures were shown everywhere in school.Oh,for fuck's sake…
"Fine, fine, I will use one. Just, you don't."
Yami paused and then blinked before nodding slowly. "Um…okay."
Yugi ignored the question in the back of his mind demanding to know if Yami was going to carry condoms with him everywhere, like some kind of slut. Yugi wasn't going to spread his legsthatoften…at least not without the required persuasion to get past groping, anyways.
He half-smirked at that thought and then slowly came to realize why Yami had brought the bag out in the first place. The taller teen had tried to get his shirt off–the stretched material bunched up in slight places, the way his vest was pulled to lay on the top of upper arm rather than his shoulders said this much.
He felt a small blush appear on his cheeks. Fuck him for being so caught up in his head rather than enjoying the mo–
He moaned and arched when he felt the finger inside of him, the slow pumping sensation making his skin tingle and his spine warm beneath his skin. Fire, ice and lightning crackled and fought inside him, his nerves hot like lava, his mind frozen like a glacier, and sparks flooding his system like thunderbolts.
A second finger had him squirming as well as writhing, arching and moaning louder, though it was still rather quiet in volume. He could get loud, but it seemed unconsciously, by default, he was rather quiet instead. Well, at least they had something in common outside of sexual stamina and hairstyles.
A third finger and he was scrabbling to grip at his shoulders and Yami was moving to accommodate him and then he was freed of fingers and whining and Yami was pressing into him, pausing every now and then and asking a very quiet and overly considerate, "Is this okay?" every time he tensed up.
"Yes, gods yes," Yugi hissed in response each time and when Yami settled again, he was a little surprised when the red-eyed teen looked his shirts over and then grabbed the bag he had brought, opening it and tearing open one of the condom wrappers with his teeth, rolling the protection onto Yugi's erection before he could say anything or even make a point to try it himself.
He was sloppy again, but despite this, Yugi was pleased with his aim. He was mewling and clawing his back up while Yami moved at different intervals, no rhythm for the life of him, just going with whatever his head was telling him. Moving fast and then slow and then medium and everything between.
It was funny and Yugi laughed a couple of times but eventually, Yami started to tire himself out and the smaller teen knew that neither of them were anywhere near an orgasm.
"All right, stop for a moment."
Yami blinked in confusion and stilled halfway inside of him again, panting raggedly like some kind of animal. Again, Yugi was not offended by this in the least, but he was a little annoyed, because Yami shouldn't be this tired.
Yugi was spoiled. That was it.
Because Yami lasted so long when he was sober and he was so used to him being sober that this–tiring out like this–felt like some kind of sick insult. And that was disgusting and rude by all means, but that was what it felt like.
"I need you to flip us over."
Yami looked at the floor and then the backrest and back, voicing the only thing in his head. "There isn't enough room."
And Yugi studied this as well before finally he pushed Yami by the shoulders; when the taller teen moved to accommodate him, his legs were around his waist and he pushed with all the weight his smaller body had to it, succeeding in making Yami topple over onto his back, wide-eyed and shocked.
He grinned proudly and winked at him before shifting his position slightly and starting to move, using the armrest over Yami's head to keep his balance, mewls and moans exploding through him with no effort on his half.
Yami moaned beneath him and gripped at his hips with gentle fingers, like maybe he was afraid of hurting him or offending him with this movement, but Yugi ignored this thought in order to reach his left hand back and grab Yami's, pressing his fingers into his skin tightly.
Yami obeyed this simple gesture, his grip tight as nails bit into his skin and made him throw his head back with a long shameless moan. The taller teen purred a little in response and again, when Yugi looked at him, his expression was confused even as he continued the deep baritone rumble in his chest.
Yugi cracked up at his expression, not even managing to stop as he teetered over the edge and came inside of the condom. Yami came a second later when he settled back with the taller teen bottomed out inside him, too tired to move again for a few minutes.
It took a long ten minutes but eventually Yugi finally got up the energy–part of him was sleepy from their activities and the other from the lateness of the night–to pull away, watching as Yami licked his lips and leaned forward a little.
Yugi took the condom off and tied it, as he knew he was supposed to do, dumped the others onto the table, and then dropped it inside the baggy that had formerly held them all; when he turned back Yami sat up a little and he was holding a couch cushion as he looked at the TV and back before muttering, "I'm tired, Yugi."
"Itisthree in the morning," Yugi commented, yawning softly and watching him curiously; he kind of liked the small yet heavy lilt to his voice, the way his words slurred together to show how drunk he truly was. It was odd but it was so fascinating to the small teen and he couldn't help but love the way it melded with the naturally deep baritone pitch.
"Oh…"
"Actually…" He reached over and tapped his phone screen before turning back. "It's four-thirty."
They hadn't lasted as long as he had thought but that was okay. It was whatever.
"Yugi…?"
He laughed at the way his own name came out, eyes bright as he regarded him; it was strangely adorable, something he never thought he would use to describe the fire-eyed boy facing him.
"Yeah?"
For a moment Yami didn't speak, instead opening and closing his mouth twice before yawning and showing off his teeth with the movement, his canines sharp and attention-grabbing as they glinted with the bright, ever-changing light from the TV.
"I love you."
These words did not come out nearly as slurred as when he spoke his name but Yugi still burst out laughing anyways, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "You reallymustbe drunk off your ass," he cackled.
"I'm not drunk," Yami spat, glaring at him coldly which made Yugi freeze in surprise, eyes wide at the suddenly sober-like expression of pure rage on his face. "I'm…just a little buzzed."
Yugi opened his mouth to answer him, say that he was not "just a little buzzed" but then something collided with his face and he was startled by its impact–not hard but not completely soft either–especially when it was followed by seven more hits before it suddenly stopped.
He was still so completely confused until his eyes lowered and he stared openly at the boy in front of him. Yami had passed out and the pillow he had been holding was half stretched out towards him.
So Yami had beaten him up with a throw pillow.
That was nice.
Yugi shrugged a shoulder and turned back to the TV.

Yami felt some kind of sense of dread even as he walked home after school that day. His instincts told him to turn around and run. Everything in his body was telling him to flee the other way. His mind failed to rationalize this, however, so he could not find a reason to obey.
He glanced around a couple of times and then turned back; the black car was down the street so obviously it wasn't them…
And Yugi wasn't around because he had not seen him since Saturday after he had woken up, stared at him asleep on the couch a few feet from him and then taken off; in school he had noticed him but not acknowledged him, which was cruel by all means, but Yami had the memories this time around, thick and fuzzy, but still there. And what he said…
Topped with Yugi's no…
He couldn't face him.
Ra, he couldn't face him.
Yami shook this off to get back to his house, slipping inside and going upstairs to his room, doing his daily routine of heading into one of the spare bedrooms to do homework because it was at least distracting, only to freeze and go completely still, hand grabbing his backpack hard, mouth dry as he stared with wide eyes. Oh holy fuck, he should have run.
With long thick gray eyebrows, a rather regal gray beard and mustache cut to shape his jaw and a shaved head, stood his father who looked over and stared back at him just as he did the same.
"Atem."
He nearly fled with that one word but forced himself to throw his keys onto the side table and drop his backpack to the ground, giving him a small dip of his head and murmuring, "Father" in a soft voice.
Ra, he really should have recognized that sense of fear. It was branded into him, after all…How could he have not realized?
"My…Yourmothersent me."
It was so terribly hardnotto recognize the significance of that statement. A week before and she had been his wife and now she was back to being his mother. How strange. Had something changed in that amount of time?
Surely not, because Yami was back to get plastered and fucking Yugi and…
No, he shot it out of his head.
It couldn't be true.
Yugi was a balm to his pain because he was in the same boat. There was nothing significant about that.
He lowered his head, staring at the ground, as he knew he was supposed to do. "Mother?" he said softly. "How is she?"
"She is shamed."
That wasn't what he meant at all.
And his father knew that.
Fucking ass that he was.
"I trained you from scratch as a boy, to make you into the perfect child and future ambassador. But you have ruined it all."
Yami blinked and then slowly looked up through his lashes, staring in confusion. "I don't understand," he admitted slowly.Trainedhim? Was he a dog now?
He flinched and recoiled instinctively when he slammed a hand down against the desk and the noise was like a slap through the house.
"I mean that you wereshownwhat it means to be a man, and your place in the world from ayoungage."
Yami stared with wide eyes.How young…?
He didn't voice this.
"Even at the age of two months, you were a spoiledbrat!" he growled. "You cried nonstop when you wanted something or when you didn't get your way. Your mother coddling you and tending to your every beck and call did nothing but spoil you further. It hindered you, as I knew it would, and it only hurt you in the long run."
Two months…?
"You're fucking crazy!" Yami spat, staring at him incredulously. What did he do to him?
The room was deathly quiet but for the sounds of their breathing as they glared at one another. Yami was not about to bend, however, because he was in no mood to try to please him.
He had too much going on as it waswithouthis stupid little issues to throw into the mix and he wished his father hadn't come here at all in the first place.
"You better fucking apologize," he whispered menacingly.
Yami felt a tremor race through him. "No." He took a small step back, gulping hard. "You…you disciplined me at two months? You weren't supposed to do that! I couldn't understand anything back then. You only teach a child things when they can actuallyunderstandit, not when they're a baby and don't know any better. I cried because I was hungry and Mom catered to me because that is what she was supposed to do as my fucking mo–"
His head whipped to the side and he stumbled with the force of the blow, feeling his jaw crack with the impact, his eyes feeling almost as if they might pop out of his head and roll across the floor. Yami blinked once and then looked at him with wide eyes; of course this wasfarfrom the first time he had ever hit him, but the fact that he was still standing, that his father hadn't put his full strength into it, said that he was in for far worse…
"You will not speak to me like that!" he screamed. "Apologize."
"Fuck. You," Yami hissed under his breath.
His hand rose up to strike him again but he went tumbling backwards when Yami shoved him and snarled, "Fuck you, you goddamned bastard! I will not kneel before you like some kind of coward!"
His dark brown eyes were darker now, almost black with pure rage, his tanned face red with the emotion, visibly shaking. Yami backed up again, trembling. Holy shit. What had he just fuckingdone?
When he backed up into the wall, his phone went off but he was too terrified to bother fishing it out of his pockets; god, the rage, this had to be where he had always gotten it from. This monster in front of him…had created the one in him…
"I don't know who the fuck you think you are. I am your father, and you are my son. You will show me the respect I deserve. I thought allowing you to come to this pathetic continent as you wanted was going to make you a better man, but you are nothing but adisgrace!"
He pressed himself flat against the wall. He wasn't going to get through this unscathed. Of course not.
"What the fuck do they want?"
His voicemail went off, the noise of it making Yami's ears ring for the single three seconds it sounded.
"F-father, I'm sorry I pushed you and swore at you. I k-know better than to do that," he said desperately.
"You have shamed my wife"–Yami flinched again, not at the raised voice, not at the way he advanced on him, but at the implication–"You have brought such shame upon our family. Do you know howpatheticit is to go to a protest and find a picture ofyoukissing anotherboy? Project partner? I think not. She is depressed and won't stop crying, andyoubrought this upon her. It's going to take meyearsto make Egypt forget this disgrace."
"Father, I don't know how to make this better!" Yami cried out in desperation. "I will do anything, but please don't let her suffer for my mistakes."
"It's alreadyyourfault that she is suffering," he spat. "She didn't ask to give birth to a boy who does nothing but fuck up."
"Father–"
"Enough!"
Yami let out no noise when his fist hit his chest and hands grabbed his mouth and nose, his entire body falling back into old habits; he couldn't fight back or make a noise because it only made things worse. It was a good thing that Yami could go ten minutes without breathing, at least. It was the eleventh minute that brought the spots behind his eyes just as his father pulled back and allowed him to fall to his knees, breathing hard before feeling his hand grabbing the back of his neck, throwing him to his feet, forcing him to look up at him.
"I should have known better than to trust a fuck up like you."
"Father, I'm sorry. I am doing the best I can–"
That was such a tired excuse. How many times had he been forced to say it in his lifetime? Far too many for just sixteen years…
"No you are not! I have seen with my own eyes you and that–thatcreature! I have seen the pictures–how you kiss him when you should have a woman by your side. Does he suck your dick that well?" he snarled.
"I–I'm sorry. I–I will do better…"
When he threw him across the floor it wasn't much of a surprise but when he jerked him to his feet and pressed his thumbs into the pressure points on his shoulders, Yami was a second away from screaming but clamped it down with a desperation he had known since he was six.
"I get it. Please, I get it. I'm a fuck up, and I know I will never be good enough. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make this better–"
"You will fuckinglistento me!"
"Okay, okay, anything…"
He released him and Yami scrambled away from him and towards the hallway, putting some distance between them before he could grab him again, scrambling to his feet and breathing hard.
"You will stop this pathetic behavior. And you will find a woman who will beworththe Sennen family name."
"I can't…I can't just…I am–"

His phone was ringing, of that much Yugi knew.
Because the voicemail kept fucking popping up and it was annoying the shit out of him; why wouldn't he just answer the phone?
For a moment he figured that maybe he just didn't care enough. He had been avoiding him rather steadily since Saturday when he said…no, Yugi refused to believe that. There was no fucking way that was true.
But even then, Yami had answered his phone when he needed him. And he needed him right now. He needed to talk tosomeoneand honestly, Yami was the only one he could think to do so. So why the fuck wasn't he answering?
Yugi crossed his arms in annoyance and redialed before texting twice and waiting a minute before doing so again. And still, after ten minutes and twenty new calls and texts, Yami still did not answer.
Which meant that either he was asleep–that was funny–or something had happened.
Wait…hadn't he heard his cousins talking about Yami jumping off a cliff before? Yes, he had. Bakura and Malik said that he jumped off the side of the cliff claiming he was cliff diving but both of them seemed to think he was suicidal…
Oh, holy fuck…
Yugi dug through his apps for a few minutes before finally coming up to the one he wanted and typing in the number and phone service–that one took longer because he couldn't remember who the fuck Yami's provider was–before running it. For a long two minutes in which Yugi was pretty close to panicking, the app finally gave him a location…about twenty blocks away.
He groaned but knew he didn't have money for a taxi and instead settled for running; at least his bullies had left him with something worthwhile when they chased him home when he was younger.
It took a while before he was even close to the neighborhood and he had to pass a few people who yelled when he tore past them as he did, one girl sobbing because he knocked an ice cream cone out of her hand and all over his shirt; he ignored her and her mother screamed at him that he was on her shit list–not that he really cared, but there was a moment where he wanted to stop short and ask who else had the pleasure of being on it–but she didn't chase him, which was good, because she would have probably lost her child to a stranger in the meantime.
He got to a two-story house–or three, if you counted the basement who's side window he spotted from the angle he was running from–with white wooden exterior, nice green grass, a couple of trees, a few bushes, some ivy, a porch, a small mailbox…the essentials of a nice yard.
He was semi-jealous of it. Damn, this neighborhood was actually really nice.
He ignored that thought to knock on the door but there was no answer and when he knocked again and got nothing, he tried the doorknob to find that it was unlocked.
Fear made his nerves prickle and fire beneath his skin made his head throb slightly as he pushed the door open and entered the house. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do past that. If Yami had cut himself or something, should he call an ambulance? But what if he was already dead? What was the point of that?
He never really did understand what the point was of calling an ambulance for a dead body. He thought the stupid morgue took care of bodies, after all.
Rolling his eyes at his own thoughts, he closed the door behind him and wandered into the house.
There was a small marble-like set of small, tiny steps that led the way to carpet floors further away. There were steps somewhere off to his left, but he let his eyes sweep over the living room before he bothered with that; there was a TV, two couches, a coffee table, but not much else. Oh, a plant…wow, Yami liked a cactus. Windows decorated the room and it looked pretty cool, like a place where you could throw a ton of parties and the neighbors would complain loudly about the person next door.
He was about to call out Yami's name when his attention drifted to a dark red spot on the carpet, tilting his head as he followed it to the stairs where he nearly threw up.
Yami was lying haphazardly across the bottom of them, body twisted in ways that didn't seem quite comfortable, nor physical possible, his head busted open and bleeding. Yugi nearly threw up again; he could feel the bile in the back of his throat and panic seized him as he looked the scene over.
Obviously Yami had either fallen or–holy fuck, was that a bruise mark? No, that wasseveralbruise marks. His face was bruised up and there were handprints on his neck, his right cheek was bright red and swollen, and his jaw had a rather nasty rub burn from his topple down the stairs. And the bruises around his eye…yeah, no, he hadn't fallen. Someone had either pushed him or maybe he got attacked and they both went over the stairs but only the other one had gotten up afterwards.
Yugi forced his feet over to his side, swallowing hard once before crouching down next to him, grabbing his wrist. His pulse was a little on the weaker side he found when he compared his own to Yami's, but when he looked down, Yami was breathing as if he were asleep.
He almost cried from laughing so hard.
And then he felt like shit because he was laughing and he should have been trying to wake him.
Or no, maybe he wasn't supposed to do that…
For fuck's sake…
"Hello?" he murmured. "I need an ambulance at"–shit, what the fuck was Yami's address?–"Um, I don't know where the hell I am, actually. I need you to trace this call. Anyways, my friend is unconscious with a massive head wound. I think he was pushed down the stairs. I don't know for sure though…Hmm? Oh yes, I can hold."
It was weird, because he never really thought that people were put on hold when calling the police, but whatever floated their boats was fine by him. Besides, he had nothing better to do anyways.
"We have your location. We will send someone in a moment."
"Okay, thanks, I guess."
Shit, was that what he was supposed to say?
He had no experience with this whatsoever, so he wondered vaguely if this would make him look suspicious, but at the same time, he pushed the thought away because, well, fuck, whatever. Who would be stupid enough to call in their own fucking crime unless they knew they wouldn't get caught?
But Yugi had left so many clues it was not even funny.
Yami didn't stir beside him even when the ambulance came. The wails made his ears want to bleed but it did not wake the other boy, not that he really expected it to anyways; Yugi watched them load him onto a gurney and he was kind of stunned when they asked if he was coming to the hospital. He debated it for a split second and then jumped into the ambulance with him, watching the paramedics closely as they did…well, whatever the fuck it was they did.
Yami was taken into surgery–Yugi hadn't thought any of it merited that, to be honest, because he looked okay for the most part, but they insisted–immediately and he was left in the waiting room where he watched a soap opera with the most annoying characters he had ever seen but found the parallel of their situation and his.
Boy loved girl. Girl didn't like him. Boy tried to weasel his way into her heart. Girl rejected him heartlessly. And then it stopped with parallels because the guy went bat-shit crazy and slaughtered her by running her ass over several times without remorse.
Okay, well, at least that much was interesting.
"Motou, Yugi?"
He looked over as one of the doctors came over with a clipboard, looking him over and then checking the clipboard and back before taking a seat next to him. "Your friend is in the recovery bay. He's still asleep but you can go and visit him if you want."
"Why did he need surgery? It didn't look that bad," he muttered a little coldly.
The doctor gave him a strange look before offering a small smile. "He broke two of his ribs when he fell and he has a major concussion from the impact, so it is quite possible that he might not even remember half of the things that happened. And the way he landed on his wrist gave it a small fracture."
"Is he going to need a cast?"
Yugi would sign it if he did.
"No, he just needs a brace."
Damn. "Okay."
"Would you like to visit him?"
"Is there a chance he won't wake up today?"
For a moment the doctor just studied him curiously before standing up. "Not a high one. He seems like a pretty strong kid. I wouldn't be surprised if he woke up already."
Yugi frowned a little and then got up. "Yeah, lead the way, doc."
He chuckled but Yugi wasn't joking. He didn't know his name and he didn't give a fuck what it was. And what was worse, he didn't even know if he wanted to fucking see Yami in the first place.
How fucked up was that?
He was asleep and Yugi turned to talk to the doctor only to find the bastard had left him; he huffed softly and turned back, feeling a rush half of relief and half of disappointment at this small fact. He leaned against the door and felt sick to his stomach.
Yami's face…he hadn't noticed it all in the wake of finding him, but he had a look of pure helplessness, defeat, of apprehension that just did not suit him at all.
He wanted to throw up when he saw the black brace around his right wrist, the cuts that he had noticed on his face, the burns from the rug, the patch of hair that had been shaved in order to stitch up the head wound, the cream-colored bandages wrapped around his torso.
He moved closer slowly, his steps tentative as he stopped a few steps away from the bed, glancing once out into the hallway awkwardly and then turning back slowly only to see him wince and squirm in his sleep; he was just about to take a seat and just stare at vacant white walls when his gaze spotted something red from the corner and it took him a moment to realize it was a pair of eyes.
"What…are you doing here?"
Yugi blinked wide eyes and then opened and closed his mouth before staring back blankly. What was he supposed to say?
Whywashe here?
God, his eyes were the shade of the blood that Yugi had found in the carpet, such a stark contrast from the sterile white of the room.
For a moment he didn't answer and then finally he glanced at the chair behind him, hooked his foot around it and dragged it closer, plopping down and watching him closely as he said, "I wanted to see how you were."
As if it was that simple.
Yami merely stared at him in return and for whatever reason, this time it made his blood boil beneath his skin with self-consciousness, something that Yugi had not really suffered since he was thirteen, right before he hit that phase where attention…meant everything.
"I only wanted to see if you were okay. And by the sounds of things, you're fine. So I am going to go." He stood up abruptly and started for the door but a low, sharp keening noise made him spin around with a startled expression, only to find that Yami had really made that noise; it was obvious in the way he had grabbed his head afterwards, grimacing sharply and then giving him a pleading look.
"S-stay? Please?"
He stared and stared and stared some more.
"Why?"
But that why was so loaded.
Why do you want me to stay?
WhyshouldI stay?
Why does it feel like everything that will come out of your mouth will only hurt us more?
Why…why would someone like youeverlove someone like me?
Yugi found himself staring into a pair of eyes, glazed over and exhausted but fully coherent, that actually seemed torealizethis.
"Because…I want you to…? Please?"
Yami took a deep breath in through his nose and then hissed before rubbing at his bandaged ribcage and looking confused.
"I thought they gave you pain medication…"
"They did…I just…it just normally doesn't work on me anyways."
"So…what hurts then?"
"Mostly my ribs. I mean, they are fucked, after all…" He looked at the bandages for a moment and then rolled his eyes before turning his head back to him, red eyes searching his face for something that Yugi wasn't quite sure he would ever find.
"Should I get a nurse or something?"
"No. I'm okay." He paused. "Do you know what happened? Because when I think back, I don't find much. Just that I got home from school…"
"I wasn't there. But they say you have a concussion, so that's probably it."
"Yeah…they told me."
"So, um…how do you feel?"
Was small talk really supposed to be this hard?
"Ugh, like shit. Everything hurts."
Yugi fought to ignore the way that Yami kept his eyes trained solely on his face, seeming to take in every little thing that the smaller boy did.
He sighed and then winced and bared his teeth, muttering, "Fuck" under his breath before glancing at his monitor and then back, eyes widening slightly as if he thought the smaller one would be gone when he turned back.
But this time his eyes were blazing and Yugi was stuck staring.
"How did you find me anyways?"
"I used my Track My Phone app." He frowned and watched Yami narrow his eyes. "You weren't answering."
"Did you need something?"
"Yes."
"What did you need?"
He didn't tell him that he wanted to talk to someone, that he needed someone and Yami was actually the first person to come to mind. Instead he said what he knew Yami was waiting for him to.
"A distraction."
Yami held his eyes for exactly six seconds before closing them. "Right. Okay. You canfuck offnow."
Yugi was not the least bit surprised by the sharpness of his tone, shrugging and starting for the door before hearing a small voice muttering, "I think it was my dad…" so softly that he almost didn't hear it.
He turned around slowly and put a hand against the doorjamb, watching him with narrowed eyes before slowly walking towards him again. "Your dad?"
"I think…I don't know. I try to sort through my head and it just…doesn't work."
"That's what concussions do to you," he said a little sharply.
Yami shot him a nasty look and then closed his eyes, voice quiet. "Am I just a booty call for you?"
"Aren't I the same to you?" Yugi asked cautiously.
"I'm out of commission so go find someone else to fuck."
"Yami–"
"You have a bunch of fuck buddies lined up for the taking," he spat, glaring, "so just go find one, hook up, get your fix, and stay the fuck out of my life. Everything would be that much fucking simpler."
"Oh shut the fuck up. Life is nevermeantto be simple. If it's simple, you're notliving."
"Get out."
"No. You've pissed me off so I think I'm going to stay here."
Yami glared at him angrily for a moment and then seemed to lose all fight as he looked at his monitor and then the TV on the wall and even the clock before finally turning back to him with narrowed eyes.
"Justfuckoff, Yugi. Run off to one of your other fuck buddies. I don't need you here."
"Why do you fuckingdo thisto me, damn it? You're such a little bitch sometimes, Yami," Yugi snarled, stepping closer to the bed and glaring. "Why the fuck did you even want me to stay here?"
For a long moment there was no answer and then the red eyes drifted to settle on his right hand where he flexed his fingers and muttered, "Because I fucking love you."
Yugi recoiled. He was sober. He was not drugged up. His eyes were glazed with exhaustion, not medication. Why the fuck was he saying this?
No, he couldn't love him. This isn't how any of this worked. There was no fucking way…
"What?"
It came out sharp, and nasty, and brutal, and as a huff rather than a word.
Yami refused to answer, refused to look up.
"You…loveme?" Yugi repeated, his voice coming out incredulous and a little cold; still Yami didn't answer, didn't look up, didn't bother to turn his head slightly towards him in acknowledgment. "Answer me, damn it."
"Are you fuckingdeafnow?" Yami spat, turning his head. "Did your voice do that to you or did someone finally scream for you, Yugi?"
He shook his head slowly, staring at him in disbelief. Yami didn't mean it. Hecouldn'tmean it. There was no possible way. It was just an infatuation, some kind of sick fascination and disgusting obsession, nothing more and nothing less. Yugi couldn't handle this…
"You don't love me."
Yami did not answer but he stared and that stare said it all.
"No." He shook his head and let out a bark of a laugh, smiling sardonically. "How could you, damn it? How could you really, Yami? You and I…we don't even know each other. People in love…they don't treat each other the way we do. You don't just fall in love with someone when youknowyou mean nothing to them and they mean nothing to you. It's some sick infatuation that we're dealing with and you are blowing it out of proportion. You don't fucking…you don't just–Yami, even you aren't stupid enough to think youloveme. This is all just some stupid ploy to get back at your father for all the shit he's put you through. That'sall."
Yami's jaw tightened.
"Do you evenknowwhat loveis–?"
"Fuck you," Yami spat, spinning on him so suddenly that Yugi stumbled back from the blaze in his eyes; it didn't take much to realize that Yami had clenched both hands into fists and his right looked like it was trembling from the pain he must have been in. "Do you take me for a fuckingidiot?"
"What?"
"Do youhonestlythink I would say that to someone–to a fuckingguyif I didn't fuckingmeanit? Not to fucking mention, the school slut?" Yami barked.
"I…I don't know."
And he didn't. Because his head was spinning and he was confused and he didn't like the way things were going. And he was scared of the way that Yami kept saying those three words. Especially now…when he was…sober.
"Fuck you. Get the hell out."
"How can you expect me…to just…leave after you say something like that?" he demanded hotly, glaring, feeling his teeth grind into each other angrily as he saw Yami snort in response.
"You don't even fucking believe it anyways. So get the fuck out."
Yugi felt a sweep of panic overtake him when Yami finally lowered his eyes towards his trembling hand and then released the fist he had been making to flex his shaking fingers out; they were red and obviously blood deprived.
"I do…I mean…I don't know if I do. I don't know if I can…it just…you have to be the most confusing and frustrating and irritating and annoying and–you make me want to bash my head in sometimes. I don't know what the fuck to believe."
Yami opened his mouth to answer but ended up doubling over and rubbing at his ribs, frowning.
"Are you okay?"
"I am fuckingpeachy," he spat, turning on him again. "Now get out."
"No."
"Ra."
He took a small tentative step forward and then forced himself to make a couple more in order to reach out and place his hand on his shoulder, feeling shaken by that defeated look that crossed his face again.
"Don't fuckingtouchme," Yami snarled viciously, but it was a whisper of a noise and though Yugi took his hand away, he wasn't really listening when he did so.
And then silence stretched between them, suffocating like the thickest blanket of a fog and weighing them down with the force of granite.
His words would probably be too soft to even cut into it, so he didn't bother trying, but Yami…his words were always sharp enough to tear through flesh, through bone, through steel, so it was sharp enough to cut the foggy granite, and that was why he spoke instead.
"So you think I don't know what love is, huh?"
Yugi watched as he kept his eyes trained solely on that fractured wrist again.
"Well, maybe I don't. Maybe you're right and I'm misinterpreting shit that shouldn't even be there. So, why don't you fucking tell me what the fuck it is that I'm feeling, Yugi? Because you seem to be the expert on this–not really a surprise, considering your little bullshit crush on that bitch Tea. Tell me though, so I can understand a little better. Tell me why I don't eat properly anymore, why I haven't since this whole thing began–since the picture and we started hanging out together. Tell me why I burn under my skin in places I didn't even know existed and you're the only thing that makes it stop. Tell me why I can't sleep properly anymore, why the only reason I can even sleep anymore is because I tire myself out physically and mentally. Tell me why I think about youall the goddamned time!"
Yugi stared with wide eyes as he turned his head and stared, his face impassive as ever, but his eyes still defeated and swimming in it.
"Tell me why the thought of you going around with others"–his lips twisted and his teeth were bared for a split second–"Why does imagining that make mehurt?" He shook his head slowly, narrowing his eyes. "I don't get hurt easily, Yugi. In fact, the only people who can hurt me? My parents. Bakura. Malik. Seto. Mokuba. That's it. Six people."
Yugi wanted to look away but he couldn't. Yami's eyes were relentless and unforgiving, boring into his without a single bit of remorse towards his actions.
"Like when my father called up the day after the picture went viral to tell me I was a fucking disgrace, that hurt like hell but still it wasnothingcompared to how I feel whenever I think of you with someone else."
Yami bit out a laugh as he turned back to his wrist, flexing his fingers which trembled from the force of the brace.
"And so you're the fucking expert on love, right? But I tell you I love you and you laugh in my face about it. So, why don't you tell me about it, Yugi? Tell me about how the fuck it is you have managed to fucking ruin me without lifting a goddamned finger."
Yugi was stunned when he ducked his head and his bangs fell to shadow his face; he was reeling, which was why he honestly didn't think that he couldpossiblystand with the way his legs started to feel weak and so slowly turned and perched on the edge of the seat next to Yami's bed.
"I wasn't just saying that everything hurt."
Yugi felt sick to his stomach. "Then why…? There's no fucking way, Yami. It just isn't possible. It makes no fucking sense. This…was meant to be some kind of stupid fling. We fuck, we don't talk about it. We sure as fuck don't get attached and fall in love!"
"I don't know why this happened. But I'm so tired. I just…I hate feeling like this. I hate the burn beneath my skin and the ache in my chest. I hate the feeling. It drives me insane, and I end up doing stupid things. Honestly, Yugi, do you think Iwantthis? Do you think Iwanttolove you? I have never felt like this before, not for anyone. If the teacher had never paired us together, this…would never have happened."
There was a long silence.
"What about Mai?"
"Mai?" Yami echoed, blinking once. "What about Mai?"
"She has a thing for you."
"I know."
"So why didn't you two hook up?"
Yami didn't answer for the longest time and then shook his head with his hands over his face. "I don't…I don't feel that way about her. I don't feel that way about anyone. I haven't had to deal with this before you–the stupid bad boy–got paired with me for this project. I never would have…"
"This was supposed to be for fun."
"I know."
"A way to relieve stress."
"I know."
"So then why the fuck has it ended up likethis?"
"I don't know."
Yugi shook his head angrily, clenching his jaw. "This doesn't fucking make any goddamned sense, Yami," he snapped before glaring sharply. "Why did you even fuckingtellme?"
Yami turned his head and stared with wide eyes.
"Why did you have to fuck me up even more than I alreadyam?"
"W-what?"
"You shouldn't have fucking said it. Not when you were drunk and not now."
"Why?"
"Because…because it was never supposed tobelikethiswith us!"
"I am so fucking sorry for the inconvenience. I can't fucking help how I feel."
Yugi fell silent for a long minute. "I know. But…you should never have said it."
Yami stared at the ground and Yugi spent a few minutes trying to wrap his head around what he was supposed to do, to get rid of the claustrophobic impression the whole situation left on his chest. And he knew without thinking that it was his turn to break the silence.
"So…what now?"
Yami shrugged halfheartedly and turned his attention to the covers, messing with them, picking at them without a single noise to be made.
And then Yugi realized it.
Nothing had changed between them.
Not really.
So he told him that he loved him, but he did not tell him what hewantedfrom him, nor that hewantedhim, did not tell him that he wanted tobe withhim.
And like he said, he didn'twantto love him. He just…couldn't help it.
Why did this feel worse than Tea's constant rejection?
"Why did you even tell me this?"
"I…wanted you to know? How I felt? Because I…I thought I…"
Yugi knew what he meant to say, like he always seemed to, and shook his head slowly back and forth, again saying, "You shouldn't have fucking said it."
"And why not?" Yami demanded sharply, coldly, eyes narrowing into slits of pure anger.
"Because it's not fair. You can't just tell me you love and then just…"
He trailed off and Yami's lips twisted into a bitter half-smile, nodding once before turning away again. "But, just so you know…I didn't say it just because. I actually had a reason for getting drunk off my ass that night. And I don't know why I bothered to say it because I knew…Look, whatever, this conversation is fucking pointless anyways."
"Not, it's not."
"Yes, itis. I'm just another one of your fuck buddies. I get it. It's that simple."
Yugi opened his mouth but was cut off.
"So get the fuck out."
Yugi sighed and got to his feet before starting for the door.
"Can I ask you something?"
So he waited.
"Are you…Do you still love me? Even after this?"
When he turned his head to look over his shoulder, he could see Yami nod once curtly before turning to his monitors.