Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Stay In Shadow ❯ Pushing Me Away ( Chapter 5 )

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Stay In Shadow

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Chapter 6 - Pushing Me Away

Shattered and torn in mere moments. Ryou now knew that he had made a mistake. Why didn't he walk away? Why didn't he leave the place he knew was pain and left? He had tampered with the dark again and he was not going to go unpunished. He knew how he felt. Being back in his Yami's arms brought a comfort to him that he had barely known. He wanted it to stay, but he made the foolish mistake of trying to comfort Bakura back. It had cost him.

He was that angel everyone told him he was. A shattered one. He was the pure and sweet rose. But he had been plucked of his crimson petals. He was as bare as the lifeless look in Bakura's eyes that had been shining upon him.

/Every time we lie awake,
After every hit we take,
Every feeling that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet./

All he had done was try to say a few nice things to Bakura and hold him close, but the yami did not do anything. All he did was stare down at Ryou in curiosity and then, somehow, his curiosity turned into an endless rage.

Ryou grabbed a pillow and held it tightly to his body like if he let go, he would die. He stared at the door in which Bakura stormed out of, yelling and cursing in anger. Tears welled up in Ryou's soft eyes and streamed down his pale face. He buried his face into the pillow, soaking the once dry material in his salty teardrops.

It wasn't Bakura leaving that hurt that much. No, Bakura did that all the time. It was the fact that Ryou had confessed his love to Bakura, and the words didn't cause Bakura to react at all. At first, there was silence and Ryou was afraid of it, so he lached himself on his yami, not wanting to let go. It was then that Ryou heard a growl and he was pushed off his lover fiercely. With that, Bakura left. Leaving Ryou in tears.

Slamming the pillow more against his sore face, Ryou screamed. He screamed out all the pain, all the sadness and all the deceit. Pulling the drenched pillow away from his face, he placed it in his lap and leaned over it, rocking back and forth. It seemed to be the only thing that could soothe him.

/Every roommate kept awake,
By every sigh and scream we make,
All the feelings that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet./

"Why do I love him?"

Ryou didn't know why. Bakura never returned feelings. He could threaten Ryou with a knife, but would Ryou try to hurt him? No. He wasn't afraid of hurting Bakura. He had so much pain already, but he could not hurt Bakura, because he loved him.

Even though his love was visible, he had another feeling for Bakura. Ryou suddenly realised what that burning feeling with him was.

/Only when I stop to think about it.../

"I hate you."

/I hate everything about you,
Why do I love you?/

Ryou slowly crawled off the bed and slipped his feet over the bed and onto the floor. He stood up and with his pillow still in his arms, cautiously wandered over to the shut door. It was so loose on it's hinges from being slammed so much. It was practically falling off. Ryou opened the door with a shaking hand and walked out into the hallway.

Blood stains were seen everywhere. Crusted blood on the walls and furniture from the day before. Bakura ad not bothered to clean up. He probably enjoyed the blood on the walls like a priceless painting. Ryou's body shook. He hated Bakura.

The shattered teen slumped onto the couch. It felt warm. He couldn't tell if it was from the blood, or from Bakura's scent. His warmth. His cruel warmth.

/Every time we lie awake,
After every hit we take,
Every feeling that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet./

While Ryou's eyes wandered over the ceiling and down to the floor, he noticed something on the ground. Putting his pillow aside, he reached down and picked up something between his fingers. He rubbed it gently and brought it closer to his face. In his palm lay a single petal. His petal. A petal of his rose. A petal of his very soul.

Searching for more of the plucked flower, he picked up several more petals and clutched them tightly in his hand, not daring to let go. It all that could remind him never to lose himself in the shadows. If he did, then how could he get back. But maybe losing himself wouldn't be bad. He had nothing to live for. All because of Bakura.

The one he would die for, the one he loved, was the one who tried to kill him and stabbed him in the heart.

Ryou wiped his watering eyes and sniffed. Standing up, he walked slowly to the kitchen and grabbed a glass cup. Leaning over the sink, he filled the glass with water and held it up to his mouth, the cup shaking.

In his mind he saw Bakura. Everywhere, he heard him laugh. The cup fell out of Ryou's hand and shattered on the floor. He started crying again. Shuffling past the broken glass, not bothering to pick it up, Ryou walked over to the door. He needed to talk to someone. Even if Bakura was out there, he needed to go out there to. He couldn't let Bakura stop him.

/Only when I stop to think about it./

/I hate everything about you,
Why do I love you?/

Dropping his pillow he slipped on a pair of shoes and a long black jacket. Not bothering to lock the door, Ryou closed the door behind him. Once he got outside, he came face to face with a dark sky. More darkness to add to his aching heart.

'I'll go to Yugi's,' Ryou thought. 'But then again, I did bug them last time...maybe I should just leave forever.'

Ryou had thought of it for sometime, but he didn't want to be alone at the moment. He wanted to be in someone's arms. Like he had been in Bakura's...

Deciding it would be best to say good-bye to Yugi and Yami first, he headed to Yugi's home. But as he did walk down the streets of the city, he grew colder. He didn't know why. He shouldn't have to feel bad after what Bakura did. He had no reason to feel anything at all.

But this cold feeling felt like someone. It wasn't something he was used to, but he felt like he knew it somehow.

Ryou looked at the ground. He saw his shadow, lying on the dusty ground. Suddenly, another shadow appeared beside it.

"Go away!" Ryou yelled wrapping his coat tighter around him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not Bakura."

Ryou's eyes widened and he turned around. It was Marik. Ryou whipped his shoulder back, not wanting Marik's hand on it.

"Marik. Leave me alone."

Marik rasied an eyebrow. "You seem...different Ryou. Something wrong?"

It was that sickly smile that made Ryou cower in fear and burn with anger.

"J-Just leave me alone!" Ryou said turning away.

Marik sighed. "You know...he does care for you."

Ryou stopped. "Wh-what?"

"He loves you Ryou. Though he may not show it."

Ryou shook his head, tears falling down his face. "How can you say that? You don't know what he's done to me. I went back to him thinking he had changed, but no. He hasn't. He still has that sick and insane mind."

Ryou shivered at his own thoughts. "He loved to see me in pain. He always has. He'll never change. Leave me."

Marik then started to walk away from the sobbing boy "Maybe it's not what you think. Maybe he is having a hard time. Maybe you need to help him."

Ryou was about to turn around and protest, but when he looked, Marik was gone. It was a good thing. Ryou didn't want to talk to him anymore, especially about Bakura. But as Ryou began to take that step forward, he stopped and stared at the ground. Was Marik right? Could he really be telling the truth? Could he really not give up?

/Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you start to think
About me, do you know./

Ryou gripped his arm tightly and his cheeks grew warm with the realisation. Bakura had saved him the other day. He didn't have to, but he did. No one that hated someone who save that person's life if they knew that person was going to die. (a/n: whoah! can that be understood?) Ryou remembered being saved by...Bakura.

Bakura was mean to him, but that was the outersurface. What about the inside? Maybe Bakura was trying to figure out what he really felt in his heart and maybe that feeling was...Ryou.

/You hate everything about me,
Why do you love me?/

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Song:

Three Days Grace

"i HATE everything about you"