Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Still A Child ❯ forgiven so easily ( Chapter 4 )

Darkness...

Shizuka vaguely realized of her black surroundings, head snapping every which way as though searching for some light, some familiar object, face...She knew this feeling so well...to be trapped in the dark...she hated the darkness...

It scared her so much...

Her eyes forced themselves open, hoping for some success, though nothing changed. Her heart was beginning to race, skin beginning to perspire... was she...?

Was Shizuka blind again...?

Her body felt heavy, numb, and cold as she tried to move about... She reached a slender hand to her face, groping about for some clue...she didn't want to be left in the dark...

Trapped in the darkness, alone and scared...

Her fingers alit upon a feathery, soft substance, overlapping itself in spots...she trailed her fingertips along it, feeling it run all the way around her head and over her silky hair...

Bandages...

Shizuka froze at that realization. "N-Niichan...!" she cried senselessly, standing and trudging awkwardly forward. She hated this... being ensnared in her own blindness...running across an unfamiliar ground...a dangerous ground...

It scared her.

"Niichan!! Mai-san!" she cried again, tripping and falling to the hard ground. She felt the brief pain course through her limbs, before she felt about blindly. Her eyes burned, and moisture ran down her cheeks, wettening her bandages...

She was crying...

"N-niichan...Mai-san...K-kaasan..!" she choked, lowering her head. Cowering from the darkness. She grabbed at her ensnarements, ready to tear off the wretched bandages...and that's when she saw him standing before her...

"Niichan..." she sobbed. The blonde only grinned to her. He seemed unreal, a faerie glow of light, an appirition...

"Shizuka-chan," he replied, oblivious to her tears, her fear... "Just wait! You're going to take off your bandages and see me dueling...I'll cream the guy, just for you!"

"Niichan..." She could only smile to him.

And then he was gone, and she was standing again, shoulder-to-shoulder among a group. She could feel the burning tensity among them, feel their anticipation...

And she could feel her brother's fear...

Was Katsuya losing the duel...?! Was he overwhelmed...? Was he...

Was he deathly scared, just like Shizuka in this darkness...?!

"Niichan!!!" He needs me...

Her hands reached for the bandages, ripping them away in blinded instinct, like a frightened animal. She heard the voices around her, comforting, reassuring, but all the same, tense and scared on their own...

It was a nightmare, surrounded by this fear...

"Come on, Jou! You can win!"

"You can do it, Jonouchi!"

"Don't back down..."

Niichan!! Don't be scared...be brave, like you always are....I'll help you be brave! I'm here to watch you win...

The bandages fell away, and she could see a faint light peeking through the broken threads...

You're going to win...you told me so! Don't be afraid...because you were never afraid... You taught me not to be scared...Niichan...

She took one last, final tug at the bandages, finally freeing her vision...

"Niichan...!"

There was no duel arena, no crowd standing a breath away from her, no monsters... only the moonlight, and woman standing before her, facing away, caught in its beautiful glow...

An angel...

"Niichan..." She stood. "Niichan! I'll..."

I'll watch you...I'll cheer for you...I'll pray for you...

I'll be there for you like you've always been there for me...

Shizuka felt her heavy eyes open, and she squinted on instinct when a blinding light filled her eyesight. "Mhhn..." she groaned, stretching her limbs, and sitting up slowly. She warily gazed around the room.

Yume desu. (1)

She could still feel that chilling fear, not her own...

But Katsuya's...

Shizuka pulled her legs tightly to her chest. "Niichan...Gomen ne..."

The grinning blonde boy rose in her mind.

She betrayed him. She hadn't been there....and Katsuya had endured a terrible fear...a terrible feeling of hopelessness...

Guilt flooded Shizuka's heart.

"Shizuka-chan...Just wait! You're going to take off your bandages and see me dueling...I'll cream the guy, just for you!"

"N...nii...chan..." she choked, pearly tears trailing down her fair, flushed cheeks. "Gomen...ne..."

Shizuka had ruined everything.

She was supposed to be there, like she dreamed, standing among Katsuya's crowd of friends, cheering him on...even when he was ready to quit, ready to give in... because she, like the rest, believed in him and knew he could do anything...

And then Mai... she would have seen Mai dueling as well. She could have seen Mai defending her pride and reputation, like she said she would, in her duel... but Shizuka ruined it...

She ruined it all...

She had given Mai the impression that she was upset...and Mai had been kind enough to take her out...but she had selfishly kept her there, not insisting on heading back...and while Katsuya dueled, without their support, Mai and Shizuka had run to the balloon, only to find it wasn't there...

No amount of apologies would ever clear up this mess...that Shizuka herself had created...

And that hurt the most.

"Sou...ka... I'm at Mai-san's house,"(2) Shizuka finally murmured, when she glanced about the unfamiliar room, drying her abundant flow of tears. With a final sniffle, and a glance out the window, she pulled herself up.

Shizuka trotted down the stairs, awkwardly. "Mai-san..." she called lightly. "Ah!" she breathed, approaching a screen door with a tell-tale light behind it, placing a hand at its gentle frame to slide it open. "Mai--"

She had barely even slid it open when she froze. One blue eye gazed in on her hostess...

Mai-san was a wreck....

The blonde woman was hanging over her small table almost lifelessly, curly blonde hair duller than usual, spilling messily into her face. Her features were hidden by such, but Shizuka...

Shizuka felt it...she saw the pained expression so easily....

Shizuka felt a knot in her well up. She shut the door quickly, falling down to her knees rather loudly. She felt Mai's pain...

Mai was not one to cry, but...inside she must have been screaming...

This is...all my fault... Mai-san left the Finals to take me out...and because of that she missed it...

She could still hear the cry piercing the darkness that had been her blindness...

"No....NO!!!!"

Her voice had been pure agony from being too late....and it was all Shizuka's fault....

Why...why did I let this happen...? She could not comprehend anymore...it was all too overwhelming...

Too damn much...

She felt light footsteps gracing their way over to the screen. Mai was approaching her, breaking the wall between them that Shizuka had created...opening the screen to face Shizuka...

...and Shizuka couldn't stand it. How could someone like Mai, whose life had been the Battle City Tournament, just face the one who had ruined it for her? How could she speak to her?

How could she even stand to look at her??

Shizuka could see the world around her anymore. She felt the soft light wash over her being, felt Mai's shadow fall across her, heard the woman step in front of her. She heard her soft intake of breath, and through striking blue eyes saw her standing there. But Shizuka was blinded...

Blinded by her guilt...

She didn't want to face anyone. She didn't want to face Mai, she didn't want to face Jou. She didn't want to face the world.

"Shizuka-san..." Mai said quickly, breaking their solemn silence. She had composed herself as much as was possible, but her metallic violet eyes...

Still so broken...

Shizuka could not hear her. She refused to hear her. "Gomen nasai, Mai-san..." She bent down completely, kneeling to the blonde woman. As if it could console the woman in some unknown way...

I hate myself for hurting you so much, Mai-san....

"Shizuka-san," Mai repeated. She grinned lightly, leaning down to Shizuka's level. "Really! It's nothing. Don't..."

Shizuka met her gaze.

"Don't blame yourself, Shizuka-san..." the blonde woman finished.

I can't stop, Mai-san...

"Gomen..." Shizuka repeated, lost in Mai's gaze. Because she could feel it, could see it in Mai's face...

"Shizuka," Mai repeated, more firmly. "Dont. Worry! I'm fine...there are other tournaments. Everything will be okay."

"Mai...san...." Shizuka hated it all...hated being forgiven for something she couldn't forgive herself for...

"Really...Shizuka-san..." Mai pulled the younger girl into an embrace, reassuring her. Comforting her....

And Shizuka could only cry.

Mai-san...how can you just forgive me...?

It hurt...but she felt so much better, to know Mai could not hate her....even though...

The image of Mai slumped over the table, blonde curls hiding her face and pale arms wrapped around her shoulders as though she were trying to cradle herself, trying to lift her troubles off her...

Mai still hurt inside...

"C'mon...Shizuka-san. It'll be a few days until the tournament's over and Jou comes back. Let's have some breakfast for now," Mai finally said, pulling away from Shizuka, to smile and comfort her.

To have Shizuka smile back, with pearly tears shining in her blue eyes.

"Hai...!"

=========================================================

x-x-x-x-xThree days later....x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It was in the dewy hours of the morning when a teenage blonde boy was seen tromping down the street, panting as he rushed on and cursing incomprehensibly to himself. He had a jacket half-pulled on, with one arm half stretched and struggling to push itself entirely through one sleeve, while the rest of the jean jacket waved senselessly behind him, and a glare of pure murder fixed on the clothing.

"Kuso!" Jou cussed, ready to throw down and possibly burn the jacket. It was one thing to look his usual mess, but, when he had run several blocks already, and to look so stupid STILL...

Especially when he was going to Mai's house, of all places...!

He finally threw down the article of clothing, stepping on it fiercely and grinding his foot into the fabric. One word was heard clearly:

"SUFFER!!!" Followed by maniacal laughter.

After he felt satisfied, he trudged on over the rather modest house, straightening his clothes and knocking finally.

Silence...

"Mai!" Jou called. Was she sleeping still? At this late hour? He knocked even louder. "Mai!"

No response.

"MAI!!" Jou called. With a final, nearly door-breaking knock, a bored Mai slid the door open slowly, glancing almost blankly out at her visitor. She said nothing, leaving a slightly annoyed Jou to grin next-to-cheerfully and greet her.

"Ah, Mai-chan!"

The door slid shut at that.

"OI!" Jou yelled, grabbing the door and sliding it open as loudly and strengthfully as he could. Mai stood there, disgusted almost. "What the hell was that about, Mai?? Is that any way to treat a guest?!?!"

"Never call me Mai-chan..." she whispered, eyes narrowing. It implied easily she was mere inches away from beating the life out of Jou. He must've caught on, because his angered expression faded rather quickly, and he stood, scratching his blonde hair nervously.

"Etou....(3) I came to pick up Shizuka-chan! I figured she was here, she didn't go back to her hotel room with Okaasan..."

"Ahh. She should be down in a moment, she was just preoccupied upstairs. So, who won the tournament?" Mai asked, rather quickly.

"Yugi," (4) Jou replied quickly, sweating lightly at the turn of questioning.

"And what place did you come in?" Mai asked this with an amused expression.

"Ano...well, I didn't win...so...it's not like it's important, and--"

"Ha!" Mai pointed a slender finger to her blonde friend, laughing heartily. "You came in dead last, didn't you??"

"I DID NOT!!" Jou's face flushed in pure anger. Mai only laughed even harder.

"Gomen, gomen..." she finally sputtered, face still alit with energy and chuckles still spilling out her lips at every chance.

Jou didn't do too well at squashing his blush. "I admit it. I didn't do as good as I did at Duelist Kingdom."

"Aah!" Mai interrupted. "Shizuka's taking forever. Just a moment, I'll get her..." She began to walk away, graceful hair swaying behind her.

"Demo....Mai..."

She wheeled around at that.

His voice had become so painful...

"Jou...?"

His head had hung itself, dirty blonde hair shadowing his fair face. His fists had found themselves clenching in a bubbling anger, one he was trying to squash...or perhaps frustration...

"How come...how come Shizuka wasn't there...? How come..." He lifted his head slowly to face her, brown eyes and face pained... "Mai... how come you weren't there...?"

The words, filtering over Mai, stung every bit of her. It was painful just hearing him like that...

It was painful thinking of the pain that caused him to be so sad...

"Jou..." she began. "You were... you were scared, weren't you...?"

Jou could not break his gaze from the woman that was now bowing her head, hiding her own face from him. "A...aa..."

"Jou..."

"Yugi had been right about Ishtar Malik...he was dangerous. He was...he was fucking psycho...! We all could've died...and when I was dueling, when I needed you and Shizuka-chan most...

"You weren't there..."

Mai looked up, confidently. "Jou...gomen."

Jou remained silent, gazing at her as though some explanation, some reason for all his pain could result from it.

Mai bowed to him lightly. "That's...all I can say to you for it." And she walked away to get Shizuka.

Jou's blonde strands of hair fell forward, shielding his eyes from the world. A grimace formed itself noticeably on his lips. He... hated it all. He hated what he, and his friends, had gone through in the Finals. He hated how when he most needed support from Mai and Shizuka, they hadn't been there. He hated it...but the fact was...

"Jou...gomen. That's...all I can say to you for it."

Those simple words made him forgive her instantly...

He couldn't not forgive them. Cos...no pain even touched that of not being able to forgive her...

...both her AND Shizuka...

"Niichan!" came an excited, soft voice. Jou automatically looked up, only to grin and see his beautiful little sister gazing intently and cheerfully at him...

...gazing at him...blue eyes free from their bandages...

He could only grin, and hide it all.

"Shizuka-chan!" he embraced her immediately, keeping his eyes away from Mai, as though their conversation hadn't happened. As though he could hide himself from it. "It's great to see you again!"

"Niichan...genki desu ka? (5) Did the tournament go well?" she replied softly.

"Hai!" He quickly found a stern look, as though to scold his sister. "Shizuka-chan! Why did you come here, instead of go back to Okaasan's hotel room? She was worried sick for you..."

"H...hai...gomen, Niichan..." she sweat-dropped slightly at this, placing a hand behind her head nervously.

Jou sighed. "Aa...well, come on! You should see her, so she knows you're all right. Let's go, Shizuka-chan!"

"Hai!" Shizuka turned quickly to Mai, bowing respectfully. "Doumo arigatou gozaimasu, Mai-san...you were very kind to let me stay here so long..."

Mai waved a hand, dismissing it, almost. "It was nothing...feel free to come again anytime, Shizuka."

"Hai!" Shizuka smiled brilliantly. Mai opened the door, beckoning them outside, before she froze, staring out there.

"Etou..Mai?" Jou asked nervously.

"Jou...is that your jacket out there in my driveway?" she asked.

A vein throbbed dangerously on Jou's forehead at that.

"DAMMIT!!"

Shizuka walked alongside Jou down the slightly chilly streets, face a profound look as she stared at her brother's back. He walked ahead of her, face firmly ahead.

And all was silent.

Niichan...you're angry with me...aren't you? I betrayed you, I left you to be scared through the Finals...and I know it...Mai forgave me so easily, and I know you will too...but deep down...

I know you're both still hurt from my actions...

It burned at her, sucking up courage to speak to Katsuya, then backing down out of fear. She didn't want him to be angry...because Katsuya was never angry, he was always carefree...

She loved him that way...

"N...niichan..." She wanted to pour it all out, to apologize incessantly...it's all she could do...though it could never heal him...

"You took off your bandages," was his simple reply.

But it hit Shizuka like cold snow in the face. Katsuya knew...

...and he was angry...

"Hai...gomen ne, Niichan... I was supposed to see you winning, Katsuya...I promised myself I would...and I betrayed you..." Her voice was cracking, and her eyes watering. It was so painful... "I ... know you were scared... I know you were in pain, Niichan...because...I felt it. When I was trying to sleep at night, I felt your fear...your pain...you're my big brother, Katsuya, and what you endured...I endured."

Jou did not look at her still.

"I was blinded...and crawling across the ground, trying to catch up with Mai-san...I was scared. I was selfish, the only way I knew to find my way around was to take the bandages off...and it hurt me. It hurt me to take them off, and not see you Niichan, just as much as it hurts you to know that. I can only apologize, Niichan...that's all. I can't heal the damage I've done to you, or Mai-san...I can only apologize with all my might, and hope that you can somehow forgive me...because...I really am sorry..."

"Shizuka....I know."

Shizuka's head snapped up to face her brother. "Niichan...?"

"I'm glad you can see again...and that's all that matters...even though I'm sad that you couldn't see me dueling, Shizuka-chan..." He turned around softly, facing her with a soft grin...

...and tears staining his cheeks...

"Niichan...!" Shizuka choked. Katsuya only grasped her hand, pulling her forward. He only grinned, even though his pain was pouring from him, drifting down his face as silvery tears...

He was...forgiving her...

"Niichan..." Shizuka began. She couldn't bear it...she had done so much wrong, and she was forgiven so easily...

Katsuya and Mai were so kind...

"Niichan...arigatou..."

That was all she could say, before she embraced his arm, burying her face into his clothing fabric, into his scent.

Arigatou gozaimasu... Niichan..Mai-san...

To be continued.