Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Stupid Pointless Arguments ❯ And It Begins ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

“Ryou! Yuugi! Malik! Get your asses down here; we're ready to tell you the rules for the contest!” Bakura's voice rang through the house as he plopped down onto the living room couch.

 

“Fuck, Bakura! When I said call them down, I figured you'd at least get off your lazy ass and walk to the stairs! Why would you yell in my ears like that?” Yami yelled glaring at him. He shook his head a little hoping the ringing in his ears would stop soon; he had been standing next to Bakura when he decided to yell.

 

“Well next time, if you want them to come downstairs, do it yourself. You should be grateful I called them down for you, you brat.” Bakura sneered back.

 

Marik was watching the exchange energetically, bouncing up and down in his seat eagerly waiting for a winner to emerge from the argument.

 

“Finally, it only took you two days to think of how to do this stupid contest.” Ryou grumbled as he came downstairs. He glanced over at Bakura sprawled out on the couch, before straddling his hips and smirking down at him.

 

“It would have gone faster, if you didn't drag him to the nearest bedroom every hour, just because you were horny!” Marik pointed out with a grin.

 

“You're just saying that because he gets more then you do! Besides it wasn't every hour, it was every 2-3 hours.” he muttered the last part under his breath.

 

“Ryou,” Yami started very slowly, “how do you get through school without Bakura?”

 

“Do you really want to know?”

 

Yami thought about the question carefully before deciding: no, he really didn't want to know.

 

Unfortunately, Marik did.

 

“For starters, I don't think about sex for hours on end in class. But really, I have an arrangement with the janitor to use his closet for the first half of lunch, and half an hour after school.”

 

“That's where you've been all this time? Fucking in a janitor's closet?” Malik asked, staring at Ryou in shock.

 

“Which janitor?” Yuugi asked looking a little nervous.

 

“Munochi.”

 

“Oh god! He asked me to get the Windex for him this one time, and it was all slimey. Oh god! I touched your… oh god!”

 

“Bakura! You said you'd cleaned that up! I can't believe I believed you!”

 

“Neither can I.” Bakura said with a yawn. Ryou gaped at him, mouth hanging wide.

 

“Close your mouth before I stuff it for you.”

 

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

 

“It'll be a threat when I fuck you, but you can't beg for anything with a ball gag in your mouth.”

 

Ryou shivered visibly, and began rocking himself on Bakura's lap.

 

“This is getting way off track! Ryou get off Bakura's lap!” Malik finally exploded.

 

“No!” Malik nodded at Marik who grinned, before standing up from the loveseat, walking over to the sofa, and ripping Ryou away from Bakura. Malik clamped his hand over Ryou's mouth before he could start to complain. He nodded to Yami who than cleared his throat.

 

“Now, the contest has been broken into three categories. Each one was selected so that you could all win at least one category—”

 

“So, it's rigged?” Ryou cut him off, after yanking Malik's hand from his mouth.

 

“No, not exactly—”

 

“But you just said—”

 

“Ryou, shut up!” This time the shout came from Bakura, which surprisingly, made him turn and glare at the source of the outburst.

 

“Fuck off! I don't have to listen to you!” he sneered. Bakura growled a little, his eyes narrowing.

 

“You want me to punish you? Fine. Yuugi go upstairs to the linen closet, on the third shelf up there's a belt with metal attached to it. Get it for me.”

 

“Bakura, you're not going to—”

 

“Just shut up and get it!” Yuugi scrambled off to get the item.

 

Ryou looked a little excited at the word belt. But when Yuugi came down with said object, he started screaming.

 

“Bakura, I'm sorry! I won't do it again! I'll behave, promise!”

 

Yuugi fiddled around with the metal, noticing its strange shape.

 

“Bakura, what the hell is this?” Yami demanded. If it could replace Ryou's excited gaze, to one of sheer terror then it was an object that shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

“A chastity belt.” Yuugi balked, looking down at the belt. He looked at Ryou, then the belt, and then Bakura. Repeated the head motions twice more, before taking a deep breath, and tossing the belt as far from him as possible.

 

“What is a chastity belt, exactly?” Marik asked, crossing the room to pick up the chastity belt, while thoroughly analyzing it.

 

“It prevents you from having sex.” Malik stated blankly.

 

Yami blinked. No wonder Ryou was screaming in horror.

 

Bakura rolled his eyes, yanking Ryou to the couch before forcing him to sit in his lap. His hand cracked against Ryou's thigh hard, and Ryou immediately became silent. He nodded at Yami.

 

“Now, the three categories are: Most Helpless Drunk -which we figure Yuugi will win—”

 

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Malik snapped.

 

“Well, if you're a helpless drunk then you need your yami to protect you when you're drunk, otherwise people will take advantage of you.”

 

Silence.

 

“That makes absolutely no sense.” Malik finally said.

 

“The second category is: Most Girly, which Malik you have in the bag.”

 

“What the—”

 

“The more girly a hikari, the more protection they need from sexual predators.” Marik cut Malik off cheerfully.

 

Yuugi sat confused, trying to work out the logic behind these categories.

 

“Finally, the last category: Worst Fighter, which is pretty self-explanatory. Ryou, you have this one in the bag.” Ryou became alert instantaneously at that comment.

 

“Excuse me? What led you to that conclusion?”

 

“Whenever one of us is about to get into a fight, you always stop it.” Yami said simply. Ryou let out a relieved sigh at his response.

 

“Now, for tonight's competition we'll throw a party, and get you three as drunk as possible, and gauge your helplessness.”

 

“How exactly do you determine the winner of a bias rigged competition?” Yuugi finally spoke what was on his mind.

 

“As yamis, we will know who the most helpless hikari really is.”

 

“But—”

 

Ryou interrupted him, “Just leave it alone, Yuugi, if you think about it too much your IQ will drop substantially.”

 

“Good point.”

 

“As hikaris you know what we must do, right?” Malik asked.

 

“Do our best to lose this competition, and prove ourselves as the strongest hikari?” Yuugi replied.

 

“Pretty much.”

 

Ryou suddenly burst into laughter.

 

“What's so funny?” Marik was hoping for a joke he could really enjoy.

 

“The fact that you guys are betting that your hikaris will win, while we have every intention of losing.”

 

Marik pouted, “That's not funny.”

 

Yami sighed, “Come on guys; let's go do a beer run.”

 

“Why do you get to call the shots?” Bakura suddenly snapped.

 

“Why are you so damn annoying?”

 

“Because you're always bossing us around!”

 

Yami just groaned.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

Five beers and three shots of vodka. That's all it had taken for Malik to get drunk… which had proven to be a very bad thing. Physically, he was fine, mentally he was… different.

 

“Why do we ponder and fear death? Even great explorers who love to venture into the unknown, fear death?” Yami stared at Malik. That had sounded almost sane, at least compared to the crying fit he had been in five minutes ago.

 

“Malik, that is a mystery, for it is different for everybody.” Malik burst into a fit of laughter.

 

“You said “mystery”!!!” Yami stared at him a bit before slowly backing away. Once he was far enough away, he ran to check on Yuugi.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

Seven beers, three shots of tequila, and a Pina Colada. Yuugi didn't have mad laughing fits, and he didn't spontaneously burst into tears like Malik did, Yami soon found out.

 

Malik, who had followed Yami once he calmed down, was standing beside Yami laughing and clapping excitedly. Yuugi, tended to burst into song when he was drunk to explain how he felt.

 

“Thank you very much!” Bakura smirked a little at Yami who was staring with wide eyes.

 

Yuugi suddenly stopped bowing to his “audience”, glaring at Yami. He screamed in rage, and leapt at him, slamming his fist into the side of his face.

 

“What so I'm not good enough? Is that why you're not clapping! Well how do you like me now?! Huh, Yami? How do you fucking like me now, bitch!?!?” Bakura lost it laughing.

 

“I think you're great, Yuugi.” he wheezed between breaths.

 

“Thanks, Bakura, you're so sexy, let's go fuck upstairs. Yami, you can stay here since you refuse to clap for me when I perform!” He kicked Yami hard in the shin, before storming over to Bakura and wrapping his arms around him.

 

Yami slowly slumped to the ground, still trying desperately to comprehend and rationalize what was going on.

 

Malik was crying again, “That's so sad, I can't believe you and Yuugi broke up! Now Bakura's with Yuugi and Ryou! He gets two hikaris! I want to belong to Bakura too! Why doesn't he want me?”

 

Bakura never was one to let an opportunity pass him by.

 

“Of course, I want you Malik, why don't you come over here and join us.”

 

Marik grinned excitedly, “Yay!”

 

Bakura threw a superior smirk at Yami, before walking out of the room, to go check on Ryou.

 

Yami stayed on the ground for a few more seconds, before the situation finally made sense. Never again would Yuugi be allowed near alcohol.

 

Silence reigned for another moment.

 

“Damnit, Bakura! Give me back my hikari!”

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

Ten beers, six shots of vodka and another six of tequila, three daiquiris, and a hurricane. Ryou had drunk all of that, and Marik still wasn't sure whether or not he was drunk. He was also surprised at how fast Ryou downed these things, and at how adept he was at mixing drinks.

 

Ryou grabbed another beer from the case, downing it quickly, before pouring himself another shot of tequila. Bakura walked into the room and raised an eyebrow at the scene of Ryou calmly drinking with no problem and without pause. Yami stormed into the room shortly after him, as he arrived he quickly surveyed the room.

 

Alarm bells went off in his head. “Marik, how much has he drank?”

 

Ryou hadn't stopped drinking the whole time.

 

“Thirteen beers, eight shots of vodka, nine shots of tequila, three daiquiris, and a hurricane.”

 

Yami and Bakura gasped.

 

“And he still not drunk? That's impressive!”

 

“That's what I thought!”

 

“Bakura, this is serious? Have you ever heard about alcohol poisoning? Hell, what about his liver, the amount of damage that's been done to it by now is probably irreparable! We need to get him to the hospital now, and get his stomache pumped!”

 

“I think I'm going to enter him in a few drinking contest, he could probably win a shitload of money.” Bakura gave Yami's rant the same amount of respect and attention he usually reserved for figures of authority; none.

 

“Bakura—” Yami started again.

 

“Shut up! If he didn't care the first time, what makes you think he'd care the next time! Bakura I want to have sex with you! Yami always treats me like I'll break in bed, I bet you're better than him!”

 

Yami decided to ignore Yuugi's song for now, and talk about this later when he was sober.

 

“No! Yami's probably way better than Marik! Marik doesn't even know what foreplay is!”

 

“They're drunk off their asses, aren't they?” Marik questioned with a grin.

 

“Yup, and because of this I now have three hikaris.” Bakura replied with a smirk, and kissed both of the hikaris attached to him.

 

“Ryou who do you think is better?” Malik asked.

 

“Marik,” Bakura snarled at his answer, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

 

Everyone blinked.

 

“Then go.” Marik said.

 

“I can't.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I can't get up!”

 

Silence.

 

“The only reason you're not helping me is because you don't feel anything for me anymore! Fine, Marik, I don't need you anyways.” Ryou turned his head to the side.

 

Bakura saw his opportunity. “I'll help you Ryou.” And he did. Bakura, his two attachments, and Ryou walked to the bathroom with Yami and Marik trailing behind. Yami out of concern; Marik in hopes of quality entertainment. Once they arrived, Bakura zipped Ryou down and they ran into another problem.

 

“I can't aim.”

 

Marik lost it laughing; he fell to the ground clutching his sides.

 

Bakura just stared at him.

 

“Please, Bakura.” His eyes began to well up with tears. Groaning Bakura grabbed Ryou's penis and aimed for him.

 

Yami started laughing, enjoying the situation a little more than he should have. Marik had started turning blue from the lack of oxygen, as he was still rolling on the floor laughing.

 

Ryou let out a relieved sigh as he urinated. Bakura glared at Yami and Marik from his position as the official aimer. When Ryou stopped urinating, they ran across another problem. He was hard.

 

Yami stopped laughing at the sight of Marik still laughing, and gasping hard for breath.

 

“Marik, calm down, we're not giving you CPR if you stop breathing because you were too busy laughing.” Marik started laughing even harder.

 

“Ryou, why should I give you a handjob?”

 

“Because you're the one that got me like this!”

 

“How so?”

 

“You touched my dick! How was I supposed to say flaccid?” For a drunk, Ryou's vocabulary wasn't suffering in the least.

 

“You told me to!”

 

“And now I'm telling you to jack me off!”

 

“I refuse.”

 

“Fine! Then I'll just find someone to fuck me!”

 

“I'll do it!”

 

“If Yuugi gets to do it, then I want to, too!”

 

Bakura groaned, before giving into Ryou's demands. He looked back at the other two yamis. Marik was still giggling, but other than that he had calmed down. They locked eyes, and nodded. The votes were in, and the results were unanimous.

 

 

Winner: Bakura Ryou

Loser: Mouto Yuugi

 

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

Alright, so I have the rest of this competition all planned out, but I have absolutely nothing for the next one! I need ideas people! Send them in, so I can figure it out! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Coming up next, The Most Girly Hikari!!!