Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Stupid Pointless Arguments ❯ Getting Even ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I still don't own YuGiOh!.

~~~ *** ~~~

“Before we announce the winner, we have a very important issue to discuss.” All eyes turned to Ryou. “Ryou, why do you have a secret wardrobe?” Bakura asked slowly.

“Oh, Bakura don't worry your pretty little head about it.”

“Ryou, I'm warning you.”

“Or what?”

“I won't touch you for a week.”

“Really now?”

“Yes.”

“Too bad you can't keep your hands off this,” he gestured to himself, “for even ten minutes.”

“We'll see about that.”

“This should be interesting.” Yami muttered to the others.

Ryou smirked at Bakura before crawling out of his lap and into Marik's. Once there he settled himself comfortably and leaned over to his ear and whispered, “If you want to see Malik and Bakura have an ulcer, moan now.” And Marik did.

Bakura snarled and launched himself at the two to tear them apart, while Malik launched at Ryou to tear him apart. Luckily, Bakura got there first, and pulled Ryou out of harms way, seconds before Malik could sink his teeth into him.

“And that, Yami, is why you never fuck with a hikari's yami.” Yami turned to stare at Yuugi with wide eyes.

“You mean you turn into that snarling mess of jealousy as well?”

“Of course.”

Yami nodded, filing the information away for a more appropriate time. `Note to self: Make Yuugi jealous, could be extremely hot.'

“Just remember all yamis are punished as well as the perpetrator.

Malik was glaring at Marik, “Fine, if you like Ryou so much then go ahead and fuck him. NO SEX FOR A WEEK!” Marik might have cared if he wasn't laughing so hard.

Yami filed this information away immediately. `Note to self: It's not worth making Yuugi jealous.'

“Malik, go get me the chastity belt.” Malik smirked at Bakura, nodding his head and rising from his seat.

Ryou yelped in horror, “No! It was just a joke! Honestly! I only have the secret wardrobe because I don't want its magic to wear out!”

That got everybody's attention.

“What magic?”

“You know what I mean; it's kind of like when you get a new weapon. You know, the feel of having it in your hand, and knowing how cool you look with it out.” Marik and Bakura closed there eyes, imagining that feeling. “I feel really… well, good when I wear those clothes, and I don't want that feeling to die down because I get to used to wearing them.”

“Then why didn't you say so?” Bakura asked.

“I didn't want you to make fun of me.”

“Hmm. Moving on, the winner of last nights competition was… Ryou.” Bakura said.

“What?!” Malik and Yuugi cried unanimously.

“The goal was to be the most convincing girl, or the sexiest. Ryou was wearing a short slutty dress, and it was believable.”

“I'll be taking my necklace back, thank you very much.” Marik shrugged, tossing it over to Ryou, who smirked at Malik.

Malik glared at Ryou.

“Yuugi, was the loser.” Bakura continued.

Yuugi sulked and looked at Yami sadly.

“You didn't think I looked sexy?”

“That's not it, Yuugi; it's just that Malik is more girly than you. I thought you deserved to win, so I bought the puzzle. We can complete it together later.”

Yuugi smiled cutely at Yami, pecking him on the lips, before turning to smirk at Malik.

“Poor little Malik, he's the only one who hasn't gotten anything out of this round.” Ryou teased.

“Yeah, well soon you'll have my fist in your face!”

“Enough!” Yami cried, before the two could begin a fist fight. “Save that energy for the next and final round.”

“Yay.” More enthusiasm poured out of the hikaris' throat.

“There won't be a prize, but because of the nature of the contest, there isn't a need for one.” he continued. “In, order to prove who is the worst fighter,” Yami paused, “you will need to fight.”

“Really now?”

“Malik, lose the attitude.” Malik rolled his eyes at Yami, but otherwise kept his comments to himself. “Now the main difference between this round and the other two is we will be ignoring the cheating clause.”

“Cheating clause?” Yuugi echoed.

“The reason you were paired up with Marik and Bakura was so that I couldn't help you cheat. This time I will be your partner, and you will win, making you the most helpless hikari.” Yami declared.

“Umm… yay?”

“That's what you think! Ryou's the most helpless in the room!”

“No Malik is!”

“Moving on!” Malik cried out.

“See! Look at how assertive he is, there is no way he's the most helpless hikari!”

“His assertiveness is how he hides his insecurities.”

“That's bullshit and you know it.”

“Yami, language!”

“Sorry, Yuugi.”

“See, Malik doesn't order me around like that!”

“Ryou's been -Mmph!” Bakura was cut off by Ryou crawling back into his lap, and attaching their lips together.

Yami and Marik stopped to stare at the two.

“And that is how you get your yami to stop arguing.” Ryou stated as he pulled back.

“So, what are we doing for this round?” Malik asked with a yawn.

“We're going to head to Man Hunt.” Surprisingly, it was Marik who spoke this time.

“You mean the local fight club downtown?” Ryou asked.

Everyone stared at him.

“There are hot sweaty guys rolling around on the floor, why would I not know where or what it is?”

“No comment.” Yami mumbled to himself.

“That's the one! The guys have agreed to fight you one on one, weakest to strongest. Whoever gets the farthest in the competition loses.”

“That's so backwards, but since no one wants to win, it makes sense to explain it like that.” Ryou chirped.

“So true.” Yuugi snickered silently to himself.

“Everyone, grab your partner, and let's head out.”

While everyone was leaving the living room, Yami quietly pulled Ryou aside.

“Ryou, that's not the same reason you told me you had secret wardrobe.”

“Yami, I'm not going to tell Bakura, a thief, the only reason he didn't know about it was so he couldn't steal any of the shiny items in it.”

“Good point.”

~~~ *** ~~~

Yuugi, surprisingly, managed to beat the first guy. It didn't matter that the only reason he won was because he ducked behind a chair, which the guy ran into causing him to wipeout. A win was a win, and he was willing to take it anyway he could.

The next guy though, had a piece of rope. His first thought had been the obvious: what kind of moron chooses a piece of rope for a weapon. Ironically, that piece of rope ended up wrapped around his neck, and almost killed him. Yami had been on the guy in seconds though, and tore him off after a moment or two. But Yuugi learned one valuable thing from the encounter.

“So Yuugi, what did you learn?” Ryou asked teasingly.

“Never fuck with a guy who uses a rope.”

“That's what she said!” Marik shrieked with laughter.

Everyone stared at him. Silence reigned for a few minutes.

“Oh! I get it!” Bakura cried as he joined Marik in his laughter.

“What?” Yami asked.

Yuugi sighed before whispering in his ear.

“Oh! That is funny!” Yami roared with laughter.

“It wasn't funny enough to deserve this.” Ryou whispered to the other two after a few more minutes of watching them.

Malik and Yuugi could only nod in agreement.

“Will you please present your next contestant.” someone called from the audience.

Malik stepped up to the plate.

He managed to get through three guys easily, before he had needed any help from Marik. Backed against a wall with a knife to your throat generally wasn't a good thing, unless you were the one with the knife.

Marik hopped into the scene and took the guy out in a single blow. Grinning, he reached down and pulled the guy back up by his hair.

“Down boy!” Malik called.

Marik blinked before pouting. “But Malik, he hit you.”

“Marik.” There was a hint of a warning tone in his voice.

“Fine.” Grumbling, Marik tossed the guy to the side, while sulking all the way to the edge of the ring.

“Marik got in trouble! Marik got in trouble!” Bakura taunted, a large smirk growing on his face.

“Shut up or I'll tell Ryou.”

“Go ahead.”

“Ryou! Bakura's being mean to me!”

Ryou looked between the two, before groaning. “Sorry, Marik, but I really want to be fucked tonight, so he's going to get away with it this time.”

“But, Ryou!”

“Sorry, Marik.”

“I can fuck you!”

“In that case.” Ryou began to turn on Bakura.

“Next contestant, please step into the arena.” called another voice.

“Wish me luck guys.”

Ryou had a very close call during the first round. The guy who had taken himself out for Yuugi, refused to do that again, and Ryou had to resort to a more tactful win (i.e. letting the guy charge at him, side stepping, sticking his foot out and letting him crash into the same chair as before). After that, he seemed unstoppable, taking out guy after guy. Bakura almost passed out, Yami asked for someone to pinch him (which Marik eagerly did) and the list went on.

By the end of it Ryou walked out unscathed, except for a minor bruise on his left rib cage.

“Why are you guys staring at me?”

“Since when could you do that?” Yuugi cried.

“Ummm… since always. That's the reason I don't let you guys fight. Don't get much enjoyment out of it. Prefer to do the fighting myself.”

“But, what… and… how… and…”

“You're not making any sense, Yuugi. Didn't you guys notice I don't have a bully problem.”

“Well, yeah, but we always assumed that was because of… Bakura.”

All eyes turned to Bakura, who was still staring at Ryou with wide eyes.

“Well, I guess it's decided then. The winner of this round is Yuugi, and the loser is Ryou.”

“Also,” Bakura added, “Ryou is the most helpless hikari.”

“What are you talking about!? Did you not watch what happened a few moments ago?!”

“Clearly Malik is the most helpless hikari! He placed second throughout the whole thing!”

“Ryou won two and lost one! He's the most helpless!”

“No, Yuugi is! After that level of fighting Ryou just displayed, he's proved that he's the strongest hikari!”

“He's the strongest and the most helpless!”

“That doesn't make any sense!”

“You both are jealous because Malik is the most perfect!”

“He is not!”

“Oh god. Will they ever SHUT UP?” Malik asked, rubbing his temples.

“Probably not.”

Most Helpless Drunk

Winner: Bakura Ryou

Loser: Mouto Yuugi

Most Girly

Winner: Bakura Ryou

Loser: Mouto Yuugi

Worst Fighter

Winner: Mouto Yuugi

Loser: Bakura Ryou

Most Helpless Hikari

Undecided.

~~~ *** ~~~

“Do we even care who wins anymore?” Ryou asked.

“Not particularly.” Malik mumbled, and Yuugi nodded his head in agreement.

The hikaris sat in a semi-circle around the living room, their yamis off doing… well they really didn't want to know.

“We should get back at them.” Yuugi suddenly said.

“I'm listening.” Malik said looking at him.

“Their whole competition was degrading, and humiliating. The least we should do is give them a taste of their own medicine.”

“In other words, create a bizarre contest that matches theirs?”

“Precisely.”

“I'm in.”

“So what should we do?”

“Cherry stems.” Ryou said.

“What?” Malik stared at him like he had lost his mind.

“You know that myth, that if you can use your tongue to tie a knot in a cherry stem, you have a very talented tongue.”

Malik raised an eyebrow. “Is that even possible?”

“Hell if I know, but if it isn't it'll be funny to watch them try.”

“Aren't cherry stems poisonous?” Yuugi asked.

“They'd have to chew on a lot of stems, before we had to worry.”

“You're hoping that's what happens.”

Ryou smiled cutely.

“What other cruel punishment can we inflict on them?” Malik asked.

“Chinese finger traps!” Yuugi cried.

“What?” Malik mumbled.

“We'll give them Chinese finger traps, to see which of them is the most imaginative, and the best with their hands.”

“Chinese finger traps have nothing to do with skillful hands.” Ryou muttered.

“What they don't know won't hurt them.”

“So true.”

“The last category is the hard part though. How are we going to get them back for those fights?”

“Stamina.” Malik smirked.

“I like that smirk,” Ryou said with a large grin of his own, “Continue.”

“They can jog around the block a few times, to discover who has the most stamina.”

“Why only a few times?” Yuugi asked. “That whole round took us five hours, including travel time.”

“We can't make the run for five hours, that's just inhumane.” Ryou said sadly.

“So, an hour and half?” Malik asked.

“Sounds good.” Yuugi nodded.

“They are so going to regret fucking with us.” Ryou declared.

The hikaris shared a round of laughter, before heading off to their own homes.

TBC

That is the end of the first competition, which sadly will never have a winner. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!