Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Stupid Pointless Arguments ❯ Setting the Trap ( Chapter 5 )

 

“I can't believe Marik managed to do it.” Yuugi grumbled.

 

“I can't believe that Yami and Bakura think the secret to tying cherry stems is to choke on them.” Malik sighed.

 

“I can't believe that Bakura knows that I don't have a gag reflex.” Ryou muttered. The other two turned to stare at him in disbelief. “What? Would you rather I say: `I still can't believe it's not butter'?”

 

“You're still not over that?” Yuugi asked.

 

“Hey! In my professional opinion if it looks like butter; and it tastes like butter, than it's butter!”

 

“Ryou, it's margarine, get over it. How are we going to pull off the Chinese Finger Trap?”

 

“What do you mean, Malik?” Yuugi cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “We're going to tell them that they can't use brute strength to break them, and sit back and watch them struggle.”

“That's it?”

 

“Well, yeah, unless you have something to add.”

 

“Not really, it just feels like we're not getting back at them.”

 

“Well,” Ryou began, “We can give the next round a ridiculous set of rules.”

 

“Sounds good.” Malik nodded satisfied.

 

“Shall we call them in?” They nodded at Yuugi, and so he did just that.

 

Seconds later the three yamis came barreling into the room. Well, Bakura and Marik came barreling into the room; carrying Yami by his limbs.

 

“Put me down, you psychotic freaks!”

 

The hikaris could only stare.

 

“Take it back, Yami.” Bakura grinned.

 

“Take what back? I didn't do anything!”

 

“Now, Yami,” Marik started, “unless you want something unfortunate to happen, I'd suggest you apologize.”

 

“For what? How am I supposed to apologize when I don't know what the problem is?”

 

“Maybe you should just apologize for everything.”

 

“Everything?” Yami echoed confused.

 

“Yeah,” Bakura snickered, “you know: living, breathing, being born, etcetera, etcetera. I'm sure you'll hit the nail on the head eventually.”

 

“Fuck you!”

 

“Now, now, Yami. We can't do anything about your virginity. We're in committed relationships; as are you. You should be ashamed for even suggesting such a notion.”

 

“I'm not a virgin!” he yelled, trying to ignite Bakura with his glare. (1)

 

“Yeah, and Mai's breast are real.” Marik sniggered.

 

“Mai's breasts are real.” Ryou piped up.

 

Everyone turned to stare at him.

 

“Ryou, how do you know that?” Bakura growled.

 

“I know real breasts when I feel them.”

 

“Oh.” Everyone turned back to stare at Yami, who was still suspended off the ground.

 

Silence.

 

“What? !” It was broken by a unanimous cry.

 

“When you feel them, don't you mean when you see them?” Yuugi exclaimed.

 

Ryou just gave them an innocent smile.

 

Malik sighed as he decided to ignore Ryou, so that his tenuous grip on his sanity didn't slip. “Marik, put Yami down.”

 

“But, Malik, if he doesn't apologize in five minutes, I get to pee on him!”

 

If Yami could get any paler, he'd be able to redefine the colour white.

 

“Marik.” Malik warned.

 

“But I want to pee on him!”

 

In a second, Yami had renewed his efforts to free himself; twisting and turning in an attempt to free his limbs.

 

“Marik!”

 

Marik grumbled under his breath, but followed Malik's order regardless. Yami's legs landed with a loud `thunk!' as they hit the ground, and he went still for a few minutes trying to register their position.

 

Ryou rushed over to Bakura and yanked him into a heated kiss, his hands wandering over the firm body; as a result, Bakura released Yami's arms so he could return the favor.

 

Yami ran from the scene the second he was free, and several minutes later Ryou and Bakura parted.

 

“Sit.” Malik ordered, pointing at the couch. They watched as Marik slunk over there grumbling the whole time; while Bakura sneered at him before plopping down next to Marik. Yami on the other hand, went as far away from them as he possibly could, but no one could really blame him.

 

“Now, if you're done threatening Yami with your bodily fluids, we can begin.” Yuugi muttered.

 

Marik opened his mouth to say something, but a sharp glare from Malik caused him to snap it back shut.

 

“This,” he continued, pulling out an object out of his pocket, “is a Chinese finger trap. Your objective is to put it on,” he demonstrated, “and then take it off.” Malik and Ryou stepped in front of Yuugi to shield him from the yamis' view. “The only rule is that you can't use brute strength or an object to rip or tear it. You only get one, so if you break it, you automatically lose.” Malik and Ryou stepped back to the side, revealing Yuugi's freed fingers.

 

“Don't worry though,” Ryou smiled, “it's not nearly as hard as it looks.”

 

The yamis silently sighed in relief.

 

“It's much harder.” Malik smirked.

 

A single audible gulp was their response.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

“What the fuck is the point of this?” Bakura grumbled to himself.

 

“To see how original you are, as well as how good with your hands you can be.” Ryou chirped.

 

“Like fuck it is, you're just messing with me.”

 

“No, I'll be messing with you much later… in bed… when I'm going down—“”

 

“Ryou, that's enough!” Malik cut him off.

 

“Fuck!” Marik cried.

 

“What?” Yuugi asked him worriedly.

 

“Ryou distracted me!”

 

Everyone stared at his ruined test.

 

“Well, Marik, that means we have to disqualify you.”

 

“That's not fair!” he cried.

 

“Yes!”

 

Eyes turned to stare at Yami.

 

“Huh? Oh I know how to do this.” he mumbled to himself and turned around to shield his answer from Bakura.

 

Bakura snarled as he tried to pull his fingers out of the trap, before a thought occurred to him. Back in ancient Egypt, when he was robbing a tomb, he sometimes came across objects that needed to be moved in order for him to proceed. If an object, like a stone slab, couldn't be pushed odds are that it could be pulled.

 

And vice versa.

 

Pushing his fingers in a little, he felt the bamboo loosen slightly, and was able to pull his fingers out a little.

 

He smirked.

 

“I got it!” Yami cried.

 

He snarled.

 

Yami smirked and waved his Chinese Finger trap at Marik and Bakura.

 

He lunged.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

“Well, that didn't work as planned.” Malik grumbled.

 

“We did the best we could.” Yuugi said.

 

“This is our last chance to get back at them.” Ryou sighed.

 

“What are we going to do? All this competition is doing is stroking their egos.”

 

“Well, they're supposed to be jogging for the last round, and I think I have an idea.” Ryou mumbled.

 

“Oh?” Malik and Yuugi looked at him intrigued.

 

“Yep, that'll do it.”

 

“What?” Yuugi asked warily.

 

“Don't worry guys, just follow my lead.”

 

“Should we be worried?” he whispered to Malik as Ryou called the yamis in.

 

“Oh, don't worry about this round. We'll get them in the next one.” Ryou snickered to them.

 

“What are you talking about?” Malik slowly backed away from Ryou at the sight of his evil grin, which vanished the second their yamis entered the room.

 

“Now, this last round will be the hardest. It is to determine your stamina.” Ryou stated. “You will be running from here to the museum.”

 

“But the museum is four miles away!” Yami cried.

 

“So? The rules are simple; first you can't slow down at all. The second you stop, you lose, and that includes stopping at traffic lights.”

 

“So what are we supposed to do? Jog on the spot?” Yami asked wearily.

 

“Second, you can't stay in the same spot for longer than a second or two at the most.”

 

“This is just barbaric!”

 

“The third rule is that you have to travel in a straight line, no short cuts.”

 

“The museum isn't a straight line from here!”

 

“Yuugi, will you please shut him up?”

 

“You're expectations of me are far too high.” Yuugi mumbled as he gently patted Yami on the head.

 

“Fourth rule, no pivoting.”

 

“I'm starting to see what you're trying to do.” Bakura smirked at Ryou.

 

“On the assumption that all of you make it to the museum, whoever arrives first wins.”

 

“Don't forget , Ryou” Malik grinned, “If you trip or fall for whatever reason, you lose.”

 

“Why?” Yami grumbled.

 

“Think of it like premature ejaculation.” Yuugi snickered.

 

The three Yami's paled.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

The route was simple. They'd run all the way to the street that the museum was on, turn onto it and run the rest of the way there. Now you could travel off the route, but that wouldn't count distance wise. To make matters worse, Yuugi had given them a time limit at the last minute.

 

“On your marks.” Malik started.

 

“Get set.” Yuugi laughed.

 

“Go.” Ryou grinned as he waved them off before hopping on his bike.

 

Malik caught up to Marik easily, he would have preferred to take his motorcycle, but then it would have been far too hard to keep track of him, so a bicycle was his only choice.

 

“Wow, Marik, you're really fast. Can you run any faster?”

 

“Should you be talking to me?”

 

“Would I be talking to you in bed?”

 

“No, only moaning my name.”

 

“Ass!” Malik swiped Marik over the head and watched as he still kept his pace.

 

Marik may have been sprinting unlike the others, but Malik had a feeling it'd be hard to get him thrown out of the race.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

“So, Yami, how's the race.” Yuugi asked, glancing up at the sound of Malik yelling.

 

“It's fine.”

 

“Oh,” Yuugi winced slightly, feeling bad for what he was about to do. But this, he reminded himself, was for all the wrong he'd undergone during the previous few days.

 

“Yuugi, what's wrong?”

 

“Noth—ING!” he cried as his bike hit a hole in the sidewalk and braced himself for the impact. He stopped his fall with his elbow, and grunted slight as his head struck the ground.

 

“Yuugi!” Yami was at his side in a second. Crouching down and gently inspecting him for injury.

 

“Sorry, Yami.”

 

“For what?”

 

“You're out, Yami.” Ryou called as Bakura “jogged” past him.

 

“What the hell? Why hasn't he been disqualified yet?” Yami cried.

 

“He's kept a steady pace, Yami.” Yuugi mumbled.

 

“I could walk faster than that!”

 

“Marik, the light's red!” The two turned to stare at the two leading the run.

 

Marik grumbled and glared at Malik as he stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the traffic signal to change colour.

 

“Marik, you're out!” Ryou called. Bakura smirked making a left at the traffic light, before making a tight circle and backtracking to the intersection. He continued to do this until the light change, and from there he jumped over Marik's extended leg and later, won the round.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

“Ryou, are you going to explain why we had to rig that round?” Yuugi asked as he pulled off the elbow and knee pads.

 

“So we could have a tie breaker round.”

 

“Why do we need one of those?” Malik inquired.

 

“For our revenge. Come on guys, just follow my lead. You will definitely thank me for this.”

 

“You keep saying that.” the other two sighed, but Yuugi called the yamis in.

 

“Now, I'm sure it's obvious to you that the score is completely tied.”

 

“Just get on with it, Ryou.” Bakura grumbled.

 

“Fine. This last round, a tie breaker, is to determine which one if you will go the farthest to please us.”

 

Suddenly, the yamis could sense danger.

 

“For this round, we'll be doing karaoke.”

 

“What! ?” they exploded.

 

Malik and Yuugi almost burst into laughter. Ryou had been right, revenge was sweet.

 

“Bakura, you have one day to find a love song to sing for me.”

 

“Excuse me? !”

 

“If the phrase: `I love you' isn't in the song, you'll be disqualified.”

 

“The hell is this? ! I always please you.”

 

“Then you won't have a problem with this.”

 

“Yami, you will be…” Ryou trailed off, looking at Yuugi.

 

“Singing a sex song.”

 

“Yuugi!” Yami gaped at him, a slight blush forming on his face.

 

“The song can not be a love song; otherwise we'll disqualify you.”

 

“Yuugi—”

 

“And as for you, Marik,” Malik smirked, “You'll be singing about...”

 

 

I'll stop there, so there's only one chapter left. Please send in song suggestions for the yamis… and a theme for Marik. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

 

I was writing this in class, and a substitute was reading over my shoulder… she thinks it was a movie critique. And has anyone noticed my obsession with mocking virgins… is my subconscious trying to tell me something?