Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Different Species of Tea ❯ Of the Tea Species... ( One-Shot )

This is a matter of philosophy and debate. Apparently, authors in fanfiction.net flame each other for different usages of the character commonly known as "Tea" in the English world. One believes she is the Evil Friendship Witch, the other believes she is a nice friendly girl. To ease and appease, let it be known that there are actually four species of "Tea." As I like to put it,

"There's Anzu. There's Tea. There's the dub-Tea. And then there's the dumb-dub-Tea."

And so I shall explain each species of Tea and show just which fanfics she's suited for and how her character is like, and then a brief little talk with the characters.

Disclaimer: The author does not own YGO or any of the "Tea species."

::Author's Note:: Remember, this is humor. Parody. Not to be taken seriously. A BIG FAT JOKE. Just poking fun at the various ways to portray characters. Seriously, this could be done with any YGO character, simply because of the manga/anime/fandom difference, but Tea's the most fun to poke at. Okay? ^_~
Originally (and formally) posted on fanfiction.net on 4-6-2005.

The Different Species of Tea

Part I: Classification

Anzu (Canonis Anzu) – the canon character.
Habitat: Domino, Japan; traditional Japanese settings, dance studio

This is the girl straight from the manga. She really dances, has a big crush on Yami no Yugi, and her "friendship speeches" are merely two sentences long and actually somewhat practical. Amazing, isn't it? She actually has a spine and doesn't wilt into a pile of googly gush when Yami no Yugi happens to get in a bad spot. Anzu enjoys her friends but is not the confining person of the group. In general, Anzu tends to be more traditional in style.

The particular fanfics "Anzu" is suited for are of course heavily Japanese based fics. These are the fics that whip out Japanese phrases every other paragraph, such as 'Daijoubou', 'Yamete', 'Onegai', and other, much longer phrases. If you don't have a good grasp on the Japanese language, use a different version of Tea.

Some people use the name "Anzu" as the "yami" of "Tea." As in "Yami no Tea," which disturbs me greatly. In these cases, "Anzu" is either an ancient Egyptian spirit, thus being somewhat an OC/AU, or is an attempt of the author to put "Anzu" and "Tea" or "Dub-Tea" in one character lump. Which is possible under the "yami" concept, except then it's not canon. In any case, this is a subspecies of Tea and is not believed to be a true species of Tea.

Tea (Canonis Tea) – the English canon character.
Habitat: Domino, Japan; clubs

This is basically "Anzu" speaking English. All aspects stay the same, except for the usage of the English language and thus the English form of the Japanese names. Being that she is an anglicized Anzu, she acts a bit more gritty and laid-back, but not much.

This form of Tea is best suited for those authors who wish to stay as close to the canon as possible but do not know the Japanese language and customs. However, most authors attempt to write at least a few Japanese phrases, such as "ja ne" and "baka." Basically, "Tea" is based on the English Shonen Jump's translation of the Japanese manga. Thus, she dances, she cheers, and she has a brain.

Dub-Tea (Dubbus Tea) – the English anime character.
Habitat: Domino, America; Domino High School

This is the Tea from the English anime, aka the "dub." This means that she dances infrequently, is mostly a very, very, close friend of Yugi's and does not know that "Yami" has a particularly dark and morbid side. (Of course, if a writer's using Dub-Tea, thus the writer would use Dub-Yami, which is the "we must save the world using the heart of the cards" person.)

Contrary to belief, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using Dub-Tea in fanfics, provided she is used in the correct fanfics. Dub-Tea does have a mind, body coordination, and beliefs like Canonis Anzu and Canonis Tea; however, due to American surroundings she is often confused with the Dumb-Dub-Tea. Dub-Tea is tamer and often shyer than the previously described species of Tea.

In general, Dub-Tea is found in humor and in fanfics that are English-anime based, or in fanfics that do not require a strong Tea character. Since most authors are poor, and the fact that the Dub-Tea is cheaper to hire/hunt/find, many fanfics use this commonly used species.

Dumb-Dub-Tea (Dubbus Idiotus) – Idiot in girl form.
Habitat: Spaceship; Bubble of Cluelessness

Now, this is the Evil Friendship Witch or some form of her. Some scientists believe Dumb-Dub-Tea is in fact, an alien. This is the species who gushes over "friendship" and is absolutely clueless about everything. This is the Tea found in most humor fics who bash/make fun of Tea. As her name implies, she is mostly English anime based and positively "Dumb."

Think of the Dumb-dub-Tea as what her name implies– a dum-dum lollypop with Tea's name on it. And leaves a nasty aftertaste.

* * * * *

Part II: Interpretation

Sometimes, authors use hybrids of various forms of Tea. For instance, "Tea" plus "Dub-Tea" equals semi-canon Tea. This is probably the most popular form of Tea, since the author probably only has access to the English dub, may only have seen a few YGO uncut episodes, and probably learns about the "canon Teas" by reading Shonen Jump or surfing the Internet, which often has conflicting viewpoints on Tea. The only species of Tea that really cannot be combined with any other Tea is Canonis Anzu, simply because she is canon and has the Japanese language factor. One can immediately find an "Anzu" fic if it uses "Anzu" and lots of correctly phrased and appropriate Japanese phrases and is (mostly) in character. This is assuming it is not a "Yami Anzu" fic, which is OC/AU and is not part of this distribution of Teas.

Therefore all of those pro-Anzu and anti-Tea groups are actually fighting over two separate characters. Bash the dum-dum Tea and hail Anzu.

And now, for example sake and the fact that this is fanfiction, let us...meet...these four species of Takahashi's character.

* * * * *

Part III: Observance

"Aaaaannnnd now, ladies and gentlemen, readers and potential reviewers...meet our guests!!!!"

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

"Here we have the lovely Anzu Mazaki, straight from Domino Japan!"

Enter Anzu. She is wearing her cutesy little vest and miniskirt outfit, carrying a shopping bag. She gives a grin and a wink to the audience before sitting down.

"Next we have the spunky Tea Gardener, also from Japan!"

Enter Tea, waltzing in with those huge boots of hers and that white jacket outfit, waving to everyone in the audience. "Hiya, everyone!"

"And now, please welcome Dub-Tea, who's just flown in from Domino, America!"

Enter Dub-Tea, wearing her typical school-girl outfit, with the pink jacket, little blue bow, and tiny miniskirt. She waves and sits down.

"And lastly and definitely leastly is the *ahem* lovely Dumb-dub-Tea, beamed down from her Friendship UFO!!!"

Bursts in Dumb-Dub Tea with a herald of confetti hearts, who promptly glomps everyone and yells "I LOVE YOU ALL!!! THANK YOU!!!" and flounces into the last chair, to which all other Teas scoot their chairs farther away.

After a great deal of shuffling, the host closed his hands and asks the first question. "I suppose this is pretty expected, but what are your feelings about the person commonly known as 'Yami'?"

Dumb-Dub-Tea gasps, sits straight up, and blinks about fifty times before answering. "OH! Well, I think he needs more FRIENDS!!!" Dumb-Dub-Tea gushes up and would have continued, if Anzu had not given the Stare of Death (to which Dumb-Dub-Tea is unfortunately immune, but at least it stopped Dumb-Dub-Tea from doing a three-hour-long friendship speech).

Tea clears her throat and glances at Anzu, who is keeping Dumb-Dub-Tea immobile with her Stare of Death. "Well, I think he's very honorable and self-sacrificial, and..." Here she blushes slightly, "...kinda cute."

Anzu nods. "Well, I've been around him a bit longer than you guys have, and he does live up to his name time to time. Sometimes he's downright scary, but you know, sometimes rough guys are interesting." She too blushes, even harder than Tea. "And he is cute. Dashing crimson eyes, that low voice," She goes off dreamily. "I love how he says 'Let's play a game...' "

Dub-Tea coughs. "I don't know...I mean, he is cute, but I think he's putting himself in a lot of danger. You know, with all the saving the world thing..."

"But of course!" Tea interrupts. "We have to support him with that!"

(The host reflects that Yami has been referred to as 'cute' three times.) The host coughs. "And about Yugi Motou?"

"Oh! Yuugi! He's really sweet and kind. I've known him for a long time." Anzu smiles.

Tea nods. "Yeah, we've been childhood friends ever since...wow...kindergarten."

"Yugi is very loyal and trusting," Dub-Tea states. She blinks. "Kind of like Joey, now that you mention it..."

"He is One with Friendship," Dumb-Dub-Tea says seriously. "He is the One."

Everyone just stares for a moment. Anzu rolls her eyes. "And One for All."

Dumb-Dub-Tea blinks slowly. "...That is very wise. Perhaps you too, will become One with Friendship..."

Anzu glares. Dumb-Dub-Tea stares right back, oblivious (as usual) to danger. "Would you like to take the rites and become One with Friendship?"

"Shut...up..." Anzu growls.

"Er...ladies...shall we move on?"

The four girls nod, although Dumb-Dub-Tea goes into mediation for being One with Friendship. The host asks the next question. "What do you plan to do in the future?"

Anzu muses. "Well, I've always wanted to practice dancing in America, but it does cost a lot of money. I don't have a job right now either, so I'm thinking about starting to teach dance lessons to beginners at the local gym..."

Dub-Tea blinks. "You don't have a job?"

"Ah...yeah...I lost my job when I...uh...took to a guy's advances at Burger World badly." Anzu laughs.

Tea sighs. "Yeah, that goes for me too. I want to study dancing, but it's just so hard to get enough money. It's getting hard to pay for lessons, especially since I'm so advanced."

Dub-Tea shrugs. "Well, I guess it's easier for me then, since I'm already in America. Travelling to New York won't be so hard. But I don't know, I haven't practiced that much recently. And I've been thinking about going to college...maybe one with a strong dance program..."

Dumb-Dub-Tea opens her eyes and bursts out (inspiration from her mediation, apparently), "I want to spread friendship to the whole world! Everyone needs friends! And then after that I'm going to spread the love of friendship to the whole universe!!!!" Little hearts form around Dumb-Dub-Tea's face.

All other Teas start glaring the Stare of Death, and little flames begin to form around the oblivious Dumb-Dub-Tea. The host coughs again. "Ahem. ...I think our time's running out. As for our last question, what are your perspectives on 'fangirls'?"

Anzu breaks off her stare and groans. "Oh, no. Please. Either they're drooling over one of the guys or they're chasing me down the street for some imagined offense. Aren't there any nice ones out there who don't go around putting guys into their harems or beating us up because we're Evil Incarnate?"

Dub-Tea nods fervently. "I think I have it worse than you guys. At least you have an ocean barrier, and Hollywood doesn't have as big as an influence. Over here in America, I get stalked. And it's not friendly."

Tea rolls her eyes. "Totally. Fangirls are such polarizing people, you know? Either they hate us or they– well, I guess they don't love us, but they're trying way too hard to be friends with everybody."

"AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?!?!" Dumb-Dub-Tea bounces out of her seat. "FRIENDSHIP IS ALL POWERFUL! IT CAN SAVE THE WORLD!" Little flamelets circle around her face. "Fangirls are a necessary part of our plan to spread friendship! We need them in order to–"

Dumb-Dub-Tea continues to rant. All of the other Tea's have tic-marks on their heads. Anzu takes one glance at her fellow Teas, shrugs, and gets up. She turns apologetically to the host, "Sorry about this," before whipping out a Large Something from her shopping bag.

Behold the Canonis Bazooka 5000.

Setting it against her shoulder, Anzu aims and lets fly a Big One. Dumb-Dub-Tea crashes through the window and begins to fall down seven stories, but an alien ship swoops down and beams her up.

The host blinks several times now as heart-fireworks burst across the sky, and a laughing screech of "MUHAHAHA! I SHALL RETURN! FRIENDSHIP CANNOT BE DESTROYED!!!" echoes threateningly.

"Ah, lay off," Anzu snorts. She walks back to her seat. "Alright, now that she's gone, is that all?"

"Er...yes." The host coughs delicately. "Well, thank you ladies, for your time and patience." He turns to the cameras. "And this was Yu-Gi-Oh, Backstage! Goodbye, review, and see you around the realm of fanfiction!"