Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Love of a Priestess ❯ Losing Mai ( Chapter 40 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, Anime Expo is starting in just a couple of days! XD I didn't connect the dots right… -_______-|| Anyway, hope everyone's having a great summer!

Just a couple of things:

1) Another reminder that this is now a semi-AU fic, because I stopped my limited watching of English dubs and ended up making all this stuff up.

2) I use the names from the English dubs because—and correct me if I'm wrong—it seems like more people know those names than the Japanese ones. Being Japanese, I prefer the original names (I mean… Jou is so much cuter than Joey!), but from skimming fanfics it seems like more people use the English names.

And again, I have no chapters written in advance, so it might take awhile for the next chapter to come out. Depends on how much work I have to do… @_@

Thank you Phersule for your review!

Jenny Galaxie: Is the plot getting clearer? I'm hoping that by introducing little tidbits of information at a time I'll slowly clear up what's happening for everyone. And Seto is such a dear in this chapter…which is odd, because I loathe and despise the man most of the time.

AMK: O_O Please don't explode… I'll be missing a reviewer… Hahaha, and I thought my end of the year was stressful. I'm glad you like my Kaiba—I think he's a bit weird, but that's just me. I like my Dark Magician Girl on crack. She's more interesting now. =P The visions are fun. I mean, not FUN fun, but it's fun to write the subplot of the memories. He IS a scawy man… O_O And no more falling over either.

Demonic Dragon Mutt: Don't worry about not reviewing! Thanks for this one; it lets me know you're reading! My computer is a little spastic too…

Anyway, on to the chapter now…

Chapter 40: Losing Mai

“And just what do you think you're doing?” a male voice demanded through the crack.

I was momentarily surprised by the strange voice, but instantly regained my composure. “I'm here to see Mai, let me through,” I demanded, slamming my weight against the door.

“She doesn't want to see you,” he snapped, trying to shove the door closed, pushing against my weight.

“I don't give a damn,” I gritted out, leveraging my body against the doorframe to keep the door from closing. At last, with a tremendous heave, I managed to break through the doorway and into Mai's small entryway. I nearly fell over the young man standing there.

He was relatively short (not that I was unusually tall or anything), perhaps a head shorter than Joey. He carried himself with great confidence, but not the endearing confidence Joey exuded. I wondered what he was doing in Mai's apartment—and if Joey knew he was there.

“And just what do you think you're doing in Mai's apartment?” I asked snippily, pushing him aside and striding into the hallway, headed for Mai's bedroom.

“I'm Mai's friend. She asked me to stay.”

“And I'm Queen Elizabeth's cousin,” I retorted sharply.

“I'm more of a friend than you are,” he shot back.

I stopped dead in my tracks in the hallway, just outside of Mai's bedroom. “Excuse me?” I demanded, hands clenching into fists. I didn't know how to use my fists, of course, but I was angry enough to try.

“You heard me,” he replied insolently.

“You don't know me,” I hissed. “And you certainly don't know Mai. If you're the one who's convinced Mai to hole herself up in her apartment and never talk to the people that love and care about her, then you're not only a damn fool, but you're certainly not her friend.”

“Oooo,” he whimpered in mock fright. “You scare me so.”

“I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just trying to get my friend back.”

“If you're such a good friend, where were you during the Duel Monsters Tournament, eh? When she got shipped off to the Shadow Realm? You and your friendship weren't much good to her there.”

I ground my teeth and spat out, “I did what I could. There were reasons I couldn't be there on the blimp during the Finals… and reasons that Yami couldn't save her using the Millennium Puzzle. That doesn't mean we weren't as worried as hell about her. And don't you go using that logic on her.”

As I spun my back to him and turned the doorknob of Mai's room, I heard him chuckle and whisper, “Too late.” Choosing to ignore him, I stepped inside the darkened room.

“Mai?” I asked, my tone almost demanding.

“Nnnn?” she muttered from her bed, where she was buried underneath a pile of blankets. I stalked over, ripped the comforter away, and stood over her in what I hoped was a menacing fashion.

“Get out of bed, NOW,” I ordered, grabbing a wrist and yanking.

She offered little resistance and allowed me to drag her up. As she sat up, rubbing her eyes, I thought it would be easier than I first imagined to bring back the Mai I remembered. Of course, I'd forgotten about that annoying twit in the hallway…

“Mai,” he said, and she was instantly more alert. Her purple eyes focused, and she half-turned toward him. He smiled winningly at her, and her features softened dreamily. Needless to say, I was disgusted. I'd once seen her like that, defenses down and heart open, only she'd been gazing longingly at Joey. Who the hell was this creep to move in and interfere with what had been there?!

“Valon?” Mai asked, seemingly dazed. Her voice was weak and softer than I'd ever heard it, and there was a note of confusion there as well.

“I'm here Mai,” the young man—Valon—replied. Smirking dangerously, he stepped past me and settled on the bed beside Mai, taking her hands in his.

“Wait,” Mai said suddenly, shaking her head, trying to clear her thoughts and sort through what was going on. “What are you doing here?” she asked me, not angrily or suspiciously, but curiously, like a pleasant visitor she hadn't been expecting had arrived. I returned Valon's smirk with one of my own (learned, of course, from Kaiba) as his eyes narrowed and he glared at me.

“I'm here to visit you,” I said smoothly, sitting down on her other side. She turned away from Valon and looked at me, eyes locked with mine, her attention devoted entirely to me. “I talked to Yugi, and he said things had gone badly for you. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh, I'm fine,” she said, a little too quickly. The expression on my face must have said I caught it, because she looked guiltily away from me.

“You can tell me, Mai. I know… Or at least, I can try to understand what it was like for you.”

“Valon, leave,” she said quietly, voice low and eyes downcast.

“But…” he stuttered, reaching for her hands. She pulled them away and curled up into herself, and he was left grasping air.

“Please, leave,” she whispered, voice trembling slightly. He looked over her hunched shoulders at me and glared, eyes telling me that he would not rest until he'd taken his revenge on me. Fine. I could deal with that. As long as he left my friend alone, he could throw everything he had at me. He stood up brusquely and stalked out of the door, shutting it loudly behind him.

“Do you think…” Mai whispered, “that it was supposed to be like that?”

“What?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“Everyone kept talking about Destiny. Yugi and Marik and Odion and Ishizu. As if it was tangible, real, like it governed our lives like gravity governs the path of a falling object. Do you think…” she trailed off, suddenly unable to finish.

“Do I think you were supposed to go the Shadow Realm?” I asked as gently as possible, resting a hand gently on her shoulder. “No, Mai, I don't. You didn't deserve it,” I said quietly, smoothing her tangled blond hair.

“But… Surely… if Destiny is what they say it is…”

“It's not, Mai. I can't believe that Destiny would do that to you. I won't believe that Destiny would do that to you.”

“Then do you think… I was supposed to stay there forever?”

“What did I tell you? You weren't supposed to go there at all. It was just a fluke, a mistake. Think nothing of it. Or rather… Oh, Mai,” I cried helplessly. “I know you'll never forget what happened to you there, but you can't let it control you for the rest of your life. Whatever you saw there had to be terrible, but it can be no worse than letting your true life be overrun by an illusion.”

“What do you mean?” she asked weakly, leaning against me for support.

“You have a life in this world, Mai. Forget about the other world, because it's not real. There's no way what you saw was real. It didn't accurately reflect reality, only what someone else wanted you to see. What did you see, that scares you so?”

“I was alone,” she whispered, so softly I could barely hear her. “All alone. Everyone left me… they all left me…”

“We would never do that,” I whispered fiercely, hugging her to me. “Forget about it. All of it. You know we would never forget you. You will never be alone, Mai. Not as long as we're around.”

“Are you sure?” she asked quietly.

“Positive.”

“I've been sending them away… I told Valon not to let any of you in… I didn't think you'd want to come…”

“Even Joey?” I asked, looking her straight in the eye.

I don't know exactly what it was or why it happened, but something in Mai snapped at the mention of the boy who loved her. Maybe neither of them would ever admit their feelings outside of our private events, but everyone knew what was between them. They had to know, most of all, what lay in their hearts. But now his name brought tears to her eyes and drained the color from her face.

“Joey…” she whispered, eyes losing their focus and gazing out the window at the sky beyond.

Oh shit, I thought to myself. What have I done?

“He left me,” she said quietly. “Even he left me… he said he loved me…” Whoa, wait a minute! He told her that? What the…

“No,” she corrected herself, eyes hardening. “No, he never said that. I just assumed. And I guess I assumed wrong.”

“What are you talking about, Mai? Maybe Joey's never said it, but neither have you! When it's not just the small group of us, you bite and claw at each other like two cats fighting over a mouse! Is that all that's bothering you? You have to know, Mai, that he loves you… can't you see it in his eyes?”

“That's not it,” she said quietly. “If he really loved me, he would've said something.”

“And if you really loved him,” I retorted, “you'd say something too. You know Joey's not the brightest lightbulb in the pack!”

“He left me!” her voice was suddenly raised nearly to a scream now, and I thought that any moment she'd start shrieking at me. “Even he—the one I liked most—left me!”

“Of course, you idiot!” I was growing frustrated and angry, which caused me to yell unintentionally. “How many times do I have to tell you? Joey didn't really leave you, and he never would! All of that was just an illusion!”

“How do you know?” she challenged angrily. “What makes you so certain that he cares about me?”

“I just know!” I screamed, irrationally. “I know Joey, Mai, and deep in your heart you know it too. You're just scared,” I snapped. “Scared that somehow you aren't good enough to keep him, and that's why you worry about him leaving.”

A deafening moment of silence fell. Shit, I swore to myself. Did you have to hit that close to home?

Mai's vibrant purple eyes snapped to life, and she stood to her full height to tower over me. “That second-rate punk should be the one begging me to stay,” she snapped, and there was something in her voice that scared me… some new venom that she had never before possessed now coursed through her veins, and I sensed that every word that passed between us now would be more debilitating than the bite of a cobra.

“Excuse me?” I said slowly, trying to tread carefully but too angry to see the cracks in the sidewalk of our conversation. “If that's the way you're thinking, then maybe Joey doesn't need you. He needs somebody who understands and accepts him, not someone who cares more about his dueling record than his heart!”

There was a heavy, momentary silence as Mai fumed silently. “Valon!” she snapped. He immediately came, standing in the doorway.

“Yes, Mai?” he asked in his cocky drawl, looking sideways at me with triumph in his eyes.

“Escort her out. Now,” she ordered, refusing to look at me.

“Be glad to,” he said, with a little bow and a smirk.

“Oh, give me a break, Mai. You can't be telling me that you'd rather have him than Joey,” I snapped, ignoring Valon, who was approaching me quickly and reaching out to drag me away.

“He's a better friend than any of you can ever be!” she shrieked, tears coming to her eyes. She buried her face in her hands, hiding her amethyst eyes from me.

I stepped back, shocked by her outburst. Even Valon seemed surprised, because he froze in place as well. I listened for a few moments to Mai's sobs, then spoke quietly and—I hoped—carefully. “Mai… tell me why he's been better to you than any of the rest of us, and I'll leave. If you really believe that, Mai, then I have nothing more to say.”

“He… He knows what it's like to be me. He knows what it's like to be on the outside looking in! You all are always there for each other, no matter what… I've never had friends like that. I've never had friends. Not real ones, at least. He knows what it's like to be alone, and weak. None of you have ever known weakness, have you? Look at Yugi, the best duelist in the world. And Kaiba, that jerk. Even Joey—he's never been anything but confident in his own limited abilities. And you and Tea and Tristan and Duke, the cheerleaders—all you've ever done is be supportive of them, never doubting them. How can any of you understand what it is to not know that… to fear losing, to fear defeat, to fear your own inability?”

I was silent for a moment. Then I asked, “How can we even begin to try, Mai, if you refuse to let us into your life?”

Without waiting for a response, I turned away from her and walked away, out her door and down her hallway. I turned the doorknob and walked out into the hallway and out of the building. I walked away in the bright sunshine, never once turning to look back at Mai's apartment building.

I'd done everything I could to bring her back. The final decision was hers to make.

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I said nothing to anyone about my trip to Mai's. Kaiba didn't ask what I'd done during the day when he returned from work, and even if he had I would have lied. Yami didn't attempt to Channel with me, so I didn't need to tell him. And I couldn't bear to tell Joey or Serenity, who'd loved her so. I kept replaying the conversation in my mind, wondering where I'd gone wrong. I could never quite place the moment I lost her, the moment that she'd made the fateful decision that we could never love her.

The silence during dinner was not unusual, although Mokuba seemed to notice. I usually spoke to him throughout the meal, asking how school had been (if it were during the school year) or what he'd done with his friends (now that it was summer). Sometimes we'd talk about other things, movies or music or games. But tonight I was in no mood for small talk, and so I sat quietly and stared at my plate. I excused myself early and went up to the bedroom, where I flopped down on the bed and buried my head in the pillows.

What if Mai didn't chose as I hoped she would? How would I explain it to the others? What hope was there of getting her back? If we lost Mai… I cursed my own stupidity, my own reckless foolishness. Guilt weighed heavily on my heart as I lay there.

It's not your fault, a light, lilting voice said gently, and I groaned.

Please don't tell me that, I pleaded, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid crying.

It's not, the Dark Magician Girl asserted again. You couldn't help it… You did everything you could…

It doesn't help. It doesn't change the fact that I feel like I lost her. I did. All by myself.

No. She was already lost. You threw out a safety line into the middle of a raging river; it was up to her to grab it before she went over the waterfall.

But… I pushed her away… I was so close…

It doesn't matter. You could not have won her back.

How do you know? I asked miserably.

Just trust me. It was not meant to be.

What wasn't meant to be?

She is meant… to be on their side.

I don't believe that.

I thought you believed in Destiny.

Only in my own. They are all free to chose.

If they are free to chose, why are you not? If the Pharaoh and the Priest can make their own decisions in this life, why can you not? Shouldn't it follow logically that they could choseto make different decisions than they did before? And wouldn't that mean that you are not needed?

No… I…

You're all bound by Destiny. It exists, doesn't it? But it is not all-powerful, is it?

No… No, I suppose it isn't. But then… why isn't it? Why didn't Mai have a choice?

I think… that is something you are destined to discover during this life. How many times have you failed to understand? There is more to breaking the cycle than simply discovering how… you must understand whyin order to truly win.

How do you know all this?

I met some very interesting people today. They said they were your guardians, and told me a bit. They were quite helpful. And then… she shrugged. I remembered some things as well. Please, don't worry about Mai. In the end, all will be well. Just worry about what you can change, rather than the things you cannot.

And with that she exited my mind, leaving me more confused than before.

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That night, as I lay beside Kaiba, I was drawn out of my dreamless sleep by a vision so vivid, I knew what I was viewing was reality and not merely a memory. I looked around briefly and saw the Dark Magician Girl to my left.

Come, she said quietly, beckoning me over. I thought it was something you should see.

We were standing on a catwalk overlooking a huge hall. It was dimly lit, darkness broken only by the pale spots of candlelight. In what I assumed was the center of the room was a large number of candles, laid out into an intricate pattern. I could hardly see anything through the gloom, and could not discern the size, shape, or decoration of the hall. All I could see were the two figures framed by the doorway. Their footsteps echoed eerily through the room as they moved slowly forward.

“So, have you decided?” a smooth voice asked from the darkness. I started visibly; the Dark Magician Girl looked over at me, eyes questioning and trying to read me. That voice… belonged to…

“Yes,” Mai answered firmly, body straight and tall and eyes defiant. I wondered if she was trembling inside… if somewhere deep inside her she was afraid of what she was doing. Her fists were clenched slightly at her sides, but her voiced refused to admit fear or anxiety.

“And what would your decision be?” he asked, and I heard his the soft tapping of his shoes against the hard floor.

Mai paused only momentarily, then swallowed and announced in a clear, even voice, “I'll join you.”

He laughed his sweet, silky laugh and clapped appreciatively. He stepped out into the center of the room, the candles at his feet lighting his face. He smiled at Mai, and beckoned her forward.

“You have done well, Valon,” he murmured, and Valon nodded. The easy, flippant smirk was gone from his face, and I knew then that Valon must have feared the man before him.

“Now, my dear, let me explain to you what you are going to do…”

“Wait,” Mai interrupted. She wasn't one to be scared very easily, and I saw that her decision had emboldened her. Perhaps this was why she had decided… she hoped that this choice, this path, would give her the courage to move on, would somehow erase what had just happened. “You promise whatever happens to me, I will grow stronger?”

“Of course,” he replied easily. “That was part of the bargain. The power that I am about to bestow upon you will greatly increase the strength of your Dueling deck—as well as your mental and emotional strength.” I caught the implication as he smiled his half-smile at Mai, mismatched eyes regarding her carefully.

“Strong enough…”

“Yes—strong enough to beat Joey Wheeler. And possibly his friend Yugi, if you wanted it.”

Mai's mouth and eyes were set, and she nodded. “All right. But your end of the deal had better hold.”

“I've never gone back on a promise,” he assured her. “Now, are you ready?” Mai nodded, and stepped away from Valon.

“Follow me.”