Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The New Authoress ❯ Firing my Disclaimer Person... sort of ( Chapter 5 )

Firing My Disclaimer Person… Sort Of

Sam: *desperately pleading her disclaimer person to stay* The powers that be said that we have a 1 year contract. Is this a year!?!?

Disclaimer: Well… the last time I checked the job description didn't include GETTING ATTACKED… BY A SUGAR HIGH… YAMI!!!!

Sam: Well… ok… I guess that was my fault… but all jobs have their risks… right? Can't you take a joke? Hehe…

Disclaimer: I am not amused.

Sam: Well… can't we talk this out? Maybe I can give you an offer

Disclaimer: What can you possibly offer me?

Sam: Uh… *goes to her vault and unlocks a bag of Dairy Milk Chocolate* How bout these? *twitch*

Disclaimer: Chocolate? *twitch* Your willing to share your supply of… Dairy Milk chocolate? *smiles*

Sam: ^()^ Of course I'm willing to shurrrrr… *having difficulty forming the word* To shurrrr. >()< To shhh. Shhh. Nope I can't do it. *swiping the bag and locking it in her vault* How about biscuits? Disclaimer: *slams the door on her*

Sam: o_o… -_-… *sighs then cheers up* ^()^ Oh YAMI!!! *goes to him*

Yami: *twitch* @()@ *twitch*

Ryou: His too out of it.

Sam: Oh… BAKURA!!!! *Bakura still wiping the make-up from Yami's assault Ryou's helping*

Ryou: I gotta help my Yami and Seto get their make-up off and the other's are trying to get Joey down from the lampost.

Sam: -_-*…o_0. Hang on… I've missed someone ^()^… *types up another character and Malik and his Yami whom I shall refer to as Mally cos I don't know his first name plus it sounds more cuter*

Malik: *blip* What in Ra has brought us here!?!?

Sam: *pops beside him* ^()^ ME!!!!

Mally: SEND US BACK NOW!!!

Sam: ^()^ Oh come on… We'll have fun playing musical chairs!!!

Mally: I don't want to have fun!!! I hate fun and I HATE YOU!!!!

Sam: O.O… *whimpers then burst into tears* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your so mean!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Malik: -_-. *offers her a handkerchief*

Sam: WAAAAA!!!!! *blows her nose noisily and gives back the soggy material* Here you go…

Malik: o_o' Uh… ¬_¬'… Keep it.

Sam: Thank you *sniff*

Malik: I guess you want us to say the disclaimers?

Sam: ^______________^ Oh yes please…

Malik: Sam doesn't own Yu-gi-oh or anything else except herself.

Meanwhile***********

Lawyers: *hears their pagers start beeping informing them that the disclaimer has been said* DAMN IT!!!!! We're just trying to make a living here!!!!…

Back home*********

Mally: Now send us back!!!! Or I'll stick my rod in ya!!!

Sam: O.O………… >()< AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *turns into her monster form with her missile launchers and her million tonne hammer and starts b*tch slapping him before knocking him to the sky*

Malik: *stares as his Yami summersaults in the air* O.O… ^()^ COOL!!!

Sam: ^________________________^

Isis: Oh no… I'M TOO LATE!!!

Malik: Hi sis. o_0? Wait a minute Sam didn't type you in.

Isis: I've been summoned. She just invoked Armageddon.

Malik: o_0? She did? How?

Isis: When a psychopath starts b…

Ryou: Ah… ah *wags his finger and points at the no swearing sign* No swearing or else you'll die… painfully and there's a special offer where you'll get a free enema… Quite a good deal

Isis: *rolls her eyes* …'female dog' slapping another psychopath invokes Armageddon

Bakura: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *runs in his hair singed* AIIIIIBOOOUUUUU!!!!! HEEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEEE!!!!!!

Sam: What's all the fuss about? Oh are you planning to dye your hair black? You'll look great in black.

Bakura: I JUST SAW THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!! THEIR OUT TO GET ME!!!!

Sam: O.O… ^()^ Is that all? Oh come on it's not like it's the end of the world!!!

Everyone else: O.OU

4HOTA: *arrive on the scene*

Death: Now where that little, white, albino, meddling, sidewinder go? *spits a gob of acid on the floor*

Bakura: Eek!!! *grips onto Sam stopping the blood flow to her arm*

Sam: Bakura…? *she tries to pry him off but he grips tighter* Bakura… your cutting the circulation from me arm… Bakura… Oh for Ra's sakes *kicks him in the wally*

Bakura: AIIIIEEEE!!!! (keels over)

4HOTA: *chortles at the sight*

Sam: *annoyed then turns to 4HOTA* UNCLE DEATH!!!!

Death: *squints* Is that? Madyamisam…? *Sam nods happily* By dog gone it… girl. I ain't seen ya since ya were a little Billy kid ridin' in the outback snapping rattlesnake necks on a toilet seat. You remember Uncle War…

War: Hey… *smirks then sets fire to Bakura's already singed hair*

Bakura: @()@… O.O AIAIAIAIAIAIAI!!!! *jumps around trying to put out the fire set on his hair when it is finally put out his hair becomes pitch black* Somebody's gonna pay for this *cries*

Death: wimp… Here my other brother. Brother Pestilence. *swatting at flies around him*

Sam: So… has the missus finally given up trying to get you take a bath?

Pestilence: Na… annoying really.

Sam: Hi Uncle Hunger. *Hunger mumbles his greetings whilst stuffing a chicken leg in his mouth* So what brings you guys here.

Death: Ah… someone invoked Armageddon in this here parts. *spits a another gob of acid*

Sam: Oh, that'll be me…

Death: Hehe… So… are these the little pesky varmant droppings causing ya trouble?

Sam: Oh no… I'm just teaching someone a lesson.

Death: Dang girl… you made me miss Blind Date. Now we'll never know if that dingo picked hot babe number 3 until next week!!!

Sam: Sorry…

Death: Ah no little missy. You know the rules.

Sam: Yeah, yeah the stand off thing… *sigh* Ok… but hang on a second. I'll go get my beeper machine to censor all the swearing

A few minutes later*********

Sam: Ok… machines set. *they take face each other turn around and walk 10 steps apart before facing each other again* Ready?

Death: Draw… *they take a deep breath and start cussing at each other like there ain't no tomorrow*

Sam: YOU!!! (BEEP, BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Death: OH GO TO (BEEP BEEP, BEEP. BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) *they do this for a while and the machine starts to fizz* YOUR NOTHIN' BUT A (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Sam: OH YEAH!?!? WELL AT LEAST I DON'T GO (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Death: WHY YOU LITTLE… (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Sam: YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE THE…(BEEP) ME YOU… (BEEPBEEP) YOU SCUM SUCKING (BEEPBEEPBEEP) I MEAN WHAT'S WITH THE (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Death: *getting a bit out of breath* (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP)

Sam: I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU'D (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) I MEAN I DON'T DESERVE TO BE (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) WHY CAN'T YOU JUST (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) AND FOR ONCE JUST (BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP) *the machine was ready to blow pretty soon* WHY CAN'T YOU (BEEPBEEPBEEPPBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP) AND RESPECT MY AUTHORATAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB BBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4HOTA: *out cold* @.@…

Sam: Wow… the Guidebook in Saving the World the South Park Way really works.

Later********

Death: Well… you best keep that tongue of your sharp. Sam. You'll never know when you might need it.

Sam: Sure thing Uncle. *Death smiles*

Death: And you people best treat this little missy nicely. Else Uncle Death and his posse are gonna come right back and gut ya up so good that the worms don't even have to chew. *spits out another gob of acid*

YGO gang: *gulp*

Death: *smiles then winks at Sam before riding off* HEYA!!!

Ryou: Well… *clears throat* Now that that was all settled why don't we try looking for another disclaimer person?

Seto: *in English accent* By jove, that would be an absolutely dashing idea.

Mokuba: Hear, hear!!!

Sam: o_0? What's with the English accent? And your actually being nice?

Seto: *still speaking in an English accent* Must have been that nasty little bump on the head when I ran through the wall. Quite an unfortunate thing to happen really. That is beside the point. What are you going to do for your disclaimer person?

Sam: Oh… I've decided that we should all chip into that.

Seto: Ah… well… oh dear…

Sam: Yeah… Have they got Joey down yet?

Yugi: *waddles in like a penguin in his chastity belt* Yeah we have. Hi Sam!!!

Sam: *squeals* ^_______________^ *hugs Yugi*

Yugi: Sam?

Sam: ^_________________________________^ Yes…?

Yugi: Well… now that Yami is sober and everything can you take this belt off?

Sam: Er… I'd rather not… you see… I can't risk it happening again.

Yugi: Oh please Sam… It's chafing my thighs and making them itch… plus it's starting to rust.

Sam: No… I can't… their out to get you. You need protection.

Yugi: Your just being paranoid. Reading too many lemons.

Sam: No it's true, the most innocent of people in the world happen to be lemon magnets, which reminds me.*types chastity belts on Ryou and Mokuba*

Ryou and Mokuba: T,T

Yugi: This is just stupid.

Sam: No it's not. Look everyone who wants a lemon with Yugi raise your hand.

Yami: *hentai grin* MEEEEEE!!!!! *shoots both his arms in the air*

Yugi: Well, that's obvious his my Yami.

Bakura, Malik and Mally: *hentai grins shoots their arms up*

Sam: *gives `see?' look*

Yugi: That has always been their nature.

Seto: *raises his arm up*

Yugi: o_o'… ok… that was a bit disturbing but still…

Ryou, Tea, Joey and Tristan: *raised their arms*

Yugi: You guys too…? O.O

Joey: Well, yeah I dreamt about it once… maybe twice………… a few times……… quite a lot actually.

Tristan: Ditto…

Ryou and Tea: Sorry Yugi…

Yugi: ah… well they… uh… *in shock*

Grandpa: *reluctantly raise his arm too*

Everyone (except Sam and Mokuba): GRANDPA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yugi: O()OU….

Grandpa: It was that Act of Squick fic. It was really… you know…………… sorry…

Sam: *unemotionally* I like to say I told you so…

Yugi: *shock overwhelms him* ah… *faints and falls into Yami's arms*

Mokuba: I just had to ask… What's the deal about a lemon? It's just a yellow, sour fruit.

Everyone else: -_-`

Sam: Just review me people… I'm just too tired to make a end of the chapter witty retort today…

Basil Brush: I could help…

Sam: No Basil… I won't allow you to make some stupid chicken joke or something like that…

Basil Brush: Oh please. You really think I'm that cheap? Cheep, cheep………… AHAHAHAHAHAHA BOOM BOOM

Sam: -_-*