Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Princess Bride Yu-Gi-Oh Style ❯ The Battle of Strength and Wits ( Chapter 4 )

The Battle of Strength and Wits

Disclaimer: Why do you people insist that I own stuff?

Me: I'm glad to see that some people like the randomness I put in. Don't worry I'll try my best to not lighten up on the randomness but at the same time, not put too much.

The Lady in Black- Thanks for the review

Master of Red Eyes- No Gozaburo is not the Western Man. Sorry. Also who doesn't hate Gozaburo? But don't worry this is every Gozaburo hater's chapter. ^_^

Anyway on with the fic.

Gozaburo: *Sees Seto* Inconceivable! Give her to me! *Takes Kisara* Catch up with us quickly!

Joey: What do I do?

Gozaburo: Finish him! Finish him your way!

Joey: Oh good. My way. Tank ya Gozaburo… Which way is my way?

Gozaburo: Pick up one of those rocks. Get behind a boulder and in a few minutes the man in black will be coming around the bend…

Some dumb as bricks hillbilly stereotype guy: He'll be coming around the bend when he comes when he comes. He'll be coming around the bend when he comes when he comes. He'll be coming around the be… *gets hit square in the face with a rock ala my slingshot. *

Joey: Did you hear a hillbilly sing and get hit square in da face by a rock?

Gozaburo: No not really. Anyway the minute the man in black's HEAD is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!

Joey: *To himself* My way is not very sportsman like.

Soon Seto comes and almost got hit by a rock.

Joey: I did dat on purpose. I didn't have to miss.

Seto: I believe you. So what happens now?

Joey: We face each other as god intended. Sportsman like. No tricks, no weapons, just skill against skill alone.

Seto: So you mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?

Joey: *Raises the rock* I can kill you now.

Seto: Frankly I think the odds are in your favor in hand fighting.

Joey: It's not my fault being da biggest and da strongest. I don't even exercise.

*Soon the fight starts. Also people again you're going to have to use your imaginations. *

Seto: *Tries to charge Joey but fails* Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?

Joey: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed. *Joey then tries to get Seto and fails* You're quick.

Seto: Good thing too.

Joey: Why are you wearing a mask? Did you get burned by acid or something?

Seto: Oh no it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will wear them in the future.

Seto manages to jump on Joey. Joey then pushes his back and Seto to a boulder.

Joey: I just figured out why you would give me so much trouble.

Seto: Why is that? *Gets hit again. *

Joey: Well I haven't fought just one person for so long. I've been specializing in groups, fighting gangs for local charity… dat kind of thing.

Seto: Why should that make such a… *gets hit again* difference.

Joey: You see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people. Den when you only have to worry about one… *Falls down*

Joey fangirls: NO!

Me: Don't worry he isn't dead!

Seto: I do not envy the headache you will have when you wake up. But in the meantime, rest well and dream of scantly clad women.

(A/N In case you don't know. He means women who wear almost nothing. Like Ivy from Soul Caliber.)

Meanwhile with Stephen.

Stephen: There was a mighty duel.

Lector: *Talks to some soldiers then to Stephen* Swords or Monsters?

(A/N Congrats to the Lady in Black for correctly guessing who the Western Man is, here is your cookie.)

Stephen: Swords

Some Soldier # 1: Aw man *Surrenders 50 bucks to Lector*

Some Soldier # 2: I had a bad feeling about this bet. *Surrenders 50 bucks to Lector*

Some Soldier # 3: Great, now I have to get a night job to pay for my kid's college funds. *Surrenders 50 bucks*

Lector: *Mutters* Suckas. *To Stephen* Who won? How did it end?

Stephen: The loser ran off alone. The winner followed those footprints to Guilder.

Lector: Shall we track them both?

Stephen: The loser is nothing. Only the princess matters. Clearly this was all planed by warriors of Guilder! We must be all ready for whatever lies ahead.

Lector: Could this be a trap?

Stephen: I think everything's a trap. That's why I'm still alive.

Back to Seto

Gozaburo: So it is down to you and it is down to me.

*Seto moves forward. But Gozaburo puts a dagger near Kisara's throat. *

Gozaburo: If you wish her dead then by means keep moving forward.

Seto: Let me explain.

Gozaburo: What's there to explain? You're trying to kidnap what I was rightfully stolen.

Seto: Perhaps an arrangement can be made.

Gozaburo: There will be no arrangements… and you're killing her.

Seto: But if there can be no arrangement. Then we at an impasse.

Gozaburo: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically and you're o match for my smarts.

Seto: You're really that smart?

Gozaburo: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Seto: Yes.

Gozaburo: Morons!

(A/N Yeah right! -_-;)

Seto: Really? Well then I challenge you to a battle of wits.

Gozaburo: For the princess?

Seto: *Nods*

Gozaburo: To the death?

Seto: *Nods*

Gozaburo: I accept!

Seto: Good, now pour the wine. *Gives Gozaburo a vile* Inhale this but don't touch.

Gozaburo: I smell nothing.

Seto: What you do not smell is Iocaine Powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.

Gozaburo: ^_^ *shrugs with laughter*

(A/N Can you imagine HIM smile… I-I'm sorry I-I threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

Seto: *Takes the goblets and puts the poison in one of them. And puts them back on the table after some switching. * Alright where's the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decided and we both drink and see who is right and who is dead.

Gozaburo: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Seto: So you made your decision then?

Gozaburo: *Happily* Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Seto: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.

(A/N NOT!)

Gozaburo: Wait till I get going! Where was I?

Seto: Australia

Gozaburo: Right Australia. And you must've suspected I would know the powder's origins so I can clearly not chose the wine in front of me.

Seto: You're just stalling now.

Gozaburo: You'd like to think that wouldn't you? You've beaten my moron, which means you're exceptionally strong so you could've put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you've bested my twerp, which means you must've studied, and in studying you've learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far away from yourself as possible so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Seto: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Gozaburo: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!

Seto: Then make your choice.

Gozaburo: I will and I choose… *gasps* What in the world can that be!?

Seto: *Idiotically falling for the oldest trick in the book while Gozaburo switches the cups. * What where? *Facing Gozaburo* I don't see anything.

Gozaburo: Well I could've sworn I saw something. *Laughs slightly*

Seto: What's so funny?

Gozaburo: I'll tell you in a minute. Let's drink, me from my cup and you from yours.

*They drink and Seto smirks. *

Seto: You guessed wrong.

Gozaburo: You only think I guessed wrong. That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha, ha you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and slightly less known is this: Never go against a Japanese genius when death is on the line! *Continues to laugh but then stops and falls down to the side. *

Gozaburo haters: Ding dong the jerk is dead. The jerk is dead. The stupid jerk. The stupid jerk!

Me: Ah what the heck. Ding dong the jerk is dead. The jerk is dead. The stupid jerk. The stupid jerk.

Seto: O_O What the hell? Well better get back to what I was doing. *Goes to Kisara and removes her blindfold*

Kisara: Who are you and what the heck were those sounds?

Seto: I'm no one to be trifled with. That's all you need to know. Also I'm still trying to figure out the sounds.

Kisara: So all this time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Seto: They were both poisoned I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocaine Powder.

Me: Phew finally done. It was a pain to write Gozaburo's lines. Anyway R/R and I'll see ya soon.