Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Reason ❯ Cause and Effect ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The Reason

Chapter 2: Cause and Effect

As Haga snuggled into his arms and nuzzled at his neck, Ryuzaki set the assignment on the arm of the couch so he could run tanned fingers through messy turquoise locks. "Talk to me, Haga. Why are you still doing this?"

Ryuzaki could just barely make out the small teen's reply, whispered in one hot breath against his neck.

"I have to, 'Zaki."

"But why? Things are going so well... There's no reason for you to still feel this guilty."

Haga smiled sadly against Ryuzaki's soft skin.

"It's a small price to pay to be worthy of your love. Besides - one day I'll finish the design and I'll have my freedom..."

Haga moved to kiss Ryuzaki's collarbone lightly.

"... We'll have our freedom, 'Zaki."

One year - it had been exactly one year since the pair had hit rock bottom. The universe wasn't so cold, however, as to shut one door without opening a window on that painful night. Laying bruised and with broken spirits in that dismal and wet alleyway, the former duel-monsters champions finally professed their mutual affections to each other. A lifetime friendship normally disguised in taunts and competition blossomed into something more.

It hadn't come without a price, though - one which Haga was convinced had to be paid in his blood. The romance itself had progressed timidly, slowly, both boys unsure of themselves and their new standing. A whole month passed; a month of longing gazes, the occassional hand-holding, and shy embraces. It took a full month for Ryuzaki to work up the nerve to share the intense experience of a first kiss with his green-eyed boyfriend.

It was a shock to even the brunette when it happened. They were standing on some meaningless street corner, oblivious to the crowds surrounding them, and Haga tasted like smooth, dark caramel. His lips were warm and silky and still parted slightly because he'd been in the middle of a sentence when Ryuzaki interrupted with his mouth and tongue. He would always remember that kiss; it had been filled with tender passion and so much love. Time had stopped as he'd slowly explored the taste and feel of Haga's lips and mouth with his own for long minutes, one hand tangled in the same soft green locks he was currently stroking. Haga had moaned breathlessly when Ryuzaki finally pulled away and stood there gazing at him with wide, surprised eyes. Neither of them had seen the flashes from the camera of a single indicidual on that same sidewalk as they kissed.

They had, however, seen the photos and the derogatory tabloid headlines the next day. They had seen the hate mail accumulate in a dark corner of their living room. They had seen the way people looked at them on the street, and they had heard the nasty comments. Ryuzaki took it in stride; he'd never much cared what others thought of him, and he was content to consider the people who refused to accept his love for the insect duelist unworthy of his attention.

Haga did not fare as well. He was used to the teasing, used to being looked down on, but to have love portrayed as something foul and unnatural - that he wasn't used to. Something so beautiful, now so tainted.

A week passed; a week of hidden tears and downcast eyes, and the occassional nightmare. It took a full week for Ryuzaki to discover the secret that Haga had just begun to conceal. When he'd come home one day to find Haga shirtless and bleeding from a small grid of cuts on his arm, he blamed himself. He'd cradled the frail boy in his arms, intending to take him to a hospital for evaluation, but couldn't do it after Haga pleaded with him in a small voice not to.

A revelation had come to the fragile teen in one of his nightmares. He was the tainted one in the relationship, not his beautiful Ryuzaki. He was the reason they were no longer welcome at some of their favorite establishments. He struggled with the self-loathing that realization awakened within him; struggled to find a way to cleanse himself of that darkness. Having read once that blood was the essence of life, though he couldn't recall the source, Haga had a second revelation. If he could purify his blood, his life would also be pure. He wasn't quite sure of how to accomplish such a feat until his feverish mind lit upon the possibility of removing the contaminated fluid from his body. Each section of his body would have to be drained - his delusional state knew this to be true, and so he started on his personal project.

Haga expected the pain that came with the first cut - what he didn't expect was the calming relief and slight adrenaline rush. His first grid was twice the size of the ones to follow, consisting of 49 perfectly measured squares. By the time Ryuzaki chanced upon his morbid secret, Haga had completed the inside of his left arm from wrist to elbow and had started on the other side. He was able to go so far with the cutting before Ryuzaki saw the self-mutilation only because of the long-sleeved green shirt he always wore.

When he'd seen the love and concern in those brown eyes, he'd sworn that he'd stop. He really had meant it, too - he didn't want Ryuzaki to worry about him - but the idea was so fixed in his mind, and the adrenaline rush so addictive, that he'd returned to the cutting much as a moth returns to the flame. He simply couldn't stop himself.

And so things had come full circle to this moment in time, and Haga was happy in it. He'd never felt so loved or content as he did in the arms of the lavender-banged brunette he knew he'd love to his last breath, and this time there had been no mention of hospitals or therapy. He didn't see the dangerous glitter in Ryuzaki's eyes, or notice that his love had taken a small, sharp blade from it's cardboard home.

"It's 'cause of those idiots out there, right?" the brunette asked bitterly. "You think they're right, don't you? That we don't deserve to be happy 'cause we're 'fags', right?"

"Let me tell you a secret, Haga," he whispered, stopping to kiss the small teen softly. "If you think they're right - well, then I'm just as tainted as you, right?"

Ryuzaki knew the only way to get through to Haga was to show him the same sights he'd been forced to witness, and so he wasted no time in slashing the razor across the inside of his own arm.