Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ There's no chocolate in China ❯ One-Shot

Wheeeeeeeeeeee I heart reviews! Too bad I didn't get so many on my other stories. o.o... maybe I'll get better and write more.

Pat: Pweeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase review

Yes otherwise I have no idea if anyone likes my writing. ::tear:: If you don't like them comment, if you do like them comment, agh for the love of chickadees comment!

Pat: Geeze simmer down you always write one-shots -_-

Right on with the story!

The story begins in Yugi's bedroom...

Yugi: (Runs on a sausage road surronded by an ocean of orange juice. A fin appears out of the ocean. AS Yugi gets closer he sees Tea's head on the end of the fin)

Tea: Superdy awesome!

Yugi: (wakes from dream with start) AH! I'm so hungry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugi:(sits at table eating when he hears a large mechanical appliance from overhead) Hn? (looks up and sees his grandfather forcing a blender over his head) What in gay hell are you doing?

Grandfather: Yugi you have one big noggin there buddy.

Yugi: (runs into bathroom and inspects damage in mirror) hey you got rid of my split ends! Oh by the way I have to be at Joey's around one o' clock.

Grandfather: Which friend?

Yugi: Joey.

Grandfather: Ah yes Joey.... How's his sister doing?

Yugi: How do you know about Serenity?

Grandfather: Her and I were watching a porn movie and afterward I fed her duck meat and plump strwberries while making sweet sweet dog like love.

Yugi: Was it elf porn because with dwarf porn you don't know what you're looking at.

Grandpa: It was hobbit porn.

Yugi: Well see ya gramps. (exits)

Grandfather: (whispers to self and room gets eerily dark) Yugi Moto, the one who has seen the eye at Kaiba's mansion....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mokuba: Big brother when...

Kaiba: (wearing tutu) I have a name it's Kaiba.

Mokuba: When I grow up I want to be an exotic dancer.

Kaiba: Why would... (a brick flies through the window shattering it and hits his computer causing it to sign online)

Computer: Welcome. You have cooties.

Kaiba: (dances gracefully over and picks up brick) Who did this?

Brick reads, "Property of Yugi Moto."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Joey's house....

Yugi: (knocks on door) Joey open the damn door I'm hungry!

Joey: (opens door) Yugi can't you see I'm busy?

Yugi: No....

Joey: (stands out of way to reveal Rex Raptor, Mai, Malik, Tristen, and Ryou sitting at a poker table)

Yugi: Oh can I play poker?

Joey: Yugi let's walk (takes Yugi by arm and guides him near street)

Yugi: Where?

Joey: In the park or at the... (in a split second he pushes Yugi into the road and in front of Seto Kaiba's limo which is going thirty-seven miles per hour)

Kaiba: (rolls down window) Joey would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?

Joey: All out... why?

Kaiba: Mokuba rubbed it all over his naked body.

Mokuba: (cheery) We were out of oil!

Kaiba: You used up all of that too....

Joey: Jesus Christ Mokuba your eyes... they're naked... cover them up!

Mokuba: Fine. (puts on tight-fitting thong)

Joey: That doesn't help....

Kaiba: Well we better get going (backs limo up then runs over Yugi again)

Yugi: Damn that hurt.

Joey: Shouldn't you be dead?

Yugi: No I'm a cartoon character.

Joey: I thought you were an anime character.

Yugi: Let's not talk about this again, plus I can't die we have a funeral to attend to. No more poker for now.

Joey: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Wait is you said cartoon characters can't die then how come Tea did?

Yugi: Everyone wanted her to die. Besides she's an anime character not a cartoon character.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the funeral home....

Yugi: Tea... what is there to say about her?

Tristen: She's a slut!

Joey: She called me a silly billy!

Serenity: She gave me hugs and thrice as many on Thursdays!

Mokuba: She made me cry!

Kaiba: WITCH!

Mai: She had oral sex with my Harpie Lady.

Ryou: She has really hairy boobs.

(everyone directs attention to Ryou)

Malik: How do YOU know?

Ryou: well I... uh.... er... (blushes and slumps in chair)

Person 1: Can I take a bath with her?

Yugi: OK so there's a lot of things to say about her. OK so anyway she was a good friend and she wasn't a bad [erson yet she died a hoocgie. Now let's take a moment to...

Pat: TIP THE CASKET!

Everyone goes over to Tea's casket and rocks it back and forth until it tip over and lands on ground with thud.

Joey: (pours gasoline over casket and Tea's body)

Tristen: (lights a match and sets Tea's body and casket on fire)

Mokuba: (pole dances and strip[s on flag pole after raising the Chinese flag) It's getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes.

Everyone begins stripping and riding tombstones down to the nearest Golden Corral.

Grandfather: (appears out of no where wearing leather pants. he takes chains and wraps them around Yugi's neck) Yugi I love ya but I need your life insurance money to save the shop. (tightens chains)

Yugi: (choking) Grandpa you can't kill me this way....

Grandfather: say Yugi you like a little park down south?

Yugi: (blinks)

Grandfather: Fine I'll kill you from the inside. (pulls hamster from his pocket)

Hamtaro: I'm a sexy ham-ham. ::shakes butt::

Grandafather: (Inserts hamster you-know-where) Now Hamtaro will eat you from the inside out.

Yugi: (runs over to Kaiba's limo and drives himself to hospital)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clerk: What ya got?

Yugi: There's a hamster up my you-know-where!

Clerk: Down the hall to your left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later the "gang" arrives at hospital....

Doctor: (approaches) Well we pumped Yugi's stomach.

Yugi: I'm hungry.

Doctor: But we didn't find any hamsters.

Grandfather: (smirk)

Yugi: The hamster is up my you-know-where not my stomach!

Hamtaro: Kushi kushi kushi (runs up to Yugi)

Hamtaro: I'm covered in shit and I'm still sexy.

Joey: Well I guess there is a moral here.

Serenity: What?

Joey: Early to bed early to rise makes a man wealthy, healthy, and wise.

Tristen: I don't understand what that has to do with any of this.

Joey: I didn't say it would.

Tristen: (blinks)

Yay thankies read and review so I know if I should write more. ^^

Pat: Yes pweeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase. ::hugs all readers::