Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Things You Will Never Hear On Yu-Gi-Oh ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

Things you'll never hear on Yu-Gi-Oh!

Chapter 1

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(Yugi and some random opponent are in a duel for some reason or another. Yugi consults Yami quite calmly.)
Yugi: YAMI! WE'VE LOST THIS DUEL! WE'RE SCREWED!
Yami: No, Yugi! You mustn't lose faith! We can still win this if we believe in the Heart of the Cards!
Yugi: No, we can't!
Yami: BY THE HEART OF THE CARDS WE SHALL TRIUMPH!
Yugi: Hello, Yami, are you even paying attention? We only have 10 lifepoints, no monsters or traps on the field and it's HIS TURN!!!!!!!
Yami: Oh. Well, in that case, we are screwed!

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Pegasus: No, Croquet, no fine wine and cheese today. I think I'll just have a nice and greasy Happy Meal.

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Serenity: I'm so glad that I can see again. *walks into a stop sign*

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Bandit Keith: This time, I'll win a duel without cheating!

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Seto: (when Marik is about to send Mai to the Shadow Realm) Hey! That's against the rules! You're disqualified, Marik Ishtar!!

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Seto: Here, Ishizu, here's your God card. ~hands Obelisk over~

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Ishizu: The Winged Dragon of Ra will belong to Kaiba... No wait... Yugi... no, Marik? Ryou? Mai? Urrrgh...

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Joey: Yugi, i'm gonna lose this duel help me out!
*Yugi pulls out tranquilizer gun and shoots other duelist*
Yugi: There.

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Mai: I'm sick of the Harpy Lady cards. From now on, I'm going to use fiends!

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Bakura: (when he duels Marik in the BCF): Ooh, looky! I'm disappearing! There goes my arm! There goes my leg! Wait a minute- This is BAD!!! I get it now! Oh CRAP!!!

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Marik: Jeebus, it took you long enough.
Bakura: *giant sweatdrop*

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Téa: I wanna be a kamikaze pilot!

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Weevil: Buy my new bug spray!

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Yugi: This puzzle sucks… Yami sucks... The whole world sucks... I'M TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!! And joining Marik's side!!!

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Seto: I am Bond, James Bond. ~Takes out gun~

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Marik: Oh no! I have run out of evil plans!

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Rebecca: I have something to tell you... Teddy is possesed by the devil and controls me.
Teddy: *in deep voice* Yup-yup, that's right everyone! AND TEDDY WANTS SOOOOOOOOOOULLLLLLLLLS!

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Pegasus: I'm going to take over Duke's gaming shop! Hahahahahaha! *laughs menacingly*

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Strings+Arkana: Life is good! *dances around*

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Pegasus: *watches his favorite bunny cartoon show* Oh! Dinner's getting cold! *runs into kitchen*

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Marik: Odion, you shall be my next mind slave!!!

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Bakura: Join the Dork Side!

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Téa: I hate you all!

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Bakura: I'm sorry!!!

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Yami: I wanna cut my hair…

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Seto: I'll get you, Austin Powers!

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Ryou: ~To Bakura~ I don't look ANYHTING like you!

Yugi: ~To Yami~ Niether do I!

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Seto:~rattling moneybox while dressed in rags on the street~ Money for the poor… money for the poor!

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Pegasus: Yay, I can see from both eyes now!

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Yugi: Why the hell would I wanna save the world from evil?! Booooorrrriiinng…

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Marik: I stuck my fingers in a power socket to get my hair this way!

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Mai: ME? A prostitute? NEVER!!!

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Pegasus: I don't worship funny bunny! I hate him! Here is what I like *pulls out a bike magazine* now here is something more my style!

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Yugi: Man I'm bored being the pharaoh Marik, you can have the job…

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Pegasus: ~In a cheerleading outfit~ YEAH YUGI-BOY YUGI-BOY HE'S OUR MAN IF HE CAN'T DO IT NO ONE CAN! GOOOOOOOOOOO YUGI-BOY!! YEAH!

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Yugi/Yami: ~In trance-like voice~ Seto Kaiba, Lord and Master…

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Yami: Duel Monsters? What a joke. Pokémon is the real card game of choice!

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Mai: I duel to save the whales.

Mako: I duel to kill the whales.

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Shadi: Ishizu, will you marry me?

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Joey: Did you ever notice we never go to the bathroom?

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Seto: I believe in the Heart of the Cards!

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Pegasus: Do I sound gay to you?

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Bakura: It's no big deal, Yami. Kuru Eruna was just a dump anyway

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Yami/Bakura/Malik: ~All jump roping~ 5,643,599 monkeys jumpin' on a bed, one fell off, and bumped his head…

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Marik: ~Running around in an open field~ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THE OUT DOORS, I LOVE NATURE ITS SOO BEAUTIFUL AND TO THINK I WANTED TO DESTROY THE WORLD!!!!

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Noah: Seto, I am your father.

Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Millennium Puzzle: I kind of do feel sorry for Yugi and Yami, I mean I'm so heavy to lug around all the time and all!

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Millennium Eye: Great… just great. Out of all the eye sockets I had to be in, it had to be Pegasus's. And the remains of his old eye isn't a pretty sight… *sigh*

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Yugi: I'm selling my puzzle on EBay. Bidding starts at one dollar. I accept PayPal only. Not responsible if you get possessed by the spirit within puzzle. Serious bidders only. Thanks

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Ryou: ~Ties Téa to a tree~ Ok gang let me explain the rules… The first one to kill her by throwing knives at her wins the candy. You got it?

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Rex: Jurassic Park sucks! I like Finding Nemo WAAAAAY better!

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Pegasus: I'm sober.

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Rebecca: AHH!! TEDDY!!! You are eviiilll!! ~throws `Teddy' into fire~

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Seto: I can't believe I lost my credit card!!!

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Marik: Whoops… I think I accidentally snapped my rod in half…

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Pegasus: My left eye? It perished . . . well actually it just kinda sunk really deep into my head, but perished sounds so much better, don't you think? And just as my beloved Cecelia died, I will dedicate my life's new purpose to finding a way to resurrect my left eyeball!!! *laughs insanely*

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Seto: The secret of my trench-coat is… ~bursts out crying~ I can't stop breaking wind!!!!!!

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Joey: like the Veggie Tales songs, 'cause they have food in 'dem. My favorite song is the gotta be the cheeseburger song!

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Solomon Mouto: I will be forever young! As long as I have my botex…

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Espa: If you don't know where my cheeks are, my hair will guide you!

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Joey: ~In the middle of Mai's duel against Marik~ Come on Mai, don't you remember me? We met at the pie-eating contest!

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Téa: One day, I will have a life, I SWER IT!

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Seto: ~Staring at duel disk~ Uh, how do you work this again?

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Bakura: Ryou… Back away with the Happy Lover card… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Mai: I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my car, too sexy yeah!

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Joey: I'm goin' on a diet.

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Seto: Bwa ha ha… Yugi! Feel my wrath, as I summon the almighty… ~dramatic music starts playing~ THE ALL-POWER-FUL, THE UNSTOPPABLE-

Yugi: GET ON WITH ALREADY!!!

Seto: THE INVINCIBLE KURIBOH!!!

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Weevil: Godzilla! (Music starts up) Oh-no, there goes Tokyo, go go Godzilla!

Rex: NO GODZILLA MUST DIE!!!

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Seto: I WANT MY ROD BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Yugi: ~in a pawn shop~ You wanna swap your pack of junior crayons for my puzzle? Ok! You've got a deal!

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Yugi/Ryou/Grandpa: ~holding bottle of Vodka~ Heyyyyy MACARENA!!!

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Bakura: If I had smoked marijuana in ancient Egypt, I would've never been a successful tomb robber. When running after a thief, I wouldn't be able to breathe and would never make it out, and the damn Pharaoh would've caught me. So remember, all of you future tomb robbers, DON'T SMOKE!!!

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Malik: A motorbike? What is this motor bike? Hey look a pony! Ishizu, I wanna ride the pony!!!

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Bakura: I WILL SOON OWN.... DISNEYWORLD!!! AND THAT DAMN MOUSE AS WELL!!!

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Ishizu: I see the future...I can tell you who will be the next American Idol will be!!!

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Seto: I WARNED YOU PEOPLE!!! There is actually a website called yugioh.com!!!

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Ryou: I'll see you later guys. I need to use my plushies for rifle practice

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Pegasus: ~talking to Funny Bunny plushie~ Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!"

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DMGal: That's it for now. What do you think? Update? Discontinue? Delete? Please Review! ^__^