Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Total Acquiescence ❯ Total Acquiescence ( One-Shot )

o.O Another Yugioh fic! ^_^ *amazement*

This one also has Ryou in, *grins* but I'm thinking it might be Ryou/Honda, as I kinda like that pairing now...it's cute...:P This is from Ryou's POV.

The agony reverberated inside of my head, causing me to stumble and fall back against the wall. I could never decide which was worse; the physical pain or the mental anguish.

"Please...stop it..." As always my pitiful whispers were ignored, and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as though it would block out the harsh realities of this life.

Whimpering fool...you deserve this, and you know it.

"Y-yes..." I slide down to the floor and bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them. My acquiescence is the only thing that keeps me alive, I think...either that, or I'm just too weak to be any bother.

That's right...you could never overcome me, even if you tried. You're hardly worth my time.

And then he was gone.

I let out a shuddering sigh of relief and crawled over to my bed, collapsing tiredly onto the duvet. I would have been happy that it was over for the night, except for the constant reminder in the back of my head that this was only a temporary reprieve. There was no point relaxing.

I shifted into a slightly more comfortable position and shut my eyes, attempting to clear my mind. It was something that I had gotten quite good at in recent months...I would surely not have been able to survive if sleep, my only escape, had been plagued with nightmares of him.

My yami. My aibou.

At least tonight it had not been physical, I could be thankful for that.

The bruises always raised too many questions.

* * * * *

"Hey, Ryou!" I turned my head slightly and glanced back the way I had come, to see a slightly out of breath Honda running after me . Although I did not answer and kept walking, I slowed my pace slightly and allowed him to catch up with me.

"Good Morning." I said it quietly, and kept my gaze fixated on the ground before me.

My Yami did not like me to be too sociable.

I could feel him looking at me, and I knew he would be wondering---

"...Is there anything wrong, Ryou?"

So Concerned.

"N-no." I raised my head to look at him, and forced myself to smile. "It's nothing, I'm just...a little tired."

"Ok...." He frowned a little as though he didn't believe me, but then shrugged it off. "Oh, did you do the maths homework?" My fist tightened convulsively, and I wanted to cry.

When would I have had time?

"Um, no..." I nearly whispered it, and I had to try and force back the tears to he wouldn't see....wouldn't see what I...

Stupid boy, you talk too much.

Oh God...no...not now....

Haha....no little one. Not now. But later....

I didn't realise that I had stopped walking and fallen to my knees on the ground until I felt a concerned hand on my shoulder.

Instinctively I lurched away from the contact, causing me to stumble backwards and fall over onto the pavement.

"No!--" I looked up fearfully through the messy curtain of my hair, freezing as I realised that I had protested. That always made him so much angrier----

"Are you alright?!"

It was Honda. Only Honda...

The relief I felt that my Yami had not come yet to punish me was so overwhelming that I couldn't help but let a tear fall.

I slowly attempted to get up, remembering that we had to get to school, when I realised Honda was supporting me with his arm as I stood. I flinched away him, and I know that silently my eyes pleaded for him not to ask questions.

"...do you want to go home, Ryou? You nearly fainted!" I shook my head and started walking again.

No...not home. Alone. With him.

We walked the rest of the way to school in silence, with Honda casting curious yet worried glances at me all the way.

* * * * *

At lunch I sat alone, like I always did these days.

It never used to be like this.

When my father first gave me the millennium ring, and my Yami first showed himself, he just started out as being very domineering; he didn't start hurting me until he decided that I was getting too seditious. I'd only had the ring for a couple of weeks, when my father changed jobs and we had to move.

And so it was here, in this highschool, where I met Yugi. The boy with another millennium item...

I only discovered what the millennium items were when my Yami told me he wanted it. He wants me to get it for him, because he thinks Yugi trusts me.

That was the first time I said no to him...and the last. I still have the scars on my arms and in my mind from that refusal.

I sighed and frowned down at the table, the unappetising food sitting before me. It's at times like this when I get most depressed; so many people around me, talking and smiling...

And then there's me. Alone, but never truly alone. There's always him.

"Hey, what are you sitting over here all alone for?" I looked up and saw Honda and Yugi standing behind me.

"Yeah, we've hardly seen you at all recently, Ryou...have you been avoiding us?" I immediately felt guilty as I saw Yugi's concern clearly on his face; he's always so sincere.

"N-no, it's not that..." I trailed off, not really having much of an excuse seeing as how I had been avoiding them. "I, um..."

"Well we're all going to Yugi's house after school today, do you want to come?" I silently thanked Honda for his interruption and nervously considered the offer, weakening when I saw how they were looking at me.

"O-okay, I'd like that..." But I know who won't... I nearly added, mentally flinching when I thought of how angry he would be later on.

"Great! See you then, but I have to go and meet Jounouchi now...bye!" And with that, Yugi ran off leaving Honda and I staring after him in vague confusion.

"That was fast..." Honda commented, and sat down beside me. The silence that followed was uncomfortable, and I was about to make an excuse about having to go somewhere when I suddenly felt Honda put his hand on my arm.

"Ryou..." I timidly met his gaze, and looked into his serious expression warily. "Ryou, are...are you sure you're alright?"

Block it off...don't think about it....don't start crying...pretend everything's normal...

"...Yes.." I tried to sound like I meant it, but Honda didn't really look convinced.

"You...you haven't been acting like yourself, especially recently....and...you always seem like you have something on your mind..."

"No! Really, I'm fine..." I quickly got up from the table and hurried towards the door, my vision blinded by sudden tears, and deaf to the concerned shouts which followed me.

...Why do people worry so much?

I know it was sudden, the way I ran out of the cafeteria like that, but somehow I thought it would stop Honda from being concerned about me - that it would show him that I really didn't want anybody inquiring about it.

Him...

...The reason it's so hard is because I do want to tell someone. But I know I can't. And if someone got too close to me, and if they managed to get me to open up even a little, I know it would all come out. I...I wouldn't be able to keep it all inside any longer.

And the scary thing is, every time Honda talks to me, that's just what I feel like doing. Telling him. Telling him everything, so I finally won't have to cope with it alone.

~

But it'll never happen.

~

It can't. The moment I did, he would kill me, I know it. Though in a way he already has, so sometimes I don't even care anymore.

Thinking about doing something stupid, boy?

I rapidly shook my head and shut my eyes, somehow unconsciously hoping to block out the sneering, mocking voice of my Yami.

...Good. Keep it that way.

I blinked slowly and looked up warily. --he was gone already?

Even though the warm afternoon sun was shining down on me through the leaves, I shivered, sensing that despite the fact that my Yami was silent, he was still very much near the forefront of my mind.

Resting back on the tree I wondered where the others could be - despite what had happened earlier, I had still told Yugi I would go back to his house.

"Ryou! Over here!" I glanced up to see Anzu waving at me from where she and Yugi were standing. Even though I didn't really feel like it, I put on a small smile and made my way over to them.

"Hi."

"Hi! Jounouchi and Honda should be here soon, I really don't know where those two have got to..." Anzu frowned in annoyance and looked around.

"Oh, Jounouchi can't come...his Dad wanted him home for some reason. Honda should be here, though." Yugi's expression turned slightly puzzled, and he sighed and sat on the bench next to them. "He's been acting kind of strange recently, don't you think?" Anzu looked thoughtful and crossed her arms.

"Hmmm...can't really say I've noticed anything. Ryou? Have you...?" I shook my head slightly.

"Not really, but --" I was cut off by a yell from behind us, and we all turned to see Honda running towards us.

"Hey you guys! Sorry I'm late, Minsake-san made me stay behind again..." Anzu rolled her eyes, and Yugi just grinned.

"That's okay, let's go!" We started walking away from the school, and I found myself staring at the ground in front of me.

Inexplicably, I was avoiding looking at Honda...and this must have seemed rather obvious considering he was walking right next to me; Yugi and Anzu were walking a little way ahead.

"Are you mad at me or something? Look, I'm sorry if I offended you earlier..." His words startled me, and involuntarily I glanced upwards to look at him.

"N-no...it's ok. It was nothing..." My murmurs sounded weak even to me, and I felt myself tensing as if preparing for the blow which would have most certainly come from my Yami had I used the same tone with him. I don't know if he saw that reaction...I hope not.

He seemed to just kind of study me for a moment, before finally saying,

"If I drop it, will you at least smile a bit more?" My eyes widened slightly and a look of hope crossed my face. He knew something was wrong, but he'd drop it because I didn't want to talk about it...?

For the first time in months, a genuinely happy smile touched my lips.

"...Thank you."

He grinned and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, Yugi and Anzu have got quite far ahead..." I nodded confirmation, and we sped up slightly to try and catch up with them.

But my vaguely happy mood was destroyed by a single comment.

Quite the social butterfly, aren't we? And after what I told you... Really, I think you must be a masochist. Don't worry. Just wait until later.

* * * * *

Later...It's later now, wouldn't you agree, little one?

"...Yes." My voice departed unsteadily from my lips, and I waited fearfully to see what kind of punishment he would see fit to inflict upon me tonight. At first I always wondered why he would threaten me during the day, but never actually do anything until later on. Then I realised that it was because he enjoys my fear. He enjoys the way I dread the time when I'll have to return to my house and be alone, away from the comforting presence of others. Like at Yugi's....

It had been fun, despite any reservations I may have had. But, like anything I do is, it was overshadowed by the knowledge that in only a few hours I would be crying out for the merciful release of death.

Don't be so dramatic...I know you love it really. Why else would you keep disobeying me, keep doing the things you do?

Silence.

It was my own fault; I should have said something....but I just didn't know what.

He hates being ignored.

I see...

His mental voice had turned icy cold, instead of the usual sneering tone he uses. That always means...

I flinched and shut my eyes as a familiar yet unwelcome presence tugged at my heart. He was splitting off.

It felt like my soul was being ripped in two...even though I despise him, he is now a part of me that I'm not sure I will ever truly be able to erase.

Abruptly the slight pulling pain disappeared, and was replaced with a dull ache. I could sense him standing in front of me, and I felt sick in the stomach as I slowly opened my eyes to reveal my tormentor.

"Ah Ryou..." He sighed and smiled at me. But it was a contemptuous smile, as though I was nothing more than a bug. His eyes narrowed and he reached out a willowy hand, resting it gently on my left cheek.

It took all of my self control not to recoil from his touch, and I saw a grim sense of satisfaction reflected in his eyes when he noted this. "Good....it would appear that you do learn, after all."

Involuntarily I cried out as I felt one of his long, perfect nails penetrate the soft skin of my cheek, and when he heard me his grin widened and he pulled downwards, extending the incision by about three centimetres more. I breathed heavily, panting through my clenched teeth to try and block the pain.

Inevitably I felt the warm liquid trickle down the side of my face, collecting for a moment on my chin before finally dripping off.

My Yami withdrew his bloody hand from me, and leisurely put the offending finger in his mouth, sucking on it hungrily for a moment before gazing back at me, his eyes full of blood-lust.

"Now..." His voice was low and husky, and I shuddered, wondering why I was still standing.

Unfortunately, tonight it didn't look like he was going to settle for a straightforward beating.

"Ryou...go and fetch it." I nodded dumbly and quickly walked over to the other side of the room where my desk was positioned. Opening one of the drawers on the front, I pulled out a long silver stiletto knife, holding it carefully while I shut the drawer again. It had been there for a while; a few weeks ago he had used it on me, and now liked me to keep it around so that it was nearby when he got in the mood.

"Bring it here. Now." I shuffled back over to him, and was lifting it to offer it to my Yami when...

It slipped through my fingers.

I froze and silently prayed he would know it was a mistake. I waited, tensed, ready for the blow...but, it never came. Timidly I looked up, but that was my mistake. The last thing I clearly recall was his fist heading right for my face.

* * * * *

After that, it was mostly a blur. Random colours, emotions, sensations...all a mixture of fear and pain. Slipping in and out of consciousness, I seemed to lose any grasp on time - for all I knew it could have lasted minutes, hours, days...

But when I next opened my eyes, and managed to keep them open, it was morning. Weak sunlight streamed in through a small gap in the curtains, cutting across my face and causing me to squint.

I carefully sat up, wincing as I glanced around and noticed that my Yami was gone. He usually disappeared once I lost consciousness; if only for the reason that he didn't see any point in hurting me once I wasn't awake to 'enjoy' it any more.

I suddenly became aware of a painful throbbing feeling on my chest and stomach, and almost against my will I looked down and swallowed hard. Underneath the crimson flood which adorned my front, I could make out thin, but deep, precise criss cross patterns in the flesh which could only have been made with a knife.

I put my hands on the floor and gingerly pushed myself up into a standing position, and stood for a moment just trying to get my balance. When the world had finally stopped moving, I put out an unsteady arm and grabbed the wall, using it to guide myself to the bathroom.

I hate being covered in blood...it's....so sticky, and the smell makes me sick. Of course, that was partly how I could tell that I hadn't been unconscious for more than a few hours - the blood on my chest and stomach still had a slight tackiness to it.

I immediately headed for the sink, turning on the taps as I gazed, aghast, into the mirror before me. I was a total mess. Dark shadows rimmed my eyes, and my face had a pale, drawn look which made me appear ill. My hair looked like it hadn't seen a brush in weeks.

My cheek was still smeared all over with blood, and the congealed cut looked like it had only just stopped bleeding. I blinked and turned away from the mirror, staring blankly in the other direction.

How was I supposed to disguise this?

The sound of running water slowly brought me back, and I sighed as I reached into the warm liquid, cupping some in my hands before bringing it up to my face.

Tentatively, I washed my face; cleaning away as much of the loathsome blood as was possible without reopening the wound. Next, I reached for a cloth and soaked it in water - I had to deal with the mess on my chest...

Even once I was all washed up I still managed to look like a random vagrant, and this thought made me smile, if only a little. I tied my hair back loosely without brushing it - that could wait for later, as I still had to clean up the mess in my room before my Yami woke up.

The room wasn't actually in that bad a state, so it only took me a few minutes. But something was wrong. I frowned and tried to place what it was....

The knife! It...it had gone...

I frantically looked around, searching desperately for the object which I abhorred, yet which at the moment was more important than my life. If he found out I had lost it...

A glint of silver -- there!

I crouched down and reached under the bed, stretching out my arm as far as I could before finally closing my fingers around the sharp blade. Ignoring the pain I retrieved the knife, transferring the handle safely to my left hand before examining the slight cut the blade had made in my right. It was not too bad, and absently I wiped the red liquid away on my trousers.

Sighing, I took the knife to the bathroom and gently washed it off in the sink, watching as the water turned pink.

But a sudden knocking on the door made me jump, and the knife clattered noisily from my hand into the sink. I tiredly made my way to the door, wishing that everything would just go away and leave me in peace for once.

When I opened the door, I really wasn't expecting to see Yugi standing there.

"Hi Ryou! I came to see..." But once he took in my appearance, his eyes widened and the smile dropped from his face. "What happened to you?!" I frowned slightly and reached up a hand, tracing the scab on my cheek lightly. I didn't think it looked that bad.

"...I fell." I'm not sure why I used that excuse; it obviously didn't sound credible, and from the look on Yugi's face he knew it too.

"Ryou..." His voice was soft, and I hated the pity I saw in his eyes as he scanned me, taking in all the other details; the messy hair, the way I couldn't quite stand straight because my side hurt... "Honda was right..." That immediately caught my attention.

"What?"

"He...he was worried about you, and he wanted to check up on you but he couldn't. So he asked me to, because he said that something was going on with you but you wouldn't say what...."

"Oh." My voice was emotionless, and I tried to avoid venting my anger on Yugi. How could Honda have told hi--

Do it now.

A cold feeling of dread rose within me.

"What?" My voice caught in my throat.

Yugi looked at me strangely,

"I didn't say anything..."

Invite him in. You are alone. Take his Puzzle. Do it NOW boy, I won't tell you again.

"N-no... I won't! He.....he came here to help me....he's my friend....I won't!" I clutched my head as spears of agony ran through my mind. "Y-yugi....leave....he wants me to take your puzzle..." I whispered through clenched teeth at the shocked boy standing in front of me.

He backed away slightly as he heard this, bringing his hands up to clasp his puzzle protectively.

"...He? Who is?"

I reached up to my throat and pulled the Ring out of my shirt, backing away and leaning against the wall as Yugi's eyes widened and the full meaning of what he was seeing sank in.

The moment Yugi understood, the pain stopped. Normally I would have been relieved, but this time it really didn't seem like a good sign. Maybe I had gone too far this time...

Very observant of you; you have been given too many chances. By tonight you will be dead - I have no further use for you.

* * * * *

Those words.

Those final, inescapable words.

But they didn't affect me as much as I thought they would. As they sank in, I suddenly realised that it was what I had been expecting all along; I had never really been able to picture having my Yami for a long time...

In fact, there were times when I had wished for this; death can seem like such a small thing once you have been confronted with such fear and pain as I have.

Yes....death would be a release.

But of course I have regrets.

When I think of all the things I've never done...and now all the things I will never get to do.

And then there's the people I'll leave behind.

My parents...Yugi...Anzu...Jounouchi...

And Honda. I'm not sure why, but I think that I'll miss him the most. Probably because he's the one who actually seemed like he cared. Not that the others didn't, but he was just...comforting, somehow.

It's now an hour later, and I'm sitting round my kitchen table with Yugi, Anzu, Honda and Jounouchi. They look uncomfortable, like they don't know how to act around me.

I think I should feel scared...

I'm going to die.

But no matter how many times I tell myself this, it just doesn't inspire any strong emotions within me. I'm kind of like a terminally ill patient I guess....only got a few more hours to live; what can I do until my time's up?

I don't know. No-one else knows either. They're trying to think of a way to get me out of this; to get rid of my Yami but save me, but I know nothing will work. Do they think I haven't tried?

"Ryou..." Yugi began slowly, "...what happens when you take off the ring?" He looked slightly curious, but I could still see the undertones of sadness and pity reflected in his eyes.

"I can't." I answered, shrugging lightly. "...it hurts too much." He nodded glumly, and once more we fell silent.

Minutes passed.

"....It's okay, you know." I murmured, breaking the silence. "I...don't mind." All four of them turned to me in shock, hardly believing that I had said such a thing.

Yugi looked like he was about to say something, when suddenly another voice broke out, unnaturally loud in the quite stillness of the room.

"How can you say that?!" Anzu stood up indignantly and threw up her hands in frustration. "How can you not care?! Ryou....please...you can't care so little for your own life that you aren't even that interested in finding a way out of this..."

I just gazed up at her, not even sure what to say.

"I..." I bit my lower lip and kept my eyes downcast. "...there isn't a way out of it. I know. I've tried before. And...I've got quite used to the idea of dying. It's fine." Tears filled her eyes and she suddenly started crying, sitting back down in her chair.

"...It's not fine." That was from Honda. I looked up at him, wondering at the sudden comment; ever since he had arrived he'd been practically silent, just kind of watching me the whole time. "Ryou....I..."

His hesitancy suddenly disappeared as though he'd made up his mind about something, and he stood up and came towards me. "Ryou....can...I talk to you for a minute...?" He took my arm and started pulling me towards the other room, as I followed him bemusedly but without resistance.

We stood in the middle of the room for a while, facing each other but not really saying anything. It was Honda who broke the silence.

"Ryou....why do you want to die..." He looked at me searchingly, and when I tried to shrug he placed his hands on my shoulders, holding them still. "Ryou..."

"Because anything's better than living the way I have been!" My voice came out more forcefully than I had expected, and finally I felt long awaited tears well up in my eyes, trickling slowly down my cheeks. He lifted up one hand and soothingly brushed them away with his thumb.

"...Why didn't you tell anyone?" His voice was gentle, and the concern in his eyes made me want to cry even more.

"I...I couldn't....he wouldn't let me..."

I start to tremble as I feel the presence of my Yami becoming more and more prominent.

"...he's coming..." I whisper softly, and stiffen slightly as I suddenly realise Honda has his arms around me.

It's comforting...

I reach my arms around him, and rest my head against his chest as the feeling of my Yami becomes stronger. He holds me close, and for once I feel secure, a faint feeling of happiness emerging.

The last thing I hear is, "I love you."

* * * * *

As he felt the body become limp, the tears started to fall and he sank to the ground, cradling the other boy in his arms. He gazed down wretchedly at the pale haired boy's delicate features, reaching out a hand to brush away a stray strand of white hair

"It's so unfair..." He whispered haltingly.

Even to the end, Ryou had been controlled. But in death...

He finally looked at peace.

~Owari~