Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ What are Little Girls Made of? ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Originally I had the following chapters of this fic posted only to ff.net, but since they have now banned songfics, I have to move them here. *sigh*

This was supposed to be only a one-shot but I was persuaded to continue and… am not sure if I like this chapter that much. (or at all… nah, it’s not that bad.) The song I used in this chapter is again one by Maija Vilkkumaa (btw, ‘j’ is pronounced as ‘y’ in you…), called Timantti (Dimond).

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed since the last chapter. Read the disclaimer there…

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Chapter 2

I hear the engines pounding with increasing rhythm somewhere under me as the ship slides away from the dock. First I had thought to follow the takeoff on the deck, but then I decided that it might be better to stay in my cabin until the shore would be left far behind. Probably a good decision… There's a strange lump in my throat and I'm afraid that if I were now on the deck I might jump off and swim to the shore.

What the hell am I doing!?

Leaving my home, my family and friends, my entire life… but that's the point of this, isn't it? That's exactly what I wanted to do, leave it all behind. So why am feeling so… so… homesick before the journey has even begun? The Journey. Something about what I've been dreaming for a long time… This is my dream-come-true, and I'm almost crying! Get a grip of yourself, girl.

I sigh as I turn to lie on my back. Don't think about it too much. Don't think about it… just do it. It's like swimming in cold water… If you keep on wondering how cold the water's going to be and carefully try it with your toe first, it's going to be much more difficult to actually go to swim. Just jump in and crawl for it. That's the best way, if you really have to do it. And I have to do this.

Below the car deck lying on the cabin's floor

I hear how the engines are cooing (1)

Someone shouts in the corridor, the dust makes mouth dry

And all the time land is left farer behind

I have to. I frown as I remember my phone call to mother before getting on the ship. I told her I was going and tried to explain, although I knew she wouldn't understand. She started crying - of course - when she realized I was serious. She just couldn't understand why I'd want to throw away a promising future (as she put it). Making her cry made me a little guilty… I tried to tell her that I wanted something else from my life too than a prosperous husband, two kids and a beautiful home - never forgetting high social status. That I wanted to be free to be what I am. That I couldn't bear anymore to be that doll they had made me.

My mother cried a little and whispered why you're leaving

Here it's safe, here it's peace, and the brightest stars on the sky

I said here you can talk only to thank

Who can live like that, to whom it's enough

It cuts my mind like the diamond cuts glass

I hear music coming from somewhere, but it's so quiet it doesn't bother me. It's beginning to get quite late and I know that I should try to sleep, but I seriously doubt if I can get any sleep tonight. Too many thoughts, my mind's overflowing. I close my eyes, lie silently on the bed, and try not to think anything.

The music goes on under the noise of the engines. Every now and then I hear some shouts and talk from the corridor as people walk past my cabin. The sounds blend to each other, they're actually quite comforting…

I wonder what they're doing right now…

Damn. I sigh as I open my eyes again. It never works, trying to stop thinking about something once you've started.

Below the car deck lying on the cabin's floor

I hear music playing somewhere far away

Someone shouts in the corridor, the dust makes mouth dry

I try to sleep, can't do anything else

Mother almost had hysterics in the phone first, but then she got angry, as I knew she would, and it made everything easier. It was again that old litany about how I had the potential to become something, but didn't even want to try, that I was so ungrateful, she didn't know what she had done wrong with me, it was unbelievable that I could have become so spoiled that I thought it was okay to do whatever I wanted…

When I had bought the ticket I had felt quite unsure about what I was going to do, the whole idea of leaving everyone I knew behind had suddenly felt horrifying, but the feeling faded soon away as I listened to my mother.

Suddenly I felt so alone when I reserved the ticket away

They said, so you're one of them too who become less than they could

I remember that phone call a little too well…

"I can't believe you're doing this! Just think about what everyone will say… You've always been such a good girl, why do you now have to…"

"Mother…"

"Do not interrupt me, girl! Why… why do you… oh, now you made me to forget what I was saying! Aren't you the least shamed about what you're doing?"

I sighed. "Truth to tell, Mom, no, I'm not." I was about to continue, but she cut me off.

"Unbelievable! Totally unbelievable! How is it possible that my daughter… Listen to me, girl. You should be thankful, me and your father have given you so much… Is this how you thank us for all we have done for you?"

"Done for me!? Done to me, I'd say!" She was about to say something but this time I cut her off. "Why don't you keep quiet and listen to me for a once? You've never done that before, have you? Only times you've ever listened to me were when I was thanking you for something. Everything else I said went in one ear, out the other, didn't it? Every time I tried to tell you what I wanted you didn't hear a word I said! Only thing you were interested about was what you wanted me to be! It's over now! Do you hear me, it's over!"

I had big troubles trying to keep myself from screaming at the top my lungs. Even as it was, I got some peculiar look from passerbys. They probably thought I was dumping my boyfriend or something like that…

Mother was silent for a moment. "If that's what you want to, leave," she said finally coldly. "I think I've had enough of this." And she hanged up.

Yes, I was allowed to talk when I wanted to thank

I wanted something else and they said that's enough

I have to fight tears back as I remember how it ended. That's not how I wanted it to end… I guess I had been hoping that she'd finally understand me, that she'd tell me to get back home and everything would be fine…

I glance at my watch. Almost half past ten. We've probably left the shore far enough by now so that I won't anymore be tempted to get a cold bath. Maybe walking on the deck would make me feel a little better.

It's getting darker outside, the stars are beginning to shine, and I watch them leaning against the railing. The lights of the city can still be seen far away, but by now they don't seem to be anything else but stars either. Quite pretty, really. I turn my gaze down to the dark waves that splash against the ship. I've always loved the sea… To me, it represents freedom. What could be freer than a wind blowing over a vast blue ocean, bright stars shining above it as the sun's drowning into the deep red waves…

I'm starting to get poetic, am I not…

"Hi."

I start a little when I hear the voice behind me, and turn then to look. There's a boy standing behind me, about seventeen years, I'd say, short brown hair, dark eyes, can't make out the color, there's too little light. He smiles at me as he moves to stand beside me leaning too on the railing. "I hope I don't disturb you."

"No, you don't… too much," I answer as I turn to look at the waves again. I didn't notice how the moon reflects on them before, it's really beautiful…

"Have you been in Hawaii before?" I frown a little. Maybe he does disturb me. "Yes. Couple of times, with my parents."

"I see." He shifts a little. "So… are you travelling alone now?"

I glance at him from the corner of my eye and try not to smile as I nod. He licks his lips nervously. "What are you going to do tonight?"

Forget it, boy. I turn to look at the waves again. "I'm going to watch the sea. Alone." I keep on staring at the waves and finally he gets the message and walks away.

That's right, boy, go find someone else… For a moment my thoughts stay on him, but soon they drift to the destination of this ship.

Hawaii…

It's not my destination, of course. I'm going to continue my way to Europe from there… I know, it would have been faster to take a plane directly to Europe, but I thought that if they are going to try to find me, they'd never guess I left to Hawaii. I've always been talking about how I'd like to go to Europe and see all those places where I haven't been before… So maybe this will distract them for a while… I'm sure they think that I left on airplane… anyway, that's their preferred way to travel. And besides all that… I just wanted to leave on a ship. I wanted to leave by sea, that's always been my dream.

To stand some day on the deck of a ship, watching the waves part as the ship flies over them and feeling the wind on my face. I close my eyes, smell the salty sea air, and feel the wind… I've never been this close to freedom in my life.

The bow of the ship parts the waves like the diamond cuts glass

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A/N:

(1) 'The engines are cooing' is a literal translation… It's equally weird in Finnish.

So what do you think? Personally I didn't like this so much but I let you to decide… I guess going to New York would have been more like Anzu (and dreaming about becoming a dancer, not an author…) and I know that going by ship to Hawaii from Japan will take helluva lot of time, but… so what, I plead artistic license. ^^

I’ll post the rest of the chapters here pretty soon, probably. After all, they’re already written. But since it’s been so long since I wrote them, I want to read them through before re-posting them, and… since I’m incredibly busy these days… it might take some time.

Meanwhile, all comments are appreciated. ^~