Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ What is that!?!?! ❯ What is that!?!? ( One-Shot )

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:01 p.m..

Place: On the bus.

Malik: mustresisturgetoclean...mustresisturgetoclean...mustresisturgetoclean...mus tresisturgetoclean...mustresisturgetoclean...

Bakura: *rubbing his temples*

Old lady sitting across from Bakura: 'Scuse me, young man, but could you please tell that crazy boy next to you to shut his mouth.

Bakura: *glares at the old lady* I've told him.

Malik: *shrieks* Listen here, lady!!! I'm trying not to have a nervous break down!!! Do you know what it's like to be sitting on this flea-infested chair with all you strange, nasty people. You could be a cult leader!! That guy over there could be a child molestor!!! That lady over there could be a Jehova's witness!! That weird guy over there could have herpes!!!!

Bakura: *to the old lady* Do you want to switch seats?

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Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:10 p.m.

Place: On the bus.

Malik: *sitting alone*

Bakura: *across the bus taking a nap...while his trench coat has come open again*

Malik: *fidgeting nervously* mustnotkillpeople...mustnotkillpeople...mustnotkillpeople...

Random little kid: Mommy, that man is scaring me.

The mother: Me too, son.

Another little kid walks to Malik's bench and sits next to him: *excitedly* Hi! I'm Mikey!

Malik: *raises an eyebrow*

Mikey: I like Pokemon!

Malik: Poke-what?

Mikey: Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all!!!!

Malik: Gotta catch what all?

Mikey: Pokemon! I've caught Pikachu, Ponita, Charmander, Pollywhirl, Jigglypuff, Togepi....

5 minutes later..

Mikey: Squirtle, Wheezy, Charrizard...

Malik: *twitching slightly*

Mikey: ...Pikachu...oh wait! I said him, already. Or didn't I? I got to start from the beginning again.

Malik: *in annoyance* FUCK THE DAMN POKEMON!!!!!! THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BURN IN HELL!!!! MWA HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Bakura: *wakes up from his seat across the bus*

Mikey: *starts to cry uncontrollably along with a few other little kids*

Malik: *glares at all the angry mothers* Oh, honestly, like you didn't want the damn kid to shut up!

Mikey's mom: *walks up to Malik* the nerve of you, young man! Apologize.

Malik: Listen here, you pathetic excuse for a woman, your child has severed every ounce of his intelligence by investing his life in these so called "Pokemon". I suggest you spend thousands of dollars sending him to a therapist, and spend a few thousand more dollars on plastic surgery for yourself.

Mikey's mom: You crude young man! I'm getting off the bus! *walks off with Mikey in her hand* *stops next to Bakura* Would you close your trench coat!?! *gets off the bus*

Bakura: *closes his trench coat* Why does it keep doing that?

================================================================ =======

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:21 p.m.

Place: On the bus.

Malik: *sitting incredibly still*

(A fat man, drinking a cup of coffee, sits next to him squashing him against the window)

Malik: ...Can't...breathe...

Fat man: *takes out a newspaper and starts to read, not bothering to notice Malik*

(Everyone in the bus looks incredibly pleased)

Malik: /Can't kill him...too many witnesses/

Bakura: *sitting across the bus, sleeping again*

Fat man: *lets out a fart*

Malik: *holds his breath* /Oh, gods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kill me, please!!!!!!!!!!!Ra have mercy on me/

Fat man: *burps*

Malik: *starts to cry* /I'll get you for this, Bakura!!/

(The bus stops and the man gets off whilst spilling coffee on Malik)

Malik: *eyes widen* *starts to scream* It burns!!! It burns!!!!

Random middle-aged lady: *evil grin* Justice is served.

Malik: *quickly throws his shirt off revealing his smooth tan chest*

A group of college girls in the back: 0_0!!!!!!!!

Malik: *rinses his shirt off, blowing on it trying to cool it down*

Bakura: *snaps awake* *looks at Malik with his shirt off* /Am I still asleep?/

Malik: *looks at Bakura with his trench coat slightly open* *raises an eyebrow*

Random college girl named, Tammy: Hi, I'm Tammy! *sits down next to Malik*

Malik: *mutters* And, I'm not.

Tammy: *giggles* You're so funny! And cute, too!

Malik: *ignoring her and fantasizing about Bakura*

Tammy: Let me tell you all about myself. I'm from Boston, but not really because I was sort of born in Boston, but not. It's a long story. I'll tell it to you!

...5 minutes later...

Malik: *twitching again*

Tammy: And there was this farming village full of cows, and this guy with a weird haircut. He was like from Canada or something. Anyways-

Malik: *finally snaps* Would you please shut the hell up!?!? Can't you see I'm trying to fantasize about fucking my boyfriend who's only a few feet away from me!!!

Bakura: *smirks and waggles his eyebrows suggestively*

Tammy: *seems confused*

Malik: *growls* *pushes her off the bench* Stupid bitch.

Tammy: *starts to cry*

Malik: *puts his shirt back on even though it has a coffee stain on it*

---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:32 p.m.

Place: On the bus.

Malik: *glaring at the crying baby next to him, who's being held by a woman*

Woman named Martha: There, there, Leo. Don't cry, anymore.

Malik: *muttering* Maybe he's hungry.

Martha: Maybe. Do you mind?

Malik: No. Anything to shut that little bastard up.

Martha: *ignores his comment* *opens her blouse and puts the baby to her breast*

Malik: *eyes widen* What are you doing!?!?

Martha: Breast feeding my child.

Malik: Oh, so that's what they're calling it these days. You disgust me!

Martha: This is a perfectly natural thing! All babies need breastmilk to live.

Malik: Stop it!!*covers his ears* You sick woman!!

Martha: *glares and removes the baby from her breast*

Baby: *cries before throwing up all over Malik's shirt*

Malik: *shrieks* My shirt!!! Oh, dear gods!!!

Martha: Hmmph! I'll sit somewhere where I am appreciated. *passes Bakura on her way to another chair* Young man, that is degrading! Close your trench coat!

Bakura: *looks down* *mutters* Stupid trench coat *closes it up*

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Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12: 40 p.m.

Place: On the bus.

Malik: *glaring as hard as he can at the seat in front of him*

Carla: *singing while playing with a can of fruit* This is the song that doesn't end. It goes on and on, my fried. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end-

Malik: *turns to girl, looking psychotic...well, more psychotic* Would you shut up or I will shove that can down your throat!?!?

Carla: *stops* You're mean!! *opens the can of fruit and throws it on his shirt*

Malik: *eyes widen* Oh, that's it! I've had enough! *stands up and throws his shirt off* You people are all sick, you know that!! *begins to walk down the aisle* You are all uncivilized and horribly disgusting!! You make me ill!! *walks up to Bakura* And for the love of the gods, close your damn trench coat!!

Bakura: *looks up at Malik* *smirks* I don't have to do a thing you tell me! *flashes Malik*

Malik: *eyes widen* *He quickly tackles Bakura, kissing him hungrily*

&&&&&&&&&&&&& ;&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& ;&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& ;&&&&

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:45p.m.

Place: On the sidewalk

Bus Driver: *yelling* -And stay out!!!

Malik: *stares blankly at the bus as it speeds off*

Bakura: *grinning while buttoning his trench coat* That wasn't so bad, was it?

Malik: *turns and glares at Bakura*

Bakura: Well, atleast we were dropped off in front of the supermarket!

Malik: Yeah, I guess.

(they both walk into the supermarket)

Malik: Okay, I'll get the milk, and you go get the feminine products.

Bakura: *narrows his eyes* No! YOU go get the feminine products, and I'll get the milk.

Malik: Excuse me, but I don't have a shirt on! You know how wrong it's going to look if I stroll down the feminine product aisle without a shirt.

Bakura: I don't have underwear on!!!

(a few passerbys stare at the arguing boys)

Bakura: Besides, she's your sister.

Malik: YOU'RE the one who drank her milk!!

Bakura: Which is exactly why I should get the milk! *kisses Malik on the cheek* Glad, you agree. *runs off to the dairy product aisle*

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Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:50 p.m

Place: Supermarket Feminine product aisle

Malik: *looking around in fear* There's too many of them!! How the hell am I suppose to know which one to get!?!?

Anzu: *looking around aimlessly*

Malik: /I'll just ask that girl...hm...she looks familiar/ *taps Anzu on the shoulder*

Anzu: *turns around* *yelps in surprise* Malik?

Malik: Hey, you're that girl that's always with Yugi.

Anzu: *nervously* What are you doing here?

Malik: What do you think?

Anzu: *looks at Malik's shirtless body* /Yumm.../ You do realize you're in the feminine product aisle.

Malik: Listen. You're a woman, right? Which tampon do you recommend?

Anzu: *drops her jaw* Oh.My.God.

Malik: Okay, this one sais it's super absorbent, but not 100% absorbent. And this one sais it's a 100% absorbent, but it's not super absorbent!!!

Anzu: Uh...*randomly pulls a box of tampons from the shelf* Here you go. *runs off*

Malik: *yells* Thank you. *mutters* Hm..she was acting strange...I wonder why. *shrugs and walks off with the box of tampons and the midol*

################################################################ #######

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:50 p.m.

Place: In the dairy aisle.

Joey: *looking for his favorite strawberry cheesecake snack* *looks up and sees a familiar white head* Ryou?

Bakura: *turns to face Joey*

Joey: *lets out a squeak as he realizes it's Bakura* Um...Bakura! H-hey. I didn't realize it was you. W-what are you doing here?

Bakura: *raises an eyebrow* Buying milk.

Joey: *looks down and realizes Bakura's trench coat is open* *blushes* /Yumm../

Bakura: *glares* What the hell are you staring at!?!?

Joey: *quickly tears his eyes away* Nothing!

Bakura: *looks down and realizes his trench coat is open* Oh, for crying out loud!! *buttons his trench coat up* Someone somwhere wants me naked. [A/N: Yeah, me!]

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Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 12:56 p.m.

Place: At the checkout counter.

Bakura: *standing in line*

Malik: *walks up behind Bakura* Do you have the milk?

Bakura: *nods* Do you have the-

Malik: *interrupts* Yes! I do. Let's just pay for these things and get out of here.

Bakura: *staring aimlessly at the counter* *spots something of interest* Hm...new flavored lub: Strawberry Kiwi.

Malik: *grabs the bottle* *grins* Want to try it out?

Bakura: Of course.

Malik: Hm..why don't we just steal everything and get out of here?

Bakura: Do you really want to be caught stealing a box of tampons?

Malik: *shakes his head in the negative* This day is already fucked up enough as it is.

(they both walk up to the check out counter)

Leslie: (young, high school student council president) Hey! I'm Leslie! I'll be serving you, today! What do you two cute boys want? *takes some time to admire Malik's tanned shirtless body, and Bakura smooth, pale body being revealed by an open trench coat*

Malik: *gulps and nudges their products*

Leslie: *passes the milk through the scanner* Okay, we have some milk. *passes the midol* Midol..*raises an eyebrow*

Malik: *glares* It's for my sister.

Leslie: Let's see. *scans the tampons* *looks strangely at the two boys*

Malik: It's for my sister!!!

Leslie: Okay. Whatever. *tries to scan the lube* Hm..it's not going through. *leans into the microphone by the cash register* Price check on the-*looks up at the two boys strangely* lube?

Malik: *buries his head into Bakura's shoulder* Kill me, now.

Bakura: *whispers* Not yet. We haven't gotten to try out the lube.

Store Manager: *pops up from nowhere* What's the matter?

Leslie: *shows the lube* It won't scan.

Store Manager: *looks at the lube then turns to stare at Bakura and Malik oddly* I'll go get another one. Johnie!

Johnie: *pops up from nowhere*

Store Manager: Where's this lube from?

Johnie: *looks at the lube then turns to stare at Bakura and Malik oddly*

Bakura: *growls low in his throat* *rips the lube from the guys hand* Yes, damnit!! We use lube!!! And we probably go through a whole entire bottle in a week!!!! So, don't look at us funny because we happen to have an over active sex life! By the way, this thing costs $5.39!!!! It's right next to the cash register *points to the stand with all the lube* *quickly looks down and buttons his trench coat up again*

Malik: *grinning proudly* I think we'll take our merchandise and leave. *throws some money at the cashier, grabs his bag, and leaves*

Bakura: *follows still glaring at everyone*

(they both walk outside)

Malik: *nervously* How are we going to get home? I'm not going on the bus again!!!

Bakura: *sighs* Leave it up to me! *walks up to a woman getting out of her car* *flashes her*

Woman: *faints*

Bakura: *grabs her keys* Come on, Malik. Let's go home and try out that lube.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day: Wednesday, September 4, 2002.

Time: 1:31 p.m.

Place: In front of Isis's apartment.

Malik: *knocks on the door*

Isis: *from the other side of the door* Do you have the stuff?

Malik: Yes, sister, dear!

Isis: One second. *opens the door* Let me see.

Bakura: *opens the bag for her to see*

Isis: *looks into the bag* Milk. Check. Tampons. Check. Midol. Check. I don't remember asking

for any lube.

Malik: Um, that's for us. *takes it out of the bag and hides it behind his back*

Isis: Well, I guess you completed your assignment. *let's the two boys come in*

Malik: *kisses his sister on the cheek* Thanks. *pulls Bakura to his room and quickly closes the door*

Bakura: *throws the trench coat off and tackles the Egyptian to the bed, kissing him deeply*

Malik: *grabs the lube and places it next to them*

Isis: *from the kitchen* WHO ATE MY OREOS!!!????!!!!

Malik and Bakura: *look at each other in fear* Oh shit!!

(they both dive under the bed)

*-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-** -**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-*

Well, there you go, YamiEmmy!! You're bday fic!!! I finally finished it! I hope you enjoy it! Sorry, it's late, but better late than never. =) See! It pays to be a fan!!!