Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Whisper ❯ Whisper ( Chapter 1 )

Songfic…whoot!!

 

Standard disclaimers apply

 

Whisper

 

Catch me as I fall

 

I'm lying in the middle of a void of inky black nothingness. It's the darkest place I've ever been, in my entire life. Where I am I have no idea. If I were to guess it would be the pits of hell themselves. Quietly I run through in my mind all of my grave sins. There is nothing that I haven't done in this world. It is no wonder why I am here locked away in this prison of death.

Suddenly I'm falling and all of my fears and insecurities rise up to choke me. I scream out your name, begging you to come and save me.

 

Say you're here and it's all over now

 

A bright light pierces the oblivion and all that is you, your scent, your presence surrounds me. I hear your voice whispering in my ear that you are here, there's nothing to fear. I shiver as your warm breath caresses my ear. Opening my mouth to tell you what has been suppressed inside of me, eating away at me as buzzer sounds. Time is up.

 

Speaking to the atmosphere

 

I love you

I mouth the words as I am dragged from the world of dreams that threaten to swallow me whole if I don't fight hard and even then I lose. My alarm clock is still beeping and buzzing at me as I stare up at the ceiling. I can feel your lips moving over my ear as I lie there wishing myself away.

 

No one's here and I fall into myself

 

As soon as hit the alarm clock I know that silence will reign for there is no one else here with me. No one wants to deal with me. Even you abandoned me. The darkness in my soul spreads like a stain consuming faster and faster. I won't last much longer. My anchor is gone. The only one who could save me. Depression is setting in and with that comes dark contemplation, which is never good.

 

This truth drives me into madness

 

It is a well-known fact that even when you were with me I was on the very cusp of sanity, barely hanging on by my fingernails. When you left me I was shoved right into the center of the vortex of my madness and I became all the more volatile. The fact that I can't live without you pisses me off. It causes me to randomly erupt at people who mean well. Nothing can stop the insanity in me. It's spreading like cancer through my entire being only there is no chemo to try and stop it.

 

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

 

Sometimes if I clamp my eyes shut hard enough and concentrate solely on just one semi-happy thought I can block out this terrible agony that plagues me. There is nothing worse than just experiencing this and having no emotional morphine to dull it. Sheer will can cure my problem is what my hope is. If I hope and wish enough it will all go away. If I don't let it get to me. But most times sheer will power is not enough.

 

Don't turn away

 

I begged this of you. I threw aside my pride, every scrap of it and begged you to not leave me. To not turn on me like the others. You were the one that I could trust. Both of us needed each other or so that was what I thought. You left me here in this hell that just gets worse every single day. There is nothing I can do. You won't come back. You can't.

 

Don't give in to the pain

 

I command myself. I won't let the tears burning my eyes out. I won't let the sobs wrack my body. I have already done this. It cures nothing. The pain must be dealt with and crying like a child won't stop it. But why? Why did you leave me? Why Ryou?

 

Don't try to hide

 

I know you're out there. You think you can abscond away and not have me find you? That's impossible. You can't hide from your other half forever. You are my Hikari and I will find you. No one can escape me.

 

Though they're screaming your name

 

Someone is calling my name, screaming it. Just like all those thousands of years ago when my home was destroyed. They all perished. Killed by the pharaoh. Their screams haunt me at night. You were the only one who made them go away. I must show you that I can handle this on my own. Maybe then you'll come back. I don't want to face the person who is trying to catch my attention. I go to close my eyes but…

 

Don't close your eyes

 

To close my eyes is to admit defeat. To close my eyes is to succumb to the horrors of dreams and the night. To shut your eyes will lead to bad things.

 

God knows what lies behind them

 

When I close my eyes visions of the past arise. I don't want to remember. I want amnesia. I want to become like the Pharaoh was, completely and totally oblivious. That man who lives up in the sky who we all pray to, he is a farce. Something made up for all the people who need something to believe in. If there was such a thing as “God” why did he let such a wretch as I be born? Why did he torment me my whole life? Give me something precious and then rip it away? Does he find it humorous? Does he get pleasure from it?

Don't turn out the light

 

I bellow this at the greasy retard that was going to hit the light switch and fling me into darkness. Ryou is the only one who understands why I detest the insidious pitch black of night. A millennium encased in a ring with no light does that to you. I could confide in no one but him. He's the only who knows of my weakness. I'm sure the wonderful so much holier-than-thou Pharaoh isn't scared of the dark. I'm such a child. The thought of no light frightens me. Ryou's was my light. He left me.

 

Never sleep never die

 

If I don't close my eyes I can't sleep. If I can't sleep I can't dream. If I can't dream I'm safe from the unknown. Without that factor of not knowing I am safe. I can't die because I know everything that will happen. It is only in dreams that I can't understand and figure things out. Death is usually considered inevitable but I have dodged it many times. I won't die until I have you back. You cannot leave me. I won't let you.

 

I'm frightened by what I see

 

Somehow I fell asleep and I am back in my mind. Thrown into the depths of all of my fears. I see you. You're laughing at me. Your face is lit up by a smile. We're walking down the sidewalk. People think we are twins, not lovers. Touching, hugging, that is ok for brothers but not for lovers. What we feel for each other is dubbed “wrong” by the people who have no right to judge us. You don't want people to know about us. I allow you to let them believe what you want them to. What they don't know can't hurt them.

Suddenly you're gone and I'm left all alone in the middle of a street with pointing fingers and yells. No one believes me. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. What did I do? Nothing! Where are you? Ryou!!

 

But somehow I know that there's much more to come

 

It's that feeling that you feel deep down in your soul, in the bottom of you heart that tells you that something much worse is about to happen. Someone is shaking me. Pulling me out of this nightmare where everything is wrong. Ryou is going to be right next to me when I wake up.

Opening my eyes I find the Pharaoh's brat and I know something is terribly wrong. My hellish dream was right. I don't want it to be. The child is telling me that I was having a bad nightmare and that everything is going to be “ok.” I ask him where Ryou is. If everything is going to be “ok” Ryou has to be here. Where is my light? Tears fill the young one's eyes and I know something is horribly wrong.

 

Immobilized by my fear

 

“Ryou's dead”, is what he tells me. I know he has to be wrong because I am a part of Ryou. If he dies, I die. That's how it works. “He died sixth months ago, don't you remember?” He acts as if I should know this. As if I knew my love was dead. I frantically yell at him that my light isn't dead. He couldn't possibly be.

“You should know, you killed him,” an ice-cold voice states this and I whirl to find the Pharaoh watching me. I killed him? This is impossible. I would never hurt him! Never! I love him! Why is everyone conspiring against me! I know Ryou is alive! He wouldn't dare leave me so totally and completely!

 

And soon to be blinded by tears

 

Images flash though my mind. I see Ryou smiling. Laughing. Fear flashing through his eyes. Blood on my face. Sliding down my cheeks like tears. Squealing of tires. He had shoved me out of the way. He had saved me from death to die himself. It wasn't possible! It had to have been a dream! But I touch the scar on my arm and know it is true. He died because of me. It's all my fault. Pain lances through my head and I double over from it.

 

I can stop the pain if I will it all away

 

Clutching my head I scream out my agony. It won't stop. It will never stop! Nausea over comes me as the room begins to swirl. I can stop it if I try! I've done it before! I'll retreat into myself and never come out. I'll leave this world behind. A world without Ryou is a world without light. I cannot survive without light for I am dark and I will eventually destroy myself. MAKE IT STOP! I can feel all of their eyes on me. Blaming me.

 

Don't turn away

 

I see you. You're right here next to me. Holding my hand and telling me that's all going to be ok. But how can it be ok if you're not here? I hate this! I hate feeling weak! But yet I cannot stop it! Promise me Ryou you'll never leave me again! Promise! Sadly you turn away and walk away.

 

Don't give in to the pain

 

It crashes over me like surf on a beach. I'm swept away by the pure untainted pain. Nothing can stop it but I can't give into it. I can't be weak. Ryou wanted me to live so I must live. How can I not? How can I? My head's about explode. I can feel it. There's nothing that can end it. Not now. Not ever.

 

Don't try to hide

 

If I do that I will be throwing away the life Ryou gave to me. I want to curl up and die but you wouldn't want that. Hiding is what cowards do. I am no coward, I may be weak but I am no coward. I will not bury my head in the sand and hide from the truth.

 

Though they're screaming your name

 

Yugi is trying to talk to me again. He's yelling my name to try and get me to look at him. Talk to him. The Pharaoh tells him he is wasting his time. I was scum back then and I am scum now, there is no difference. I was never scum. You were. You were the one who did all this. I am what I am because of you! Ryou was the only one who could have saved me. Since he's gone you should be afraid.

 

Don't close your eyes

 

Fighting the urge to snap my eyes shut and fade away I turn and find his eyes. I capture them and glare into their crimson depths. I know that true insanity shines in my eyes. You can see it. It sends a shiver down your back. Doesn't it Pharaoh? Who is the one who is trapped? You are the trapped one. You will learn true agony.

 

God knows what lies behind them

 

If I were to close my eyes I would be able to watch your death. Over and over again. Like a movie in the cinema. Then you would be able to watch from hell as your precious Hikari goes through exactly what I am now. You would be the one begging to be saved. The one wanting to end it all.

 

Don't turn out the light

 

The two of you move to leave and I tell you this. If you turn off the light I will kill. I do not want to be in the darkness. I don't want to face myself. The taint in my soul. When I am judged they will send me to hell. Ryou will be up in heaven and I will be down in hell. So fitting.

 

Never sleep never die

 

I have stopped sleeping. I will never sleep again. Not until you are in my arms again. Never will I die. I will plague this earth and force the Gods to give you back to me. I will become something no one can stop! Do you hear me Ryou! I won't stop until you come back! Something is stuck in me and I look to see a nurse with a needle. I will have to wait until I am out of this prison to begin my quest.

 

Fallen angels at my feet

 

“What do you want to do today Bakura?” I look down at my Hikari, he's so full of light and brilliance it astonishes me.

“Whatever you want,” I tell him, today is going to be all about him.

“Let's go to the park and sit in the pavilion!” He grabs my hand and hurries in the direction to the park. We come to the intersection and wait for the light to turn so we can cross, when it finally does Ryou dances out across the road while I meander along not really caring. Looking up I see stark fear in my koi's eyes as he comes running at me. He shoves me out of the way and I hit the pavement on my back. Raising my head I see my love hit. He bounces off the hood of the car and hits the road with an awful sound. Running over to him I collapse next to him and see the blood pooling around him.

“NOOOO!” I bellow holding him close to me. “Someone call an ambulance! HELP!” Tears slip down my face as I smooth snow-white hair out of his face.

“Love you `kura,” he murmurs reaching up to touch my face. I can feel the blood mixing with my tears as I hold his hand to my face.

“Don't leave me! Please Ryou! I can't live without you!” I'm begging as I gather him even closer to me regardless of the blood. “I nee you with me!”

“Yer strong…” he slurs out and I know he's fading fast.

“No Hikari, I'm not! I can't live in this world without you! I can't!” His bright eyes have glazed over and I know he's almost gone.

“I'll…wait…fer…you…” and then he's gone. I can't take it. I can't handle it!

“RYOU!! NOOOO!”

 

Whispered voices at my ear

 

I'm at your wake. Everyone stares at me and mutters things to each other. I'm not wearing black. I'm not wearing a suit. I'm wearing the outfit you said you loved me to wear. A pair of blue jeans, a white wife beater and a green button up shirt over it. I have yet to leave your side. Lying there in your casket you look like your sleeping. I feel that I could just lean over and shake you and you'd open your eyes and complain that it was too early to get up.

 

Death before my eyes

 

I don't make it through. I begin sobbing half way through my speech on how wonderful you were. I stop looking at my paper and begin speaking from my heart. I talk of how you loved to hang with your friends. You would do anything for anyone. I tell of how you always believed in me and that I could be a good person. You loved unconditionally. I inform them of how you died in my arms…loving me to the very last moment. Everyone is watching me and I know they pity me. I don't want their pity!

I help carry you in your coffin to your grave. Death surrounds me everywhere. The graves. The flowers. The tears. Black. Like night without light.

 

Lying next to me I fear

 

Snapping awake I stifle any noise I would have made with my pillow. I don't want to be sedated again. Rolling onto my side I see it. It's glinting sliver blade. My knife. How had it gotten in? Then I know. It was the Pharaoh. He saw it in my eyes. He knew I needed to get out of here. But if I kill myself I am condemning myself to hell and wasting what Ryou gave me. I fear my blade. I fear what it might bring.

 

She beckons me shall I give in

 

I feel death calling me. Telling me to come and join my beloved. Slowly I reach out and pick up the knife. I know what to do. It will be easy. I will then be with the one I love and nothing will ever be able to part us again. I can see Ryou, he's smiling at me. He wants me to follow him.

 

Upon my end shall I begin

 

I ponder this. When I finally die will a new life begin for me? Will I be able to start again with a fresh slate? Will I be forgiven? I can see Ryou waiting for me. Taking my knife I place it on the right side of my neck. It's in the spot where I have put it multiple times to kill those in my ways. Now it will save me. Leaving no time for second thoughts I rip the blade through my neck. It severs my jugular, trachea and esophagus.

 

Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end

 

I float up and away from my body finally free. Turning I find Ryou standing there his arms open wide for me. He promised he would wait and he did. Now together we can continue on into the next world. I know that nothing can separate us. Not even the end to this life for when a door closes I can pick the lock of a window.

 

 

R&R