Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Who am I? ❯ Who Am I? ( Chapter 1 )

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I do not own Linkin Park's "Crawling." *Please review!!!!*

Who Am I?

Malik's POV

Crawling in my skin

My yami is enjoying himself. I'm not.
I'm just laying beneath him, forcing myself to be limp. It would hopefully hurt less that way.
It doesn't, though.
Still hurts like a bitch.
I hate myself for this.....letting him have complete control over me.
Yami Marik.....the epitome of control and hatred.
Yami Marik.....my other half..........my Dark half.
My other half who enjoys pain and sorrow. He enjoys my pain and sorrow a little too much for my comfort.


These wounds, they will not heal

Nothing anyone can do can take away this pain. Humiliation, degredation.....they are wounds not easily mended.
My wounds on my back, created by the Tombkeeper's initiation, will never heal.
I could never erase them.
Why?
Because they are a reminder to me. They remind me of my father.....and the unholy ritual he performed. My pain gave birth to my yami.....and his sadistic, lustful pleasures.
No amount of gauze and bandages can relieve these wounds.
They run deep.
My dream is to one day live without those wounds. I no longer wish to co-exist with such a creature.
But how can I deny my evil side if he is a part of me?

Fear is how I fall

I submit to him because I fear him. He plagues my dreams and my nightmares.
I cannot resist him, so I let him do what he wants.
This just feeds him.
He feeds on my fear.
But it is my fear that is so hard to quell.

Confusing what is real

I don't even know who I am anymore.
I am nobody.
Am I myself? Or is Yami Marik my true identity?
Who knows?
Am I me? Or is he the real me?
I can't tell.
Can you?
Who am I?
Am I really a sadistic, lustful, cruel asshole?
Who am I?
I lost my identity with his arrival.
I don't know who I am anymore.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Yami Marik keeps me down.
He looks at me as he pounds into me. "You are mine, Malik Ishtar!"
I am no longer myself.
I am his toy.
That is what I am.
I'm not a 'who' I am a 'what'.
He enjoys keeping me down.
It is his reason for being.

Consuming, confusing

His evil has consumed me.
Am I really that evil?
He has taken who I am and shrouded it under a black veil.
That black veil has been there for so long, I don't know who I am anymore.

This lack of self control I fear is never ending

At one time, I thought I could control him. I thought I could control myself.
Odion helped me supress him, but he could only do it for so long.
It's hard to supress pure evil, Evil personified.

Controlling

Yami Marik controls.
He controls me.
He tells me what to do.
He tells me when to lay on my back and spread my legs.
He orders me to do everything for him.
I have no control.
He took that control away from me.

I can't seem
To find myself again

If I destroy him, If I could destroy him, what would I be left with?
Will my real self appear?
Will my real self disappear?
I'd have to reconstruct who I am.
Yami Marik has shrouded my true self.
It's sad when even you don't know who you are.
When someone has taken away your identity, where do you turn?
When your life has been corrupted by Darkness, where are you left when the Darkness leaves?

My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

Yami Marik continues to pound into me as I lay on my back, helpless.
I feel trapped with no where to go.
I should take Marik and shove him away. I should banish him.
But............
I can't.
I should just lay back and take it.
If i lose my sense of self when Marik is finally gone, I'm afraid of what might happen.
t bet better to live a life of servitude and abuse, rather than risk the complete loss of self when he is gone?

I've felt this way before
So insecure

This always happens when I try to convince myself to break free of Marik's abuse.
I convince myself I should do it and then I chicken out.
I'll just lay here and take it, like he sayshoulhould.

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me

I close my eyes as I finally feel blood. It may be uncomfortable, but it's be tha than him taking me dry.
This is my life with Marik....full of discomfort.


Distracting, reacting

At least the blood distracts me a little. It gives me something to focus on rather than the pain.

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

I look up at Marik. He looks just like me...with the exception of hair that makes me look like I put my finger in an electric socket.
He looks like me, with the exception of the spiky hair.
How can I deny him?
He IS me.
He is a part of me if I want to deny it or not.
I hate this side of me.
This side of me is hatred.

It's haunting how I can't seem...
To find myself again

He is me.
I am a part of him.
If he leaves, where does that leave me?
He's been with me for so long, when he is gone, I will feel empty.
It's frightening how a part of me that I loathe and despise would be mourned if he were gone.


My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I?m convinced that thereust ust too much pressure to take)

My body shuddered along with his as our orgasms began to overwhelm us.
I hate how he makes me feel pleasure at such pain.
I climaxed with a loud scream, spilling my release between us.
My yami let out his satisfied growl as he filled my channel with his seed.

I've felt this way before
So insecure

Marik smiled down at me. Through our mindlink, I could tell he was satisfied.
"You're such a good little fuck, Malik."
That's all I am to him.
A good little fuck.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing

He pulled out of me and threw me a towel.
"Clean yourself up."
Marik left the room casually as if nothing ever happened.
Who am I?

This lack of self control I fear is never ending

I have to get rid of him.
I have to get my life back.
But..........
I can't.
I need him to be complete.

Controlling

He will always be a part of me.
Controlling me.
Hating me.
Hurting me.
But it all comes back to the same question:
Who am I?