Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Why Cant' You Love Me? ❯ Chapter 1: Watching You ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: one of my very first Yugioh ficcies! I hope you guys like it! but you might not...just tell me...and btw...anonymous reviews shall be disabled for the beginning of this so I won't take this off b/c of the first review! That happened once! never again! Anyway..I hope it's ok...Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I seriously don't own Yugioh (GX) nor anyone in it!

Why Can't You Love Me?

Chapter 1: Watching You

(Manjome's POV)

I sat there on the beach, watching her and Ryo talk so casually at that dock. It pained me so badly to see her with him but I just remained silent, knowing any effort to show affection for her would in turn be futile. I hug my knees to my chest, my heart aching so much at seeing her at his side. How badly I want her at mine, to comfort me when I need her...like I do now...I dream of her every night (unless those obnoxious Ojamas wake me up). How is it she has this affect on me? How can I let myself feel like I do for her? I hate the way he's able to keep her next to him with only a simple smile, while I can't keep her anywhere near me no matter what I do. I feel so weak when I see her with him, knowing I can't be with her...especially after that duel. I can feel my eyes begin to water at the thought and I bury my face in my knees, wishing I could leave this earth and escape this pain.

That was my one (and probably only) chance to have her with me...and I blew it...I lost...If I could've only won, I'd have had her in my arms for the first time. How could I let it happen? Now she will never love me. She probably hates me more because of that duel...I sigh and stand. What's the point of watching something that hurts me so much? I turn around to find Fubuki standing right there. Why the Hell he's been following me around...I don't wanna know...but it's getting on my nerves.

“What is it now Fubuki?” I ask irritated.

“Can't I hang out with my friend?” he asked, usual stupid smile on his face.

“Yeah...but not now”, I reply pushing past him.

“Why not now?”

“I'm not in the mood to `hang out' right now. Just leave me alone”, I reply staring down.

“This is about my sister isn't it?” he asked stopping me.

“You're not gonna leave me alone unless I tell you are you?”

“Nope, so sit down and start talking!”

I do as he says and explain what's been happening with me. The way I think of her so much...every day and night.

“It's probably just an aftereffect of that love duel you two had. It's should stop within a few weeks, a month tops”, he replied after I finished.

I looked down. Truthfully, I didn't want this to stop. I wanted to love her like I do. I've never felt real love for anyone really, not even my brothers...just her...Asuka. I wish she'd just love me back...my dreams are becoming worse for me every night. Now Ryo is stealing her if we're together. For example...just last night I had a dream like that.

-----------------------------------------Dream sequence----------------------------------------------

(Still in Manjome's POV)

Asuka and I were sitting together under a tree and holding hands. I'd never been so happy. She smiled up at me and leaned up to kiss me and I knelt towards her to kiss her when Ryo came up to us and she stood. She walked up to him and gave him the kiss that was originally made for me. I stood as she began walking away with him, forgetting that I was still there. I began shouting at her to come back.

“Tenjoin-kun, where are you going?!” I yell.

She keeps walking as if I hadn't spoken.

“Tenjoin-kun, please!” I shout, reaching for her.

My hand goes through her. I'm not really there anymore. Either that or they're not. I follow them and wave my hands before them. I stand in front of them and they walk right through me. I stare after Asuka, my heart torn, and fall to my knees, tears running down my cheeks. I shout her name again and she finally looks back at me to find me crying. I look up at her and try to stand, only to find myself rooted to the ground. I stare at her with my eyes filled with tears. She gives me an emotionless stare and smirks, looking happy about the fact that she just beat my heart to a pulp.

She walks up to me and reaches into my chest (A/N: Hey, it's a dream! Anything can happen) and grabs my heart. She clutches it tight in her hand and I feel the wave of pain wash over my entire body. Then she pulls my heart out and begins stomping it into the dirt at her feet. She then takes it and tears it apart into little pieces. She takes the pieces of my heart and puts it into my hand. I stare up at her sadly as my eyes glaze over with death and she continues to smirk at me, glad she's finally rid of me it seems and walks back to Ryo who has watched the entire ordeal with a wide grin on his face. I fall to the ground, my beaten heart falling out of my hand and tears drying on my cheeks, a few falling to the ground below me as I die.

----------------------------------------------End dream sequence-----------------------------------

I stand wiping the tears from my eyes, ignoring the complaints from the little annoyance that was Fubuki, and began walking back to my dorm, wanting to be alone so badly. As I'm walking to my dorm, though, I run into Judai talking to those Slifer Slacker friends of his and Asuka. I feel a wall of pain hit me and I wince, trying to ignore that Slifer scum's greetings to me.

“Hey Manjome-san!!” he yells.

I ignore him and continue on my way.

“Manjome-kun, are you ok?” Asuka asks right next to me.

I look up at her but remain silent as I stop, letting her speak to me. I had fantasized this so many times, but this time it was for pity. She's feeling pity for me.

“Manjome-kun what's wrong?” she asks as I look back down, trying to walk away again.

“It's nothing...I just wanna be alone...” I reluctantly reply, feeling that clenching fist on my heart.

“Manjome-kun, please tell me...you look so sad”, she tries.

“Just leave me alone...” I reply sadly.

She stares after me and I keep going. I don't want her to feel pity for me. That's the last thing I want her to feel. I walk into my room and collapse on my bed crying for how I spoke to her. I snapped at her for trying to help. I roll over onto my back and stare up at my ceiling seeing her face immediately appear.

“Why can't I stop loving you?” I whisper sadly, staring up at your image.

I close my eyes and cry myself to sleep.

------------------------------------Another dream sequence----------------------------------------

I'm standing under a tree waiting for Asuka. She walks up to me and kisses me sweetly on the cheek, making me smile. She holds me and nuzzles her head on my chest and I embrace her in return.

“Hey!” Ryo yells before me. “Let her go Manjome-san!”

She smiles at him and shoves me away running into his arms.

“Why are you doing this Tenjoin-kun?” I yell, hurt.

“Why should I care about you...you only looked miserable so I only wanted to try and cheer you up. I don't really understand how this could come as a surprise to you. I'll never love you. Get over it and get on with your miserable life”, she stated harshly.

She then turned and walked away with Ryo, laying her head on his shoulder. I stare after them and fall against the tree, crying.

“A-NI-KI!!!!!”

-------------------------------------------End dream sequence--------------------------------------

I sat up abruptly after being woken up again by that little pest Ojama Yellow and I'm very tempted to tear it to pieces but decide against it and ignore whatever it is Yellow has to say. I can't avoid thinking about Asuka, calling her Tenjoin-kun. In the time I spent trapped in the Macrocosmos, I could feel the gentle warmth of Asuka's presence. Deep in my now aching heart, I was almost hoping Judai would lose, so we could stay together like that forever. I feel like I still need to confess my feelings for her, since they're so much stronger now...but....

“Now, I...Tenjoin-kun, at that time, I...I who was in the cold, pitch-black darkness, I could only feel your heart beating...immediately you seemed to be so close by my side. Gentle, warm...those are all you always are. `Judai loses! Judai loses!' I had prayed that many times in my heart. After all, there is only one confession...while I have to hold this vague feeling...I...” I whisper sadly, standing and walking out of my room.

I can't go anywhere without thinking of her. I climb my way to the roof of Duel Academia and look out at the sea. I find her and Ryo standing together again on the lighthouse pier, looking farther out to sea and feel all the hope that was slowly deteriorating finally become completely lost. If I could've just come over wanting to only win her heart and just beat her in that duel, it'd be me she'd be standing with. I continue to watch her, wanting her to love me so badly...

`What if I left Duel Academia again, but never came back?' he thought desperately. `Then maybe she'd leave my thoughts...'

I sigh and finally decide that I had to leave. I couldn't stand to be on this island with her anymore. I climbed back down and went back to my room to find Fubuki there, waiting for me.

“Why do you keep following me?” I ask as I walk over to my dresser and begin packing them in the suitcase beside my bed.

“I just like hanging out with you”, he replied. “Why are you packing?”

“I'm leaving you baka!!” I exclaimed packing the rest of my clothes.

“Anou...when are you coming back?” he asked.

“I'm not”, I reply simply.

“WHY?!?!?!?!?!” he exclaimed standing.

“I'm never gonna be able to get over what happened. I can't stay on this island with Asuka anymore.”

“You know this pain will pass ne?” he asked.

“No...It won't...because I don't want to stop having this feeling for her.”

“Sugoi, you really do want my sister”, he replies in surprise.

“Hai....so I'm gonna leave and never return.”

“Kuso!! You can't do that you baka! You belong here!!” he exclaimed taking my suitcase away and unpacking my clothes again. “I'll help you win her over don't worry.”

“I don't wanna see her unhappy! If she's with me when you make it happen, she won't be happy”, I reply desperately. “I'm sure she'd be happier if I wasn't here as well.”

“For Kami's sake! Shut up and listen! She wouldn't want you to leave!! I'm her Aniki and I know her better then anyone! She wouldn't want anyone here to leave.”

“Than I must be an exception to that”, I retort. “I'm going for a walk...than I'm leaving... I can't stand to be here any longer.”

I walked out before he could say another word and around the campus for the last time. I heard Asuka and Judai calling after me as I walked past the beach. I stopped but said nothing.

“Hey Manjome-san why do you look so miserable? Well miserable than you usually look..” Judai asks.

Tenjoin-kun watched me sadly, more than likely wondering what's wrong.

`Shimatta...I'm going to miss her so much', I think sadly.

“What's wrong?” she asks really worried, grabbing my arm and turning me to her.

I remain silent and look away from her.

“I wanna talk to you alone if it's ok Manjome-kun”, she requested, worry evident in her voice. “Is that ok Judai-san?”

“Sure, I was thinking about dueling Shou in a minute anyway”, he replies running away and waving. “Ja ne!!”

She took my arm and led me to the woods. We went very deep so that we couldn't be seen at all. When she stopped she turned to me with a serious look in her eyes, even with a slight hint of worry.

“Manjome-kun what's wrong? Why have you been trying to avoid me all day? Why do you still look miserable when you're around me?” she asked in a serious tone.

“I told you it's nothing...” I reply.

“Don't lie to me!” she exclaimed in anger walking a little closer to me.

I said nothing to this and looked away.

“Tell me Manjome!”

“I'm going to leave Duel Academia”, I finally answer.

“What's wrong with that?” she asks.

“I'm not coming back.”

“Why not?”

“I just can't stay.”

“Why? What's making you leave? We can fix this! I don't want you to think you have to leave if what's hurting you can be gotten rid of”, she replied embracing me.

My heart sank at those words. I could never get rid of her.

“So what is it?”

“It.........it's you.........” I mutter, feeling tears threaten to fall.

“What do you mean `it's me'?” she asks looking up at me.

“I can't stay here when I know you are...” I hate it, but I'm crying now, and I turn away from her.

“What's wrong with me?” she asks meekly.

“Nothing's wrong with you...it's the fact that you're here that hurts me...”

“Why?”

“You know why...”

She remains silent and I just guess that she understands.

“What does that have to do with leaving? Can't you still love me and stay here?” she asks weakly.

“No...”

“Why not?”

“Because it hurts too much to see you with Ryo all the time...I don't wanna be here to watch that.”

“What you think I'm...anou...with Ryo?”

“Hai...isn't that why you spend all of your time with him?”

“Anou...no...He's just someone I can just talk to...when Fubuki was missing he was like an aniki to me.”

“But you still love him?”

“When it comes down to it...Hai...I do love him...but like my aniki.”

“Look...I just can't stay here knowing you feel nothing for me at all except pity”, I reply walking away.

“Who ever said I didn't feel anything for you?!” she exclaimed making me stop.

“Do you?” I asked turning back to her.

“Hai...of course I do...” she replied embracing me again.

“Like what?” I ask hopelessly.

“Anou...I care that you don't cry like this”, she replied tightening her grip around me.

I remain silent and think about that, sitting down against one of the trees.

“So what about you? How would you describe your feelings for me, besides using the term `love'?” she asked sitting next to me.

I think for a moment and then reply with my thoughts from when I was in my room earlier.

“I can't avoid thinking about you, calling you Tenjoin-kun. In the time we spent trapped in the Macrocosmos, I could feel the gentle warmth of your presence. Deep in my heart, I was almost hoping Judai would lose, so we could stay together like that forever. Now, I...Tenjoin-kun, at that time, I...I, who was in the cold, pitch-black darkness, I could only feel your heart beating...immediately you seemed to be so close by my side. Gentle, warm...those are all you always are. `Judai loses! Judai loses!' I had prayed that many times in my heart. After all, there is only one confession...while I have to hold this vague feeling...I...” I whisper sadly, trying to explain this.

“You what?” she asked.

“...I love you...” I finish looking away.

She blushes, but smiles at me and places her hand on mine. I look over at her and my eyes widen with fear now and I jerk my hand away.

“What's wrong now Manjome-kun?” she asked worriedly.

“I had a dream like this...We were sitting together...just like this...when Ryo came and took you away...and you hurt me...anou...killed me...” I explained under my breath, just barely audible for her.

“How did I kill you”, she asked now very worried.

“Remember this is a dream...but you tore away my heart and destroyed it...just to prove you didn't love me...but don't worry...I can just go home...no one cares about me there either, but I don't love them much at all anyway, so it wouldn't hurt as much...”

“How long have you been having these dreams?” she asked.

“Ever since our duel...why?” I ask turning to her.

“I just wanted to try and find out what may have caused it...it was me...I did this to you just to win...to `prove my loyalty to the duel'”, she replied crying. “Gomen nasai Manjome-kun...What else have you dreamt?”

“Just today, I dreamt...that...you'd kiss me...but Ryo came again and took you and that kiss from me again...Other than that...I've just dreamt of us together...happy...only to be torn apart by Ryo or something else...”I replied sadly.

She cuddled closer to me, wanting to help me take this pain away, but I didn't return her embrace...I didn't want this to end up like my dreams.

“Why won't you hold me?” she asked.

“Because...I'm afraid that...if I do...something will happen that will take you from me...I can't get rid of that thought...Gomen nasai Tejoin-kun...but I really do love you...I'm just afraid something will happen that'll tear us apart...and if I keep this up...it'll probably be me that does it”, I replied slowly wrapping an arm around her and shutting my eyes tight...waiting for something horrible.

Almost on cue, we heard Ryo calling for her and I immediately let her go and stood.

“Where are you going?” she asked as I began walking away.

“Away...far away...to an uncharted island where I can die. Nobody will care that I'm gone...” I replied walking to the docks.

`I should've known better than to hold her like that...I knew I couldn't have her, no matter what...' I thought, crying as I walked to the docks to find a boat to maybe row away in, not caring how unorthodox my plan was.

I looked back before getting into the boat and wiped a tear away, thinking simply, `Why couldn't you love me?'

Japanese Dictionary:

Gomen nasai - Sorry
Kami - God
Hai - yea, yes
Sugoi - wow
Shimatta - Damn it
Baka - idiot
Anou - well
Kuso - shit
Ja ne - See ya!
Aniki - big brother
Ne - Right

A/N: There it was! I hope it doesn't suck! Please review! Flames that won't make me take this story off are welcome! BTW: I'd like to give credit to doragon no mizuon Fanfiction.net for the Japanese dictionary thing...cuz I was reading her story and I wanted Japanese words in this...so just stating that I didn't come up with the idea...it was theirs!