Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yami Bakura: Advice Giver ❯ Chainsaws 'n' Roses ( Chapter 7 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
Hey everyone! Yami Bakura is back to answer you E-mails, sorry about the god-forsaken amount of time it has taken him, I've taken time off to work on other fictions.
Yami Bakura: -cough- Gay ones! -cough-
SHUT IT! I'm surprised Yami Bakura hasn't threatened me to just get another chapter up.
Yami Bakura: >.< Stupid Ryou gave me an eight hour lecture on kindness.
Because Sami is busy with things, fanfics, her dog, stuff like that, she won't be in this as much. Sorry for Sami fans.. But without further ado, here we go!
Me: Alright, you have a lot of mail, you ready to get started?
Bakura: -evil grin- Always.
Ryou: More friends!!
Me: Um.. Yeah! -hands Yami Bakura letter-
Dear Yami Bakura, Everyday when I want to cross the street to go to school, there's always this fat, obese, elderly woman in the way with a cane. When I -try- to go around her, she whacks me with it! What can I do? I don't want to get ran over by the cars or getting beat up by an elderly woman! Anything I can do without getting caught by the cops? Sincerely yours, …I want revenge…
Bakura: Hmm, interesting! -begins writing-
Dear …I want Revenge…,
Hmm.. You can tell her to get out of your ^&*$#%@ way. That always works, or find another way to get to school, OR you can bring me with you so I can send her to the Shadow Realm. I love sending victims to the Shadow Realm. ~ Yami Bakura
Bakura: I'm such a good force.
Me: That's… such a nice reply..
Ryou: People should get along! -starts singing `Imagine' by John Lennon-
Bakura: Next letter before there is bloodshed. -gets a letter-
Dear Yami Bakura, The prep at school and her friend is getting on my nerves and hurting me (emotionaly) a lot. I ignored them and told and it is not working. I want advice. Could you give me violent and non-violent advice please. -Ryoku
Bakura: Hmm.. Really? -starts writing-
Dear Ryoku,
Emotionally, eh? Read the beginning of the above letter could be your first option, payback is also good, especially with lots of violent weapons. Or you can leave the country, and get a new name. Either one works well! ~ Bakura
Bakura: I hate freaks who are annoying me, like Yugi, the Pharaoh, Joey. I'd like to give them my two cents.
Ryou: Why not a dollar?
Bakura: -_-; You are so idiotic, Hikari-chan.
Me: Chan? CHAN? You know deep down you think it's cute how dense he can be. -hands Yami Bakura another letter-
Dear Yami Bakura, Thank you so much for the advice! I have another question. I need ideas for rumors. There are all sorts of rumors going around about me and I would like to get back at them. Any ideas? --Peach P.S. Enclosed is that chainsaw you wanted. Happy Birthday! (Also enclosed for Ryou is a bouquet of roses)
Bakura: ^_^ I've got myself a new best friend!
Ryou: Roses, my favorite!
Me: Why do I pick such weirdoes to work with? -bangs head against desk-
Bakura: -begins—
Ryou: -punches Bakura in the stomach- PUNCH BUGGY!!
Bakura: >_O -begins typing-
Dear Peach,
Hello my new bestest friend in the whole universe! Thanks for the chainsaw, I can use it to get rid of the Pharaoh now and take his Millenium puzzle, do you know how hard it is to get the items? I've been going around for YEARS to get them, boy is it annoying!
Me: GET ON WITH THE FRICKIN' ADVICE!
Bakura: Pfft! Fine! -continues typing-
Make a rumor that the most annoying person (to you) is schizophrenic. I know I have, and well, a number of people have agreed with me. And if not, hope you have a spare lighter and alcohol! ^_~ - Yami Bakura
Bakura: I'm good at this!
Me: I knew I should've hired that other person… -hands Yami Bakura another letter-
(Note: This is a letter to Danielle, not Yami Bakura) You know, Bakura isn't the only person who fits in your job discription for advice giver. If you want to replace him, you could hire Yami Malik to do the job..... Although that would mean that those two yamis would threaten each other for the job. Anyway, besides that, I have a question. Do other YGO characters ask Yami Bakura for advice? Because I'm thinking that Kaiba need his advice of how to defeat Yami Yugi (whether non-violence or not). Well, that's all I have to say, ciao. Jisen Meizuki P.S. Here's a basket of sugar-coated cookies for you, Ryou, and Sami for doing an excellent job. As for Yami Bakura, I give him a sycthe. Just tell him to look out for the Grim Reaper because I kinda 'burrow' it from Death, if you catch my drift.
Bakura: WHAT?! This letter isn't for me?! Whyyyy?!
Me: Ooh, cool! -pushes Bakura out of his seat and starts typing-
Dear Jisen Meizuki,
I tried hiring Yami Marik once, he ranted about fangirls and what-not, he also said I would go nuts whenever he came into the office, so it was a no-go. And as for the other Yu-Gi-Oh characters asking for advice. Yeah, you could say they have. I think I still have that letter somewhere… -reaches into desk, pulls out a letter-
Dear Yami Bakura,
Um.. Well not that I exactly need you help, this is hypothetical as to see your skills as an advice giver, I bet even a pathetic puppy could do the job better.
Okay, I'll give you my `problem' now. There is this man who is out to get me, or at least I think it's a man, he dresses and looks like a girl. Well.. At first I wanted him to go away, since I had better things to do in life then deal with his drama, but now I'm afraid I've fallen in love with him.. It would be fine, you see, but I don't know how the public would react to us being together, I don't know if his feelings for me are just hate, or if he's doing it to be around me. I also have my brother to think about, he's too young to even know about this kind of thing. Do you have any advice? ~ Seto… DAMMIT! Never mind on the name!
So yeah, things like that have happened. I got a million of them stored in my own desk, but Bob (which is my nickname for Yami Bakura) has requested that he not receive them. Thanks for the cookies, I'm sure they'll be gone within a day, Ryou is a hog. And Bob thanks you for the scythe. ~ Danielle
Me: ^-^ That's fun!
Ryou: I thought Seto told you not to show that letter in public.
Bakura: He shouldn't of sent it here in the first place where he just knows there could be a perfect opportunity for it to be pulled out of the drawer! >w<
Ryou: Okay. -hands Yami Bakura a letter-
Dear Kura-Yami (Your nickname from me^^), Hey if you wish to rid yourself of Ryou I'll take the cute little guy. On to business, I was woundering if you have any ideas on how to take out a whole school, in the most painful way possible? It must be painful, just because my schoolmates think you, Ryou, Malik and Marik(of whom are my Onii-sama's) are girls. >.< Anyone that thinks you guys are girls must be punished. ~ Tsuki Ishtar~ P.S. Lots of hugs for Ryou. I luv you Ryou!
Bakura: Kura-Yami..? KURA-YAMI?! -begins typing-
Dear Tsuki Ishtar,
LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT!! I'M BAKURA, GOT IT?! GOOD!! Onto more important matters.. Fine, you can take the little bugger, I don't want him. If you wanna take out the school, try pulling a Kefka. (Poisoning the water) that'll be good! Not painful, but very entertaining to watch. ~ Yami Bakura
Bakura: -_- Ryou, your going on a trip to wherever she lives.
Ryou: ;_; But I wanna stay here with you and Danielle.
Me: Yeah, how can you hate this face? -holds Ryou up, who's eyes are big and sparkly-
Bakura: -_- -gets another letter-
Dear Yami Bakura I am Ryoku's yami. I really want to torture her 'cause she is at her weakest point (broken heart) and I actually ran out of ideas. I need some more. Queen of Torture and Queen of Theives Jasmine
Bakura: Ooh, score, baby!
Dear Jasmine,
Tell her how worthless she is. That is always good for broken hearts. ~ Bakura
Me: BOB! You are mean! Broken hearts are awful!! I remember how depressed my sister (not Sami) was when her boyfriend broke up with her!! You do NOT say that!!
Bakura: She wanted advice on torturing, I gave her advice. Now give me my last letter.
Me: FINE! -hands Yami Bakura letter-
Dear The King Of Theives I have this prep at school who I want to hurt badly. She asks me to go shopping -shudders- and she won't shut up. She says I am weird for not being a girly girl. Advice?
Me: Hey, that's kinda like me.
Bakura: we don't need your whole back-story. -begins typing-
Dear Didn't give me a name so I'll call you Susie,
Beat her up, use daggers, or something of the sort, anything that is immensely painful.
Bakura: What? No more letters?
Me: No.
Ryou: I wanna stay here! I wanna stay here! -rocks back and forth cuddling an Inuyasha plushie-
Me: Well until next time, when I can reassure Ryou he's not going anywhere, I hope you all will not take Bob's advice to much to heart.