Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ You, Revisited ❯ Tell You That ( Chapter 4 )

CAUTION: More Tea and Téa warnings. Same rules apply. Hell, they apply throughout the story so work with it.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you

Or tell you that

But if I didn't say it

Well, I'd still have felt it

Where's the sense in that? ...

…I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were…

…I know I left too much mess

And destruction to come back again

And I caused but nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of `It's over'

Then I'm sure that that makes sense…

…But I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be…

From: White Flag - Dido

The song faded into oblivion, leaving the two in a haze of remembrance. Though they had recognized each other, they hadn't yet seen each other. Now, with the fog ebbing, they were able to really look at each other. And they did.

She was as he had seen her almost two months ago. Albeit the fact that she was not as decked out as she had been for the Chinese gala, she was beautiful. Mokuba had been right, she was older and it did show. But she was no less beautiful in his eyes. In fact, she was only more so.

When he'd last been this close to her, she'd still been but scarcely more than a child. Now, she was fully grown woman, sure in skin and soul. She was everything he ever thought he could want. She was all he'd ever wanted.

Seto was, to Anzu, a magnificent sight. When they had last been in such close proximity, she was too accustomed to seeing him. She had his image fixed in her mind - he was a perpetual 16 year old, looking everyday the way he always had. Now, dressed in casual, dark-blue slacks of a smooth material that looked classy and everyday all at once, and cool, white shirt with the sleeves folded up to his elbows, Seto was all adult. There was something about him though, that she knew well. A lingering sense of regret, of pain.

But he was still her Seto, her secret saiai. Her world embodied. He was engaged to someone else.

Neither had, however, expected to find tears in the others eyes. This surprised Anzu more than Seto for, despite the fact that they had been as thick as thieves when they were together, it had been a jubilant sort of relationship. She'd never seen him cry. In her limited knowledge, she believed that she'd never made him cry. She had no idea how wrong she was.

But she sure as hell was going to find out.

"Hello Seto." Her voice was quiet. A bittersweet smile spread across her full lips and Seto's impulse was to lean forward and capture them with his own. But that wouldn't do. Not now. His hand slid across the able, taking hers gently. She looked up at him. He had yearned for the feeling of her soft skin and delicate hands within his. Her eyes were clear and, as usual, he read them easily, able to see the confusion of emotion therein.

"Tea." His smile mirrored hers. The formalities, social niceties, pre-requisite idle chitchat that were everyone else's safety nets in these situations didn't apply to them. It would be an insult to their history. So, instead, he gave her hand a tender squeeze. "I've missed you. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

He felt her hand tense. He knew she was going to pull away. That, however, was the last thing he wanted. So, he remedied the situation in the best way he knew, he begged. In traditional Kaiba fashion - which basically sounded like a command.

"Anzu, don't leave. I just want to say this to you. You don't have to respond. Just listen." He watched, tense with a nervousness that bordered on nausea, as she weighed her options. He almost sighed in relief when she nodded ever so slightly. Her posture was no less relaxed but she was going to listen. He always knew she was a smart girl, rarely one to make a scene.

Seto still hadn't let go of her hand, unable to release that which he had longed to touch again for so many years. It was his lifeline in this conversation, whether or not its owner as aware of this fact. He noted that, apart from her subtle attempt to leave, Anzu had not withdrawn it either.

"I should start where I left off, don't you think?" He raised a rhetorical eyebrow although his eyes were focused on their interlocked hands. "I am sorry, Anzu. Truly I am." He looked up, catching her eye and holding her gaze easily. This was infinitely harder than he had expected it to be. But then again, he was a fool to have had any expectations when it came to her. She was the spontaneity in his life.

"I - I -" he stammered and then blushed slightly because of it. Unconsciously, his hand tightened around hers, causing her to peer ever more intently at him. "I wasn't - I didn't…Anzu, I never meant for anything to happen that night. To tell you the truth, I can't even remember what happened. I just remember having a few drinks and then I woke up…there."

She looked away quickly, not wanting to hear about it. "Please believe me, Tea. I don't lie to you. I never have."

Seto was fully aware that he was most likely wearing a desperate expression but, at her feet, his dignity flew to the wind. As much as he hated to admit that one woman could have such power over him, he realised that Anzu Mazaki would always be his `distinctive case'. Almost every man had one woman they would cower and grovel for; there was no doubt in his mind that she was his.

"I've never loved anyone the way I loved - love - you, Anzu You've always been special to me. You still are. The truth is; I still do love you. I know that you don't find this…appropriate conversation. Whether or not I ought to be telling you this is completely irrelevant at the moment because the simple fact is I do. Nothing anyone can ever do will ever change that. I love you - I'm in love with you - with all of my being. Perhaps more than I ever should be. But when it comes to you, I've never been a logical man."

"Seto-" she began, breaking in and sounding like she was about to shoot him down. He shook his head, halting her before she could get going.

"I'm not asking to change our relationship-"

She interrupted once again, briefly: "Lack thereof."

"Or lack thereof," he corrected, "I'm not asking for anything, Anzu. Nothing but your acceptance of this: I'm still in love with you. I always have been - probably even before I was sixteen - and always will be."

When he was done ripping her carefully, precariously mended heart back into hardly noteworthy shreds of tissue, Anzu had only the ability to stare at him. She wasn't gaping - she wasn't dim, after all - but her eyes were curiously blank.

Could she trust Seto's words now, after all this time? They say actions speak louder than words…and he'd lost her trust through his treacherous actions three years ago. So then how was she to believe him? Inexplicably, something in her, some part of her that she knew still loved Seto Kaiba, did believe him already. And there was no changing the fact that, like a virus, this belief was spreading rapidly and uncontrollably throughout her body.

Anzu knew, however, that she needed more time to think about what he had told her. She could believe what he had said but acceptance - that which he had begged her for - would indubitably take a longer period of time. Finally, she tore her gaze away from the tiled floor and sought his. If he truly knew her the way she'd once assumed he did, he would understand what her next question meant. If he felt the way he said he did, he wouldn't question her.

"Shall we walk, Seto?"

She watched him watch her in slight mystification for a few seconds before the insight dawned on him. The edge of his lips quirked upwards and he nodded. She almost audibly sighed in her relief. Honestly, she would not have been anything less than devastated had he not understood. Noiselessly, without hurry, she began packing up her neatly arranged stationery and Seto waited with equal patience. He made no move to help, however, and she knew that this was his - their - way of acknowledging that this was different. This wasn't what they were used to; nothing would ever be the same for them again. Not as long she was on this side of the table and he was on the other.

His close watch on her allowed him to stand a fraction of a second before she did. It was the gentlemanly thing to do and if Seto had any values instilled in him at all, they dealt with etiquette. The same applied to when they reached the door. He walked beside her but still stepped up a bit to hold the door open.

Anzu was unable to conceal her smirk. It was something that she had always questioned, thinking that, like all other men, he'd been trying to impress her with his manners. As time had passes and none of his chivalrous actions had waned, she realised that it was an integral part of Seto. She had loved it about him and couldn't imagine that he'd be like without it but had still teased him mercilessly about `being old-fashioned'. Glancing down at her as she passed through the doorway, he caught sight of her lips. Once they were outside, he also smirked, acknowledging the unspoken tease.

"What?"

Duke Devlin sat stark naked, on the right side of the bed, in the middle of his Italian penthouse, with only his sheets pulled across his lap. His brow was contorted with an out-of-place frown on a regularly carefree face. He kept his eyes focused on the oak bathroom door.

To him, the past few days had been an experience unlike anything he had ever undergone prior. He wasn't sure how to describe what he felt or how he felt. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. It was the sort of thing he heard about, read about, but never actually considered possible. And, in the course of approximately one moth, he'd been proven as wrong as an upside-down pyramid. He snorted at the memory of his initial thoughts concerning this…arrangement. Casual sex? Whoever said it would be that simple deserved to be sued. He had entered into her little game of Tryst thinking - hoping - that there would be no strings attached. But, considering their history, strings came standard.

Now, Duke faced what he regarded as the final challenge in this strange, exciting affair. It was a challenge he never thought he'd ever find himself approaching so unquestioningly. However, there he sat, about to do just that. If he was truthful with himself, he'd probably been gearing himself towards this moment since she'd first called him and asked, in a voice that was too suggestive for any doubts if he was willing to have a few drinks, some laughs and… She'd left it hanging and the open invitation had stunned him for a millisecond. Despite his doubts, he went along with what she wanted, praying that Kaiba didn't find them out.

The door opened, steam billowed out, and the small figure of his lover emerged wrapped only in a white terry-cloth bathrobe. Duke instantly jerked out of his reverie. Now or never Devlin. Shizuka's face was flushed from the warmth of her bath and her hair was wet. As she made her way toward the bed, picking her way through the scattered clothing on the ground, Duke steeled himself to a question that had been haunting him.

"Do you love him?"

One thing both Seto and Anzu loved about foreign countries was their freedom to walk down the streets, mainly inconspicuous. In France, unlike their native Japan, they could stroll along the roads, the beach, wherever they wanted to, in obscurity. Their walk, however, had taken them far from their point of origin to a wooded area on top of a cliff that over looked the bay. The scene was faultless, the blue sky and sea framed by two arching trees and the curve of the beach set perfectly in the makeshift frame.

Seto leisurely sauntered up to one and leaned against it. Anzu, on the other hand, stood in the centre of the glade, staring at the suns' reflection on the sea. The Mediterranean really was a sight to behold. She adjusted her range of vision to take in things closer to her, including Kaiba. He was, of course, never to be outdone, even by a feature of nature. She shook her head. This isn't the time, she thought.

"How's Mokuba?" she asked abruptly, initiating the first conversation they were to share since leaving the café. "I haven't heard a thing about him in a long while."

"He's doing well. He's in college now - TU," he paused for no apparent reason, and then continued, "He's working now - protocol, management and so on - on his free days. He's also in charge of giving me bad news." He smirked. Anzu offered a small grin in appreciation of the minor joke. They lapsed into silence and the air was heavy with unspoken words. Nothing moved apart from the wind that wafted through their hair and shifted the ends of their clothes.

"You really wounded me that morning, you know," she stated. His head jerked upwards and he peered intently at her, waiting for the rest, knowing he wouldn't enjoy it, needing to hear it. "Do you know what it's like to be cheated on Seto?"

She held his gaze evenly as she spoke and he admired her for it. "It hurts. It physically aches to think that some you love didn't love you enough. Not even `as much' but `enough' to be faithful to you… It makes you feel inadequate, Seto. And I hate feeling that way."

"Tea -" he attempted to interrupt but she held up a hand effectively curbing his attempt.

"You knew me, Seto. You knew how I felt about me, about not being good enough half the time… All the same, when I was with you, I felt like I could rule the world. I know I'm not perfect and never have been but - Seto; you made me think I was special. I began to believe that I could achieve more than average on my own. You got me to see me apart from my friends, as a single entity and not only a part of a group. Then, in one small - perverted - question, you manage to bring all that down around me."

She shifted her gaze back out to the sea. "Despite that, however, I still find myself thinking of giving you the closure you're asking for."

She smiled wryly, "I haven't been altruistic in a long time. Don't think I'm starting mow, I need it as much as you-"

Out of the blue, she found herself cut off. Seto was kissing her, his lips frantic. Although Anzu didn't want to respond, didn't want to go back down that road again, she found herself kissing him back with as much desperation, pent up passion and hostility. It was far from a gentle kiss. Seto was demanding and forceful. Anzu, never one to be passive, matched him move for move. Seto's arms tightly ensnared her midsection, practically crushing her form into his. He delved his tongue deeper into her open mouth, seemingly wanting to swallow her in his need. As he leaned her backwards over his arm around her waist, she pressed back up, fingers stretched taut on his shoulders, her nails nearly digging into the skin beneath his shirt. I push and you push me back.

Quite unexpectedly she went limp in his arms, moaning into his kiss. He'd won. Relishing the fact, the very feel of her in his arms once again, he kissed her harder for a moment before breaking away a millimetre to look at her face, a vision he'd pined for deeply. Her lips were red from the force of their kiss and their eyes heavily lidded. Then, much more tenderly, he kissed her again. When he broke away fully this time, releasing her from his embrace, both their breaths were serrated. Seto caught his first.

He bent a bit to reach her ear, which he observed inattentively was closer to his and more comfortable to reach that Shizuka's, and whisper-snarled, "I wasn't asking for closure."

Her eyes snapped up to his, filled with tears of rage as she wrenched herself further away from him. She shouted at him, no longer caring about civility and calmness. "Then what the hell do you want Kaiba? What? You're taken everything I can possibly give you!"

His infamous temper rose to the occasion, "God damn it, Anzu, you aren't blind! Look at me. What do I look like I want? I want you! I want you to tell me that you still love me as much as I love you! I want you to mean it! I don't want to accept that we're over. I don't want to give us up. I didn't mean to turn your life upside down today, Tea, but it's not like mine will be any better either."

"We can't pick up from where we left off, Seto. We can't start over either," she halted briefly, "We can't do anything because you're engaged… to one of my best friends."

"Shizuka," he sighed. The word sounded burdensome and disliked and it made Anzu wonder. She had wondered for a long time whether or not he truly loved his fiancée, if he'd ever loved her. He pulled a hand over his face and looked long and hard at Anzu before saying, "She and I were - are - mistake. We never loved each other. At least, I've never loved her. She was there when I thought I was going to die from the loss of you but otherwise…"

Seto let the sentence trail off and took a deep breath. "We aren't going anywhere. It took her two and a half years to manoeuvre me into proposing. Sum it up in one word: security. But I don't love her the way I love you."

Anzu was acutely aware of his use of the present tense. Thoughtlessly she blurted, "Does she love you?"

Seto contemplated this for a while then settled his eyes on her, answering definitely, "No."

Dryly, she mumbled, "Wonder why."

"Because she knows you were there."

"She knows about us?" It seemed to him that she sounded virtually close to panic for a fraction of a second. A long time ago they had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from the world, for multiple reasons.

"Not you specifically, but she knows there was someone before her…someone she can't live up to." He watched her intently, midnight on crystal blue, baring his soul to her, hoping that she would read what his heart was striving to divulge. Anzu's eyes roamed his face, doing just that. With her eyes unwavering, she spoke.

"There are times when I question what I ever saw in you. What about you - a cold, arrogant stick of a man - could make me feel the way I did? What was it about you that stole me heart?" She exhaled sharply as her eyes skittered around their environment. "And then you say things like that and it's all too blatant."

Her eyes revisited his, the look inside them an amused accusation, as though she was laughing at the ridiculousness of her own query: "Really Seto Kaiba, why did you have to be the man of my dreams?"

He had no answer to make to that so he lingered in stillness. He supposed it was a twisted sort of compliment but theirs was a twisted connection.

"It's getting late, I should be going." That was off topic. All of a sudden, she was walking away from him. She turned, faced him and said, "I accept what you had to say Seto. I understand what you mean. But I can't give you what you want. Three years isn't as long as one would like to think. Especially to the broken hearted. I have to live my life without you in it. I've been living it that way for the past three years. I can't revert like this…it'd kill me. So think of this as an act of self-preservation on my part. I live by the rules of: it's over. I'm sure you understand the sense that makes. You're a practically man."

Here her voice cracked and she swallowed. Her next declaration was much quieter. "Goodbye Seto."

She was deserting him again. His heart that had basked in the rain of her presence was drying up rapidly. It wouldn't do.

"Wait." He needn't shout.

"Let me drive you to your hotel," he pleaded, "Not a word more." She consented.

True to his word, neither said a thing during the drive back. This was despite Anzu's itch to comment on the old Shabba Ranks song (Mr Loverman) that was playing in Seto's car, one that he'd had as long as she could remember. It was reggae, which he loved. She even watched him groove to it slightly at on of the red-lights they encountered, not fully registering that this was yet another testament to their intimacy. This was despite Seto's compulsion to ask for her new phone number, to ask about her life since their split, to ask a hundred and one fascinated questions more.

When finally they pulled up to the front of the lavish building, neither moved. Seto's fingers gripped the steering wheel so forcefully his knuckles were turning white. Anzu spotted this through the curtain of hair that hid her face as she bent her head to stare at the carpeted car floor. Anyone looking at them would think they had either just been on their first date or had just decided to get a divorce.

Slowly, Anzu shifted in her seat and inclined her body towards his. She pressed a kiss to the very outskirts of his lips, brushed her fingers across his much longer ones, relaxing them instantly, and then turned to leave. It was when she had one foot on the asphalt that Seto's hand swiftly caught her before she could exit completely. His fingers intertwined with hers. No words were exchanged but his grip was strong. It conveyed everything that needed to be said. He wasn't going to stop loving her; he wasn't going to let her go. Seto Kaiba didn't own a white flag.

Author's Note: I'M BACK! Went to Miami for a week, sorry for the delay. I know more than one person will hate me for the ending of this chapter but, c'est la vie! Please note this chapter has not yet been beta-ed in its entirety. Meena, the Meaner has gone to Barbados for the weekend. If Seto's tune seems to change half-way, it's because this was written in pieces and I don't stay very coherent when I do that. Forgive me but work with it, please… Ok, I think that's all I have to say. And thank you for the reviews so far! They really keep me going.

Disclaimer (for series): I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh and make no profit off this piece of fiction.

Disclaimer (for song): I do not own the song White Flag by Dido. The lyrics are reprinted without permission and, once again, I make no profit off their use. I have fallen in love with Dido's music. Is there anything more to say?

The song Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks is really awesome…and mentioned without permission.

Get both.

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