Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ YuGiOh Backstage: Discover the truth behind the scenes ❯ The good paparazzo... ( Chapter 1 )

Yu-gi-oh Backstage: Discover the truth behind the scenes…

A story by Nehti who doesn't own YUGIOH

Warning: ONE-SHOT Contains curse words like: hell, bitch, slut, bastard. That is as far as it goes!! PLZ don't report me or anything…

VERY IMPORTANT- DO NOT IGNORE:

Since things might be a bit confusing, I'd just like to say that people in this fic are supposed to be speaking Japanese! Try to keep an open mind! The story is told by a reporter's point of view and all names are COMPLETELY made up. Any resemblance is purely coincidental!! Nothing I say in the fic is to be considered biased or offensive, since I use everything for humoristic reasons. Enjoy!

Reporter Kira: Hello ladies and gentlemen. This is Kira Lilou reporting directly from outside the Yu-gi-0h production studios. It is exactly 7.24 am and we are about to enter. The purpose of this unusual expedition is to discover what really goes on in the dressing rooms of the YUGIOH cast and to learn more about the famous anime series.

(We see Kira Lilou approaching some glass doors.)

Kira: All right, everybody! Brace yourselves!!

Kira: (Turns to camera) OK! We are now entering the building.

(She enters and turns to the camera cryptically.)

Kira: Ladies and Gentlemen, we will proceed to the fourth floor where we will meet with the director and producer of the series!

(Kira goes up a staircase and the camera follows. She stands outside a wooden door, knocks stiffly, and enters.)

Kira: We are now located inside the directors office. In front of us is a huge desk and images from various YUGIOH episodes are hanging all around us. Ladies and gentlemen, we have to find the director! "

(Suddenly, a loud thud is heard and Kira seems to be caught off guard. She whirls around to look behind her and we notice that someone is standing next to the desk. He is a relatively tall man with brown hair and greenish-hazel eyes. Kira gawks at him in disbelief.)

Kira: HONDA HIROTO!? TRISTAN TAYLOR!? WHATENER YOUR NAME IS!?

Tristan-look-alike: Aye.

Kira: What are YOU doing here?

Tristan look-alike: Ma'am, the question is what are YOU doing here… and why is that porky guy shoving that camera in front of my face?

Porky guy from somewhere out of the frame: HEY! That wasn't very nice!

Tristan-look-alike: (shrugs)

(Kira continues to stare at Tristan)

Tristan: WHAT?

Kira: (shakes it off) Do you know where the director and producer of the YUGIOH series is? We are reporters from the channel "Gossip-oh-maniac" and we need to find him!

Tristan: I'm the director!

(Kira gawks at him and the camera seems to shake. Obviously the porky guy is having some trouble holding it…)

Kira: Are you serious! How come we didn't know you were the director?!

Tristan: Actually, for public appearances, I use my petname. My real name is Tery Bubbletooth.

Kira: (muttering) just as bad as Tristan Taylor or Honda or whatever…

Tery: Sorry, come again?

Kira: (nervously) oh nothing….oops! Just a sec, Tery!

(Kira turns to the camera)

Kira: Ladies and Gents, we are now talking to the director of YUGIOH.

Tery: (Sweatdrop)

(She turns back to Tery who is commonly known as Tristan and will thus be referred to as Tristan because otherwise it's just too damn confusing.)

Kira: So, Mister Bubbletooth, would you mind giving us a tour around the studios while telling us general things about the series?

Tristan: uhh…sure! Although you DID come a little early…

Kira: Marvelous, exotic, wonderful…Just a sec!

(turns to camera)

Kira: Ladies and Gentlemen, the director is going to give us a tour around the studios. We are about to follow him.

Tristan: (sweatdrop.) So, come with me…

(Tristan exits the office with Kira hot on his trail. They are walking down a long corridor.)

Kira: So how come you play a role in YUGIOH -(mutters) and a stupid one at that- if you are actually the director and producer of the series?

Tristan: I just thought I'd do some self-insertion! Ya know…to help the image! (wink wink)

Kira: (eye twitches) Help the image by imitating Tristan Taylor?

Tristan: (oblivious) I just thought it would do good to take the image of smart, calm and attractive Tristan Taylor…

(Kira seems to stumble suddenly and sweatdrops profusely. She is about to retort but suddenly Tristan or Tery or Mr. Bubbletooth points to a door and opens it.)

Tristan: This is the atelier.

(Kira and the camera take a peek inside. There is a bunch of people who are fervently drawing and sketching. Some wave at Tristan, while others seem to hit their heads on the wall because of ruining a CG model of `OBELISK-THE TORMENTOR'.)

Tristan: (closes door and proceeds down the corridor)

Kira: Just a sec!

(Tristan stops and Kira turns to the camera)

Kira: Ladies and Gents, we just witnessed the reality of YUGIOH, card design. The chaotic mayhem of the atelier can only be explained with one thing: lack of Valium. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are talking about prehistoric people here! Notice that…

(Tristan taps her shoulder)

Kira: (glare) can't you see I'm in the middle of something?!

Tristan: Ma'am, the actors are gonna be here in five minutes!

Kira: (sparkling eyes) Really? OK! Just a sec! (prepares to turn to camera)

Tristan: Oh no you don't!

(Tristan grabs Kira's shoulder and hauls her in what seems to be a very dark room.)

Kira: (squeaking) Please don't rape me!!!

Tristan: (incredulous stare) NO WAY, Ma'am!

Kira: (stops squealing) What do you mean "no way!"?

Tristan: There's no way I'm gonna rape you!!

Kira: Are you saying I can't be raped?

Tristan: What do you mean by that, lady? Of course you can be raped!

Kira: (starts squeaking) So you DO want to rape me!

Tristan: YIKES! NO WAY! Why would anyone want to rape you!?

Kira: (Uber angrily) Are you saying I'm ugly and cannot be raped????!!!

Tristan: NO!

Kira: So you're saying that I'm not ugly and you want to rape me!

Tristan: NO!

(Bickering continues and camera suddenly is twisted. The porky cameraman's face comes into view.)

Porky guy: Uhh...(seems distracted by the screaming and punching noises in the background) We'll be with you after the commercials!!!...HEY!

(Screen blacks out!)

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(After a while, we find ourselves looking at a huge platform which has various sections. It is obviously the set of YUGIOH. Many people are moving around carrying stage stuff! The camera focuses on Kira whose appearance is a little disheveled. Tory Bubbletooth -or Tristan- is behind her with an impressive swollen black eye and a torn shirt.)

Tristan: (scowl, growl, glare, huff)

Kira: (sigh) Sorry for that Ladies and Gents! We are back! The dark platform (glare at Tristan) was actually the set for YUGIOH! Now at 8:00 am, the crew has started to arrive. The actors will be here shortly. Meanwhile…tell us MISTER Bubbletooth, (glare at Tristan) what will we do today?

Tristan: (idiotic death glare) We figured we'd do parts of episodes number 53,54, 49 and 75 of the Japanese version. Then, we'll try doing the first episode of the whole series in English.

Kira: (excited) Wonderful! It seems we have chosen a great day to visit!

Tristan: (half-hearted nod)

(Suddenly, weird thumps and groans are heard from the room entrance. Tristan turns and smiles. Kira and the camera also turn.)

Voice1: What the heck, Jouno! Can't you at least WATCH where you're going!

Voice2: I'm trying…I'm trying…Sorry…

(In the distance we see two blonde people approaching. One is extremely thin while the other seems muscular. )

Tristan: That's Jouno Wheel and Kit Wheel. They represent the characters of Joey Wheeler and Bandit Keith in the show.

Kira: (vigorous nod.)

(Jouno and Kit are actually turning towards the dressing rooms but Tristan shouts.)

Tristan: HEY GUYS! Come' ere a sec! Some lousy reporter wants to talk to you!

Kira: (death glare)

(The two actors approach in a bored fashion.)

Kira: (excited) so pleased to meet you! Can I have an autograph?

Jouno: (shrug.)

Kit: Later.

Tristan: (stands and pulls them aside, trying to tell them to act nicely. After a while, they return to Kira)

Jouno: (Goofy grin.)

Kit: (bored stare)

Kira: (trying to break the ice.) So, tell us about yourselves! Do you enjoy working here?

Jouno: (idiotic goofiness) Totally! It's completely crazy, y' know!

Tristan: Suits you best…

Jouno: (glare)

Kira: And what about you, Bandi…uh- I mean Kit?

Kit: (chewing a toothpick and spitting occasionally) I only came to this lousy place because mom forced me to keep an eye on my cousin here…

Kira: (gawking) Jouno is your cousin?

Jouno: (muttering) unfortunately…

Kit: (growl) Got a problem with that, sis?

Kira: (fervent refusal)

Tristan: Hey look guys! Rori and Bori are here!

(Everyone turns towards the entrance to see two figures approaching!)

Kit: (muttering) Thank God, we're off the hook! Let's go! (Grabs Jouno and tries to drag him.)

Jouno: No, wait! I wanna talk to Rori and Bori!

Kit: (spits toothpick) I said come on, sparky, or I'll tell your mother about last night!

Jouno: (widens eyes and hurries to follow Kit to the dressing rooms. Meanwhile, Kira is throwing a fit, because she has just realized that the newcomers are both tall, lean and albino! Now who could that be…)

Tristan: Hey guys! Com' ere a sec!

(The two albinos groan loudly.)

Rori and Bori: Yes director Bubbletooth…

Rori: (whispering to Bori) what the hell did you do NOW?

Bori: (whispers back) Are you implying this is my fault again!? If I recall, you're the one who had chased him around with a pink mallet on Halloween night!

Rori: Yes you idiot, but you look just like me!!

Bori: How completely moronic! Your eyes are not half as squinty as mine!

(They have reached the director and their bickering is interrupted by a squeal. They both glare at Kira.)

Bori: What now?

Rori: Now what?

Everyone else: (sweatdrop.)

Kira: I can't believe it! (turns to the camera) Ladies and Gentlemen, we are actually standing in front of the greatest hotties of all time! It's Bakura Ryou in a double version! Oh my God! I can't believe this! Ted are you getting this?! Oh GOD, I think I'm about to faint.

(Rori and Bori glance tiredly at each other.)

Rori: Not again…

Bori: What kind of lousy broad is this anyway…She can't even tell I have squintier eyes than you!

Rori: (rolls eyes)

Tristan: (in a better mood) Exactly, Kira. These are our favorite twins: Bori and Rori Sith. They bring female fans to YUGIOH!

Kira: (glittery eyes) So Ryou Bakura and Yami Bakura are actually twins….

Tristan: Actually, Rori plays Ryou Bakura and Bori plays Yami Bakura. Rori is two minutes older than his twin, but Bori has a better build. If you really take a look, Bori's eyes are different and his body is more muscular. With a little hair-gel to create the Yami Bakura effect, we accentuate the differences in the show!

Kira: (shiny eyes and edging towards the twins) Yes…I see it clearly now!!

Rori and Bori: (identical blank stares)

Tristan: (looking smug) We also use special effects to make Bori look taller than Rori in the show! What's really funny is that in real life, their personalities are complete opposites from YUGIOH!

Rori and Bori: (looking offended and completely ignoring Kira's drools)

Rori/Ryou: (looks menacing) what are you implying Tristan, that I am actually cruel?

Bori/ Y.Bakura: (looks ready to cry) what are you implying, Tristan, that my eyes are not naturally squinty?

Tristan: (To Kira) See what I mean? We figured that when they act in the show, they simply imitate their brothers' general behavior. Rori imitates Bori's innocence and Bori imitates Rori's cruelty. Friggin' amazing, huh?

(Kira seems too preoccupied to answer, but the porky cameraman obviously nods, because the camera nods with him.)

Rori: Come on! We better go get ready! (Tugs on Bori's shirt.)

Bori: (eager to get away from Kira's googoo eyes) Y-Yeeah…

(Kira's eyes follow them as they enter their dressing rooms.)

Tristan: Oh! Here come my favorite people! It's Chamomile Gardy with Mia Jean and Yomi Shuzzie!

Kira: Huh?

Tristan: (watches people approach) Chamomile plays Tea…ha-ha…chamomile…tea…Tea…ha-ha (idiotic grin.) just thought of that…

Kira: (shakes head disapprovingly.)

Tristan: anyway…Mia Jean plays Mai Valentine and Yomi Shuzzie is the protagonist, Yugi Moto.

Kira: (exuberant.) The protagonist!? Where, where!?

Tristan: Uh…he's right there, Kira…(points to figures) HEY! COM `ERE YOU GUYS!

Kira: (takes out pencil and paper and prepares to take notes)

(The three people approach and stand next to the director. Kira keeps searching for a short, skinny kid with spiky hair but can't find him.)

Tristan: People, this is reporter Kira Lilou. Be good and say `hi'.

Everyone: Hi

Kira: Where's the protagonist?

Yomi: I'm right here.

Kira: (turns to look at a tall guy who has long purple hair which are pulled up in a ponytail- Duke Devlin style- and is wearing glasses and a completely nerdy outfit.)

Kira: YOU'RE the protagonist Yugi Moto?

Yomi: (talks as though Kira is retarded.) Yeeeeessss….

Kira: But what about the other Yugi? You know…' `Yami Yugi' …whatever?

Tristan: Haha! You actually thought there are two of them? Nah…Only Rori and Bori have that privilege. With Yomi we just use special effects. You know…To make him look short and all…

Yomi: You have no idea…

(Meanwhile, the other girls are chatting animatedly in the distance. Kira takes a good look at Yomi's outfit and sighs. She hides the notebook.)

Kira: You know what, Yomi? Maybe some other time…Dismissed!

Yomi: (shrugs and goes to the dressing rooms where he proceeds to boast around at how quickly he got rid of the annoying reporter.)

Kira: Next!

(Mia and Chamomile step near her.)

Chamomile: Hey girl.

Mia: What's kickin'?

Kira: Uhh…Fine. Shouldn't I be asking the questions? Hey Chamomile, aren't you the friendship freak?

Everybody: (smirk)

Mia: Just because Tea is a friendship preacher…

Chamomile: …doesn't mean I have to be one!

Kira: (to Tristan) Do they always complete each others sentences like that?

Mia: Totally! We're the alpha…

Chamomile:…and the omega…

Mia:…of each other!!

Kira: (momentary silence) Dismissed!

(Girls scoot away. All the commotion has attracted the attention of the workers who are now watching each interview intently. Suddenly, someone pushes through the crowd and eventually we are greeted with the person known as Seto Kaiba. This Seto, however, has green colored streaks in his hair and is wearing leather clothes. Moreover, he has BROWN EYES!)

Tristan: Hey, Jin! Just on time! Come here for an interview.

Jin: (incredulous look) Are you nuts? The reporter isn't even blonde!!

Kira: (looks offended) I demand and explanation.

Tristan: (forces Jin to come forward) Jin Hialo here plays Seto Kaiba in YUGIOH.

Kira: Not that kind of explanation! What was that comment about my hair color?!

Jin: (bored) Look, wench, you want an interview or what?

Kira: (fuming in ire) I'll show you an interview!

Tristan: Hey there, relax... Don't you want to ask some questions first?

Kira: (seems to be considering) Oh, fine…For starters, Jin, how come you don't have blue eyes?

Jin: (trying to contain hordes of laughter) You thought I actually had blue eyes!? Look, somebody had to do the whole Blue Eyes White Dragon theme…Since nobody else has blue eyes…We had to result to contacts.

Kira: (gawking) You mean that the greatest legend of YUGIOH, the saga of the stoic dragon-tamer with blue eyes who holds the ultimate power of the mythical blue-eyed beasts…Is based on contacts???!!!!

Jin: (looking bored) umm…yeah…

Kira: I need a break.

(Suddenly, a squeak is heard and a moving black furball is seen running around in lightning speed.)

Jin: Oops… That's my queue! (Jin runs in the dressing rooms while black furball chases him frantically.)

Kira: (whispering to Tristan) What' s that?

Tristan: (looking forlorn) Oh…Moki Rochy. Such a sad case… Moki plays the character of Mokuba in the show. At some point, he got so caught up in the YUGIOH atmosphere that he really believed Jin was his brother…He's been chasing poor Jin around ever since.

Kira: (muttering) looks like that biker-boi needed it!

(Finally, the furball known as Mokuba/Moki stumbles into the dressing rooms. We proceed to footage of `The Chase', complete with chase music, where Moki chases and glomps Jin repeatedly.)

(Suddenly, collective gasps are heard as the crowd of workers disperses. People start muttering and the camera zooms in the room entrance. Kira's eyes widen as she watches. A guy and a girl come in, followed closely by a tall bald man. They all have tanned bodies. Mutters are heard from the crowd.)

Worker1: Oh my God! Here they come! Get the camera!

Worker2: Holy cow! Another Kodak moment!

Worker3: Wait till I tell my wife!!! She'll be thrilled!!

(Kira is thoroughly puzzled by all this. She turns to Tristan who has an idiotic expression, so she returns her attention to the people who are now sauntering in the room. The camera focuses on the newcomers and we come to realize that the blonde guy is wearing a black shirt with black jeans. The girl beside him is dressed in a long white dress and her ebony black hair cascade freely down her back -the whole scene is like a wedding. And…wait a sec…The blonde guy has his arm wrapped around her waist!!!!)

Kira: (Becomes glittery-eyed) Oh my God, Ted! Are you getting this! It's Malik and Isis! The all-known Egyptian siblings, followed by their trusty servant, Odion!!

Tristan: (shakes his head in a bemused manner and turns to Kira) What on earth are you talking about, lady? It's Sehi Namar -who PLAYS Malik- and his future bride, Mane Saheb -who PLAYS Isis!! The man behind them is Mane's brother. The only thing you got right in that sentence is that they are Egyptian -although Mane does have routes from India…

(The camera seems to shake in an impending way, and Kira looks ready to pass out.)

Kira: Just a sec. (gulps down glass of water which has magically appeared.)

Tristan: SEHI! MANE! Please come here!

(Sehi/Malik turns to the director. He grins comfortably and leads the girl towards the small company. All the workers seem to be admiring the ethereal air of the COUPLE!!!???)

Tristan: (grins) Sehi! Finally! We've been expecting you! This is Kira Lilou and she is here to interview you guys!

Sehi: (flashes a smile to Kira who looks ready to faint from all the attention she's getting.)

Kira: (stuttering) H-Hey t-there…um…S-Sehi…I'd like to ask you some questions…

Sehi: (keeps flashing Kira and the camera.) Sure, Kira, Make yourself comfortable.

Kira: (curiously) So how come you're not wearing any jewelry, Mali…uh…Sehi?

Sehi: (smiles and lightly squeezes his arm further around Mane's/ Isis's waist in a subconscious manner) We don't always wear jewelry. Only for the show…My character, Malik, seems to be very old fashioned.

Kira: It is very confusing and sort of abnormal to see you as a couple with Mane! After all she is your sister in the show! (incredulously) Are you two really a couple?!

Sehi: (huffs indignantly) Of course!! We are preparing to get married next October!! I don't understand how that sibling thing works. Me and my fiancée look nothing alike! Our children, however…

Kira: (clears her throat uncomfortably) So…Mane, do you have anything to say?

Mane: (Just stares around blankly and turns a questioning glance to Sehi)

Sehi: (smiling to Kira) Mane doesn't speak Japanese or English. We only teach her what is necessary for the show. The same goes for Rishido!

Kira: (blinks dumbly.) So Mane/Isis....can't speak English…and neither can Rishido/Odion! (gulps down another glass of water)

Mane: (senses she is being talked about and whispers something in Sehi's ear. Sehi nods distractedly and turns to Kira.)

Sehi: (smiling carelessly) Excuse me, but my future wife would like to know why you are so thirsty. We are tropical people, we can help! Trust us.

Kira: (blinks and looks at Mane/Isis who cuddles closer to Sehi/Malik and smiles lovingly. Kira shakes her head and quickly gulps down another glass of water.)

Tristan: Sehi, I'm afraid your time is over here! Go get ready and we'll start in a few minutes, k?

Sehi: (nods lightly and takes his love's hand. The crowd disperses around them and starts taking pictures of them, watching them intently. They FINALLY go in the dressing rooms!)

Kira: (to Tristan) So...is there anyone else? Anyone we left out?

Tristan: (thinking) um…no! Except, of course, the characters of Serenity Wheeler and Duke Devlin who are played by the assistant director and the co-director.

Kira: Okay, that just meant that `Serenity' is the director's assistant and that `Duke' is the co-director, am I right?

Tristan: (nods)

Kira: I need a break…

(Abruptly, `Serenity' and `Duke' come rushing in. They take their seats near Tristan's chair.)

Tristan: Curiously, these peoples' names are the same from the show! Hey. Duke! Serenity!

Kira: Well that's normal…for a change…

Duke: (Ignores gaping crowd of girls and talks to Serenity who is blushing)

Duke: …and so the guy says: I bet you can't spit that tobacco two meters further! And of course I answer: Dorky Texan freaks like you need to be taught a lesson! And so I…

Tristan: (clears throat rudely) Serenity, guess what? A reporter from a gossip magazine came to see us! Isn't that totally cool!? Much cooler than Duke's tobacco spitting contest, right?

Serenity: (seems confused) uh…Mr. Bubbletooth…

Duke: (glares) don't listen to him Serenity! Who cares about some reporter! Don't you wanna listen to how I beat the hell out of that Texan macho!?

Porky Cameraman Ted: Hey! I'm from Texas!

Everyone: Who the in the friggin' roasted eggs' name CARES!!???

Porky Ted: (sweatdrop that can't be seen)

Kira: (Tiredly turns to the camera while Tristan and Duke are bickering in the background.)

Kira: It seems that the only familiar event in this place is the love triangle between Tristan, Serenity and Duke. To sum up what we have learned, Ladies and Gents, let's revise our notes! Ryou Bakura and Yami Bakura are in fact twins with contrasting personalities. Yugi and Yami Yugi are one and the same person, who is in fact a nerd WITHOUT spiky hair. Jouno and Bandit Keith/ Kit are cousins and share some weird secrets!!! Tea is actually Chamomile and is NOT a friendship freak- she is just Mia's (Mai's) best friend!

Kira (continuation): Seto Kaiba DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT have blue eyes!! He is actually a rude biker-boi! Finally the last HOT comment for all gossip-loving housekeepers out there, is that the actors who play Malik and Isis have nothing to do with relatives and are actually a COUPLE!!! That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen! Malik and Isis are, in fact, very in love and very about to get married! Isis can't even speak English!! Now if that ain't hot gossip, I don't know what is! (Kira drinks some water)

Kira: We'll be back after the commercials, to watch the recording of some actual YUGIOH episodes.

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