Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The "I want to apologize to everyone I'm about to offend" Twentythird Chapter ( Chapter 23 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing. (Of course I don't. If you thought otherwise, then you were just being in denial for me..... I appreciate it? I guess)

The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 23)

Gohan: Hello and welcome to the Gohan...

Fred: And Fred...

Gohan: Show. As usual, Kevin is here. We've tried everything, folks, and he just won't leave.

Kevin: Well, I'm still here, right.

Gohan: Unfortunately.

Kevin: Then, I guess you haven't tried everything.

Gohan: Right.....well, anyway. Any new news for us.

Kevin: Yep. I'm in the midst, which is Kevin for "I'm planning on writing it, but haven't started it," of writing a new fanfiction. It's basically going to be a platant and utter rip off of the matrix, except with fanfic writers instead of hackers.

Gohan: ...You really don't have a life do you.

Kevin: Well, maybe if I had a girlfriend... HAHA (begins to laugh, but it slowly turns into all out bawling).

Fred: Okay, that's it. Today's the day. We're going to find Kevin someone so he'll stop complaining.

Gohan: Yeah, and if he's got a girlfriend, maybe he'll let us leave.

Fred: And then the show will be over!

Kevin: Whoa, whoa. You guys ain't gettin' off that easy. If I am able to deny the gods of the fate they have set upon me and succeed in finding a girl who can put up with the occasional kissing of me, then she'd just have to understand that this is something I like to do. And if she can't deal with that, then it was never meant to be....

Gohan: ....(coughs) GAY!! (coughs)

Kevin: You little bastard. (hits Gohan with a two by four)

Gohan: (grabs cheek) Ow....

Fred: You mean that actually hurt?

Gohan: Not physically. But on the inside....

Fred: He's got a point. Kevin needs some anger management.

Kevin: I thought I needed a girlfriend.

Fred: You need to get laid...maybe that'll take away some of the frustration.

Gohan: Sexual and otherwise.

Kevin: (sits back in chair and pouts) I hate you both....

Fred: Anyway, let's get on with the contest.

Gohan: Alright, first we'll introduce some contestants. Kevin, do you happen to have any preferances on girls?

Kevin: ...Um...anything with legs?

Legless girl walking by: ASSHOLE!!!

Gohan: Alright. Well, let's introduce our contestants that will be vieing for the prize of a date with Kevin. First off, from Witch Hunter Robin, Robin Sena.

Robin: (walks out) You know, I was starting to wonder when you'd let be back on the show.

Gohan: It's not my fault. Talk to management. (points to Kevin)

Fred: Our second contestant is Serena from Sailor Moon.

Gohan: The third contestant is Rikku from Final Fantasy X and X-2.

Fred: Our forth contestant is Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan: (walks out, takes one look at Kevin, then turns and starts walking away) No freaking way.

Fred: Stop her! (a hammer falls and bonks her on the head. She falls unconcious) Take her to my dressing room, where she will be properly reprimanded.

Gohan: Our, I guess, fourth contestant is Ana from Shaman King.

Fred: The fifth contestant, from RahXephon, Asahina.

Gohan: The sixth contestant is Fey from Cowboy BeBop.

Fred: Our sixth contestant is fanfic writer, Fallin Dark Angel.

Gohan: And our last contestant is another fanfic writer, Hanami the Tsunami.

Kevin: (stares blankly)...Wait. You got real girls, also....

Gohan: Yeah. Is that a problem?

Kevin: Do you know how crazy real girls are? I mean, why do you think I spend so much time here?...

Unknown Wanderer: (appearing from nowhere....like usual) Because girls are insane, will lie to your face, and they are self absorbed...right?

Kevin: One, no. That's a opinion, thought up by you because, well....I don't know why. And secondly, how the hell did you get here?

J. Crown: He walked....

Kevin: Okay, why is everyone showing up so mysteriously on my show?

Silvaine (or Sara, cause that's her real name): I think it's because--

Kevin: GAH!!!! This is my show. If you people want to be on it, then you have to arrange it with someone.

Sara: We did...

Kevin: ....Oh....Well, then....on with the show?

Gohan: Alright contestants, here's how the contest will work. Kevin will ask you all a question, and then he will eliminate one of you by the way you answer. The one that's left will get to go on a date with Kevin. Any questions?

Serena: Yes, I have a--

Gohan: Good, let's get started.

Kevin: Okay, first question. What's two plus two? And don't bother answering. If you don't know the answer then just walk away now.

Serena: Shit...(walks away).

Kevin: Okay, question the second. If I were an ice cream cone, how would you eat me?

Robin: Mom says I'm not allowed to have ice cream anymore. It makes me do bad things....

Rikku: Who's got ice cream!?!?

Ana: I wouldn't let you have ice cream, cause you need to get into shape if you want to be shaman king.

Kevin: But I'm not even a shaman.

Ana: ...I mean, to be the talk show king.

Asahina: I would eat it as fast as I can, cause I like ice cream, but then I'd get a brain freeze, and I hate brain freezes.

Fey: If I don't have to pay for it, I'll eat you anyway you want.

Kevin: O.o

Fallin Dark Angel: ...What did he mean by "all girls are insane, will lie to your face, and they are self absorbed."

Hanami the Tsunami: Yeah, that's just mean.

Fred: Alright, Kevin, who's going to go?

Kevin: Ana! Ana!

Ana: What?!

Kevin: I'm sorry, but I'm old enough to make my own decisions.

Ana: With your lard ass, doesn't look like it. (walks out)

Kevin: That hurt a little on the inside....The next question is how would you seek vengeance on Ana for me?

Robin: BURN HER!!!!

Rikku: Steal all her stuff.

Fey: Shoot her.

Fallin Dark Angel: Shoot her with a bazooka or flame thrower.

Hanami the Tsunami: ....talk behind her back?

Kevin: Interesting...all good answers. But Rikku's got to go, cause the last thing I want is a klepto running around my home.

J. Crown: Good call.

UW: I concur.

Sara: Here, here.

Kevin: Man, I think I need this in real life. Okay, next question. If you were a tree, what kind would you be?

Robin: A burnt one.

Fey: What the hell kind of question is that?

Fallin Dark Angel: ....one that grows from the ground?

Hanami the Tsunami: ...That one. (points to a fern in the corner)

Gohan: Well, who's taking the long trip home now, Kevin.

Kevin: Robin. It's been fun, but you're too obsessed with fire. And while I am a pyro too, I just don't want to end up pissing you off and wake up dead.

Robin: Fine. But how do you know that won't happen now? ...See ya. (walks away)

Kevin: ...Alright, I'm never sleeping again. Moving on, the next question is why did you agree to do this contest?

Fey: The monkey said he'd give me some money.

Fallin Dark Angel: The monkey said he'd give me some money.

Hanami the Tsunami: I asked to come on....and the monkey said he'd give me some money.

Kevin: Wait, so you're all doing this for money....? Great, now I'm even more depressed.

Fred: Whatever, just get rid of one of them.

Kevin: What's the point? What's probably going to happen is the one I choose will be happy, but then reject me because all they wanted was the money.

Fred: No they won't. I mean, even though I had to bribe women to come on the show, doesn't mean none of them don't like you. So let's just finish the contest.

Kevin: Fine....Fey, you're gone cause we all know that you're a gold digger.

Fey: Asshole. (leaves)

Kevin: Alright you two. I'll be stuck with one of you by the end of this next question. Is there anything you want to add?

Fallin Dark Angel: I'm bisexual.

Hanami the Tsunami: I--What? You mean, I've been standing next to you this whole time...Oh no, I've probably caught it! (runs off screaming)

Fallin Dark Angel: It's not a disease it's a way of life!

Gohan: So, I guess Fallin Dark Angel is the winner.

Kevin: Oh, she would have won anyway.

Fred: Yeah, no one can turn down a bisexual.

Sara: I don't see what the big deal is.

UW: You wouldn't.

J. Crown: ....Oh, I'm supposed to say something semi-perverted....hold up, let me think. Um...

Kevin: Nevermind J. Crown. Nevermind.

Gohan: So, Fallin Dark Angel, are you ready for the date with this strapping young bachelor.

Fallin Dark Angel: Aww, that's sweet. BUT, I don't even know him. But we can be friends. (grabs money and leaves) Ciao!

Kevin: ....I KNEW IT!!!!

Fred: Fine, you can be proud of your brilliant deductive skills, but we now are winner-less in this brilliant contest that I've concocted.

Kevin: Who cares, Fred. I've learned something today. Between all the woman-bashing and perertedness of the evening, I've realized that I don't need a woman to make me feel accomplished. Cause they don't do that anyway. All they do is talk. And talk. And if you're lucky, you'll find a girl who can cook too. And that's what life is truly about.

The other guys: (sigh) That's true.

Sara: You guys realize I'm still here, right?

Kevin: Oh,....we meant besides you, Sara. Of course. (looks around and chuckles nervously)

J. Crown: Well, now that that's over, it's time to prove that I am more evil than UW!

UW: Dude, I've told you. No one's more evil than me.

Fred: I beg to differ.

J. Crown: Please, you ain't got nothing, monkey!

UW: Yeah.

Kevin: Actually, I would like to take this opportunity to prove that I am the most evil mind in the world.

UW: No you're not.

J. Crown: Yeah, you're just a small fry.

Kevin: Observe. (Kevin pulls out a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, caresses it a few times, then pulls out a spike and shoves the baby on it)

J. Crown: That's nothing.

UW: Child's play.

Fred: Yeah, I did that yesterday.

Kevin: I'm not done yet. (he then pulls out a can of gas and soaks the baby and lights it ablaze)

J. Crown: I'm still not impressed.

UW: Well, it is a little bit, but it's still nothing.

Fred: Last weekend.

Kevin: One more thing. (he blows the fire out and then begins to eat the baby)

J. Crown: OH MY GOD!!!! YOU'RE SICK!!!

UW: IT WAS JUST AN INNOCENT BABY, YOU BASTARD!!!

Fred: Hm....never did that one.

Kevin: (with blood dripping down his chin) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Gohan: Well, I believe that's all the time we have for today. Join us next time.

First off, I just want to apologize to all the women who were offended by today's episode. I also want to apologize to all the babies wrapped in swaddling clothes,...but not as much as I want to apologize to the women. It's all a joke, and I hope we can all laugh at it. Haha. See? Laughing.