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Episode 4 Guest Host Zap Brannigan

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the anime or cartoon characters used in this piece. We are just having fun and are making no profit. Do not own the songs either.

A/N: We had so much fun writing the first three episodes that here we go again! Written by Diana, edited and typed by Ariyana.

Sisterhood Inc

Presents

The Dating Game: Anime Edition

Episode 4

A Supreme Rulers Production

The Theme to the Dating Game begins to play as the cameras pan the large set. A small green little alien comes out dressed in a black tuxedo.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for your guest host..." he bows his head. "The man that needs no introduction...the man who has saved the galaxy more times than he can count." Begins to utter under his breath. "Because he doesn't know how to count." Returns to regular voice. "The man that every woman wants and every man wants to be like...the great, the amazing, the one and thankfully the only...Zap Brannigan!! And I'm Kif." He finishes announcing and walks over to a mini-bar and begins mixing a Martini.

Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye begins to play as Zap struts out of the heart shaped door wearing a black bow tie and a dark blue bath robe that barely covers his backside and front. Kif looks at Zap rolling his eyes. Zap's robe is opened just enough to 'show-off' his chest. As Zap walks toward the mini-bar he is waving and bowing. The sounds of gasping and disgust from Kif and the rest of the crew after seeing Zap's full moon can be heard in the background. The camera follows Zap as he takes his drink and lies down on his Egyptian one-armed recliner.

"Well ladies and gents, we have a great show for you today." Kif hands him a note from the Executive producers. Zap reads the note, than crumples it and tosses it over his shoulder. "Apparently, my wardrobe is little risqué for television audiences. So we're going to take a quick break but don't worry the Zapster will be right here when you return." He says flashing a gigantic grin at the camera.

Kif slaps one hand over his forehead and mutters "Why me?"

When the camera returns Zap is still on his chair, but he is wearing a pair of black boxers with blue hearts on them. Zap is already on his third Martini and pouting.

"Well I'd like [hiccup] to introduce you to our first bachelor. He hails from Duelist Kingdom where he saved his sister's sight. So ladies don't sell him short, he may have choked at the end, but he still pulled out a miracle. Please welcome, JERRY WEEPER!!"

"Sir that's Joey Wheeler." Kif corrected.

All the Small things by Blink 182 begins to play as Joey walks out of the heart shaped door, wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt with shorts to match.

"This isn't the song I picked." Joey mutters as he shoots Zap a dirty look. He then takes his seat behind the barrier.

"Bachelor #2 hails from Tokyo Japan and is a jack of all trades. So ladies you name it, he has done it and is willing to do it ALL again. Put your hands together for TOYOTA KEENO!"

"That's Toya Kinomoto!" Kif corrects again.

I need love by L.L. Cool J. begins to play as Toya walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a gray v-neck sweater and black slacks. The ladies in the audience start screaming their approval. The camera closes in on Toya as he starts to blush from the crowd reaction. He rushes to his seat by Joey behind the barrier.

"Bachelor #3 hails from Earth 19 something or other." Zap holds up his hand to Kif not to correct him but fill his glass. "He's a delivery boy, who will do anything for love, but he won't do that...FRY FARTSWORTH!"

Play that funky music white boy by Wild Cherry begins to play. Fry walks out of the heart shaped door dressed in a powder blue ruffled tuxedo. He fixes his tie as the camera pans closer. He then takes his seat next to Toya behind the barrier.

"And now here comes our sexy bachelorette. She hails from Tokyo, Japan and is a student. She has sharp claws and loves to use them...so fellas watch out. Please welcome one fiery hellcat...ARISA UOTANI!"

American woman by Lenny Kravitz begins to play. Arisa walks out of the heart shaped door confidently. She is wearing a light blue sleeveless dress with a low neckline and an angled bottom cut. The camera zooms in as she tosses her hair over her shoulder and walks to her seat.

Zap makes cat meows at her as Kif pours him a glass of water with an olive. "Gorgeous, fire up your questions."

She rolls her eyes and picks up her cards. "Bachelor #1, I have allergies and like a clean house. If I asked you to clean my house while I was visiting my friend for a week. Would you a) Do it at the beginning of the week, b) do it in the middle of the week or c) the day before I came home. And why?"

"I'm sorry to tell you, but I would have to say b, because of school and spending time with my sister who just got her sight back." Joey responded.

"Thank you for your honestly. #2 same question"

"Well my work and school schedule are very demanding, so I would have to pick A or B." Toya answered.

"That's reasonable. #3 same question."

Fry hangs his head and speaks in a small voice. "My answer would be C, so I could greet you when you get home."

"#3, that's so sweet."

"Ah shucks." Fry says blushing.

"Okay, #3 If you could describe the kind of relationship we would have using a song. Which song would it be?"

"I will always love you by Whitney Houston. The title says it all." Fry replied.

"#1, same question."

"I would pick Copa Cabana by Barry Mantilow because it is a fun and makes you forget all your problems."

"Right." Arisa said warily. "#2 same question."

"I would have to say, I belong to you by Lenny Kravitz."

"#2 are you trying to butter me up?"

"Not at all I just know great music." Toya smiled smoothly.

Arisa smiles impressed. Zap hiccups again. "Well sweetie, this is your last question make it a good one." Zap spoke drunkardly as Kif walks over to the middle of the divider so he can see both the bachelorette and the bachelors.

"I like men who follow my orders and don't argue like a certain carrot headed loud-mouth. So we're going to play a game of Arisa says. Arisa says all bachelors stand up and move your chairs back."

All three follow her orders and Kif nods for Arisa to continue.

"Arisa says put your right hand on your head."

Once again they all follow orders.

"Arisa says pick up your left foot."

The bachelors obey.

"Put your left hand over your eye."

Fry does.

"Bachelor #3 please sit down." Kif ordered.

"Arisa says jump up and down."

The remaining two comply.

"Arisa says do push ups."

Once again the two obey.

"Do the worm."

Joey does the worm.

"Bachelor #2 is the winner." Kif tells Arisa.

"Well it's time to pick the lucky man, bombshell!"

Arisa glares at Zap as the crowd yells their picks.

"I pick Bachelor #2."

Toya gives the camera a confidant smile as Fry and Joey congratulates him.

"Let's meet the two losers you didn't pick Bachelor #1... Jerod Wiener!"

Joey walks around the barrier and gives Arisa's hand a soft kiss. Then he stalks over to Zap and takes a swing at him. Zap ducks it and runs to security. Head of Security Toguro halls Joey off stage.

Still hiding behind security. "Meet the other loser, bachelor #3...Cry Barnsworth!"

Fry walks from behind barrier and shakes Arisa's hand.

"You're a knock out." Fry says sweetly. Arisa smiles and pecks him on the cheek. Fry then walks over to Zap. "I'm telling Leela on you! She'll never go out with you now!" Fry says as he walks off stage.

"Now, hot stuff for the loser you did pick, Bachelor #2...TOYS 'R' KINKO'S!"

Toya walks out from behind the barrier. They look each other up and down. Their eyes meet and in unison. "Damn!" comes out of their mouths. They hug each other as Zap comes out from behind security.

"Love birds, we're sending you off to ancient Athens, Greece. You'll be spending a week soaking up culture and hopefully each other. Airfare and hotel included."

The new couple walks over to Zap and slug him in unison.

"We'll be back right after these messages. We'll try to scrape Zap off the floor by then." Kif announces.

-----------------------------

"We're back! As you can see Zap is feeling much better." Zap can be seen dancing around the set. "He took some pain killers, something we don't recommend for people who have been drinking but in Zap's case it won't do any harm." Kif says matter-of-factly.

Zap starts serving drinks to the audience.

"Our first bachelorette hails from the Warring States Era of Japan. She is a priestess and protector of the Shikon no tama. Now that she has a second chance at life, she's looking for her second chance at love. Please welcome...KIKYO!" Kif announces.

Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi begins to play as Kikyo walks out from the heart shaped door wearing a light gray sleeveless blouse with black flowers and a black rayon skirt. As the camera zooms in she takes a deep breath and takes her seat behind the barrier.

Zap has wondered back on stage and Kif whispers the next introduction in his ear. "Bachelorette #2 hails from Tokyo, Japan. She is the Senshi of fire. She's as hot as the sun and is looking for the man who can take the heat. Please welcome...REI HINO!" Zap managed to announce.

Hot in Herre by Nelly begins to play as Rei walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a white short sleeved dress down to just below the knee with a red and orange flame going up the front and back. She blows the camera a kiss as it zooms in on her. She then takes her seat next to Kikyo behind the barrier as Zap heads back into the audience to serve more drinks.

"Bachelorette #3 originates from the Planet of Jurai. She is a princess that loves to be pampered and is waiting for the man who can fulfill all her needs. Please welcome...PRINCESS AYEKA JURAI!"

Sparkling Diamond by Nicole Kidman begins to play as Ayeka walks out from the heart shaped door wearing a long dark purple sparkling dress, which ties behind her neck. The camera zooms in to catch her fluttering her eyes and smiling sweetly. She takes her seat next to Rei.

Zap has passed out in the audience and Kif signals for Toguro to put Zap on his chair. Kif just shakes his head and goes on with the show.

"Finally our bachelor comes to us from Domino City. He's the owner of his own gaming company and is obsessed with being the best. Please welcome...SETO KAIBA!"

Denis Leary's song, Asshole begins to play as Kaiba walks out looking confused about his music.

"Wheeler!" Kaiba mutters angrily. He is dressed in white long sleeve buttoned shirt with a midnight blue jacket and blue slacks. He begrudgingly sits down.

"Welcome, Mr. Kaiba. The ladies are ready for your first question."

Kaiba nods at Kif's statement.

"Bachelorette #3, I have a little brother that travels with me. Do you like children and how many would you like to have of your own?"

"I myself have a younger sister who lives with me. I can't wait to have children! I'd like five or six." Ayeka answers waving to Sasami. Sasami smiles and waves back.

Kaiba spots the waving girl and slightly smiles. 'This girl will obviously grow up into be beautiful woman if number three is similar then she is hot.' He thought. He then shivers at the idea of five or six children. Meanwhile Mokuba spots Sasami from backstage and sneaks out to the audience.

"Okay, Bachelorette #2 same question."

"Well I'm an only child, but I would like to have one or two children some day." Rei answered simply.

'Now that's reasonable.' Kaiba thought. "Bachelorette #1 same question."

"I also have a younger sister, but being living impaired. I can not have any children." Kikyo says waving to Kaede in the audience.

Kaiba spots the old woman waving and his eyes grew large with alarm. 'What the hell? Is bachelorette #1 a mummy?' he thinks to himself.

Mokuba looks away from Sasami to see Kaede. He then looks toward Kikyo clearly baffled on how the old woman could be the younger sister of bachelorette #1. "She could be our Great-great-great-great grandmother." He mutters.

Kaiba collects himself and goes back to his questions. "Ladies, I need a woman who is smart as she is beautiful..."

"Arrogant fool." Kikyo mutters.

"What a blow hard?" Rei adds under her breath.

"Wretched man." Ayeka scoffs rolling her eyes.

"So do any of you ladies have a bank account? If so can you balance your bankbook? #2" Kaiba finishes.

"I only have a savings account for college but it has over $8,000 in it." Rei stated matter-of-factly.

Kaiba nods impressed. "#1 your answer."

"Being a priestess in feudal Japan, I have no need for monetary accumulation."

'Free loader...no wait tax write off.' He thinks to himself. "How about you #3?"

"Being the Crowned Princess of Jurai, I have unlimited funds and people to manage them for me." Ayeka answered frankly.

"If I had you be my chauffeur would you be offended? #1?"

"Of course I would be offended!" Kikyo snarled.

"#3?"

"How DARE you ask me to do common work!" Ayeka shouts burning red with anger, steam seemingly lifting off her head.

"#2?"

"Do you want me to be your maid too?" Rei asked sarcastically through gritted teeth.

"Mr. Kaiba this is your last question. I suggest you tread lightly." Kif said noticing the women's tempers flaring.

"Whatever...I don't need a woman trying to take over my life. I need a woman who knows her place. She should hardly be seen and never be heard..." Kaiba is cut off as Toguro and his Security crew runs to restrain the three cursing bachelorettes.

"Let go of me! His a## belong so to me! MARS COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!" Rei shouts as she transforms into Sailor Mars.

"Kaede! Bring me my arrows!"

"Osaka! Kamidake! Put that scoundrel to death!"

Kif dives behind the mini-bar. "Security please escort Mr. Kaiba out of the building." Kaiba is pulled away by Toguro's security team and rushed to the back. Mokuba slips a paper with his number into Sasami's hand and takes off after his brother.

Kif slowly comes out from behind the Mini-bar wearing armor. "I knew this would come in handy." Kif says as he walks over to struggling ladies. "Ladies, ladies!" The bachelorettes stop fighting for a brief moment. "I would like to make this up to you. I would like to treat you to dinner and a shopping spree complements of the show."

The three girls smile and nod their agreement. Arisa and Toya walk out from backstage holding hands. They all wave to the cameras as the audience cheers. The show fades to black.

[Bonus Footage: Behind the Scenes]

Outside Zap's dressing room Fry is talking on the phone to Leela. "Please Leela. He's not that bad. You've already had sex with him, so there's no pressure."

"There's no way I'm going out with him again. He's a class 1 jerk!" Leela said over the phone.

"But he said he'll let me on the show if you promise to go out with him...someday."

"So I can get rid of you and him at once! Woo hoo!"

Fry knocks on the dressing room door.

"Come in." Zap answers.

Fry walks in and hands him the phone.

"Well Leela do you have something to tell me?" Zap asked simply.

Leela can be heard taking a deep, deep breath and she starts to grumble. "Yes, I will go out with you..." she pauses and adds quickly. "When the universe implodes!" she then hangs up.

"Great! I'll mark my calendar!" Zap says in a cocky manner.

"So I'm in?"

"Yeah go get ready."

Fry walks out of the dressing room and closes the door. He pulls $100 bill out of his pocket and hands it to Kif.

"Here you go." Fry says happily.

"I knew he would fall for it. Here's your ear piece so I can help you answer the questions." Kif says taking the $100 and shoving it in his pocket.

[Next Scene]

Outside the studio a limo arrives and Joey gets out of it. He waves to the fans gathered at the side of the building to see the celebrities. Another limo pulls up and the Kaiba brothers get out. Mokuba runs up to Joey and starts chatting.

"Why are you here, Wheeler? I thought this show wanted interesting contestants." Kaiba sneers.

"Show's what you know! I am interesting! But someone as boring as you wouldn't know that!"

"You are simple as gum! Go away puppy!" Kaiba bites back as he shoos Joey away.

Joey lunges at Seto but Toguro, head of Security holds him back. "You better run! Just wait until I get my hands on you!" Joey shouts as other security guard escort the Kaiba brothers into the building.

[Next Scene]

"Excuse me, but I found this lying on the refreshment table." Kaiba says as he hands a CD over to a crewmember.

"Thank you very much! I'll get this to editing right away!" the crewmember answers. The CD case reads 'Wheeler's entrance music'.

The crewmember walks around the corner as Seto starts laughing.

[Next Scene]

"Kif did you get my mini-bar on stage yet?"

"I'm going right now." Kif says as he walks down the hallway. He pours a bottle the reads 'sleeping powder' into a pitcher of water.

[Next Scene]

During the break between Segment #1 and Segment #2 Joey runs into Mokuba.

"Hey Mokuba"

"Hi Joey, I'm sorry about earlier with Seto, but you know how he is."

Faking politeness "Don't worry about it." Joey smiles weakly. "Oh I found this CD with Seto Kaiba's entrance music written on the cover on the way to the dressing rooms. I was going to take it to the editing room but I have to make a really important phone call. Could you do it for me?"

"Sure!" Mokuba agrees taking the CD and running off toward the editing room before Seto was set to make his entrance. Joey snickers to himself as he walks in the other direction.

[Next Scene- After the show]

Kaiba is being dragged off by security. They escort him to his dressing room to collect his belongings. He looks at the monitor in the room and sees the faces of the three angry bachelorettes. He and Mokuba walk out of the dressing room with their stuff.

"Mokuba, those were the ladies I could have had? Man the one in the fire dress I would have..." he is cut off as he bumps into Arisa. Toya bumps into Arisa because of the abrupt stop.

"Well I'll excuse you since I know you're trying to keep your tail where it is...tucked firmly between your legs."

Kaiba turns crimson with anger. "You bi.." his words are cut off by Arisa's fist colliding with his face and knocking him to the ground.

"Get up! I'll knock you on you're a## again! You deserve worst you no good jack[bleep]!" Arisa shouted. Toya spotting security grabs Arisa and pulls her away.

"I should let her finish the job! You arrogant bas[bleep]!" Toya shouts.

Security escorts a furious Seto Kaiba out of the building as Toya and Arisa head off to the stage. Toya kisses Arisa lightly on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Arisa asked surprised.

"First because I really wanted to do that to him and second to stay on your good side." Toya said smiling.

Arisa leans in and lightly kisses Toya on the lips.

"Don't worry you are on my good side." She whispered as Toya slightly blushes.

They walk out on stage as the audience finished seeing the footage from moments ago of her hitting Kaiba. The crowd starts cheering and the bachelorettes congratulate Arisa.

[Next Scene]

The Kaiba brothers' limo starts to drive away from the building.

"Are you okay, Seto?" Mokuba asked concerned.

"I'm fine!" he answered curtly. "That girl didn't hit me very hard. She just caught me off guard." He adds as he holds an ice pack to the bruised side of his face. The limo begins to swerve back and forth. "What are you doing? Where'd you learn how to drive?" he shouts at the limo driver.

"Sir, there are two floating blocks of wood shooting at us." The driver says panicked.

Mokuba and Seto turn pale when they see the logs chasing after them.

"Keep us alive and I'll buy you anything you want." Seto says to the driver as the camera fades to black.

[End Bonus Footage]

A/N: For the record this show and our Battle of the Sexes fictions are not random and have been planned out. They don't have a plot because they are reality television show parodies. They are only meant to be funny. So just enjoy them.

Sisterhood Inc., Ariyana and Diana