Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ The Quest for the Golden Thing I Can't Say Outside the Fic. ❯ Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own myself. Windfola owns herself. Randy is our pet. He says we're bitchy little whores. And we say he fucks Gimli's smelly old vagina ducks.

Elrond's voice: YOU ARE IN A FUCK HEAD PLACE CALLED FEUDAL JAPAN!!! IT'S A FUCK HEAD PLACE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK OR WHERE THE FUCK THE FUCKING PLACE FUCKING IS!!! I JUST FUCKING DROP FUCKING CLUES FOR GOD FUCKING SAKE!!! You shall get the first clue later… now you get to do what you please.

Survivors: Ain., Wind, Leggs, Hal, Frodo, Merry, Pip, Randy, Rumil, Miroku, Sess, Lissiel, Hiei, Inu, Kurama, Vanahuan, and Anannhuan.

Kurama: I'm'a talk like-a fuckin' gangsta!

Miroku: I'm a Russian mobster! Why don'cha stuff some spaghetti up you vagina?

Kurama: I'm'a gon'a take yo punk ass, foo' ass, punk ass, bitchy motha fucka ta ol' skoo' ya' bitchy motha fucka!

Miroku: I'll'a keel you!

Hiei: Kurama, what the fuck yo talkin' `bout?

Kurama: Hey! Ma Nigro! I'm'a take yo foo' ass to ol' skoo' and teach ya' a thin' o' too' `bout fuckin' mothas!

Hiei: I didn't fuck no mama! She threw me off a motha fuckin' cliff!

Frodo: If ya'll don't shut the fuckin' hail up, I'm'a fuckin' knock yo heads off, yo' ol' bitchy, dirtay, vagina, sluts!

Randy: …err…err… SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I HATE THAT FUCKIN' SHIT!!! *Punches them all on the head and they all pass out!* Now I'm goin' to bed.

Frodo: I'm sleepy.

Wind: Neeners.

Ain.: Hi.

Hal: Nice going, Pimp Randy Man!

Now DT.

Wind: I must call you Mr. Rogers again. It is funny stuffs.

Ain.: Whatever.

Wind: Want Frodo!

Frodo: I'm here! *Smacks butt with dick.*

Wind: *Bitch slaps Frodo.* You fucker!

Frodo: *Makes cutie puppy face.*

Wind: Do I really feel sorry for that? Aw! *Hugs cutie Hobbit man and goes into Kaede's hut.* Hallo, Frodo!

Frodo: My pants are happy!

Wind: *Looks at his pants.* Oh, it's pointy! You horny little fuck!

Frodo: Can I fuck?

Mr. Rogers: Yayee yayee yayee! *Hacks off his dick with Grim's scythe.*

Grim: That is mine, you ninny! You can't chop off penises with that!

Mandy: Shut up, Bones!

Billy: Ooh! *Sucks on penis.*

Frodo: Oh…oh… that's nice! Oh…

Billy: O_O *Throws it on Mandy.*

Mandy <-- evilness: *Attacks Billy, ties him up, and then drags him into the woods… screaming is heard.*

Frodo: Where's my little dicky? They took my little dicky!

Wind: No DT for you, you will remain a virgin forever! Then you'll grow boobs and a vagina for no reason. *Leaves with Mr. Rogers.*

Outside…

Inuyasha: I'm available! Also, Kagome's gone and I've been horny all week! I did things in my pants.

Wind: Can I have some weed, Merry?

Merry: Yah! *Gives her some.*

Mr. Rogers: Need… beer… no… lite… beer… just…beer… maybe some Jack Daniel's… or some Jim Beam!

Ain.: You idiot.

Pip: Sheht ehp!

Hal: I'm horny. I've been horny for 300 fucking years. *Looks at Elf girls.*

Lissiel: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, IT'S A GAY OLD FUCK!!!

Rumil: Huh?

Ain.: Uh… should I run? Or should I be horny too?

Hal: Um… I'd prefer the second one!

Ain.: Uh… er…

Wind: Shall we go fuck each other, Inu?

Inu: Doggy style?

Wind: Sure! I wouldn't have it any other way!

Inu: Kewlie! *drags her into a tree hollow with his teeth.*

Wind: What are you doing?

Inu: This is how we dog demons do it!

Sess: You are not a Dog Demon, you are a stupid fucking hanyou, you fucking bitch.

From inside the hollow you hear…

Wind: Oh… Inu… ooh…

Inu: …

Wind: Ow, not so hard!

Inu: You said doggy style!

Wind: Err…

Inu: Fine!

Kikyo's ghost: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Inu: Fucking… feels… good…

Wind: I'll say…

Kikyo: *Floats away crying like a baka bitchy vagina!*

Inu: Oh…

Wind: Yah…

Outside…

All: O_O

Mr. Rogers: That's it! Let me in there before you mess up my whore!

Hal: Now I'm really horny… so horny… too… much… backup…

Miroku: Back up? What's back up?

Ain.: It's when you get so horny that all your semen builds up and your dick starts to hurt. Rub it, Hal.

Hal: It doesn't work any more!

Ain.: Eh, what?

Hal: After three hundred years, it kind of stops working!

Kurama: Yo motha fucka! Yo shoulda fucked yo motha like I did!

Hal: Ow… oww… OOOOWWWW!!!!

Ain.: Are you okay?

Mr. Rogers: You never ask me that when my penis hurts!

Ain.: Cos you're Randy, you ass hole! You do another whore every day! Sometimes more than one in one day!

Miroku: I don't get that kind of action!

Mr. Rogers: Girls think I'm too sexy for my pants and boxers, so they tear them off!

Miroku: Hey, I'm sexy! Look at dis bod!

Mr. Rogers: I'd really rather not.

Hiei: You're all shit-faced fuckers.

Hal: I think I'm gonna… gonna… gonna blow…

All except Ain.: *Run like hell.*

Mr. Rogers: *Runs into a tree, falls backwards and lands within range.*

All others: *Trip over rocks and say…* Oh shit.

Ain.: Poor horny Elf… *stands behind Hal stroking his hair.*

Hal: Final… straw… *lets it blow…* oh… that's better…

Mr. Rogers: *Does it to a knot in the tree because it looks like a vagina.* Oh, yeah baby! Whose your daddy, you kinky little tree?

Ain.: Do you feel better now?

Hiei: I'm gonna go fuck Kurama so he don't have to fuck his mama! *Singing…* I'm'a cure your horniness!

Kurama: But… but… yo a guy!

Hiei: I know! *Drags him in a room.*

Wind: I have to pee!

Inu: I think I just did!

Wind: Wha?

Inu: Heh heh…

Wind: You shit head!

Inu: Nope, didn't shit on your head yet! You want me to?

Wind: Ass wipe! Keep fuckin' or I'll rip it off!

Inu: Naaaaaaaah!!

Ain.: Are you still horny?

Hal: Uh… maybe…

Lissiel: Is it over?

Ain.: *Grabs Hal's dick and sprays semen on Lissiel.*

Lissiel: Eyooie! I'm telling daddy!

Ain.: Come on, Hal!

Hal: Eh?

Ain.: For the first time in 300 years!

Mr. Rogers: This vagina is hard! This lady is tall and brown, her hair is big and green, she smells like my coffee table!

Ain.: You're an idiot!

Hal: That's not a-

Ain.: Let him go. He's hopeless.

Wind: I'm tired, you hurt my butt… you stupid dumb ass…

Inu: My dick is tired, there's no more white stuff…

Wind: Eh? You mean… uh… uh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *faints…*

Ain.: Okay…

Hal: I'm horny again.

Wind: Stop talking about it! Can't you see I've got white stuff floating around down there?

Inu: Eyoo, I'm gonna barf on you.

Ain': *vomits all over Randy*

Mr. Rogers: *noticed he was doing a tree* Oh my GGGOOODDD!! I'm doing a fuckin' tree! And you barfed on me!

Pippin: I'm hungry.

Merry: *barffed all over Pippin*

Pippin: *pouty* You barfed on me!

Merry: Oh well.

Leggs: *comes out of the woods all sweaty and tired* Hey! Where's Frodo?

Ain.: You were probably in there doing God knows what to my sister! And you want to know where a damned dickless hobbit is? You jackass!

Leggs: Uh…I've never heard of a dickless hobbit.

Ain.: *screams in his face*

Wind: I am still very disturbed.

Miroku: *something clicks in his head * Your semen is gone!

Inu: Dickless perv.

Miroku: I am not dickless! See! *pulls down his pants and shows them his dick* It's 9 inches long and hairy!

All: 0_0 You are are a sick-minded little perv.!

Miroku: What the fucks a perv?

All: PPEEERRRVERRRRTTT!!!

Miroku: OOHHH!!! Fuck!

Pippin: Vomit, Vomit, Vomit! I have vomit on me! He vomited/barfed/hurled all over me! Someone come clean me!

Ain.: *bitch slapped Miroku *You dirty minded motha' fucka!

Miroku: So.

Merry: Pip, no ones going to clean you.

Pippin: Will you be my mommy?

Merry: *vomited all over Hal*

Hal: hobbit-barf! Hobbit-barf! It smells like Jakken shit!

Elrond's Voice: YOU HAVE ALL SINNED!!! *Drops dildoes on their heads* RANDY! YOU DID A TREE!! CAN'T YOU TELL A TREE FROM A VAGINA?!! HAL YOU GOT TOO BIG OF A BACK UP!! CONTROL YOURSELF!! *drops more dildos* FOOLS!!

Ain.: Neiner-nee!

Elrond's Voice: DON'T YOU NEINER-NEE AT ME TUDY LITTLE TURD TURD! *Drops metal dildos* Miroku you're a perv., nobody cares!

Miroku: I luv you!

Elrond's Voice: HOLY SHIT! HE'S TURNED FAG!

Miroku: I am not a fag I like women with big boobs!

Elrond's Voice: ANYWAY… INUYASHA YOU GOT WINFOLA PREGNANT! YOUR FIRST SON WILL BE HOBBIT/DOG-DEMON/HUMAN!

Inu: First son?

Elrond's Voice: NEVER MIND! *Drops more dildos and the clue* BYE!

Wind: *fainted again*

Mr. Rogers: You screwed my whore!! *Bitched Inu*

Inu: *burped at Randy* Wenis!!!

Mr. Rogers: Huh? How dare you call me a wenis and use your bodily functions as nasal…off…ense…*faints from burp stench*

Ain.: Look A clue! *Reads clue* It says…look in a wooden Vagina?

Mr. Rogers: My fuck off hold? Kewlie!

Wind: Eyoo, I'm not reachin' in there!

Frodo: Oh, yes you are! You're mean to me! *Shoves her head in the wooden Vagina *lick it all up!

Mr. Rogers: Is it good?

Wind: *tries to kick Frodo in the balls. There is nothing there!

Frodo: ha ha!

Wind: *bitch slaps Frodo* Bastard!

Frodo: *screams like a girl and a boob pops out of his left chest place*

All: Eyoo!

Frodo: I have one boob! *Shakes it up down * And no bra!

Wind: I was right he's goin' girlie!

Miroku: hhhmmmm….

Randy: My new whore!

Merry: That's just wrong!

Pip: Uh…

Ain.; *pukes in Hal's hair*

Hal: Eyoo puke! Why did you puke in my hair you dirty vagina?!!

Ain.: *bitch slaps* Kiss my ass!

Hal: Okay.

Ain." *bitch slaps* Some one read the clue!

Miroku: It says all the girls have to get naked!

All: *bitched slap Miroku* Tell us what is says!

Miroku: Uh…It says we better go to bed early…

Ain.: What the fuck?!

Miroku: Really! See! *Shoves it in Ain's face*

Ain.: Who is going to sleep with me?

All: *All step back except Miroku and Hal.*

Ain.: Do rock, paper, scissors!

Hal: *scissors*

Miroku: *paper* Damn! Double damn! *Stamps his foot* Damn! Damn! Damn!!

Hal: Ha! Ha! Ha! Wenis!

Frodo: Who's sleeping with me?

Rumil: *falls out of a tree on Frodo* Hi ya!

Frodo: Ow. Boob. Hurts. *His boob was squished off*

Kikyo's ghost: BOOB! *Takes the boob and sucks junk out like a fuckin' vampire.*

All: *barf*

Kikyo's ghost: Need…more…boobness…*starts chasing Ain.*

Hal: *lunges at Kikyo's ghost and bites off her boobs*

Kikyo's ghost: Vagina! Vagina! Vagina! *Floats away*

Hal: Now I have two of my very own!

*Tries to put them on, but Ain. Feed them to Frodo, whom crapped it out all over Mr. Rogers*

Mr. Rogers: *makes choking noises* Boob shit! Boob shit! *Screams like the pimp he is and get shit all over everyone*

Wind: I'm going to find a hot-spring!

Inu: What about me?

Wind: GGRR you stupid fucker! Now I'm a motha' *leaves*

Miroku: Why do you get the all the luck?

Inu: *climbs a tree thinking about his coming "son"*

Ain.: Look its anus-man!

Anus Man: The Mighty Anus-Man! Miroku shall have my daughter so that I might do them both at once!!

Miroku: uh…I'll pass…

Anus Man: You SHALL NOT PASS!! *grabs him by rat-tail-thing and flies away*

Miroku: *kicks his anus*

Anus Man: My anus! My beautiful anus! My…we'll actually it's kind of ugly…but I like to show it to people! You are not good enough to bear my child! *Drops Miroku*

Lissiel: *picking flowers like a homo* Tra-la-la-lolly! I a home! *Miroku falls on her*

Miroku: AAAWWW….

Lissiel: OOOOWWW!!!

Miroku: *farted* I believe I have just shit my pants!

Lissiel: You got crap all over me! Wahh-wa-wahh!!

Inu: *thought to hard and fell out of the tree* Shit!

Wind: *Came back clean* I found the hot-spring!

Hal: Jakken shit?

Ain.: Jakken shit! Who is this Jakken of shit you say? Your girlfriend?

Hal: Jakken's strap!!

Sess: I get no one! No one likes me!

Ain.: I'm not that kind of whore!

Randy: Yes, you are I trained you like that!

Ain.: Shut up you fag!

Mr. Rogers: I am no fag! I am a pimp! Pimp! Pimp! And you are my whore! Neiner!

Ain.: Yes, you can have

Inu: I'm going to bed. *Goes to bed (in a tree)*

Ain.: *Goes to bed with Hal*

Wind: *goes to bed in a sleeping bag under Inu's tree*

*The rest go to bed in various places*

Hiei: *Wakes up feeling weird, itchy, sensations. So he opens up his sleeping bag and there are gerbils crawling all over him. He takes a deep, calm breath and says…* There eating my dick!!!!!! *Screams and jumps up making gerbils fly everywhere* Killer Gerbils!!!

Killer Gerbils: (that has midget voices) Kill the redheaded one! *They all dive on the now woken up Kurama*

Kurama: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

*Hiei sits there and watches Kurama get devoured*

Hiei: This is quite interesting.

Sess: *wakes up* What's going on?

Hiei: Killer gerbils are devouring Kurama.

Ses: *Watches*

Others: *wake up and see Kurama getting eaten*

Wind and Ani.: *start stepping on gerbils*

Hal: *watches also*

Ani.: Why don't you help you tenis!!

Hal: I am a watchman!! Not a do-man!!

Ani.: That greatly disturbs me!

Hal: *shrugs*

Inu: *keeps sitting on gerbils*

*They ended up not being able to save Kurama and lost Hiei in the process also. Then in one of the gerbils a clue came out*

That's the end of this section.

Randy says "Bye Wieners"

And we said he fucks ducks.