Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Real Roses Have Thorns ❯ No Such Thing as Dry Humor... ( Chapter 3 )

Angeltgier: Thanks for all the reviews you lovely readers you!And even though FF.net decided to screw me over a bit, I fixed it. I'm very happy. And better yet, Kagome and Sesshomaru have finally decided to let me take a piece of my insanity out of their makeshift cell of a closet.

Kagome: -_-. Be warned now. We only gave her a smidge...but Lord knows it's enough to send you all running.

Sesshomaru: *nods* Ah, and we bought her, her very own muse too. Since her current muses *shots glares to Evilpanther and Devilcheetah* are not helping.

Kagome: Yeah, I think they're broken.

Devilcheetah: What are you talking abo-eep!

Inuyasha: *shoves them outside into the rain with a broom* Out, out! *slams door* Whew, boy am I glad to get rid of them.

Kagome: Yeah me too, they were no good for Angel. One wanted to rape her and the other wanted to use her for all she was worth...nope, not very good muses...

Sesshomaru: *brings in child* Here you go Angel, maybe she can help more.

Angeltiger: *gasps and hugs little girl* Awwww, you're so cute. What's your name.

???: Sabriel.

Angeltiger: *giggles* Awww! Thanks Sess, Kago!

Sess&Kago: *nod and walk away*

Angeltiger: Ok Sabby, let's get to the chapter!

Sabriel: *evil glint, covered by sweet smile when Angel turns around* Okie-dokie AT-neechan!

Angeltiger: *squeals*

Disclaimer:

Angeltiger: I'll let Sabby to the honors.

Sabriel: *clears throat* AT-neechan does not own Inuyasha, nor does she want to. She is happy to borrow Sesshomaru for the time being, at least until she can afford to purchase him. AT-neechan does not own YuYuHakusho either, though she *cough*and every other sane female on the planet*cough* would love to get her hands on Kurama. Therefore, do not sue.

Angeltiger: *hugs sabby* Isn't she adorable!?

Sabriel: *waits until AT isn't looking* Hehehe...*evil glint*

Real Roses Have Thorns

Ch. 3: No Such Thing as Dry Humor...

Nature was obviously in a good mood today. The sun was shining, the warm breezes were blowing, even the birds were chirping their love songs for the spring. Yes, Mother nature had outdone herself, it was a simply gorgeous day...

"NO YOU DISGUSTING BAKA! I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!!"

Until one took a look at the group of five standing just outside Tokyo high, apparently waiting for the end-of-school bell to ring, releasing them from their prison.

Nearby birds flew away in fright at the sudden outburst, voicing their disappointment at the ruined mood in angry clucks. Ah, such was the constant turmoil of nature. No matter how hard she strived to be noticed, distractions always played with those silly human minds, dragging their attentions away from her ranging beauty.

"OF COURSE I'M SURE! ARE YOU RETARDED!?"

Currently that distraction fell upon a flustered fur-less monkey. Or at least, one would suspect him to be a monkey. Until upon further inspection, one would find that under that hideous mask one could only begin to pass for a face, it was in all actuality, a rather hideous looking young man.

Said young man blinked in confusion, "Uhhhhh...why not?"

The distractee on this lovely day was having a hard time giving monkey-man a hint, if you could call it a hint. She was literally spelling it out for him. What was with him anyway? Was it just in mans' nature to go down the list of every woman and ask them to become his 'girlfriend' until he finally came to one desperate soul in need of attention? If that was the case, the distractee knew this pitiful sap in front of her was in deep shit.

Yusuke himself was having a hard time not laughing at the current situation. In fact, if it weren't for the current stream of glares the raven haired death-bomb kept shooting at him, he was quite sure he would be rolling on the ground now, laughing until tears ran down his cheeks at the misfortune at his hapless friend. The best part is, while it would have mattered with the green uniform, stains would not easily show up on this rich blue. Hmm...also more useful for hiding blood stains. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Yusuke Urameshi was actually starting to like his school uniform.

"Because," Kagome explained through clenched teeth, "I have no interest in you."

"But," Kuwabara grasped her hand firmly in his, "We would be so perfect together."

All color drained from his self-proclaimed soul mate's face. Thus including the previously dominant shade of red, leaving a rather cadaverous tint to her cheeks. "....WHAT!?"

Hiei found himself content to lounge in a nearby tree, watching the scene in front of him like some kind of twisted soap opera gone completely wrong. No really, it was heading all the way in the other direction, you know...the opposite way it's supposed to be going. Making you want to yell your frustrations at the television, even though it had nothing to do with it. Not that Hiei would yell at a television, or watch soap operas for that matter. And yet I ramble, back to the fixation.

Kurama was also having a hard time digesting the forwardness of his teammate. For a fleeting moment, he was reminded of the girls that swooned over him during a larger part of the day. Much to his relief, Kagome was there to chase them off, berating the young ladies for their atrocious behavior. Though he knew she wasn't doing it for him, more than likely she was still trying to repay him for his help back with the principal over seven hours ago.

Wait, had it really been that long? Time flew by with her as their guide. Though she had helped them with each of their schedules starting from the beginning of school, it had actually taken the whole day for her to pinpoint them exactly where they were supposed to go. Too bad Koenma hadn't given them all the same classes, but then, that would have been the smart thing. It did take longer than expected for the tour, for the building was much larger on the inside than it had originally looked. Hm, just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover. Or a building by it's structure. Yet again, I ramble.

Deciding to help her out with her own bantering troubles, since she didn't have that ever-useful metal baseball bat she so obviously craved at the moment, he stepped forward to pry the orange-haired dunce persona off of her case.

"Kuwabara? Don't you think you'd better drop it?" He paused for effect, "The look in her eyes tells me she's deciding just how exactly she's going to hurt you if you keep it up."

Kuwabara glanced over to his finesse friend, only to find himself at a temporary loss for words. Poor guy had actually though he'd had a chance. Ah well, there's always another. Oh look! There goes one now, and leaving school early too. Naughty girl.

"Hehehe, I'll see you later guys!" He let go of Kagome's hand abruptly and strutted his way over to the blonde, high hopes refusing to be shot down.

"Isn't he the little bundle of optimism?" Kagome wondered out loud, unconsciously wiping her hands on her green cotton skirt. Grimacing at the perspiration of his hands. Oh how she hated clammy hands...

"I'm convinced it's his asset."

"Hn. If that's an asset...I don't wanna know what possible liabilities he ha-"

*slap*

A rather dejected-looking Kuwabara somberly walked back to his pack, his fingertips lightly touching a bright pink mark on his left cheek. Odd, it looked remarkably like a hand print.

Sighing, Kurama turned his attention back to the weary young woman, "Sadly, you just witnessed one of them."

She nodded, though slightly winded that this boy could jump from her and immediately find another victim. {Hmmmm...sounds like Miroku...} Wait a minute..."Miroku!"

Yusuke looked at her, after he recovered from her shout of course. He had to remember to keep away from this girl, she was unpredictable. But then again...aren't they all? "Who's Miroku?"

A bell rang somewhere in the school building, no doubt crying out it's relief. It must be hard, having so many destructive children running amuck in it's halls. It probably looks forward to the last bell more than any other student residing in it. (AT: Shame on me, giving feelings to an inanimate object...but, Sabby insisted! ^_~)

She shook her head, "Miroku's my friend from-" {What? The past?} "Uhhh...another school." She spun around, face wrinkled into a worried prune. Both for what Inuyasha would to her friends from the past just to pass the time, and because she feared giving herself away. "Sorry, I'll have to catch you guys later!" {Unless Inuyasha has his way...Nah, think positive Kagome!} "Ja!"

The four boys watched her leave in awe at her sudden mood change. Well, actually Kurama watched her. Yusuke sat down on the railing, pondering about how he was going to deal with Keiko without getting himself injured, or possibly killed...again...

Kuwabara, ever vigilant, was currently on the look out for any girls he could get his hands on. Not that he hadn't tried half of the school's female population already. But he was confident he could find an unfamiliar face in the sea of students that was heading right towards them, threatening to drown them...wait a minute...

"Guys...I think we'd better move..."

Yusuke didn't even look up from the ant crawling on the cement, poor little guy, it looked like a feeler was bent. Not wanting to hear about 'putting out his friend' he decided to half-heartedly inquire, "Why?"

"Uhhh...I have a feeling we're gonna get trampled if we don't."

That got his attention. Looking up from the ant, he followed Kuwabara's gaze to the stampeding horde of human bodies heading their way. Wait...it was all girls? His head bobbed up and down, watching the bouncy...uhhh...motions of a few female bodies up front. *cough* Yup...definitely all girls...

Kuwabara's eyes rolled back into his head, holding his hands up to the sky in praise. "So you've finally changed your minds?" He asked, flashing a wide-toothed grin. "All right then ladies step up and-eep!" He tried to jump out of the way, but failed miserably. The only sounds coming out of him now were repetitive grunts of pain. Hn...should've known better. Screw the optimism. It never gets you anywhere.

After seeing the big guy go down, Yusuke knew he had absolutely no chance of getting out of this alive unless he moved. Quickly jumping aside the throng's war path, he didn't bother to hide the smug __expression on his face. But upon noticing their eyes were elsewhere, he followed their intense gaze...Kurama, who happened to have his back turned. Apparently he was deep in thought, and unknowing of the danger coming right at him.

"Kurama, MOVE now!" He yelled, getting the boy's attention. Kurama paled, but only hesitated a moment before flying off in the opposite direction.

Yusuke breathed a sigh of relief, knowing the would-be courtiers would never catch up to his speedy friend. But before he got a few steps away, his eyes trailed back down to the ground he had abandoned. Oh no! The ant! It was right in the trail-of-death!

Glancing away at the bushes in the completely opposite direction, he quickly ran through his choices. Go hide in the bushes: be safe, but watch the unsuspecting ant meet a very messy end. Go save the ant: Possibility of a fate similar to Kuwabara's, but get the ant out alive. Choices, choices...

Knowing he didn't have much time, as the group of love-struck females was heading ever closer, and faster if he was reading the pace of Kuwabara's grunts correctly, he made his decision. Flinging himself right in front of the fray, he snatched up the ant and somersaulted the rest of the way. A sandal containing perfectly painted pink toenails missing him by only millimeters.

Hiei just looked on. Relaxing in his tree as if the sight was the most normal thing in the world. Feeling a breeze from the girls running under his tree, he leaned back on it's trunk. Seeing Kurama jump into a similar tree in fear for his skin was unorthodox in it's own right, but highly amusing in his eyes. Lucky for the fox, the girls hadn't seen his movements and headed onward. Ever the persistent little group. It was no wonder they hadn't seen him, he had barely been able to follow the fox's movements himself. Hiei hadn't seen Kurama move that fast in...well...ever...

Shrugging his shoulders, he looked back to take in his surroundings. Books and papers were flung everywhere. There was a baka with orange hair currently spasming on the ground, that damn grin still plastered on his face. Hiei didn't feel a bit sorry for him, even when he took in the random footprints all over his face and clothes. Ah look, Yusuke was rising. He had been curious as to why the boy had run right in front of the scampering ningens of death in the first place, seemingly for nothing.

Groaning as he sat up, Yusuke brushed himself off, mind full of the hand that held the ant. Breathing a sigh of relief as finding no serious injury, he held said hand it in front of him and opened it slowly. Revealing...a gooey mess of ant guts.

"DAMMIT!"

(AT: O_O;;; Oh my god...I have noo idea where that all came from! My mind just took the idea of Kuwabara asking Kagome on a date and ran wild with it...maybe this is why Kago and Sess don't want to give me back my other self...I'm way to scary, especially if this is only a piece. But no worries, I'm not stopping here! ^_^ Oh my no, Angel's having WAAY too much fun with this! *hugs Sabby* I think it's all because of her!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kagome's legs pumped faster and faster. Oh how she knew Inuyasha was at home right now, waiting on her. He did not like waiting, that much she knew. Whew boy, was she gonna get it.

She screeched to a halt at the top step of the shrine. {Wait a minute...since when do I take orders from him?} Shrugging it off, she walked the rest of the way to the brown door on her house.

Sure enough, Inuyasha was there...but not quite in the position that she had thought. The hanyou was currently sitting on the floor, foot full in her grandfather's face intending to fend him off. She could only guess it was due to the sutras the old man was waving at him, that and the constant shouts of "Demon be gone!"

And yet that wasn't the reason she had gone into a fit of giggles, making Inuyasha glare up at her with utmost hatred. No, what she had laughed herself to tears for was his hair. It would seem her little cousin Yuki was here for a visit, and she was currently standing behind the hanyou with a mission. Apparently that mission was to neatly conjure his hair from wild jungle-boy, to conservative adolescent sporting a firm french-braid. Quite a feat for a nine year old. And yet she was winning, doing a bang-up job too.

Oh, and the fact that her mother and Sota were occupying themselves with one ear each was rich, truly rich.

Now sitting on the ground, trying to control her hiccups and wiping away her tears, Kagome dared a look back at the poor soul who had unwittingly fell into the trap that was Higurashi, one that few could ever make it out of. She smiled helplessly at his glare, a glare that could only mean "This is your fault! Just wait until I get my hands on you."

Deciding the dog had eaten his portion of good-natured torture for the day (minus her grandfather, who was still trying to 'de-demonize' him), she stood and clapped her hands loudly, causing everyone to freeze. "Well, now that I see you have introduced Inuyasha and Yuki-" The glare that passed from hanyou to child did not go unnoticed, "I think we should leave, I'm sure Inuyasha has things to do."

Inu gave a grunt of agreement, folding his hands in his haori and closing his eyes. If he was able, he would have blushed at having Kagome come in on him at that moment. But he quickly replaced it by anger, anger drawn from her not being here to save him...three hours ago! Yes, he saved her life in the feudal time but dammit, he needed saving in this time! Not that he would admit it mind you.

Kagome's mother reluctantly let go of the ear she had claimed as hers and stood. "Do you have any idea how long you will be gone this time?"

"Nah," Kagome shook her head, setting her school backpack down near the door before heading to her cousin. "It depends on how long it will take to get another shard."

"Don't you mean severel shards bi-" Kagome gave him the "I swear I'll say it" look, "iigest friend of mine." He grumbled, sorely put out.

She nodded and picked up her cousin, "Wow, your getting heavy Yuki! Inuyasha, wait upstairs for me ok?"

Grumbling his protests, he took to the stairs in one leap, disappearing around the corner of the hall.

Alot of good his bitching did, it fell on deaf ears. "Ma? Where's auntie?"

"She went to visit a friend, Kagome dear. Would you like me to fix you something to eat before you leave?"

Her grandfather was teetering himself up the stairs, stash of trusty (or not) sutras in his hand. Kagome growled, "Where are you going grandpa?"

The senile old man sighed, and he was so close to being undetected. He looked down at his feet, he'd made it all the way to the second step. Ok, so maybe not so undetected as he would like, but eh...what are ya gonna do?

Turning her eyes away from her sutra-wielding, headache-inducing, old fart of a storyteller grandfather, she set her cousin back down to Earth. "I have to go now, Yuki. I'll see you in a while ok?"

The little girl's smile brightened, "Okies Kago! I'll miss you!"

Kagome resisted the urge to squeal, settling on kissing her cousin's cheek instead. Giving her mother a quick hug, she ran up the stair and entered her room, expecting a full-on verbal onslaught. Once again he surprised her, his noticeable absence from her room was quite unnerving. "Inuyasha?" Nothing, ah well, all the better for her. Working in peace, now there was a welcome change.

Putting in the remnant items in her pre-packed yellow monster that could often be mistaken as a backpack, she turned to exit, only to find a pair of hands around her waist. "Inuyasha? What are you-eek!"

Kagome had many things on her to-do list. But flying out of her bedroom window with a 50lb bag strung on her shoulders and a single arm separating her from two stories of nothingness was definatly not one of them. "Inuyasha!"

Pulling his ears back, he landed on the ground with only a little heavier thump than normal, pretty damn good considering all together he was carrying about 165 lbs of extra weight. Wow, is your head spinning? Mine is, me and math don't like each other too well. Now, let's see if you can gather how much dear Kagome weighs, hm? You could always ask, but I'm sure she wouldn't tell you if you did. After all, a lady doesn't reveal her weight. Ah, on with the rambling. Open mouth, insert foot...you know the deal. Opening...

"What?"

"Do you mind putting me down?"

Inuyasha shook his head violently, "Nope, not taking the chance of you staying." He shivered, and she had a sneaky suspicion it wasn't from the wind. "You staying mean I'd have to stay and wait on your ass. And I...don't care to."

She smiled up at her handsome little ball of ego. He would rather die than go through a shower of admiration, and occasional failed demon-banishing. Though said ball of ego still had a wonderfully cute french braid. She had to admit, her little cousin was good for a kid. Even at present she had barely been allowed to touch his sacred locks.

Opening the door to the well house with a bang, ego-ball, dropping Kagome straight on her ass. Wincing, she got up and started to climb down the well, ignoring his rudeness for now.

"Why climb when you can jump?" He asked eyebrow raised.

"I have my reasons..." she replied finally getting a few feet from the bottom.

"Ch. Wimp." He accused, leaping in himself. But he failed to notice a notch of broken wood on the inside of the well. And what would have passed through the strands of hair easily, now got snagged on the tight knot of the braid. Leaving a dangling Inuyasha in quite a wiggle-frenzy to get free.

Kagome looked up to upon his cries, but alas, it was too late. She saw his morbid __expression just as the purple light engulfed her. Giggling to herself, she wondered how the hanyou was going to get out of that one. Oh no, she wouldn't be the one to save him this time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angeltiger: Whew, I'm pooped. That certainly was fun though, I should do that more often.

Sesshomaru: *wide eyed* Wow...that was actually really good...

Inuyasha: Except for the last part. *mumbles*

Angeltiger: *points to Sabby* It was her idea, not mine.

Sabriel: It was funny! Inuyasha-sama looked sooo cutsie! *giggles with glee*

Inuyasha: *blushes and walks away*

Angeltiger: *shrugs* Yay! I'm so glad you two gave me a new muse. One that isn't defective. And I just can't wait for the reviews on this one! *giggles* I know, either you'll love it or ya hate it. I can live with either one. I'm just happy to get all that off my chest.

Kagome: *hold up kudos box* No one has yet to guess who the shadow is. C'mon now! *shakes box* Who wants it?

Midnight: Apparently no one likes those things anymore.

Responses:

~FF.net

Midnight-Blue-Wolves: *shakes fist* You know damn well what you did! I'm gonna-ak! *jumps from anther lawyer* Wait until I get my hands on-eep!

Lady Sakura: Thanks for the encouragement!

Yayo: Thank you sooo much! *glomp* I'll use it from now on!

BloodRoseOTDemon: Now why wouldn't I listen to you? I'll always update as soon as possible.

Evil Kitten-child: Ahhh one of my fav authors, welcome! ^_^ Lovin On the Sea, great fic! Anywhozles, I honestly DID have two chapters already posted, but ff.net decided it didn't like me. So it messed it all up. Even parts of the second chapter I found had gone missing...hmmm.. I wonder where they put them. Yeah, here I got this for you, *hands you air pump* Please re-inflate yourself, it's not healthy to go around like a...well...something deflated...

Vy ngo: Thanks! I really don't think fanfics should be. -We meet, we fall in love, end of story- Though they are sooo tempting to write! ^_^;;; But I'll try my best to stray from the genre.

Tessa3: *snatches back box of kudos* Nope, you don't guess you don't get. C'mon now, I'm sure your smart little head can figure it out!

Sqeekers: *gushes* Oooh, I love your name! And thanks for the bio compliments, I honestly didn't think too many people read those...

~MM.org

MM.org's being really wierd. It says I have 10 reviews, my e-mail says I have 10 reviews...yet it shows only four. What's up with that?? Sincerities to anyone whom I miss because my computer decides to be stupid.

Rosie13: I've started to read your fic. Wow, you're good! Wish I could be that smooth...and yeah. I would definately love to see more Kur/Kag.

Gin Aibu: Oh don't worry, Boton will have her just rewards. Bless her patience, I wish I had it. Koenma would be lying dead in a gutter somewhere if he were my boss. Oh, and yes, I will assume Youko and Kurama as two separate beings.

White Tiger Princess: You've never read a Sango/Hiei fic? Hmmm...most of them are in the Kag/Kur fics, just out of leftovers, and since no one in their right mind would pari Sango with Kuwabara, I'd track em down myself and give them the slapping they deserve.

White Fox 612: Yes...oh I have so many ideas runnin though my head with a San/Hiei pairing. Oh this will be fun...*diabolical laughter*

~~~~~~~~~~~

Angeltiger: And that, ladies and gents, is it. I'm tired. And I hope you're happy. Do you have any idea how long this is?! I sat down at 11pm and it's now...*looks at clock* OMG! 6:33am! I need sle- *passes out on couch*

Sabriel: *sneaks up behind her with a gleaming butcher knife* *looks at audience* Shhhhh...

Midnight: Sabriel.....the butcher knife isn't sharp enough dear. Especially if you want to do it quickly.