Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Mission In America II ❯ Not Mad, Just Itchy! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

My name is Koenma, and this is the story of a bunch of half-assed Japanese detectives taking down a demon-killing cult in the evil, foreign land of the United States of America. Some parts of this story may frighten you, make you cry, and even make you angry, so please don't stalk Muri-sama and take it out on her. Her sweet little heart could never take that kind of abuse. Just keep in mind that all Yu Yu Hakusho related characters and items belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, a power even greater than Akimoto Muriko and her senpai "Kyo-no," if that's even possible.

The Reiki Tantei grew restless as they drew out another hour at the local airport learning English from popular American magazines. Yusuke was determined to form a sentence before his friends, so he gave it a shot. "'Highlights' a good name for magazine, I think not?" Yusuke asked/said/stated with a grunt.

"You're just angry because you can't find the honey jar," said Genkai, rolling her eyes. "And what the hell kind of English are you speaking? We've been studying for two weeks... for nothing!"

"Genkai so smart, she the finds jar it herself yes," Yusuke said angrily.

"It's behind the mailbox, you idiot," she replied, pointing fruitlessly at the magazine, but there were two jars side by side, one labeled "honey," and the other, for some unknown reason, "ice cream." Hiei, on the other hand, knew these two words very well and snatched the magazine from Yusuke.

"How do I know it there!" he exclaimed, trying to grab it back from Hiei. "You hide fire truck behind big-ass mailbox easy like easy cake, just like that easy! Just like Easy Bake Oven!" Hiei won the game of tug-of-war, and Yusuke pouted.

"You two are getting worked up again," said Kurama. "Yusuke, are you going to send in a picture of a bee to win a free ice cream? Because I was kind of hoping you'd let me use the entrance slip. My mother always said I was a fine artist."

"Hey you all, that them over there, yes?" asked Kuwabara in English nearly as choppy as Yusuke's. Ignoring Kurama's sudden creepiness, he pointed to a group of three. "Koenma say partner shorter than Genkai even and many friends who tower over he!"

"His hair so pointy! Very dangerous! And yellow... Bad omen it is!" exclaimed Yusuke, shielding his face from harm as if he expected the hair to detach itself from the boy and go after him.

"What do you have against pointed hair?" Hiei asked grumpily, flipping through the magazine for more sweet succulence.

"Hey guys! Good golly, I think I found 'em!" said the short kid with the pointy blonde hair. The Reiki Tantei flinched at the sound of his voice and Yusuke sobbed quietly in a fetal position, desperately trying to block out the demons.

"Way to go, Yugi!" said a tall brunette girl next to him. "Gosh, you're so smart and fantastic; I could just dance the night away! In fact... I think I will!"

"Good golly..." Yusuke pondered, watching the brunette dance about with the group of three like a Charlie Brown character. America was a scary, scary place. Even scarier than the pasteurization process of milk, or finding out Hiei, experimenting with his favorite hell dragon, blew up a harbor and caused a world war.

"Up now! Run for lives! Maybe they not see us and they see someone else and think it us," said Kuwabara, half standing.

"Sit down!" Genkai hissed. "They may be really weird, but we've got a job to do. They seem like idiots, but I'm sure they're a bunch of undercover demonic experts." The short boy named Yugi ran over to them and stuck out his hand.

"Hi there, fellas. My name is Yugi Mouto," he said with a smile. "Are you the Spirit Detectives?" Yusuke glared at Genkai and shook his outstretched hand.

"Yeah," he replied. "We catch plane and leave now. Why English so good?" Yugi tilted his head and tried to decipher what he'd said.

"I think he means: Why is your English better than his?" added Kuwabara. Everyone looked at him, surprised by his sudden fluency. Yugi nodded as if he understood and cleared his throat.

"Well... The reason we are so fluent... The voices we are using at the moment are English-speaking voices, straight from America. Un-accented and all. The real deal!" He nodded excitedly. "You all have English subs, right?" The Reiki Tantei exchanged glances among themselves. "Well, it doesn't matter. We'll find out just how popular you are in America and we'll know for sure."

"Oh, boy! I'm so excited, Yugi!" said the girl. "I've never been on a plane before!" Yugi gasped.

"Gosh, I almost forgot!" he exclaimed. "This is Tea, fellas!" He gestured to the blonde boy beside him and told them his name was Joey, but he was ignored, as his audience was quietly discussing his previous statement.

"Genkai, what does he mean by 'popular in America' and English subs?" asked Yusuke with a puzzled look. Genkai gasped and stared.

"Yusuke, your voice changed!" she exclaimed. "It sounds so... immature! And yet somewhat attractive at the same time!" There are no words to describe Yusuke's face, so I'll just say he looked kinda like this: o_O "Oh, I was just kidding. It sounds just the same, but you're fluent now, aren't you?" His face didn't change.

"Hey, guys," said Joey. "What's shakin' over here?"

"I'm so scared..." muttered Yusuke. Kuwabara elbowed him in the stomach.

"We're okay," he affirmed, exchanging nods with the others. "Urameshi here is just a little shaken. He fears change. I don't blame him... But my new voice sounds like crap. Actually, I'd like to take his head off out of spite."

"Why don't we get going now?" Yusuke asked urgently. On the way to the plane Yugi walked alongside him, staring up at him like a kid getting an eye-full of his favorite super hero come to life.

"So you're the Yusuke Urameshi?" he asked, eyes sparkling a little.

"Yeah," he replied. He edged away. "Who cares? How do you know me? I sure don't know you."

"Shut up, Yusuke," said Genkai. He wasn't ready to learn just then. It would be far too weird, and it would probably cause permanent damage.

"And you're Genkai, right?" asked Yugi, channeling his awe over to her and tailing her like a dog looking for a master rather than standing at her side.

"Sure am," she said in the same tone as Yusuke, trying to keep her distance from her new biggest fan (Yeah, right-- Ahem).

"You're a lot cuter than I expected you to be," said Yugi.

"Wha-what was that?" asked Genkai.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," said Yugi. He began to whistle and Genkai strode ahead to Yusuke and pulled his ear to her level.

"I'm tired and I'm afraid and I don't wanna know, so let's just go home," she whispered. "It's you and me against them. You know that, right?" Yusuke pulled his ear free and shook his head in disbelief.

"You say that now, but what about tomorrow?" he asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Genkai wore a look of utter shock. "We've got quite a strange relationship, you know. You've been very abusive, and I think you owe me an apology before we pretend all of that stuff in the past never happened." She froze in place, defeated, and he glanced back at her.

"I won't let you talk to me that way!" she shouted after him. Genkai put up her fists, and looked at him with contempt. "After all I've taught you... And now you betray me!" A few people stopped what they were doing to watch the strange spectacle. "Well you know what, Yusuke Urameshi?"

"What, you old biddy!" he replied, returning the look of contempt and throwing off his jacket.

"I think this fight is gonna be way too bloody for the public eye, so just get your skinny ass out of this building and in the parking lot in ten minutes!" He grumbled loudly and kicked a nearby suitcase so hard that it flew eleven yards and made a hole in the wall. Kurama became very nervous and considered being arrested as a consequence of allowing the fight to pursue, so he cleared his throat loudly and stepped forward.

"I know very well that there are some powerful emotions being conveyed at the present time, but there's one uncertainty with your plan to trash each other unmercifully in the parking lot." The only replies to his comment were two animalistic glances in his direction, so he continued. "You can't beat each other senseless in ten minutes, because we're boarding the plane in ten minutes! It's that simple. You'll both have to postpone your fight until we arrive in America... so count to ten and think good thoughts for now."

Embarrassed and angry, the two backed down and decided to fight with words for the time being. "I guess knowing this whole thing is your fault is punishment enough," Yusuke grumbled. "And I know you'll be suffering plenty, what with your new friend." Genkai glanced back at Yugi, who was staring at her adoringly, shuddered, and then averted her gaze to Tea.

"No, no, no," she replied in a mock-tone. "I think it is you who will be suffering, Yusuke." They stopped walking and stared at each other. Genkai smirked and gestured to Tea. She wore an identical glance to Yugi's, but she was staring at Yusuke.

"You've gotta be kidding me," he muttered, backing away and pulling his jacket over his head in shame. Genkai walked after him and he decided to negotiate. "If you get her off me, I'll be your slave for a week."

"Don't you try to sweet talk me," she said, still smirking happily. "I'd love nothing more than to load the dice against you, but I think having your first fan girl is punishment enough. Now get out of my sight or I'll change my mind and turn something nasty on you." Yusuke groaned and looked bashfully at the floor, then caught up with the others.

There were few casualties when boarding the plane thanks to Kurama's quick thinking. Kuwabara had tried to fill out the back of his boarding pass on Hiei's pointed hair, mimicking a woman and her child in line next to them, but good old Kurama pointed out the fact that Hiei's hair would easily puncture the flimsy piece of paper, and offered his own back as a writing surface. Poor Yugi fell and scraped his knee, but he only suffered mild trauma. The plane ride was a completely different story.

In order to avoid further injuries, Kuwabara decided he would stick with Kurama for the rest of the flight, and buckled himself "tightly" into his seat. Upon further inspection of his seatbelt, he began to worry and turned to Kurama for support. "I don't think this flight is safe, man," he murmured, fingering his seatbelt nervously.

"I-I'm sure it is, Kuwabara," said Kurama, who had a deep, dark secret involved with flying. He bottled up his emotions to make sure no one would figure him out, and tried to think of ways to reassure Kuwabara-- and himself-- that the seatbelts made of an elastic-like material weaker than those found in underpants would inconvenience them in any way.

"I've just got a feeling," he replied warily, stretching out his seatbelt as far as his arms could reach to demonstrate the possible danger. "Why would they even bother putting in seatbelts if they won't protect us? Even I wouldn't do something stupid like that!"

"Erm... Probably for comfort...?" Kurama pondered, growing more and more nauseous by the minute.

"Isn't that kind of dangerous, though?" Kuwabara asked. "I mean... What if we get flung forward? We'll crash right into the next seat and lose a few teeth. Or our lives."

"Kuwabara, please just stop talking," said Kurama as he pulled out an air sickness bag and began to breathe into it. The teen was quite talkative, and this command irked him somewhat.

"Would it be okay if I talked about something else?" Kurama didn't reply, so he took his silence as a yes. "I call situations like these... You know when you would never expect someone as smart as an aircraft engineer to do something stupid like put in elastic seatbelts... I call those kinds of people didiots. I'm making a whole dictionary of my favorite odd words."

He pulled out a small blue book, flipped through the pages, and pointed out the word "didiot" written clearly in katakana. "Here's the example sentence. ‘Einstein sure looked like a didiot when he jumped off the side of that cliff.' Sure is a handy word, huh? I have at least fourteen in reference to kittens." Kurama looked at him awkwardly, never stopping his therapeutic breathing.

"I find your life so fascinating, Genkai!" Yugi told her enthusiastically. Genkai cursed at Yusuke under her breath for leaving her with the crazed blonde boy. "It must be so exciting to train that hard every day. Imagine the endorphins!"

"Yeah, really exciting," she grumbled. He continued to chatter, and she faced the window.

"I mean... I can totally tell you work out every day," he said as he laughed almost hysterically. "You've totally got an awesome body. I'm so serious. Wow!" She rested her forehead against the window, utterly defeated and feeling doom creeping down her throat. He sighed and leaned back in his seat.

"Are you finally done?" she asked, peeling her forehead off the window. He thought for a moment, and then looked to her solemnly.

"Tell me, Genkai. Do you have any... children?" Genkai stared at him for a moment, then quickly unbuckled her seatbelt, ran across the aisle, and crammed herself between Kuwabara and Kurama.

"I'm sitting with you two, 'kay? Kay." Looking busy was no problem for her. She grabbed up a magazine and hid her face for ten minutes until someone actually thought to object.

"I don't know, Genkai," said Kurama. "This isn't very safe. We'd feel better if you had a seat belt." Kuwabara stretched out his own seat belt once more.

"I beg to differ," he replied, raising his eyebrows.

"So then I beat him up again!" exclaimed Joey. "He came back for more, but I beat him down one last time, and he didn't dare get up again! He was so afraid of me, he went number one in his pants I bet!" Joey grinned at Tea and flexed his muscles.

"This guy is full of crap," muttered Yusuke, eyeing him like a newborn child might first look at a piece of spinach. Hiei grimaced, and Yusuke wondered what he was up to.

"I don't think he'll last very long," he replied coolly, keeping his intense red eyes on him, following his every movement like a cat stalking a mouse. Yusuke felt the air around them getting cold and sensed something powerful beneath his feet, and then the cold was channeled across the aisle and the feeling left him.

"Oh, Joey, you're so strong!" Tea cried excitedly.

"Yeah, well, I don't mean to brag but--" He paused. Tea waited for another few minutes, then spoke.

"Joey, are you alright?" she asked. He began to scream in agony and curled up underneath his seat. "Guys, something is wrong with Joey!" Yusuke looked at Hiei, grinned, and gave him a high five.

"You miniature Satan, you rock," he said. "Since when could you do that?"

"I'm not sure," he replied, looking about. "I'm not even sure if I should have done that. I'll know if we're all engulfed in darkness and eaten alive, though. That's usually a sure sign that I have defied the gods and bent reality. That's how I sort the good powers from the bad powers. That's probably the only reference I have." Yusuke stared. "I was abused as a child, you know.

"Um... Yeah, okay... I think I'm gonna go sit with the freaky kid now," said Yusuke as he unbuckled his seat belt and took Genkai's seat. Genkai seized the opportunity for a permanent seat and buckled in next to Hiei. She let out a sigh of relief. All of a sudden, the plane jerked forward, and the lift into the skies commenced, but there was an eerie squeaking sound just outside on the wing.

"This does not bode well," Hiei commented, meeting Genkai's equally worried eyes. "Do you know a lot about planes?" She shook her head, unbuckled her seat belt, and stumbled across to the other aisle. When she shoved the trembling, whimpering Joey aside, she had a full view of the wing.

"What the hell is that?!" she cried out. An astonishingly hairy man clung to the wing. "Hey, somebody come look at this! There's a man out on the wing!" A flight attendant rushed over to take a look, but the man had disappeared by the time she arrived. "He was just there, but he's gone now. Did he fall off?"

"Ma'am, I think it would be wise to take your seat," she said sweetly. "We're experiencing some slight turbulence. I'm sure you're just imagining things. Do you suffer from any childhood trauma related to flying?" Genkai gaped at her, and then did a double-take at the window.

"Are you calling me crazy?!" she exclaimed, gesturing violently with her arms. "Or worse... Are you calling me senile? I'm not crazy! There was someone out there, and I think they just fell off the wing!"

"I believe you, Genkai," Yugi said encouragingly, looking at her adoringly as usual. She sighed and dropped her head, defeated once again. Life- 3, Genkai- 0.