Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ A Furry Tail ❯ A Furry Tail ( One-Shot )

Ping- I wrote this for the YYH Fuh-Q-Fest, but it actually didn't fit into the scenario. ^^*
Kurama- Ah, well, what are ya gonna do? ::eyes Hiei and Yusuke::
Drunky- CENSOR. You'll have to read it, first.

Pairings: KuramaxHiei, KuramaxYusuke

Warnings: Yaoi, Parody, Lemon, Language

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho (Yoshihiro Togashi, the man-god of anime does), nor do I own the story of The Three Little Pigs. I don't know who owns that, but I'm sure they're spinning in their grave by now.

Notes: Thanks to Zen for the beta! This was her first YYH fic, as if it being a parody wasn't confusing enough... Any mistakes are mine, but it's a parody, so you may think it was intended- In which case, it was. ::omnipotent::
Druggy- You know, they have a pill for that...

A Furry Tail

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a great wolf demon. It wasn't really a wolf, it was a fox, but he was kind enough to pretend for the sake of the opening of this story. This wolf demon, now fox demon, loved rare and beautiful objects. In his cave, this fox demon had hoards of treasure chests, spilling over with gold and pearls and jewels. He even had a precious gold artifact, a mirror, so that he could gaze upon his lovely white ears and silvery hair, his cute little nose and his lovely almond shaped eyes. He would do so, when he felt his cave was filled with loveliness, but not quite lovely enough. (As an assurance that it was indeed lovely enough, with him there.)

But the fox was not happy. Day after day he would run the rubies and sapphires through his fingers like water, and he would feel some joy that these were his, and at the memories of what grand adventures he had in getting them. But, after a while, he too lost joy with this activity. It even got to the point that his own handsome face didn't cheer him up.

"I've become very bored with all this..." He spoke to his downcast reflection (while subconsciously noting how nice he looked when he pouted.) "I need something new and exciting! I've lost all joy with these trinkets- I need something I've never seen before."

So, slinging a large, empty sack over his back, the fox demon strolled from his cave and into the nearby woods, taking in the sights of nature as he searched for something new. He walked for many miles through forest, desert, mountain and swamp, but could find nothing that interested him. Of course, that didn't stop him from stealing some hum-drum, run of the mill treasure as he encountered it, the gold and jewels bouncing heavily against his back.

Then, in a clearing as he was resting his dear feet, he caught sight of the booty he had been searching for.

And what a booty it was.

A small pig stood near the edge of the field, wielding a mighty intimidating sword, practicing his technique on a rather soundly defeated tree. It wasn't truly a pig, as pigs aren't particularly attractive, but by a means of blackmail, the demon was prepared to humor us for the sake of the story.

Primping his hair and smoothing his travel worn garb, the fox demon sauntered over to the unsuspecting demon. Upon closer inspection, the fox demon could make out the sweat beading on the pale skin, rippling with every muscle movement. His fetching red eyes were trained diligently on his target, the wind rustling through his ebony hair, with a white star burst above his brow. Lower, he could see his bottom was quite nice and thankfully devoid of any corkscrew tails or other impediments, as pigs are normally apt to have. But here the fox demon hesitated, taking in the clothing of the small warrior.

Clearing his throat, the fox demon spoke. "Hello there, little one."

The little one turned his head to face him, his sword arm dropping, but otherwise remaining stoic and motionless. "... " Said the not-pig.

"My name is Kurama- what's yours?" He purred. (And you were wondering when we were going to get around to naming him.)

"... Hn." The fiery little demon replied, seemingly unaffected by Kurama's charms. (Which is really unthinkable- so Kurama didn't.)

"I couldn't help but notice, little one..." /What a lovely creature you are./ /How excited you make me feel./ /How very nicely your skin reflects the sun, like a diamond./ "... you're wearing straw shorts."

"Hn. Of course I am." The demon returned to his tree- which cowered in fear- as if all had been explained.

Kurama, loving a good puzzle, tried to figure out how to get more from the diminutive apparition. "But why, little one?"

Not turning from his assault, the little demon responded, "What else would I wear?"

Kurama pretended to think for a moment, as it caused his companion to turn to face him, expecting an answer. "Well, I do believe some sort of cloth is usually the fabric of choice..."

"Hn. Cloth doesn't breathe."

"But straw doesn't afford much in the way of protection, little one..."

Again, Hiei snorted. "I do not need protection, fool," He spat at Kurama. "I am fully capable of taking care of myself without any aid. And do not call me little one- if you insist on referring to me, my name is Hiei."

"If you need no protection, then why don't you put your sword down... Hiei." Kurama rolled the name from his tongue, liking the way it sounded (and wondered how nicely his full lips moved around the words).

Hiei raised one eyebrow, weighing the youko's words- they were true enough. "Fine." Hiei stabbed the ground with his blade and crossed his arms over his chest. "There. Now I am ready to defend myself." Hiei's form shimmered then disappeared, reforming behind Kurama.

His attack, however, was foiled when the fox demon merely sidestepped the kick. Hiei landed on the hard ground and glared over his shoulder at the fox. Seeing only a thoughtful expression guarding his opponent, he stood. "What now?" He was ready to get down to business, proving to the fox that he needed nothing but his own strength to defeat him.

"Well, it's just that... If you need no protection, then why don't you take your shorts off?" Kurama purred.

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "That makes no sense."

"Sure it does!" The fox bounced, loving where this delightful puzzle was leading. "Take them off and we'll 'go at it.'"

Hiei's face darkened. "I am not disrobing, you silly fool. Go find your fun elsewhere." Hiei turned to leave, missing the crestfallen expression on Kurama's face.

"But... but... " /Hm.../ Kurama thought, rubbing his chin (and wishing he were rubbing something else- preferably of Hiei's). He got an idea, a smirk spreading across his face. "Well, I guess a poor little thing like you needs them..."

Hiei's body stiffened. Kurama watched closely as a red aura began to softly glow around his form. His smile widened. "Afterall, you're so tiny... it's no wonder you try to overcompensate with that big sword." The aura grew and Kurama could hear a low growling. "I suppose if I want to find a decent opponent to face, I had best look somewhere else... A nursery is a good place to start."

With a roar, Hiei's aura exploded and he spun, ready to unleash his Dragon of the Darkness Flame at the impertinent fox- but halted and nearly backpedaled when he noticed how close the fox suddenly was. With avid interest, the fox stared down, and Hiei followed his eyes.

"Hm, it seems your fiery aura has burned your beloved straw shorts away..." Kurama feigned a thoughtful expression, but his eyes were too alight with joy- that same look he used to get when laying eyes on a full treasure chest- to be successful. "Did I mention that they're not very durable?"

Hiei could only blush, and try not to blush, and try to cover his parts, and try not to seem like his twig and berries blowing in the wind bothered him.

"Em... so, what of it! Now are you ready to battle??" Hiei asked, his voice a little too high. (Although that was unthinkable- so Hiei didn't.)

"Yes, I suppose I am, now that you are fully prepared to prove yourself to me."

Hiei decided he didn't like the way the fox said that. "... "

"Now I'll huff!" Kurama took a stance, Hiei following suit. "And I'll puff!"

/What the hell is he going on about?-/

"And I'll BLOW--" Kurama pounced, pinning the tiny fire demon to the ground, and continued to do so.

Hiei's eyes widened as a hot mouth closed over his flaccid member, instantly igniting a fire in his belly that spread to his toes and back. His eyes began to drift shut, a small sound escaping him as he turned his head to the side and buried his face in the soft grass. Kurama's wicked tongue swirled and stabbed and lapped at just the right moments to soon have Hiei squirming beneath his hands. Kurama parted his thighs farther and slid his mouth to Hiei's balls, sucking in first one, then the other. Hiei gave a shout, twining one hand it Kurama's hair, the other in the grass. His legs went ram-rod straight, just as his sex, as Kurama returned his careful ministrations to his neglected member. He swallowed the hefty weight all the way to the base, curling his fingers in the black curls at the base. He massaged Hiei's balls with his thumbs as he hummed a happy tune.

Kurama looked up through his fallen hair at Hiei's helpless, flushed face as he made delicious noises of pleasure and thrashed against the ground. Sweat broke out on his brow and his elegant neck arched as he came in the kitsune's mouth. Kurama hummed again, pleased, as he greedily sucked Hiei dry. Leaning up on his palms, Kurama watched as the last of the shudders died down in Hiei's limbs.

His angry eyes lidded and made even more fetching by his comely blush, Hiei scowled at the fox. But before he could say word one, Kurama nodded once, hefted him over his shoulder, and tossed him into his sack. Hiei made a noise of complaint (though his limbs were still too rubbery to protest physically) as he landed amongst the various piles of gold and jewels. He halfway marveled at how much the deceptively average sack could hold before he was jostled again and half buried under a landslide of coins as Kurama lifted the sack onto his back.

"This was a most successful trip! I found some more trinkets, and a real treasure!" Kurama smiled happily, like a little child, and with a bounce in his step made his way toward home. It had taken so very long to get there (but well worth the trip, he added) so he decided to take a shortcut.

He whistled and bounced along trails and overgrowth alike, before a loud commotion caught his highly sensitive ears. Perking, he followed his senses to the source of the sound. Peeking through a bush, Kurama could make out a stream, and in this stream, was another pig.

This not-pig was a bit more piggish than the first not-pig, as it had a big mouth and a poor disposition, and he was really quite filthy. Stepping out of the brush, Kurama set his sack beside the river and waited as the unknown, foul tempered and foul mouthed being slipped beneath the waves of the water. Kurama's eyes widened as he resurfaced, clean and shiny, with long limbs and muscles, and golden colored skin. He shook water from his black hair, opening large chocolate colored eyes to return the stare.

The moment was perfect...

"What the fuck are you lookin' at!?"

... well, almost.

Kurama cleared his throat. "I was just coming to the river for a drink of water," He lied, "When I happened to hear you. You sounded so angry- why such an ugly mood for something so lovely?" He winked, sticking his hip out.

The waterlogged not-pig snorted. "Angry? Of course I'm angry! You would be too, if you had fuckin' wooden shorts on! I got splinters in my ass!"

Blinking, Kurama looked lower, and found indeed that his lower regions were unfortunately contained in wooden shorts. Idly, he wondered how he got them on- but that wasn't the issue. The issue was, how to get him out- a puzzle if ever there was one, and Kurama loved puzzles.

Kurama made a thoughtful gesture, falling short halfway as the loudmouthed not-pig wasn't paying attention to him anyway. "Well, I could help you out..."

Those eyes turned to him, happy at first, but then suspicious. "Why would you help me?..." He asked.

Kurama shrugged, feigning indifference. "Well, it's always good to help those in need."

"Did your bag just snort?"

Kurama coughed, sloshing up to the distracted not-pig and hooking his fingers into the waistband. "Shall I help you, then...?"

"Yusuke." He answered without preamble, turning himself so that he was leaning over onto a rock. "Go for it."

Kurama's balls itched- it was the perfect position, if only those damned wooden shorts weren't in the way. (Gives a new meaning to the term 'woody.') Kurama was only slightly disappointed by the fact that they didn't come off on the first try- his skin felt marvelously soft, just as the fire demon's had. After half a dozen more tries, Kurama was more than slightly disappointed. It seemed that this puzzle would indeed be one worth his time, but figuring out how to get the shorts off without taking his legs off (something that would doubtlessly provide disappointing results) was turning out to be more trouble than his libido was up to dealing with tactfully. (As evidenced by an offhanded thought about just drilling a hole in the general vicinity.) However, he was a fox demon on a mission, and he never admitted defeat. He steadied his balance, spit on his hands and rubbed them together, firmed his grip on the shorts and took a deep breath.

"I'll huff!" Tug tug! "I'll puff!" Tug yank tug!

"What the hell are you going on about?!"

"And I'll BLOW-!"

With a startled cry and the crack of splitting wood, Yusuke fell onto his side on the rock. Kurama followed him down, turned him until he lay on his back, and then proceeded to do just that. Yusuke's hands were instantly in his hair as his mouth enveloped him, soothing the hurt of solid pine with the gentle caresses of his tongue. Yusuke's head was thrown back and he grunted and groaned to the sky, fueling Kurama's desire. The fingers in his hair pulled hard, and Kurama returned it with an equally powerful drag on his cock, causing Yusuke to shudder and hiss. He wrapped his legs around Kurama's waist as the fox demon gleefully squeezed his balls together and sucked and nibbled the delicious cock in his mouth as hard and fast as he could. Yusuke bucked and pumped his hips, cussing and screaming as his orgasm was torn from him, spilling into Kurama's mouth and down his throat with every squeeze and twist. Kurama gently licked his organ clean, listening to the breathless (and noiseless) pants from his newest treasure.

Kurama abruptly stood with Yusuke slung over his shoulder and flashed the victory sign to his bag before he quickly tucked the increasingly struggling boy into his bag. He impacted Hiei with a muffled 'umph' and the sound of more sliding coins.

"My ass hurts..." Yusuke complained.

"Well it's killing me!" Hiei choked.

Kurama closed his bag with a happy sigh with the sound of more shifting within. With a little lighter tune and a little more bounce in his step, Kurama was very nearly skipping home. He had two new treasures now, each just as beautiful and exciting as the last, and he couldn't wait to get back to his cave and properly fondle them (as well as be fondled in return, of course).

Kurama tra-la-la'd and swayed through the empathetically happy trees as he grew nearer and nearer to his destination. He paused as he heard a sudden rustling.

"HEY!"

Kurama squawked and fell over as an expanse of white and a flash of red startled him. He landed on his bag with three 'oof's'. Kurama shook his head and glared up at his attacker.

"Hey, hey! Help me out here, would ya??"

Kurama blinked a few times, trying to assure himself of what he was looking at. Tall. Red hair. Muscles. Brick shorts. "Ehh??" Kurama peeped.

"C'mon!" The tall, muscly, red headed pig whined, dancing from foot to foot. (Oddly enough, this pig actually looked a bit like a pig.) "I need some help outta this thing! C'mon, I really have to go to the bathroom!!"

"Ehhm..." Kurama thought it over. /There is no way in hell that thing is fitting in my bag./ Not to mention the fact that the hapless creature was dancing around, looking like some sort of bizarre ballerina.

"Puh-leeeze!!"

Just then, there was a giant burst of blue light. The brick pig momentarily forgot his urgency and Kurama peered around his bulk to see the Fairy- best known for her affairs with small wooden boys. (Kurama was thankful he had reached his before her.)

"Poor Kazuma!" She gasped, holding her dainty fingers to her ruby lips. "I'll help you!"

"Hey, cool she even knows my name!" Kazuma cheered, marching over to her with his chest puffed out. (Apparently his bladder is also self healing.)

They met in a tiny clearing, surrounded by blinking fireflies and gorgeous wildflowers, with the sun highlighting her aqua locks and his pale skin as they clasped hands and gazed longingly and lovingly into each other's eyes. It was so romantic... But this isn't a het story, so a cold draft immediately killed all the insects and flora, sent Kurama booking with his bundle and chattering teeth, and we'll just let those two figure it out.

Finally, Kurama made it home and set his big bag of treasures on his bed of skins (which is only sort of creepy, when you think that he's a not-wolf fox). He opened the bag and let it fall, revealing a mountain of treasure- and perched on top were his real prizes. Hiei was just picking the last splinter from Yusuke's ass.

With a joyful cry, Kurama leapt onto the top of the pile, spilling all three and the mountain of spoils to the coverlet. Kurama giggled to himself as he groped and wriggled and nibbled and licked. Flesh as far as his hands could reach, soft and pliant and warm... Sweet lips, hot tongues, slick bodies... Kurama giggled madly to himself.

He had two somethings that he had never seen before- an obstinate not-pig with straw shorts and an offensive not-pig with wooden shorts. Best of all, he had them both on top of a giant pile of gold! Several times!

And the fox was happy.

The End.

~~~~~~~~~~

I do not hate Kuwabara- I love Kuwabara, I am one of the biggest Kuwabara fans- but I had to be mean to him. ^^* Sorry, Kuwabara and Kurama is something that'll take a while for me to wrap my literary brain around. I am not a KuramaxHiei fan- if one's not with Yusuke, I've no use for them, and you can probably tell. Sorry for that, too. And there was supposed to be no sex of any kind in the fic, so you'll just have to settle for the two half-scenes that my muse snuck in while I wasn't looking instead of dwelling on the total lack of exploitation of the bedroom scene. (You lemon lovers lucked out, in fact- I was going to take the sex out, but luckily my muse had a pistol handy and whipped me until I agreed not to.)
::Hiei and Yusuke nod knowingly::