Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ A Thousand Years ❯ A Thousand Years ( One-Shot )

A Thousand Years

Do you believe in reincarnation? I do. I've believed in it for a long time. I guess, considering I've technically done it, that I'm living proof of a conscious reincarnate, who could probably prove it to you if you really wanted.

I am Kurama. Or Youko Kurama. Whichever you choose for I am truly both. I am also the king of thieves, the stealer of hearts, and pretty much anything along those lines. And yet I pine for one Forbidden Child.

I must have known Hiei in my previous lives. I must have, because why else would I know him so well? Why else would I feel this way at the first time I saw him? I lived as Youko Kurama for at least five hundred years. Hiei hasn't been around that long. I have never felt this way before, towards any creature. I have never felt the need to be by their side, to see their face, to depend on their touch, yet be forbidden from touch. I have never known such a deep emotion. I never even knew it existed, until him.

<<A thousand years, a thousand more

A thousand times a million doors to eternity

I may have lived a thousand lives, a thousand times

An endless turning stairway climbs

To a tower of souls>>

I feel drawn to him, yet he pushes me away. There are millions, no billions of other demons and humans in the world. Why did I choose him? There were so many other options open to me. There were many others whom I have gotten close to loving like this… but is love the right word?

<<If it takes another thousand years, a thousand wars,

The towers rise to numberless floors in space

I could shed another million tears, a million breaths,

A million names, but only one truth to face>>

Centuries of experience in so many things. Years of training, the ages over which my heart had hardened… all in vain. All to forfeit my heart to the heartless. I love him and no matter what I do, no matter what is said, or what is done, I will always love him.

<< A million roads, a million fears

A million suns, ten million years of uncertainty

I could speak a million lies, a million songs,

A million rights, a million wrongs in this balance of time>>

I can't deny him anything. I can't feel this way. I always feared emotional dependency, much like my Hiei. I didn't want to depend on anyone for anything. I could have gone down so many other paths. I could have had anything I wanted. I could have been what I was before, but I have long since chosen otherwise.

I could lie to myself and say that I didn't care about her, or him, or them… but I do care. The fact that I admit that they mean that much to me is, in my mind, a strength. I do not fear the emotions I feel anymore. I accept them, and I hold open my arms in invitation for them to come. I want to feel this way, and I want him to feel the same. I've done my time for my crimes. He's done his time. We are bound together, even if he won't see it. Even though he's gone.

<<But if there was a single truth, a single light

A single thought, a singular touch of grace

Then following this single point, this single flame,

This single haunted memory of your face>>

No matter what I do I end up thinking about him. I see his face everywhere I turn. His façade haunts my dreams. Every little thing my friends do remind me of him, the one who escaped the Youko's grasp. He is my everything and he is my light. I go on only because I think I have a chance to gain his heart. I go on to prove that we are meant to be. I go on to feel the love I've always heard existed between two people.

<<I still love you

I still want you

A thousand times the mysteries unfold themselves

Like galaxies in my hand>>

I love him even though he is gone. I love him even though he rejected me. I love him past all odds. I love him beyond all reason. I want him.

But how can I feel such things? Youko don't feel these deep emotions. They feel lust, and carnal desire, they do not feel love. I cannot feel love. I am only part human, I am not a whole. Their ways of thinking cannot have taken over me. I cannot feel this way for my best friend, my former best friend, my partner. But I do. I know it.

<<I may be numberless, I may be innocent

I may know many things, I may be ignorant

Or I could ride with kings and conquer many lands

Or win this world at cards and let it slip my hands>>

I could be the only one feeling this. I know he doesn't feel it. I may be alone in this feeling, but I will stick to it. I love him and I don't want to lose the love, the knowledge, the feeling, of this love. He can hurt me, my friends desert me, my family disown me, and I could die from loneliness and rejection, but I will keep this feeling. No set of odds is too great for me to overcome just to feel this way.

<<I could be cannon food, destroyed a thousand times

Reborn as fortune's child to judge another's crimes

Or wear this pilgrim's cloak, or be a common thief

I've kept this single faith, I have but one belief>>

But reincarnation. I must have been reborn a million times. I still haven't caught my Hiei. I know that I have had several lives, I can feel it. He must have had them too. I feel as though I've been chasing him forever, the elusive light at the end of the tunnel. I feel as though each life gets me closer, but not close enough to take him in my arms and calm his fears. I want to do that.

I've had many forms, the least of which was Youko. He was the thief, but his mission in capturing him was fruitless. Youko never even ran into him once. I think I was a soldier at one point in time. I know that I worked for Yomi. He knows all of my forms. I was good at what I did, but not good enough to get him. I have been a wanderer, a thief, a guard, a soldier, anything and everything. All these lives have had one goal: to make him mine. To make him see the light. To take him in my arms and have him feel safe, at peace, and loved. It hasn't worked.

<<I still love you

I still want you

A thousand times these mysteries unfold themselves

Like galaxies in my head>>

All of these lives, all of these feelings add up to one sum: to make him happy, to love him, to have him trust me and be an intricate part of my life. I know that I love him. And it seems fate is on my side. If I keep living and being reborn with that sole purpose, it means we are meant to be together. Why can't he see that? Why won't he see that? What do I have to do to prove my love? What do I have to do to make him trust me? What do I have to do?...

<<On and on the mysteries unwind themselves Eternities still unsaid

`Till you love me>>

I have found out the truth. I have seen the past, and I have interpreted it. What will it take to get him to learn?

Will he ever love me back?

Notes: I love this song! This is "A Thousand Years" by Sting. You have to listen to this song. It's on his "Brand New Day" cd. I highly recommend it. But on to the story. I have this thing for songfics. This is another in a long line of them. I have heard this song many a time, and I finally figured out the perfect way to write a fic to it. I am quite proud of what I've turned out. My last one wasn't as good as this one. Every once and a while one will have the inspiration to make a good piece of art. I think this is probably one of mine. I hope you liked this one, even if it is a bit depressing. 0.o Sorry, but R&R! I'd love to hear what you have to say about this one!