Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Balance ❯ Do You PIty Me? ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: I wonder how many people actually read these things. (Ooh, this time around there's a song I don't own, too! "Into the West" by Annie Lennox.)

Balance

Chapter Thirteen: Do You Pity Me?

What reality do you speak of? he whined, pitiful and shrunk down. The man in the mirror smirked and a short laugh escaped him.

'I speak, of course, of the reality which you do not see. You asked for me to be gone, did you not? Only a short time ago, you wished me and the illusions you perceived I had created to leave you forever, to never return. Yet now, you wish me to remain.'

Forever… he whimpered.

'Make up your mind,' the man snapped. 'I do not wish for you to be this way, so pathetic and small.'

So perceive me towering over you! he screamed. See in your mind that I am huge, that I am immense and imposing and leering at your fragile spirit! That is what you wish for me to do, is it not!? Tell me!

Wailing sorrowfully, he curled in on his blade of grass and tucked his head into his arms and let his shoulders quiver. The man in the mirror scoffed and snarled at his pathetic appearance.

Sadly he knew how he looked, but could do nothing to prevent it. He could impose the illusion that he towered over this man in the mirror, but it would be seen through, he knew. This man was not so gullible, and could not be fooled. Not by him.

He missed his friends, and he missed the days of yore. But as he knew, and as he had seen in the world of false realities, that world was gone, and his friends were different people on the outside. The same on the inside…but more. They could not be "more the same," it was simply not sensible. But how else could he describe it? They were themselves, as they used to be…but with more.

More he did not want. More maturity, more carefulness, more thought. More adulthood.

His friends were children, though, and he missed them.

He missed them as he missed himself.

I do not want to face this anymore… he whispered.

'So what do you want?'

I don't know…

'Then how can you want it?'

I know only what my heart tells me…

The man in the mirror stalked over to him and raised his head with one hand. His eyes were tearing and his lip sometimes quivered with repressed sobs.

'You are pathetic.'

Do you pity me…?

'I pity the man you have come to be.'

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"No, I am not 'okay'!" Hiei snapped, slapping his hand against a nearby wall. Yuusuke recoiled and Kuwabara flattened himself to the hardwood.

"Hey, man, it was just a question…"

Hiei turned glaring red eyes on the Tantei and caused an immediate recession into the floorboards. Kuwabara shrunk down further and neither moved until Hiei had stalked out of the room.

Righting themselves and absently brushing off their clothes, the two friends exchanged curious glances and shrugged in turn. They trailed after their youkai companion somewhat hesitantly.

Kurama was waiting at the far end of the hallway, Hiei already caught up to him. His expression was still cool and soft, and Hiei was not pressing him for explanations anymore. Maybe he would wait until Yuusuke and Kuwabara were out of range, the brunette reasoned. Kuwabara shivered at the kitsune's eerie glance.

The stench of Attou's horrid flesh reeked in the air, and in an attempt to reconcile the distant four, Yuusuke pinched the bridge of his nose and waved a hand before his face.

"Whew!" he exclaimed loudly. "I'll be trying to get that stench out of my clothes for weeks…"

Hiei pointedly ignored him, Kurama nodded vaguely, and Kuwabara still shivered at the odd look on their friend's face.

Undeterred, Yuusuke talked on.

"So, Kurama, is it bothering you more than me? It must be, with your kitsune nose and all. Hey, man, I'm sorry. Can't say I'd change places with you if I could, though." He laughed loudly. "Dunno the next time I'll be able to hit a pillow without thinking of that blob of fat, right?"

Kurama looked over his shoulder bitterly.

"You aren't funny."

"I was just trying to-"

But Hiei threw out an arm, signaling the man to back off. Kuwabara nodded fervently and Yuusuke sighed.

"Fine, whatever…"

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"Do any of you have any idea where to look next?" Yuusuke asked after a long while of seemingly aimless walking. Hiei looked back silently, wary of speaking. Kuwabara shook his head. Kurama looked back, as well, his eyes now covered in an odd sheen, as though he were trying very hard to look friendly and normal.

"A slight one," he said smilingly. Yuusuke titled his head, truly wondering at Kurama's shift in attitude, but the kitsune either did not know this was the reason or did not care. He continued speaking warmly.

"Attou said this 'Kurokyoui' likes to beat them with a wire whip. I know of a little place in Makai that specializes in whips, and every weaponry store that stocks even one whip will have a selection of wire ones. Easily pliable and things, you know. Shall we check into it?"

Yuusuke nodded hesitantly, and Kuwabara answered with a tip of his own head. Hiei glared dismissively into the distance, and Kurama smiled again. Motioning towards an opposite direction, he led the way to a small clearing where he silently gestured for Yuusuke's compact.

Unable to deny such a suspiciously different Kurama, Yuusuke handed over the mirror instantly, and the kitsune rang for Botan.

"Why, hello there, Kurama, how are things on your end?"

Smiling, the redhead closed his eyes and laughed softly. "Well enough," he said. "We need a favor."

"Sure thing," Botan cried, smiling widely. "Anything for our most helpful Tantei! What is it?"

"A portal to Makai." She smiled even wider, an impressive feat indeed, and appeared about to say something else sickeningly chipper. "As soon as possible," Kurama interjected, interpreting her next question. She nodded profusely.

"You bet, ASAP!"

"Hai…"

Flipping the lid down, he handed back the compact rather than throwing it, as Yuusuke had half expected, and bowed shallowly, barely tipping his waist. "Arigatou," he said passively.

"Eh…sou da…"

Kurama walked over into the trees, nearby (or so Yuusuke inferred, for he could still feel the pinkish reddish ki) but hidden, and Hiei and Kuwabara walked up to join Yuusuke.

Said Yuusuke instantly turned on Hiei.

"Oi," he snapped harshly, oddly so, "what's up with Kurama? Why's he acting all freaky?"

"All mellow?" Kuwabara added.

"And what's up with that creepy glaze in his eyes?"

"And it's in his voice, too, but I don't know how."

"Why's he so fake?"

"Why'd he get so mad at Attou?"

"Why'd he go all crazy when Attou talked about the Kurokyoui guy using a whip?"

"What aren't you telling us?"

"What did-"

In the blink of an eye, Hiei had his sword unsheathed and pressing against Yuusuke's throat. His eyes flashed a bitter red and he snarled.

"Ur…u…sei," he bit out. "Konotabi."

"Hey, man," Yuusuke continued stubbornly, "Kurama's our teammate, too, and even if we haven't known him as long as you, we deserve to be in on the story here. What's up with him?"

Turning his glare to focus on the raven haired youth (who wasn't really so much a youth anymore, as Hiei realized abruptly), the youkai gritted his teeth and spat words through his fangs.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, and I don't suggest trying to find out. Especially-" his voice dropped an octave in a very threatening way "-through me."

With that, the youkai spun around, cloak twirling about his ankles, and flitted away. Yuusuke and Kuwabara were left staring at each other, each with eyes filled with confusion.

Long minutes passed in silence.

Finally, Kuwabara raised his head to the sky. "So…I guess we should, you know, try to follow them…or…something. Right?"

"I…guess…"

"Mm-hmm." Nodding once, sharply, Kuwabara moved a few paces further into the trees and closed his eyes meditatively. Yuusuke, too, marched into the woods and focused on the reddish and black ki signals of his friends.

Hiei was moving far too fast, they soon realized. Kurama was in no rush and at the rates they were going, Hiei would have to run clear around the world and catch Kurama on his second round.

Unless, of course…

He wasn't trying to catch him.

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"Urameshi," Kuwabara whined, "we've been looking for hours… Can't we please take just one break? Just one?"

"No," Yuusuke answered, stubborn as always. "We need to know a couple things. Why Kurama got so upset at that thing about the wire whip, what Hiei knows that he's not telling us, why Kurama felt the need to fake happiness like that…" Hacking away another bush from his path, the young man turned to look his friend in the eye. "You know, among other things."

"Like…?"

Yuusuke raised a hand to his chin thoughtfully as they walked.

"…I dunno."

The carrot top face faulted.

The pair tracked Kurama, who, so it felt, had stopped awhile ago. Due to the drastically different speeds, though, the kitsune still felt at least eighty meters ahead of them. Yuusuke was getting tired, but he wouldn't be one to break down and stop for rest. Not in front of Kuwabara; he would never live it down.

Impatient and nearing exhaustion-the last few days had worn more than just their nerves-Yuusuke told Kuwabara to just cut down the trees in their path rather than take the effort to find a way around and then back to the trail. The other man complied willingly, but was losing energy quickly and getting annoyed at it.

"I'm tired…" he whined, earning himself a dull glare. Yuusuke stopped walking, finally.

"Kurama's just a few meters away," he snapped, carefully hiding his ecstasy at a brief pause in the trek. "C'mon, what're you, lazy? Dumbass."

"Just a few minutes," Kuwabara retorted sharply. "You're not the one who's been cutting down trees in addition to the walking."

"Fine," the Tantei relented instantly, sitting and leaning against a tree trunk. "Ten minutes, tops. Lemme know if you're feeling better before that."

"Ari-"

Yuusuke silenced his friend with slit eyes and a narrowed mouth. "Can it."

Kuwabara canned it.

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A mere fifty meters away, Hiei had caught up with his kitsune friend and cornered him against a large rock. He was currently demanding answers from the mysterious man.

Unfortunately, he wasn't receiving any.

Despite his prone position, flattened against the sheet stone, Kurama's expression was eerily calm and it infuriated Hiei. "TELL ME!" he roared for what must have been the tenth time, at least.

"Tell you what?" Kurama answered, his quiet voice the polar opposite of Hiei's scream.

"Tell me what Attou said to get you so upset, tell me why you won't tell any of us what the problem is, tell me who you think Kurokyoui is, tell me how you know him at all, tell me when you were planning on revealing all of that to the rest of us!" Hiei closed his tirade with a rigid glare. Kurama slipped down against the rock weakly.

"I'm sorry," he offered softly, sounding so honestly apologetic that Hiei immediately leaned back and sat down.

His face decorated sparsely with lines of exhaustion and his eyes closed against it, Hiei shook his head. "Don't be," he offered, nearly silently. "Just…don't be."

Kurama felt his heart begin to tear-just a little-as he took in the proud youkai sitting before him: head hanging down, chin resting against his chest, eyes closed in defeat, shoulder slumped a little, back curved with bad posture in a slight arc…

Kurama knelt forward and reached out, taking his friend in a hug. He felt Hiei's head snap up, hitting his shoulder as they sat together in silence.

Leaning back finally, Kurama showed him a small smile, far more genuine than the wide, overly-pleased ones he usually sported.

"I'm…sorry."

Hiei nodded weakly, falling forward to land on Kurama's chest.

"I know," he muttered. "Just tell us, will you?"

Draping his arms around Hiei's drooping shoulders, Kurama nodded to no one who would see it. "I will," he promised. "You look tired…"

"I am tired," Hiei replied shortly, a little of his snappish attitude sneaking back into his voice. "I don't want to put up with stupid kitsune keeping secrets from me when I'm trying to fight alongside them. It doesn't make for very good teamwork."

Was that a joke…?

"Night is falling," Kurama quoted quietly, "you've come to journey's end; sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before."

Hiei rested.

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Tantei: detective

Youkai: demon

Kitsune: fox

Hai: yes

Arigatou: thank you ("Ari-": "Tha-")

Sou da: that's right

Ki: energy

Oi: hey

Urusei: shut up

Konotabi: now

Note: okay, this is really, really mean. I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I'm really sorry Kurama didn't explain why he was being so weird (I promise, promise it'll come out next time), I think it was a little short, and if it was, I'm sorry about that, too. Please, please, please stick around to keep reading. (The shounen-ai-ness is beginning to peek out from among the action…just barely.)