Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Blood Lust ❯ Chapter 6
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Arigatomina 
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.01.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 838 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.01.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 838 | Status: Work In Progress
Category: Anime, Yu Yu Hakusho, Yaoi, TWT
Warnings: vague angst, shonen ai
Pairings: KuramaxHiei
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina@hotmail.com
Complete Archive: www.geocities.com/arigatomina
Blood Lust
Part 6
Hiei woke to anger, a dark condemnation aimed directly at himself. He'd messed up, and badly. As a result, his plans were not knocked back at least two days. It would take that long to reach full power and he knew it wasn't likely Biula would wait. There was no excuse for it. He'd had a plan, a foolproof one and he'd still managed to mess it up. But he couldn't blame himself too much, he always focused his energy on fighting, holding next to nothing back. And that was the mistake he'd made, too intent on fighting back to remember he had to live as well. The kokoryuuha was an excellent weapon to use on one's self, but it had its limits. He'd known before he even began that he'd only have enough youki to heal, with a small reserve to use later in replenishing his power. And he'd spent that reserve on useless retaliation. As a result, he could barely feel his own youki, just a heavy weight over his otherwise painless body. Well, not quite painless, his jagan felt as if a spike had been rammed into it.
His eyes opened into angry slits and Hiei glared up at the light above him. He'd never understand why Kurama thought light was good for an injured person, it just made his forehead hurt even more, the beginnings of an actual headache to go with the throbbing. He brushed his fingers over his jagan, wincing when he found it open. A kekkai was the first thing he'd need. There was no point wasting youki when he couldn't even see anything out of the third eye. Obviously, he'd overtaxed it more than he'd thought. He had a vague memory of Yukina being with Kurama, so he assumed she'd healed him. But he doubted she could have healed *everything*, she simply wasn't that strong. Meaning his jagan had burned whatever youki it had managed to restore, completing the healing interrupted earlier. Hiei closed his eyes, one hand over his forehead to keep the light out of his jagan, easing some of the sharp pain there. Maybe he'd messed up worse than he thought. He hadn't felt that last and nearly fatal wound at all. The only thing he could think of to explain the lack of sensation was that he'd used his youki to completely block the pain, all of the pain.
Once again, he'd ended up needing help. It was infuriating. If he'd just stuck to the plan he wouldn't have wasted any of his youki. He'd had more than enough to heal himself when Biula pinned him, but the thought of not fighting back ate at his pride. With a quiet snort, he rolled onto his side, glaring at the dresser next to the bed. There was no use even thinking about it. His wounds were healed, and he had enough youki to move. And he was in the Ningenkai. He doubted Biula would call for him in the human world. Hopefully, a day or two away from the Makai would be enough to regain his youki. He had to be at full power for the next match; he wasn't going to be beaten again.
The bedroom door was open a crack and Hiei's eyes darted to it as he slid off the bed. Kurama wouldn't have gone far, the fox would know better than to trust him this time. But he couldn't leave the way he was, not in the Ningenkai. Being careful not to make any noise, he looked through the top drawer of Kurama's dresser. He had to have something to wear, not even his cloak had survived. Undergarments met his eye and he glared at them, a small sneer parting his lips. He'd never understand the purpose of that. The shorts were too baggy to support anything, and they didn't fit right under his usual pants. And he rarely wore a shirt to begin with. Having closed the drawer, he was about to search the second one when he stopped, rubbing his forehead in irritation before glancing over at the figure standing in the doorway.
"Going somewhere?" Kurama drawled, his eyes glinting at the irritated curve to Hiei's lips. The demon turned to him but Hiei's glare disappeared suddenly, those red eyes widening and darting to the open doorway. For a second Kurama followed his gaze, then he smiled and shook his head. "She's not here." He'd never seen Hiei embarrassed, but he could imagine the short demon wouldn't want his sister seeing him naked. Kurama had been careful to keep a sheet over him earlier, for the sake of them both. "If you're looking for clothing, I'll find you something." Hiei snorted and turned his head away, but he didn't move from his spot. With another smile, Kurama crossed the distance between them, crouching at the dresser. He'd noticed that Hiei was reaching for the second drawer and he left the first one alone. Only once had he been able to get his stubborn lover into normal undergarments and he had to admit Hiei's rebuttal had a point. If it served no purpose, why wear it? Instead, Kurama stuck to a pair of shorts and a shirt, about the only black items in his wardrobe and a set he'd bought for Hiei nearly a year ago. Of course, the youkai had only worn them in bed, but that didn't surprise him a bit. Turning, Kurama offered the pair, waiting until Hiei glanced down at him. "Here."
Ignoring Kurama's brilliant green eyes, Hiei took the clothes, pulling the shorts on with only the barest twitch of his lips. He *really* didn't want to be walking around the Ningenkai in the outfit, but there wasn't any other choice. He just wasn't used to having his legs bare. His arms rose to pull the shirt on and he paused, frowning at Kurama. The redhead was leaning close to him, staring at his forehead with dark eyes. "What?"
"Your jagan," Kurama said, eyes dropping a bit to meet Hiei's glare. "It hasn't shifted since I came in." The dark blue eye didn't look anything like it had earlier, but there were still a few tiny veins visible in the white, the pupil dilated too much for the bright room. Hiei took a step back and Kurama straightened, waiting until the youkai had pulled on the shirt. "You'll probably want something to put over it."
"A kekkai," Hiei said shortly, frowning down at his bare feet. If there was one part of him he didn't like, it had to be his feet, they were so small looking without his boots. But he knew Kurama didn't have any shoes in his size and it wasn't as if he hadn't gone barefoot before. Still, he wiggled his toes against the carpet with a distracted grimace.
Kurama's eyes narrowed and he stared at the jagan, his mind working furiously. If Hiei didn't have control over the implant, then things were more serious than he'd thought. Normally, the youkai wore a simple cloth band to shield the jagan from sight, out of habit more than necessity, the same way he bandaged his right arm. The only time he used a kekkai on either was when he couldn't control his youki. "Hiei, how did you heal yourself earlier?"
With a sharp frown, Hiei turned away from the tall teen, folding his arms over his chest. "How do *you* manage to heal after a day? Youkai heal fast."
"Don't even try that," Kurama said, moving in front of the short demon. "I *saw* you heal yourself, immediate healing. I watched your neck mesh itself back together again in less than two minutes. I know youkai heal fast, but you did it on purpose." Red eyes were watching with a lazy expression and Kurama frowned at the eyebrow Hiei raised at him. "And earlier you raised your youki to heal yourself, youki you didn't even have."
"That's impossible," Hiei smirked, tilting his head a bit as he looked up at Kurama. "You can't raise something you don't have."
"Do you even remember doing it?" That smirk widened into a small, mocking smile and Kurama glared suddenly. He should have been happy that Hiei was feeling well enough to torment him, but he wasn't, not at all.
"You know more about me than anyone alive," Hiei said slowly, his smile widening a bit more, "and you still know nothing." His hand rose, fingers brushing the skin near his jagan. "Do you know what this is?"
"Of course," Kurama glared, folding his arms.
"Tell me what it is," Hiei prodded, red eyes glinting with something other than humor.
"Hiei..." The demon raised that eyebrow again and Kurama sighed, shaking his head. "It's an implant used to find things, or people. It also enables you to control those without youki, or with weak youki." Hiei nodded, as if to encourage him and Kurama sighed again, turning his eyes to the ceiling. "It can be used to increase your youki by multiplying itself, creating duplicate eyes, each with a fraction of the jagan's power. No one knows the origin of it, and no one has ever survived the implant." His eyes flicked down and he acknowledged Hiei's smirk, "Except you, of course. And it draws from your youki, using it to increase your power so you can call the Makai flame."
"And?"
"Hiei, we both know you use it for the kokoryuuha. What I want to know is how it healed you like that, and why it bled." Kurama's blinked when Hiei's eyes widened suddenly, the youkai's expression more than surprised.
"It bled...?" Hiei touched his forehead again, fingers brushing his hair but coming away clean when he looked at them.
"I washed it away," Kurama said, his voice losing the irritated tone. His little lover actually looked worried. "It opened and your youki tripled itself until you were completely healed, then it was gone again. Do you remember waking up?"
"I remember waking," Hiei muttered, his face clearing so he scowled at the redhead. He hadn't realized the damage was that bad. If his jagan had bled then he'd more than overused it, he'd burnt it out. But it would recover along with his youki, it always did.
"Then how did you do it?" Kurama asked, frowning again. "I've never seen you heal yourself using the jagan before." True, he knew Hiei's injuries usually disappeared after he'd been comatose for six hours, but that was similar to his own body's natural healing. What he and Yukina had seen was a focused, directed healing.
"If it bled, then I wasn't *using* the jagan," Hiei said scathingly, glaring as he turned his head toward the window. What he'd said earlier was true, Kurama knew nothing about him. And there was no point telling him now, he had things to do. The first of which, either find or make a kekkai and hide out for the next forty-eight hours until his youki returned. He just hoped it would return that quickly on its own. If he'd had use of the jagan, he could have replenished it quicker. So ironic, the quickest way to restore youki was to use up what he had on his kokoryuuha and then let the jagan put him to sleep. With no injuries, he'd be at full power by the time he woke up. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
The black-haired youkai shook his head and Kurama jerked when Hiei took a step toward the window. "You're not going anywhere, so just forget it." Red eyes snapped back to him and he pointed at the bed. "Sit down and explain to me, everything. And don't bother trying to flit off again, you don't have the youki to get away from me when I'm watching you. Besides, if you *do* try, I'll just clip your wings. I can knock your youki down so low you won't be able to walk, let alone run."
"You plan to hold me here?" Hiei asked, his voice blank. "What are you thinking, Kurama?"
"That you're going to go off and get hurt again," Kurama answered, his own voice dropping to a cold tone. "I'm thinking that this isn't over and that as long as you keep getting away from me it isn't going to *be* over until you're dead. And I'm thinking that unless I force you, you're never going to tell me anything. And I'm thinking I'm right, aren't I, Hiei."
Hiei's eyes narrowed a bit, but he didn't move, staring at hard green eyes. He knew that tone, but it was at odds with Kurama's form, that was the youko's tone. It didn't belong on those lips. "Stay out of my business," he warned, low voice dropping to a whisper. "This doesn't concern you. Your help won't be needed again. And don't threaten to hold me...or I'll never come back."
"I'd much rather have you alive away from me than *dead* in my arms." The hairs on his arms rose a bit, but Kurama held back, refusing to shift forms as he glared. "And it *does* concern me because it concerns *you*. Anyone who touches what's mine dies."
"Yours?!" Hiei's breath caught and he hissed through his clenched teeth, his fingers curling into tight fists. "No one owns me." His outrage was mixed with an incredulous confusion. What did Kurama think of him? That he was a diversion reserved only for him? It had taken so much for him to give in to the kitsune's advances, only his trust had allowed him to do it. He trusted Kurama not to tie him, not to push, and that was what he'd given in return, freedom. The fox was allowed to be concerned, worried for a friend and lover, but that possessive growl was uncalled for. It terrified him, and that was unforgivable.
The youkai's voice sounded furious, but those red eyes were too wide. With a careful breath, Kurama calmed himself as well as he could. He knew better. Hiei couldn't handle the extent of his feelings and he'd known better than to explain. To throw the claim out like that was too harsh, those stricken eyes proved it. "Hiei, I don't own you." The youkai's black eyebrows twitched at his soft voice and he took a small step forward before stopping again. "I know that, I do know that. But think how I feel, please? If it were me, would you stand aside and let me be hurt? I don't think you would." A smile twitched his lips and he let it come, noting how Hiei's defensive stance relaxed minutely. "In fact, I imagine you would scream all sorts of names at me for being stubborn. And I *know* you wouldn't let me fight on my own."
He knew the redhead was right, but it wasn't Kurama, it was him. That made all the difference in the world. "I don't need help." Green eyes narrowed and he raised a hand when Kurama moved closer to him. "Yes, I messed up twice, but I *won't* need help again. There's no reason to involve you. It's *my* fight."
Kurama's jaw tightened and he had an overwhelming urge to grab those narrow shoulders and shake until Hiei's teeth rattled. The youkai was so infuriating, so stubborn, so... Green eyes blinking, Kurama frowned suddenly. Hiei had a point. If someone had beaten him down that much, if someone did that to him, he'd want the right to kill that person. He'd taken that right in the past, and he couldn't deny that Hiei *did* have the same right. But there was nothing that said he couldn't have someone with him as backup. "How long before you fight him again?"
"What?" Hiei blinked in surprise, not sure what to make of Kurama's curious tone. Wasn't the fox going to argue more? He'd never have expected such a quick acceptance. *He* certainly wouldn't have accepted so quickly, but then, *he* wouldn't have accepted at all. Frowning, he glanced at the curtained window again. "I don't know."
"You can't go without gaining your youki again," Kurama murmured, stepping to the short youkai. "Not if you're going to fight without needing help. That will take days, at least. You *were* planning to stay in the Ningenkai until then, weren't you?" Hiei glanced up at him and he shrugged. "There's no reason for you to go somewhere else until then. Come in the kitchen with me, I haven't eaten yet, but I made some soup. There's more than enough for two." His lover was giving him a very confused and wary look, but Kurama smiled, his hand brushing Hiei's shoulder and turning him, just a bit. "I'm sure you're hungry. And I'll get you a kekkai for your jagan, and your arm, if you want one."
He wasn't about to be tricked, not by Kurama, but Hiei gave a slight nod, following the tall male. Even if it was a ploy, it wouldn't hurt anything for him to stay here. And if Kurama really *did* accept his decision to fight alone, then he had no reason to be angry. After all, in two days he'd be back in the Makai. Whether he was at full strength or not, Kurama wouldn't be strong enough to stop him once he regained his youki and the use of his jagan. And he didn't want to leave like he had before; it bothered him.
* * *
The soup wasn't nearly enough and Kurama set a plate of sandwiches on the table, watching as they disappeared. Hiei ate quickly, and steadily, until every singe one was gone. It was enough to make Kurama frown in concern. "How long has it been since you ate?"
"Days," Hiei said carelessly, his eyes shifting over the table and resting on Kurama when he didn't see anything else to eat. It wasn't that he was starving. He'd gone much longer without any food, but he ate when he could and he knew very well that Kurama kept his home stocked. Green eyes blinked when he looked at them and his lips twitched in a tiny smile when the ningen went back to the refrigerator. One thing he would say for the Ningenkai, it held many conveniences he appreciated. "You barely ate anything, I thought you were hungry." Kurama blinked over his shoulder at him and Hiei smirked. He'd thought as much. The fox had merely said that to get him into the kitchen, but he didn't mind.
"Not as hungry as you," Kurama muttered, shaking his head at the dark-haired youkai. It had been so long since Hiei had eaten with him, but he couldn't remember ever seeing the little demon with such an appetite. Then again, he had been through a lot. Frowning, Kurama moved things around for a moment before pulling out a covered bowl. "All I have is pasta, but I can cook something else if you want."
"No need."
Kurama sighed when Hiei started in on the dish. He knew better than to even ask, Hiei would eat almost anything so long as he was the one who'd cooked it. The youkai had a severe mistrust when it came to food. He wouldn't touch anything offered to him by someone else. It was almost sweet. The pasta was gone in minutes and Kurama shook his head when Hiei looked up at him again. "That's enough for now. If you were a ningen you'd have been sick already."
"If I were a ningen, I would be dead already," Hiei countered, smirking as he pushed the bowl away from him. "They have to eat daily."
"Maybe," Kurama said, his eyes drifting over the short youkai's chest, "but I don't see where you put it all."
Raising an eyebrow, Hiei glanced down for a second before frowning at Kurama. "In my stomach, of course." The red-haired youkai laughed and his lips twitched, just a bit. He hadn't heard that sound in a long, long time.
The little youkai was teasing him, proof that Hiei was completely at ease. This was how he remembered their frequent encounters. The verbal games, and Hiei with his wall down for the most part. Unfortunately, Kurama still had questions he wanted to ask, but he hoped he could manage it without ruining the mood. "How about something to drink? They say warm drinks make your stomach think it's full, even if it isn't." Hiei snorted at that idea and Kurama smiled, going to the counter. Normally he'd offer tea, but he knew better than that. According to his picky lover, it tasted like bark with mold growing on it and sweetener added in an attempt to mask the flavor. But he liked coffee just fine. Personally, Kurama suspected it was because he used French Vanilla creamer when he made it. Otherwise, coffee was the bland drink in comparison to a good cup of tea. "The usual?" he asked, smiling at Hiei's sharp nod. It had been months, and yet it was so easy to fall back into their old routine. "You know, Hiei, you were right about what you said earlier." Kurama held his breath, not daring to glance back as he waited hopefully.
"About what?"
The question was given in an easy tone, not at all tense like he'd feared and Kurama turned back with a soft smile. "I really don't know much about you at all. But you know all about me. I understand if you don't want to, but I really would like to know."
"It's no secret," Hiei said, his eyes shifting to the side. It wasn't a secret, not really. "You never asked."
"No," Kurama admitted, his expression softening. "I just figured I knew enough already; your birth, your childhood, and how you got the jagan to find Yukina. What am I missing?"
"Nothing." The kitsune's eyes dropped and Hiei shook his head. "You know the main events. But like everyone else, you misread my nature, and the jagan."
"Your nature?" The dark-haired youkai nodded and Kurama frowned at him. He'd seen Hiei fight so much, he couldn't see how he might have 'misread' him. "You're a fire demon."
"Born of an ice maiden?" Hiei smirked when Kurama frowned darker.
"I never could figure that out," Kurama said, "but I thought you got it from your sire. You said you didn't know what he was. And ice doesn't affect you. I just assumed you were a mix of both, more fire since you're male."
"I don't known what he was, but even if he were a fire demon, none of that made it to me. Yukina and I are twins, the only difference between us at birth was my sex, and our youki." Hiei's eyes glinted and he leaned forward suddenly, holding Kurama's gaze as his lips twitched. "Do you know the real reason I was thrown off that mountain?"
"Hiei..." Kurama's eyes burned a bit, watching as the youkai gave a bitter smile that bared his small fangs.
"I was born with more youki than even the adult ice maidens had. They knew from the moment I was born that I was a danger to all of them. They knew I was just going to get stronger the longer I lived. All of their righteous anger at my mother's crime was a front to hide their fear of me. That's why I was thrown." Kurama was looking at him, but Hiei could tell the kitsune didn't quite grasp what he was telling him and he raised his chin, giving a dark smile. "I may not have been an A class demon, but I guarantee I was born with at least a B class youki."
"But, that isn't possible," Kurama said quickly, blinking when Hiei let out a sharp laugh. "You were a D level when you came to the Ningenkai, and you were much older then."
"Yes, and as I aged my youki grew. Do you know why I survived my childhood? Because I had more youki than any of them. That changed as I traveled, but it was always my youki and my speed that kept me alive. You were right when you said ice doesn't affect me, it never did. I share that trait with Yukina to this day." Hiei frowned suddenly, glancing past Kurama. "The coffee."
"What? Oh." With quick hands, Kurama made a cup for Hiei, glancing back at him as he worked. "You were like an ice maiden, then? Is that why you could heal yourself earlier?"
"Not exactly," Hiei said, glaring at the table for a minute before his expression cleared. "I had a resistance to ice, but I was never able to control my youki enough to *use* ice as a weapon. All I could do with it was heal myself, but with my speed, that was all I needed. Few could catch me and those who did couldn't injure me quickly enough to kill me." Kurama set the cup in front of him and he nodded a sharp thanks before taking a drink.
"If you've been able to heal yourself since you were a child, why haven't I ever seen you do it before?" Kurama asked, sitting again.
"It takes more youki than I care to waste," Hiei admitted, his expression droll. "When I got the jagan, it took almost all the youki I had. I didn't recover until I mastered it." His lips curved in a smug smirk and he tossed his head. "And then I surpassed my previous level."
"I knew the jagan had knocked you down," Kurama said, leaning forward on his elbows. "That's what Sensui meant when he said both of us were below what we had once been. But where did your affinity for fire come from if you were born with ice?"
"The jagan. I didn't find out until the surgery was taking place," Hiei said, his eyes darkening, "but it takes the form of your weakness in order to drain the youki from you. And my weakness was fire."
"It burns..." Kurama whispered, blinking when Hiei frowned at him sharply. "Earlier, when your jagan bled, you were in the middle of a nightmare. You were screaming."
"A memory, not a dream," Hiei murmured, his eyes dropping to the table as he lifted the cup again. He hadn't even remembered reliving that memory until Kurama's soft words. Now he could catch glimpses of it.
"Of the surgery?"
"Yes." Hiei frowned, his black brows drawing together beneath the banded kekkai Kurama had given him earlier. "And that explains it."
"Explains what?" Kurama asked, his eyes wide.
"I told you before," Hiei said, glancing up, "if my jagan bled then I wasn't using it to heal myself. Once I got the implant, I lost my ability to heal. It wasn't until I mastered the kokoryuuha that I was able to do it again, and then I rarely did. It uses too much youki that's better spent killing. The only time it happens is when I'm comatose, and that's when the jagan controls my body. I have no say in what it does with the excess youki, but it seems to work first on injuries and second on replenishing my youki."
"Yes, I saw that. That's the reason I had Yukina heal you as much as she could, so it wouldn't use up your youki on that. I was hoping it would use what you had left to build more youki." Hiei nodded and Kurama shook his head. "Then what happened?"
"If my youki rose, it must be because the jagan *did* replenish it. But I used it too much when I first lost consciousness. It must have stopped healing only because it didn't have the youki to do so. And as soon as it did, it tried to finish."
"But I was there before it rose," Kurama argued, shaking his head. "You didn't have youki enough to do *anything*. Then, suddenly you had an enormous amount for about two minutes before it was gone again. I know it must have been used to finish healing you, but I can't see where it came from."
"From me," Hiei smirked, ignoring Kurama's quick glare. "I told you I had a high latent level of youki before I got the jagan, and that I had the ability to use that youki to heal myself. If I relived that memory, as if the jagan were being implanted again, then it's because the jagan stopped working."
"How could that happen?" Kurama asked, his face an image of disbelief.
"It's happened before, when I last fought Shigure. I had used so much youki fighting the previous waves of youkai Mukuro sent at me that I had nothing left for my battle with him. I had only my speed, and my sword. It didn't matter then, though, since I had no will to live. But it happened. And after Mukuro put me in the tank to heal, the jagan was the same as always. It recovered on its own, along with my youki."
"Then if you burn too much youki the jagan stops working?" Kurama frowned, shaking his head. "I don't see why it would. I know if feeds off your youki so I thought if you burned too much youki it would take what was left and kill you."
"You thought that?" The redhead blinked at his tone and Hiei shook his head quickly. "It's not like that. The jagan *did* drain my youki. But once it was successfully implanted, it stopped doing that. The reason I lived through the implant was because I had enough youki at the time for it to take its fill and still leave me alive. After that, it was just a matter of getting stronger again. If the jagan had continued to take my youki, I could never have mastered it. What the jagan does..." Hiei paused for a second, remembering how he'd asked Kurama before what he thought the jagan was. "What the jagan is for me, is a way to channel my youki. I never had the ability to control my youki for anything more than healing. With this, I can use my youki to call forth flame."
"And the reason it's fire is because the jagan took the form of your weakness?" Kurama asked, letting out a relieved sigh when Hiei nodded. "Then it lets you control your youki, and if you don't have enough youki it...just stops working?"
"It *tried* to keep working," Hiei said, his lip twitching in a quick sneer. "That's why I relived the fire of the original implant. Without the jagan I can touch my latent abilities, my natural healing. I also have my weakness to fire."
"But it didn't hurt you, not physically."
"I felt it," Hiei glared, "but no, physically my body resisted the heat of the jagan." His expression cooled and he finished off the coffee. It was interesting, he'd never have expected to revert like that, but it was the only explanation. And he *did* remember the pain, and the healing. If the jagan had bled, then it hadn't been the thing healing him at all, his body had done what it had done so often in the past, taken care of itself. "And it used the youki the jagan had regained..."
"Hiei?" Red eyes flicked to him and Kurama licked his lips, a quick smile flickering over them for a second. "I still don't know where the surge of youki came from. You said it came from you, but if the jagan had regained it..."
"I don't know which it was," Hiei admitted. "It's possible that the moment the jagan gave out my latent youki came forth to heal me. But that wouldn't explain the disappearance of that youki. As much latent youki as I had, there would have been plenty left after healing me. It must have been the jagan that replenished the youki, and then, as it tried to heal, it reached its limit."
"But if you had youki, then the jagan wouldn't have stopped, right?" Kurama rubbed his forehead when Hiei gave a frustrated nod. "Is it possible that you just over used it?"
"I thought of that," Hiei nodded, "when I first woke up and felt the pain in my jagan." Kurama's eyes snapped to him and he waved a hand, eyes narrowing. "I'm fine. But I thought that I had overused it. I've never tried to use all of the youki I gain from the kokoryuuha before. The jagan lets me manipulate my youki, and I was definitely using a lot of youki in a short amount of time."
"Then it may have given out because of that." Kurama gave a tired smile when Hiei nodded. "If the jagan replenished your youki before giving out, then why didn't I feel the increase sooner? It was sudden, as if it came out of nowhere."
"I was pressured," Hiei said softly, blinking as he thought about it. "I had planned to save enough youki to heal myself, but the last injury was so severe. My last thought was that I wouldn't be able to heal, even with my youki. The jagan may have taken that as an order to heal. If it replenished the youki as fast as possible to be used for healing, then you *wouldn't* have felt it. It would have compressed the power, building it up to be used and then...it lost control!"
Wide red eyes snapped up to him and Kurama smiled at Hiei's smirk. "You sound sure."
"I am. That explains it. The sudden rise was because the jagan couldn't replenish the youki any longer and what it had gathered was released at once. And without the jagan, my natural instinct took over, completing the healing without regard to the youki used." Hiei shook his head when Kurama frowned at him. "If my jagan had been in control, it would not have wasted the youki on healing such minor injuries."
"To hear you talk, your jagan seems to have a mind of its own," Kurama drawled. "I just hope you don't depend too much on it."
"I use what it gives me," Hiei said, his eyes moving over Kurama's green gaze, "nothing more. I am the only one I depend on, not an implant."
"Of course," Kurama nodded, his eyes dropping to the table. He was still a bit confused, but his mind kept centering on Hiei's last words, how he'd been 'pressured,' and how he'd 'planned' to have the youki to heal. The youkai had said he'd messed up before. Obviously, Hiei wasn't just running out and fighting without some sort of plan. And Kurama was starting to have an idea what Hiei's plan had been. He'd used the kokoryuuha on himself knowing it would give him an enormous amount of energy. But he had wanted that energy to heal himself, not to fight. Meaning he'd had no intention of winning the battle. If there was one thing he believed, it was that Hiei fought to win. For the life of him, he couldn't think of a reason Hiei would accept a challenge without confidence that he would win. But he had. Hiei had gone into the fight knowing he would lose and planning only to live through it. The question Kurama wanted to know was no longer 'who', but why. The youkai wasn't *that* stubborn. He was too smart to let himself be hurt like that. So why had Hiei answered that call? Why hadn't he waited until he was recovered before fighting? He was *letting* himself be hurt, going straight into it knowing what would happen. Why? What could possibly be so important to the youkai that he would suffer *that* much? It was one question Kurama knew he couldn't ask.
* * *
TBC
--Notes--
I have such a headache now. I'm sorry if this just confuses you more. *I* know what's going on, but I was trying to let Hiei figure it out on his own, thinking it through. Unfortunately, I think I may have just confused everything even more. But if Kurama's still confused, I guess *anyone* would be confused after that mess. -_-; Gomen.
Warnings: vague angst, shonen ai
Pairings: KuramaxHiei
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina@hotmail.com
Complete Archive: www.geocities.com/arigatomina
Blood Lust
Part 6
Hiei woke to anger, a dark condemnation aimed directly at himself. He'd messed up, and badly. As a result, his plans were not knocked back at least two days. It would take that long to reach full power and he knew it wasn't likely Biula would wait. There was no excuse for it. He'd had a plan, a foolproof one and he'd still managed to mess it up. But he couldn't blame himself too much, he always focused his energy on fighting, holding next to nothing back. And that was the mistake he'd made, too intent on fighting back to remember he had to live as well. The kokoryuuha was an excellent weapon to use on one's self, but it had its limits. He'd known before he even began that he'd only have enough youki to heal, with a small reserve to use later in replenishing his power. And he'd spent that reserve on useless retaliation. As a result, he could barely feel his own youki, just a heavy weight over his otherwise painless body. Well, not quite painless, his jagan felt as if a spike had been rammed into it.
His eyes opened into angry slits and Hiei glared up at the light above him. He'd never understand why Kurama thought light was good for an injured person, it just made his forehead hurt even more, the beginnings of an actual headache to go with the throbbing. He brushed his fingers over his jagan, wincing when he found it open. A kekkai was the first thing he'd need. There was no point wasting youki when he couldn't even see anything out of the third eye. Obviously, he'd overtaxed it more than he'd thought. He had a vague memory of Yukina being with Kurama, so he assumed she'd healed him. But he doubted she could have healed *everything*, she simply wasn't that strong. Meaning his jagan had burned whatever youki it had managed to restore, completing the healing interrupted earlier. Hiei closed his eyes, one hand over his forehead to keep the light out of his jagan, easing some of the sharp pain there. Maybe he'd messed up worse than he thought. He hadn't felt that last and nearly fatal wound at all. The only thing he could think of to explain the lack of sensation was that he'd used his youki to completely block the pain, all of the pain.
Once again, he'd ended up needing help. It was infuriating. If he'd just stuck to the plan he wouldn't have wasted any of his youki. He'd had more than enough to heal himself when Biula pinned him, but the thought of not fighting back ate at his pride. With a quiet snort, he rolled onto his side, glaring at the dresser next to the bed. There was no use even thinking about it. His wounds were healed, and he had enough youki to move. And he was in the Ningenkai. He doubted Biula would call for him in the human world. Hopefully, a day or two away from the Makai would be enough to regain his youki. He had to be at full power for the next match; he wasn't going to be beaten again.
The bedroom door was open a crack and Hiei's eyes darted to it as he slid off the bed. Kurama wouldn't have gone far, the fox would know better than to trust him this time. But he couldn't leave the way he was, not in the Ningenkai. Being careful not to make any noise, he looked through the top drawer of Kurama's dresser. He had to have something to wear, not even his cloak had survived. Undergarments met his eye and he glared at them, a small sneer parting his lips. He'd never understand the purpose of that. The shorts were too baggy to support anything, and they didn't fit right under his usual pants. And he rarely wore a shirt to begin with. Having closed the drawer, he was about to search the second one when he stopped, rubbing his forehead in irritation before glancing over at the figure standing in the doorway.
"Going somewhere?" Kurama drawled, his eyes glinting at the irritated curve to Hiei's lips. The demon turned to him but Hiei's glare disappeared suddenly, those red eyes widening and darting to the open doorway. For a second Kurama followed his gaze, then he smiled and shook his head. "She's not here." He'd never seen Hiei embarrassed, but he could imagine the short demon wouldn't want his sister seeing him naked. Kurama had been careful to keep a sheet over him earlier, for the sake of them both. "If you're looking for clothing, I'll find you something." Hiei snorted and turned his head away, but he didn't move from his spot. With another smile, Kurama crossed the distance between them, crouching at the dresser. He'd noticed that Hiei was reaching for the second drawer and he left the first one alone. Only once had he been able to get his stubborn lover into normal undergarments and he had to admit Hiei's rebuttal had a point. If it served no purpose, why wear it? Instead, Kurama stuck to a pair of shorts and a shirt, about the only black items in his wardrobe and a set he'd bought for Hiei nearly a year ago. Of course, the youkai had only worn them in bed, but that didn't surprise him a bit. Turning, Kurama offered the pair, waiting until Hiei glanced down at him. "Here."
Ignoring Kurama's brilliant green eyes, Hiei took the clothes, pulling the shorts on with only the barest twitch of his lips. He *really* didn't want to be walking around the Ningenkai in the outfit, but there wasn't any other choice. He just wasn't used to having his legs bare. His arms rose to pull the shirt on and he paused, frowning at Kurama. The redhead was leaning close to him, staring at his forehead with dark eyes. "What?"
"Your jagan," Kurama said, eyes dropping a bit to meet Hiei's glare. "It hasn't shifted since I came in." The dark blue eye didn't look anything like it had earlier, but there were still a few tiny veins visible in the white, the pupil dilated too much for the bright room. Hiei took a step back and Kurama straightened, waiting until the youkai had pulled on the shirt. "You'll probably want something to put over it."
"A kekkai," Hiei said shortly, frowning down at his bare feet. If there was one part of him he didn't like, it had to be his feet, they were so small looking without his boots. But he knew Kurama didn't have any shoes in his size and it wasn't as if he hadn't gone barefoot before. Still, he wiggled his toes against the carpet with a distracted grimace.
Kurama's eyes narrowed and he stared at the jagan, his mind working furiously. If Hiei didn't have control over the implant, then things were more serious than he'd thought. Normally, the youkai wore a simple cloth band to shield the jagan from sight, out of habit more than necessity, the same way he bandaged his right arm. The only time he used a kekkai on either was when he couldn't control his youki. "Hiei, how did you heal yourself earlier?"
With a sharp frown, Hiei turned away from the tall teen, folding his arms over his chest. "How do *you* manage to heal after a day? Youkai heal fast."
"Don't even try that," Kurama said, moving in front of the short demon. "I *saw* you heal yourself, immediate healing. I watched your neck mesh itself back together again in less than two minutes. I know youkai heal fast, but you did it on purpose." Red eyes were watching with a lazy expression and Kurama frowned at the eyebrow Hiei raised at him. "And earlier you raised your youki to heal yourself, youki you didn't even have."
"That's impossible," Hiei smirked, tilting his head a bit as he looked up at Kurama. "You can't raise something you don't have."
"Do you even remember doing it?" That smirk widened into a small, mocking smile and Kurama glared suddenly. He should have been happy that Hiei was feeling well enough to torment him, but he wasn't, not at all.
"You know more about me than anyone alive," Hiei said slowly, his smile widening a bit more, "and you still know nothing." His hand rose, fingers brushing the skin near his jagan. "Do you know what this is?"
"Of course," Kurama glared, folding his arms.
"Tell me what it is," Hiei prodded, red eyes glinting with something other than humor.
"Hiei..." The demon raised that eyebrow again and Kurama sighed, shaking his head. "It's an implant used to find things, or people. It also enables you to control those without youki, or with weak youki." Hiei nodded, as if to encourage him and Kurama sighed again, turning his eyes to the ceiling. "It can be used to increase your youki by multiplying itself, creating duplicate eyes, each with a fraction of the jagan's power. No one knows the origin of it, and no one has ever survived the implant." His eyes flicked down and he acknowledged Hiei's smirk, "Except you, of course. And it draws from your youki, using it to increase your power so you can call the Makai flame."
"And?"
"Hiei, we both know you use it for the kokoryuuha. What I want to know is how it healed you like that, and why it bled." Kurama's blinked when Hiei's eyes widened suddenly, the youkai's expression more than surprised.
"It bled...?" Hiei touched his forehead again, fingers brushing his hair but coming away clean when he looked at them.
"I washed it away," Kurama said, his voice losing the irritated tone. His little lover actually looked worried. "It opened and your youki tripled itself until you were completely healed, then it was gone again. Do you remember waking up?"
"I remember waking," Hiei muttered, his face clearing so he scowled at the redhead. He hadn't realized the damage was that bad. If his jagan had bled then he'd more than overused it, he'd burnt it out. But it would recover along with his youki, it always did.
"Then how did you do it?" Kurama asked, frowning again. "I've never seen you heal yourself using the jagan before." True, he knew Hiei's injuries usually disappeared after he'd been comatose for six hours, but that was similar to his own body's natural healing. What he and Yukina had seen was a focused, directed healing.
"If it bled, then I wasn't *using* the jagan," Hiei said scathingly, glaring as he turned his head toward the window. What he'd said earlier was true, Kurama knew nothing about him. And there was no point telling him now, he had things to do. The first of which, either find or make a kekkai and hide out for the next forty-eight hours until his youki returned. He just hoped it would return that quickly on its own. If he'd had use of the jagan, he could have replenished it quicker. So ironic, the quickest way to restore youki was to use up what he had on his kokoryuuha and then let the jagan put him to sleep. With no injuries, he'd be at full power by the time he woke up. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
The black-haired youkai shook his head and Kurama jerked when Hiei took a step toward the window. "You're not going anywhere, so just forget it." Red eyes snapped back to him and he pointed at the bed. "Sit down and explain to me, everything. And don't bother trying to flit off again, you don't have the youki to get away from me when I'm watching you. Besides, if you *do* try, I'll just clip your wings. I can knock your youki down so low you won't be able to walk, let alone run."
"You plan to hold me here?" Hiei asked, his voice blank. "What are you thinking, Kurama?"
"That you're going to go off and get hurt again," Kurama answered, his own voice dropping to a cold tone. "I'm thinking that this isn't over and that as long as you keep getting away from me it isn't going to *be* over until you're dead. And I'm thinking that unless I force you, you're never going to tell me anything. And I'm thinking I'm right, aren't I, Hiei."
Hiei's eyes narrowed a bit, but he didn't move, staring at hard green eyes. He knew that tone, but it was at odds with Kurama's form, that was the youko's tone. It didn't belong on those lips. "Stay out of my business," he warned, low voice dropping to a whisper. "This doesn't concern you. Your help won't be needed again. And don't threaten to hold me...or I'll never come back."
"I'd much rather have you alive away from me than *dead* in my arms." The hairs on his arms rose a bit, but Kurama held back, refusing to shift forms as he glared. "And it *does* concern me because it concerns *you*. Anyone who touches what's mine dies."
"Yours?!" Hiei's breath caught and he hissed through his clenched teeth, his fingers curling into tight fists. "No one owns me." His outrage was mixed with an incredulous confusion. What did Kurama think of him? That he was a diversion reserved only for him? It had taken so much for him to give in to the kitsune's advances, only his trust had allowed him to do it. He trusted Kurama not to tie him, not to push, and that was what he'd given in return, freedom. The fox was allowed to be concerned, worried for a friend and lover, but that possessive growl was uncalled for. It terrified him, and that was unforgivable.
The youkai's voice sounded furious, but those red eyes were too wide. With a careful breath, Kurama calmed himself as well as he could. He knew better. Hiei couldn't handle the extent of his feelings and he'd known better than to explain. To throw the claim out like that was too harsh, those stricken eyes proved it. "Hiei, I don't own you." The youkai's black eyebrows twitched at his soft voice and he took a small step forward before stopping again. "I know that, I do know that. But think how I feel, please? If it were me, would you stand aside and let me be hurt? I don't think you would." A smile twitched his lips and he let it come, noting how Hiei's defensive stance relaxed minutely. "In fact, I imagine you would scream all sorts of names at me for being stubborn. And I *know* you wouldn't let me fight on my own."
He knew the redhead was right, but it wasn't Kurama, it was him. That made all the difference in the world. "I don't need help." Green eyes narrowed and he raised a hand when Kurama moved closer to him. "Yes, I messed up twice, but I *won't* need help again. There's no reason to involve you. It's *my* fight."
Kurama's jaw tightened and he had an overwhelming urge to grab those narrow shoulders and shake until Hiei's teeth rattled. The youkai was so infuriating, so stubborn, so... Green eyes blinking, Kurama frowned suddenly. Hiei had a point. If someone had beaten him down that much, if someone did that to him, he'd want the right to kill that person. He'd taken that right in the past, and he couldn't deny that Hiei *did* have the same right. But there was nothing that said he couldn't have someone with him as backup. "How long before you fight him again?"
"What?" Hiei blinked in surprise, not sure what to make of Kurama's curious tone. Wasn't the fox going to argue more? He'd never have expected such a quick acceptance. *He* certainly wouldn't have accepted so quickly, but then, *he* wouldn't have accepted at all. Frowning, he glanced at the curtained window again. "I don't know."
"You can't go without gaining your youki again," Kurama murmured, stepping to the short youkai. "Not if you're going to fight without needing help. That will take days, at least. You *were* planning to stay in the Ningenkai until then, weren't you?" Hiei glanced up at him and he shrugged. "There's no reason for you to go somewhere else until then. Come in the kitchen with me, I haven't eaten yet, but I made some soup. There's more than enough for two." His lover was giving him a very confused and wary look, but Kurama smiled, his hand brushing Hiei's shoulder and turning him, just a bit. "I'm sure you're hungry. And I'll get you a kekkai for your jagan, and your arm, if you want one."
He wasn't about to be tricked, not by Kurama, but Hiei gave a slight nod, following the tall male. Even if it was a ploy, it wouldn't hurt anything for him to stay here. And if Kurama really *did* accept his decision to fight alone, then he had no reason to be angry. After all, in two days he'd be back in the Makai. Whether he was at full strength or not, Kurama wouldn't be strong enough to stop him once he regained his youki and the use of his jagan. And he didn't want to leave like he had before; it bothered him.
* * *
The soup wasn't nearly enough and Kurama set a plate of sandwiches on the table, watching as they disappeared. Hiei ate quickly, and steadily, until every singe one was gone. It was enough to make Kurama frown in concern. "How long has it been since you ate?"
"Days," Hiei said carelessly, his eyes shifting over the table and resting on Kurama when he didn't see anything else to eat. It wasn't that he was starving. He'd gone much longer without any food, but he ate when he could and he knew very well that Kurama kept his home stocked. Green eyes blinked when he looked at them and his lips twitched in a tiny smile when the ningen went back to the refrigerator. One thing he would say for the Ningenkai, it held many conveniences he appreciated. "You barely ate anything, I thought you were hungry." Kurama blinked over his shoulder at him and Hiei smirked. He'd thought as much. The fox had merely said that to get him into the kitchen, but he didn't mind.
"Not as hungry as you," Kurama muttered, shaking his head at the dark-haired youkai. It had been so long since Hiei had eaten with him, but he couldn't remember ever seeing the little demon with such an appetite. Then again, he had been through a lot. Frowning, Kurama moved things around for a moment before pulling out a covered bowl. "All I have is pasta, but I can cook something else if you want."
"No need."
Kurama sighed when Hiei started in on the dish. He knew better than to even ask, Hiei would eat almost anything so long as he was the one who'd cooked it. The youkai had a severe mistrust when it came to food. He wouldn't touch anything offered to him by someone else. It was almost sweet. The pasta was gone in minutes and Kurama shook his head when Hiei looked up at him again. "That's enough for now. If you were a ningen you'd have been sick already."
"If I were a ningen, I would be dead already," Hiei countered, smirking as he pushed the bowl away from him. "They have to eat daily."
"Maybe," Kurama said, his eyes drifting over the short youkai's chest, "but I don't see where you put it all."
Raising an eyebrow, Hiei glanced down for a second before frowning at Kurama. "In my stomach, of course." The red-haired youkai laughed and his lips twitched, just a bit. He hadn't heard that sound in a long, long time.
The little youkai was teasing him, proof that Hiei was completely at ease. This was how he remembered their frequent encounters. The verbal games, and Hiei with his wall down for the most part. Unfortunately, Kurama still had questions he wanted to ask, but he hoped he could manage it without ruining the mood. "How about something to drink? They say warm drinks make your stomach think it's full, even if it isn't." Hiei snorted at that idea and Kurama smiled, going to the counter. Normally he'd offer tea, but he knew better than that. According to his picky lover, it tasted like bark with mold growing on it and sweetener added in an attempt to mask the flavor. But he liked coffee just fine. Personally, Kurama suspected it was because he used French Vanilla creamer when he made it. Otherwise, coffee was the bland drink in comparison to a good cup of tea. "The usual?" he asked, smiling at Hiei's sharp nod. It had been months, and yet it was so easy to fall back into their old routine. "You know, Hiei, you were right about what you said earlier." Kurama held his breath, not daring to glance back as he waited hopefully.
"About what?"
The question was given in an easy tone, not at all tense like he'd feared and Kurama turned back with a soft smile. "I really don't know much about you at all. But you know all about me. I understand if you don't want to, but I really would like to know."
"It's no secret," Hiei said, his eyes shifting to the side. It wasn't a secret, not really. "You never asked."
"No," Kurama admitted, his expression softening. "I just figured I knew enough already; your birth, your childhood, and how you got the jagan to find Yukina. What am I missing?"
"Nothing." The kitsune's eyes dropped and Hiei shook his head. "You know the main events. But like everyone else, you misread my nature, and the jagan."
"Your nature?" The dark-haired youkai nodded and Kurama frowned at him. He'd seen Hiei fight so much, he couldn't see how he might have 'misread' him. "You're a fire demon."
"Born of an ice maiden?" Hiei smirked when Kurama frowned darker.
"I never could figure that out," Kurama said, "but I thought you got it from your sire. You said you didn't know what he was. And ice doesn't affect you. I just assumed you were a mix of both, more fire since you're male."
"I don't known what he was, but even if he were a fire demon, none of that made it to me. Yukina and I are twins, the only difference between us at birth was my sex, and our youki." Hiei's eyes glinted and he leaned forward suddenly, holding Kurama's gaze as his lips twitched. "Do you know the real reason I was thrown off that mountain?"
"Hiei..." Kurama's eyes burned a bit, watching as the youkai gave a bitter smile that bared his small fangs.
"I was born with more youki than even the adult ice maidens had. They knew from the moment I was born that I was a danger to all of them. They knew I was just going to get stronger the longer I lived. All of their righteous anger at my mother's crime was a front to hide their fear of me. That's why I was thrown." Kurama was looking at him, but Hiei could tell the kitsune didn't quite grasp what he was telling him and he raised his chin, giving a dark smile. "I may not have been an A class demon, but I guarantee I was born with at least a B class youki."
"But, that isn't possible," Kurama said quickly, blinking when Hiei let out a sharp laugh. "You were a D level when you came to the Ningenkai, and you were much older then."
"Yes, and as I aged my youki grew. Do you know why I survived my childhood? Because I had more youki than any of them. That changed as I traveled, but it was always my youki and my speed that kept me alive. You were right when you said ice doesn't affect me, it never did. I share that trait with Yukina to this day." Hiei frowned suddenly, glancing past Kurama. "The coffee."
"What? Oh." With quick hands, Kurama made a cup for Hiei, glancing back at him as he worked. "You were like an ice maiden, then? Is that why you could heal yourself earlier?"
"Not exactly," Hiei said, glaring at the table for a minute before his expression cleared. "I had a resistance to ice, but I was never able to control my youki enough to *use* ice as a weapon. All I could do with it was heal myself, but with my speed, that was all I needed. Few could catch me and those who did couldn't injure me quickly enough to kill me." Kurama set the cup in front of him and he nodded a sharp thanks before taking a drink.
"If you've been able to heal yourself since you were a child, why haven't I ever seen you do it before?" Kurama asked, sitting again.
"It takes more youki than I care to waste," Hiei admitted, his expression droll. "When I got the jagan, it took almost all the youki I had. I didn't recover until I mastered it." His lips curved in a smug smirk and he tossed his head. "And then I surpassed my previous level."
"I knew the jagan had knocked you down," Kurama said, leaning forward on his elbows. "That's what Sensui meant when he said both of us were below what we had once been. But where did your affinity for fire come from if you were born with ice?"
"The jagan. I didn't find out until the surgery was taking place," Hiei said, his eyes darkening, "but it takes the form of your weakness in order to drain the youki from you. And my weakness was fire."
"It burns..." Kurama whispered, blinking when Hiei frowned at him sharply. "Earlier, when your jagan bled, you were in the middle of a nightmare. You were screaming."
"A memory, not a dream," Hiei murmured, his eyes dropping to the table as he lifted the cup again. He hadn't even remembered reliving that memory until Kurama's soft words. Now he could catch glimpses of it.
"Of the surgery?"
"Yes." Hiei frowned, his black brows drawing together beneath the banded kekkai Kurama had given him earlier. "And that explains it."
"Explains what?" Kurama asked, his eyes wide.
"I told you before," Hiei said, glancing up, "if my jagan bled then I wasn't using it to heal myself. Once I got the implant, I lost my ability to heal. It wasn't until I mastered the kokoryuuha that I was able to do it again, and then I rarely did. It uses too much youki that's better spent killing. The only time it happens is when I'm comatose, and that's when the jagan controls my body. I have no say in what it does with the excess youki, but it seems to work first on injuries and second on replenishing my youki."
"Yes, I saw that. That's the reason I had Yukina heal you as much as she could, so it wouldn't use up your youki on that. I was hoping it would use what you had left to build more youki." Hiei nodded and Kurama shook his head. "Then what happened?"
"If my youki rose, it must be because the jagan *did* replenish it. But I used it too much when I first lost consciousness. It must have stopped healing only because it didn't have the youki to do so. And as soon as it did, it tried to finish."
"But I was there before it rose," Kurama argued, shaking his head. "You didn't have youki enough to do *anything*. Then, suddenly you had an enormous amount for about two minutes before it was gone again. I know it must have been used to finish healing you, but I can't see where it came from."
"From me," Hiei smirked, ignoring Kurama's quick glare. "I told you I had a high latent level of youki before I got the jagan, and that I had the ability to use that youki to heal myself. If I relived that memory, as if the jagan were being implanted again, then it's because the jagan stopped working."
"How could that happen?" Kurama asked, his face an image of disbelief.
"It's happened before, when I last fought Shigure. I had used so much youki fighting the previous waves of youkai Mukuro sent at me that I had nothing left for my battle with him. I had only my speed, and my sword. It didn't matter then, though, since I had no will to live. But it happened. And after Mukuro put me in the tank to heal, the jagan was the same as always. It recovered on its own, along with my youki."
"Then if you burn too much youki the jagan stops working?" Kurama frowned, shaking his head. "I don't see why it would. I know if feeds off your youki so I thought if you burned too much youki it would take what was left and kill you."
"You thought that?" The redhead blinked at his tone and Hiei shook his head quickly. "It's not like that. The jagan *did* drain my youki. But once it was successfully implanted, it stopped doing that. The reason I lived through the implant was because I had enough youki at the time for it to take its fill and still leave me alive. After that, it was just a matter of getting stronger again. If the jagan had continued to take my youki, I could never have mastered it. What the jagan does..." Hiei paused for a second, remembering how he'd asked Kurama before what he thought the jagan was. "What the jagan is for me, is a way to channel my youki. I never had the ability to control my youki for anything more than healing. With this, I can use my youki to call forth flame."
"And the reason it's fire is because the jagan took the form of your weakness?" Kurama asked, letting out a relieved sigh when Hiei nodded. "Then it lets you control your youki, and if you don't have enough youki it...just stops working?"
"It *tried* to keep working," Hiei said, his lip twitching in a quick sneer. "That's why I relived the fire of the original implant. Without the jagan I can touch my latent abilities, my natural healing. I also have my weakness to fire."
"But it didn't hurt you, not physically."
"I felt it," Hiei glared, "but no, physically my body resisted the heat of the jagan." His expression cooled and he finished off the coffee. It was interesting, he'd never have expected to revert like that, but it was the only explanation. And he *did* remember the pain, and the healing. If the jagan had bled, then it hadn't been the thing healing him at all, his body had done what it had done so often in the past, taken care of itself. "And it used the youki the jagan had regained..."
"Hiei?" Red eyes flicked to him and Kurama licked his lips, a quick smile flickering over them for a second. "I still don't know where the surge of youki came from. You said it came from you, but if the jagan had regained it..."
"I don't know which it was," Hiei admitted. "It's possible that the moment the jagan gave out my latent youki came forth to heal me. But that wouldn't explain the disappearance of that youki. As much latent youki as I had, there would have been plenty left after healing me. It must have been the jagan that replenished the youki, and then, as it tried to heal, it reached its limit."
"But if you had youki, then the jagan wouldn't have stopped, right?" Kurama rubbed his forehead when Hiei gave a frustrated nod. "Is it possible that you just over used it?"
"I thought of that," Hiei nodded, "when I first woke up and felt the pain in my jagan." Kurama's eyes snapped to him and he waved a hand, eyes narrowing. "I'm fine. But I thought that I had overused it. I've never tried to use all of the youki I gain from the kokoryuuha before. The jagan lets me manipulate my youki, and I was definitely using a lot of youki in a short amount of time."
"Then it may have given out because of that." Kurama gave a tired smile when Hiei nodded. "If the jagan replenished your youki before giving out, then why didn't I feel the increase sooner? It was sudden, as if it came out of nowhere."
"I was pressured," Hiei said softly, blinking as he thought about it. "I had planned to save enough youki to heal myself, but the last injury was so severe. My last thought was that I wouldn't be able to heal, even with my youki. The jagan may have taken that as an order to heal. If it replenished the youki as fast as possible to be used for healing, then you *wouldn't* have felt it. It would have compressed the power, building it up to be used and then...it lost control!"
Wide red eyes snapped up to him and Kurama smiled at Hiei's smirk. "You sound sure."
"I am. That explains it. The sudden rise was because the jagan couldn't replenish the youki any longer and what it had gathered was released at once. And without the jagan, my natural instinct took over, completing the healing without regard to the youki used." Hiei shook his head when Kurama frowned at him. "If my jagan had been in control, it would not have wasted the youki on healing such minor injuries."
"To hear you talk, your jagan seems to have a mind of its own," Kurama drawled. "I just hope you don't depend too much on it."
"I use what it gives me," Hiei said, his eyes moving over Kurama's green gaze, "nothing more. I am the only one I depend on, not an implant."
"Of course," Kurama nodded, his eyes dropping to the table. He was still a bit confused, but his mind kept centering on Hiei's last words, how he'd been 'pressured,' and how he'd 'planned' to have the youki to heal. The youkai had said he'd messed up before. Obviously, Hiei wasn't just running out and fighting without some sort of plan. And Kurama was starting to have an idea what Hiei's plan had been. He'd used the kokoryuuha on himself knowing it would give him an enormous amount of energy. But he had wanted that energy to heal himself, not to fight. Meaning he'd had no intention of winning the battle. If there was one thing he believed, it was that Hiei fought to win. For the life of him, he couldn't think of a reason Hiei would accept a challenge without confidence that he would win. But he had. Hiei had gone into the fight knowing he would lose and planning only to live through it. The question Kurama wanted to know was no longer 'who', but why. The youkai wasn't *that* stubborn. He was too smart to let himself be hurt like that. So why had Hiei answered that call? Why hadn't he waited until he was recovered before fighting? He was *letting* himself be hurt, going straight into it knowing what would happen. Why? What could possibly be so important to the youkai that he would suffer *that* much? It was one question Kurama knew he couldn't ask.
* * *
TBC
--Notes--
I have such a headache now. I'm sorry if this just confuses you more. *I* know what's going on, but I was trying to let Hiei figure it out on his own, thinking it through. Unfortunately, I think I may have just confused everything even more. But if Kurama's still confused, I guess *anyone* would be confused after that mess. -_-; Gomen.