Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Coming Clean ❯ Depth of Fear ( Chapter 24 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: This story was written by me, mhmartini, for enjoyment purposes only. All characters taken from a show/series/book/etc. are property of their respective creators; I am only borrowing them. Original characters are mine. The storyline is mine. I am making no money from this endeavor. The only �profit� involved is the joy of writing and the reviews of my readers. No copyright infringement is intended.

Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Hentai | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.13.2005 | Updated On: 06.03.2007 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 845 | Status: Completed

Kurama had slept for about twenty-five minutes, when he awoke to the sound of screaming. To his horror, Hiei was shrieking in terror. Quickly, Kurama turned the small body to face him.

"Hiei! Hiei! It's all right! Hiei, I'm here, I'm right here!" he yelled, cradling the hiyoukai to him, and rocking back and forth, tears spilling down his face. Hiei began to quiet when he realized that he was held in a loving embrace.

"Kurama?" he asked in a small, squeaking voice.

"I'm here, Love. I'm right here," the kitsune murmured.

"Don't leave me," Hiei practically begged, his thin voice breaking.

"Never, Love, I'll never leave you," Kurama soothed.

After awhile, Hiei's breathing began to quiet back down. Kurama continued to rock his lover. In his mind, the fox pondered what could make Hiei, one of the strongest and most stubborn demons he knew, cry out like that. Even the mere remembrance of the sounds the hiyoukai had made sent chills down Kurama's spine. The fox looked down to check on his lover.

Hiei seemed to be sleeping peacefully again. Kurama just held the small form in his arms. He was afraid to go back to sleep. If Hiei awoke and needed something, the hiyoukai would have no way to ask for help, and the fox did not ever want to hear him scream again. So, it seemed that the overprotective kitsune had no choice but to stay awake and watch his beloved. The night passed slowly, as Kurama did just that, comforting the small demon each of the numerous times he began to cry out or whimper in his sleep.

When Hiei awoke the next morning, he realized slowly that he was in a soft, warm bed, held protectively in the arms of his lover. As the comforting scent of the kitsune flooded his nostrils, the small demon opened his eyes. Blackness. He saw nothing. He tried to shift, to look around for any source of light, but his body refused to cooperate. He gave a soft sigh in frustration.

"Hiei, Love, are you awake?" came a gentle voice.

"Yes, Fox." Kurama squeezed Hiei very gently, and nuzzled into his neck.

"Are you hungry?" the fox asked softly.

"I don't know," Hiei replied. He hated to admit he was hungry, because it meant Kurama would have to feed him again. He hated being helpless.

"I'll take that as a yes, Love," Kurama said softly. The kitsune disentangled himself from his lover, and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

"Kurama?" Hiei called softly. No answer. "Kurama?" he called again, a bit more loudly. Nothing. "Kurama! Kurama!" he called in near panic, alone in his darkness. Kurama came running into the bedroom.

"Hiei! What is it?" he asked.

"Where are you? Kurama!" the hiyoukai called again fearfully.

"Hiei, I'm here! I just went to the kitchen..."

"No! Don't go! Don't leave me!" Hiei practically cried, a few stray tears falling to the pillow as tear gems.

"Oh, Love, I'm here! I won't leave you," Kurama said, gently pulling Hiei into his arms, and rocking the small form. "I'll never leave you," he murmured. The kitsune wondered why Hiei was being so clingy. The demon had endured pain and torture before. Perplexed, Kurama shifted his thoughts to trying to think of a way to make breakfast, and not leave his insecure lover. Finally he decided to try something.

"Hiei, Love, I'm going to take you into the living room. That way, we can talk while I make us some food, and you'll know where I am. Is that okay?" he asked.

Hiei opened his mouth to reply, but made no sound. Finally he just closed his mouth again. Kurama carefully scooped him up, and took him to the sofa. The fox arranged the paralyzed hiyoukai on the couch, propping him up with pillows, and covering him with a soft blanket. Kurama had noticed that Hiei's usual warmth was gone.

"There. Are you comfortable, Hiei?" he asked, tucking the edge of the blanket under Hiei's legs.

"Yes," the small demon answered in a small voice.

"Hiei, are you able to feel? Physically, I mean. I want to make sure you're comfortable," Kurama said. He was unsure what effect the perception ward had had.

"Yes," Hiei answered, again in a soft, meek voice.

"Love, I want you to talk to me a little. I want to know what is happening to you so I can help you get through this. We will get through it." Kurama said resolutely.

A tear slipped out of Hiei's eye, trailed down his cheek, and fell, landing as a solid sphere in his lap. Kurama's heart nearly melted at this sight. Gently, he raised a hand to wipe Hiei's cheek. "Oh, Love. Please tell me what's going on in there," he said, leaning forward to touch his forehead against Hiei's.

"He said...he said you'd leave me for dead. He said you weren't upset that I was taken, and that you were getting along just fine. I'm a burden to you now, nothing more. I have nothing to offer you. I can only hold you back. I'm a forbidden nothing, and you should end my life and be rid of me," Hiei blurted out.

Taken aback, Kurama grabbed Hiei into a tight hug. "No! Hiei, I love you. I don't care if you stay like this, I will always be by your side. I will never leave you for dead."

"But, Kurama, why? I'm no good to you now." Hiei sniffled. Kurama pulled back and looked at his lover in the face. Hiei's normally impassive face was awash in emotion. Hiei could not see, so he did not base his facial expression on what he saw around himself. His walls were down, shattered by a sadistic freak.

Carefully, Kurama smoothed Hiei's hair back. "Love, why did you stay by my side when I was in the hospital? Why did you sit on the roof and watch over me? Why did you come to me, even when I was in a coma?" he asked slowly.

"I wanted to. Even if you were asleep, I was with you. But that was different," Hiei mumbled.

"How?" Kurama pressed.

"Because that was you. I would do anything for you. This is me now. I'm just not worth it," was the response.

"Hiei, don't you understand? I feel towards you what you feel towards me. I would, I will do anything for you. You are so special to me. Don't let the words of some arrogant, self-important nobody convince you otherwise. I am here, sitting on this sofa, holding you because this is where I want to be. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise. Now, how do you feel?"

With a soft sigh, Hiei answered, "I can feel everything. I just can't move. I can't sense anything. I can hear, but you sound very distant. I can still smell. Obviously, I can't see. I have control of some things. I can move my mouth to speak and breathe. I can open and blink my eyes. Other than that, I can't move."

Kurama mentally filled in some of the blanks. Hiei's circulatory and digestive systems were working properly. He had also retained control of his bodily functions. He could form facial expressions, as well as cry. Satisfied that he at least had some idea what he was dealing with, Kurama returned to the primary dilemma of the morning.

"Love, I need to cook some breakfast for us now. I'm going to set you up here, and I'll keep talking to you while I cook. That way you will know where I am, alright?"

"Okay," a tiny voice answered. Kurama kissed Hiei's forehead, and proceeded to make breakfast, jabbering away the whole time to reassure his lover.

Kurama brought their breakfast into the living room, along with the cordless phone. As he approached, he saw the tight, uncertain look on Hiei's face. The smaller demon was fighting the fear of abandonment that had been sown by Intaro. Kurama set the tray and phone on the coffee table, and reached out to his lover.

"I'm going to lean you forward now, Hiei, and sit behind you," the fox murmured as he gently shifted Hiei's limp form. Kurama was very careful to support Hiei's head and neck, as the hiyoukai was unable to do so himself. Finally, they were settled. Kurama was sitting sideways on the sofa with Hiei in between his legs. Hiei was resting leaning back, turned slightly sideways, supported against Kurama's chest. Kurama reached out and pulled the table closer, and began to feed his beloved.

Hiei accepted the food and the gentle care without a word. He was ashamed and humiliated. Although he was grateful to the fox for taking care of him, he was afraid. He was a burden now, a liability, rather than an asset. Inside, he held the fear that Kurama would tire of playing nursemaid, and just leave the demon to die alone. Although Hiei's heart told him this would never happen, the phobia persisted, plaguing Hiei with doubts he had never before felt.

Intaro had been right; everyone has a breaking point.

When Kurama had finished feeding Hiei, he pushed the plate away. Wrapping his arms around the small form, he just held the hiyoukai close. After a few minutes, he felt something hit his thigh. The small object was followed by several more. Leaning forward, Kurama saw several hiruseki sitting in his lap. He closed his eyes. Whatever that sadistic freak did to his lover was beyond forgiveness, beyond mercy. But for now, he could not pursue revenge. Hiei needed him, in more ways than one. Wiping Hiei's cheeks, he held the still form even closer in silence.

After some time, Kurama drew away from Hiei slightly. "Hiei?"

"Yes, Fox?"

"I need to call Mother, do you mind?" the kitsune asked.

"No," Hiei replied. Kurama reached for the cordless phone.

When the phone rang at the Hatanaka household, Shiori rushed to answer it. She had been almost as concerned for Hiei as Kurama was, and had been calling her son every day to check for news. She knew her son and his friends had traveled into Makai to rescue the fire demon, and she was hoping he would call her soon. She was not disappointed.

"Hello, Mother?" came the soft alto over the telephone.

"Shuuichi! Is there news? Did you find him?" she asked quickly.

"Yes, Mother. We found him. Hiei is right here..." Kurama began.

"I'm coming over!" Shiori practically yelled, and hung up. She had her coat on and was out the door in a few seconds.

Kurama turned off the phone with a sigh. He had expected nothing different. He set the phone down, and addressed his lover. "Hiei?"

"Hmm?"

"She's coming over now."

"No. Kurama, I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"I know, Love. But she has been worried about you. She considers you a son to her, and she wants to see you. Please, Hiei, she cares about you. Humor her. For me?" the fox asked.

"Hn."

"Thank you, Love," Kurama replied, with a gentle kiss to Hiei's forehead.

In about ten minutes there was a knock at the door. "Come in," Kurama called, not moving from his position on the sofa, holding Hiei. He knew it was Shiori.

The door opened and Shiori entered. When she saw the two cuddled up on the couch, a look of relief spread across her face. She had pictured horrible things that may have happened to Hiei, or that they had been too late to save him. Other than the red patches on his exposed wrists, she could see no evidence of mistreatment visible on the youkai. Kurama had not yet had a chance to explain Hiei's condition to her.

"Hiei! I'm so glad you're alright!" Shiori said. She was slightly confused when he did not respond by looking at her, or even moving to acknowledge her presence. Kurama caught her gaze with his eyes, and slowly shook his head, ever so slightly. Shiori paled, knowing something was wrong, but unsure what. She closed the front door, and approached the sofa.

"Have a seat, Mother," Kurama offered, sliding his legs up to give Shiori a place to sit. She sat down slowly, staring at the small form held protectively in her son's arms.

"Hiei?" she repeated, with uncertainty in her voice.

"Hello, Shiori," Hiei replied softly.

Shiori leaned towards him slightly, and noticed the dull, dilated look his eyes had. She raised a hand to her mouth, and looked at her son, who nodded to confirm her observations.

Kurama leaned towards Hiei, "Do you mind if I tell her? She wants to know, and she wants to help. Please accept her," he whispered, so only his friend could hear.

"Alright," Hiei said, not as softly.

Kurama looked up at his confused mother. "We found Hiei the night before last, and brought him back to Genkai's temple to be healed. He was unconscious. Last evening, I brought him back here to wake up, and I got him cleaned up and comfortable. That is why I did not call you until today. As you've noticed, Hiei cannot see." With a sad glance down at his lover, Kurama continued. "He cannot move, either."

Shiori had no idea how to respond. The shock of Hiei's blindness was still fresh, and now to find out that he was paralyzed as well was just overwhelming. "I think you should both come back to the house with me. My husband will understand. We can help take care of..." she began.

"No!" Hiei said in a high, scared voice very unlike his usual deep, commanding tone.

Kurama agreed. "I believe it would be better for us to stay here, Mother, for many reasons." Shiori opened her mouth to protest, but the sad, determined look on her son's face stalled her argument. With a defeated sigh, she nodded.

"Do you want me to stay here? I can help," she offered.

Kurama smiled. "If you would like to stay awhile, you are always welcome, Mother. But I believe you meant 'stay here' as in live here for a while, and that will be unnecessary. Thank you, however." Shiori nodded.

Shiori sat and talked with her son and Hiei for several hours. They discussed trivial matters, like Shuu-kun trying out for the baseball team, Hatanaka hiring three new people, and Shiori's garden wilting since her son no longer tended it. During the course of the conversation, Hiei's breathing became deep and even. Finally, Kurama shook his head to forestall additional conversation.

"Hiei?" he whispered. "Are you awake, Love?"

"Mmmm," was the sleepy response.

"Would you like to lay down?" Kurama murmured.

"Mmhmm. Bed," Hiei grumbled, still mostly asleep.

"Okay, Love." With that, Kurama slid out from behind the demon, and picked him up. The fox carried the unconscious youkai to the bedroom, and tucked him in. "I'll be right in the living room, Love," he whispered, pressing his lips to Hiei's forehead.

"'Kay," the smaller one mumbled, still sleeping. Kurama returned to the living room uncertainly. He did not want to leave his lover alone, but Hiei had told him it would be fine. He also wanted a few minutes to talk to his mother without being overheard.

When he reentered the living room, Shiori fixed him with a Look. "You cannot possibly think that you can handle this on your own, Shuuichi," she said sternly.

"I have to, Mother. You don't understand," Kurama began.

"I don't understand? I think you do not understand. He can't move. He will require twenty-four hour a day care. You need to sleep, and to go to school. As much as you are dedicated now, in a few days, you will need a break. You should both come back to the house. I can help you. I'll take care of him while you're at school, and we can take turns at night," Shiori offered, quite sensibly.

"Mother, I cannot. You can't possibly understand what Hiei has gone through. He is convinced I will abandon him. That...monster set the idea in his head during the torment. If I leave him with another, even with you, he will think I have left, and he will stop trying to live. He is so weak, Mother. If he gives up trying now, then I know he will die," Kurama tried to explain.

Taking a deep breath, the fox continued, "There is also the matter of his pride. He has never asked for help before. Hiei is too proud and too strong. He can't handle being like this. No offense, Mother, and I want you to realize before I say this that you are one of the only two people in all the worlds I would allow to care for him besides myself; you and Yukina, his sister. But you are human. Hiei would never forgive me if I left him helpless in the care of a human. At least, not yet. Let him regain some of his energy. Then I may be able to accept your offer. Until that time, I must take care of this alone."

"Shuuichi, that's ridiculous. People get paralyzed in accidents and from disease, and they are forced to live with the help of strangers bathing them, taking them to the bathroom, feeding them. It's something he will have to accept, the same as anyone else," Shiori persisted.

"Mother, I...he..." Kurama sighed. Shiori was right, at least about humans. It was different with demons, and it was very different with his demon. "Mother, last night Hiei asked me to end his life." Shiori's eyes grew wide, and she gasped. "I cannot let him think that I would even consider abandoning him. He, one of the strongest demons I have ever known, was screaming last night when he thought I had left him alone. I know this will be difficult. I know it will try my patience, and wear me down. I also know that it is temporary. Hiei should be able to regain his strength and move again in time. For now, I must be the one by his side. I appreciate your offer, Mother, but I cannot accept it yet."

When Kurama finished speaking, he was staring at the floor, fighting back his tears. Shiori saw the pain on his face, and gathered him into a hug. "Shuuichi, I'm proud of you for standing by the one you love. Most people would run away from a situation like this. I want you to know that I am here, and if you need anything, I want you to ask me. Even if you just need someone to lean on." Kurama wrapped his arms around his mother, and let himself go. All the fear and anger and pain he had been hiding came out in a sob. Shiori rubbed his back, and just let him cry.

While Kurama and his mother were talking in his living room, Kuwabara sat at the temple with Yukina, chatting quietly. Somehow, over the course of the past few weeks, Yukina had taught him to speak softly, keeping his loud voice under enough control to not scare away the birds. When he spoke this way, he sounded as gentle as his demeanor. This is how they spoke now.

"So, how do you think Shorty is doing?" he asked the ice maiden.

Yukina shook her head. "Hiei was very badly injured, and drained of almost all of his youki. I'm surprised he was alive. I don't think he is doing very well right now, Kazuma. I don't think he'll be well for a long time."

"I didn't get to see him very well when we rescued him, and when we got back to the temple, we all just got shooed out of the room while you healed him. You say he was injured real bad, but what really happened?" the tall boy asked.

"Intaro placed wards on Hiei's body that drained his strength and prohibited him from moving. I think it may be some time before he can move again, and I am pretty sure he will be blinded for a while. Kurama took him back to the apartment to care for him," the ice maiden replied.

"Oh. I can help. I know that the Shrimp and I don't often get along, but he is a teammate, and maybe, just a tiny little bit of a friend, too."

Yukina smiled at this admission. "That's very sweet, Kazuma, but I think you should let Kurama take care of him. They may appreciate a visit later on, though. Would you like to go over there with me this afternoon?"

"Sure. But why would the Fox-boy be better to take care of him? I nursed Eikichi back to health when she was sick. I can help, too," Kuwabara said, with a dour expression and tone.

Yukina looked over at him. The others did not know that Kurama and Hiei were lovers. She had figured out the depth of the demons' feelings for each other from her brother's reaction to Kurama's screams in the dungeon in Makai, when she had learned of his true identity, and she had determined they were lovers from the way Kurama had held him and cared for him when they brought Hiei back from Intaro's lair. She knew her brother would not want anyone but his fox taking care of him. All she said to Kuwabara was, "It's not you; it's a demon thing." The human accepted this explanation with no questions. The two continued feeding the birds, and made some sketchy plans to visit their friends later that day.

By mid afternoon, Kurama had dried his tears, and he and his mother were making lunch and speaking of happier things. Hiei had been sleeping for about forty-five minutes. Kurama was just mixing some ingredients in a bowl when an earsplitting shriek issued forth from the bedroom. Without hesitation, the kitsune threw the bowl onto the table, and ran to his lover's side, closely followed by Shiori.

When they entered the small bedroom, they saw Hiei laying perfectly still, screaming again. Kurama immediately picked up the small demon and held him close, murmuring comforting words, and rocking him gently. After a few minutes Hiei calmed down. Shiori just watched, her stomach sinking.

"Ku...Kurama? Where were you?" Hiei asked meekly.

"I was making lunch, Love. You said you'd be okay here. I never wanted you to think I would leave you. I'm here," Kurama answered. Shiori approached silently, watching the exchange. Her son had been right. She could try, she wanted to help, but she could not take his place in caring for the terrified hiyoukai. Curiously, Shiori picked up one of the stones lying on the bed near Hiei's head. Rolling the perfectly round gem between her fingers, she turned to her son to ask a question, but the look on his face silenced her. With a nod toward the kitchen, she slipped out to finish lunch, leaving the two demons alone together.