Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Deliquesing Pain ❯ His eyes ( One-Shot )

It's odd… it's odd how a simple façade conjured out of habit can hide the deadliest of secrets- old or new. I learned that from myself that day... and the weeks after. I don't know exactly why- or how- I did it... but…

The week was going badly. I had been ordered to go with the rest of the group on another mission, this time to dangerous depths of the Makai. I never really tired of going… it was my job. Still, I was growing weary, and the prospect of any kind of vacation at all as worth dreaming about. However, I had to keep morale high, and I knew the second I started complaining the rest of the group would pitch in.

We were going to a remote location. It was somewhere near a small village of the eastern borders of a great shore. Most of the group was fine, but of course, as I had suspected, Hiei was not. Where we were going was right next to Koorime Island. Not exactly a place he wanted to encounter. He had been acting differently ever since he had found out where we were going. Had it been his choice, he wouldn't have gone at all. However, he had the least choice out of all of us. I suppose he deserved it after what he did. He DID try to kill me once. But he was still different. He HAD changed. Sometimes I wonder if that even matters to Koenma-sama.

We were about five miles from our destination- six miles from Koorime island. Hiei became even more restless than he had been. He was constantly looking over his shoulder- I could see him, even though he was jumping quickly from branch to branch. I never knew what to think of him. If I was going to condemn Koenma for judging on past… Sometimes I wonder if who he acted like was who he really was. Even I'm guilty of subconsciously hiding behind a mask. I did it once, whether because of fancy or because of necessity. I did it a few more times, then just once more, then once more again. It was like a drug- creeping up on you, slowly leading to addiction without you realizing it. I used to wonder if Hiei thought about it this much. He seemed like the kind that would be a deep thinker… not that it mattered. If you cheat in a game of solitaire, no one will care. His thoughts will remain just that- thoughts. Forever…

We were about one mile from our destination, subsequently two miles from the ominous island. We continued walking, but the fire yokai stopped on a particularly high branch. He probably figured he could catch up, which I'm sure he could of... However, he just stayed there. It now occurred to me that the island, high in the clouds, was within sight. The look in his eyes… was it… hatred? Or was it pain? I never could read his emotions. He covered them up very well, to an extent.

"Hiei," I said, barley above a whisper, but of course he heard me.

"What do you want? I'm coming. Hn."

"I only wanted to ask if you were alright… you seem tired." He just looked at me. He looked at me as if I were the island. As if I was the one who threw him from the cliff. It wasn't me! I did nothing! He continued to stare into my eyes, his look of hatred growing. He was far away, but I could FEEL it. He was good at masking his emotions, but he made no effort to do so now. He HATED me. WHY!? I had shown him nothing but kindness! I had helped him… I had given him a second chance. The rest of the group was far ahead now, completely unaware of our absence. It was no surprise. They all had their minds on the fight- as they should. But MY thoughts were not on the battle. I stared at him once more. I then realized- that was the look he always had. He had hated me from the beginning... why was he staring at me now!! Ever since… ever since Yukina had died… he had HATED me. HE blamed it on me, blamed it on me because I wasn't there to save her. The look in his eyes. He wasn't there either. It was as much his fault as it was mine. He was always staring at me with that look. Always me. That look of pure hatred, the kind that can only come from the blackest soul.

Why did she have to die!? Petty fool, blaming this on me. Still his eyes bore into my own, tearing into my soul, ripping my heart and tearing my mind into a thousand pieces. I nearly lost consciousness. The emotion he was letting off- it was smothering me. After he jumped to ground near me, it grew stronger. He walked towards me. He looked at me as if I was nothing- he was almost looking past me! I stared at him, and I was afraid. He pulled out his sword, and suddenly the realization hit me. This could very well be the end of my life. I would, in this state, probably stand little chance against Hiei.

He continued to stare as if I were transparent... hatred, that feeling. What is this in his eyes? How can he hate me so? He can't mask his emotions from me. He nears me, and in a desperate attempt to defend, I counter his lunge with one of my own. I fling my arms forward, and whirl around. There behind me is a large yokai. Huh…was he… it had been BEHIND me the whole time. I turned around very slowly, feeling that I would not be seen if my movements were precise enough. I then saw Hiei, clutching his gut where a sword had been shoved- by me. He looked at me with the same feeling he always had. I had never seen it this close. I was in horror as I looked deeper into his dieing eyes than I ever had, to finally unmask the emotion that had haunted me. Pain. Pain that was almost unmatchable in its dank perfection and severity. It had been pain. Pain and…

My thoughts were interrupted by his final words. The last words he would utter before he crumpled to the ground, his bright flame extinguished. His thoughts still thoughts, and anyone that would mourn him far away. He fell, slowly but surely, and uttered, as he stared at me with a look that I finally recognized for what it was…

"Hun... I… I love you, Botan."

~owari~

Alrighty, lets just pretend that made sense. So basically, Botan kinda lost it.. bad week, ne? Er, hey, I wonder.. I guess you couldn't exactly consider this a HieiBotan… It I was reading "The Tell Tale Heart" before I wrote this (hence the emotional instability.) This is basically a "what would happen if Botan…had some issues. I mean she's the diety of death- you'd have issues, too. R&R.