Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Draw in the Rain ❯ Chapter 4: Lull in the Storm ( Chapter 4 )

CHAPTER 4: Lull in the Storm

Kurama and Youko were worried.

As they stared at the laughing object of their affections, both were consumed with equal degrees of perplexity and anxiety. Neither had ever imagined that the relating of how their realization of their feelings for her, their fixation on her, had developed would result in this particular reaction. It had Youko dancing with a nervous tension and increasing panic on the fringes of Kurama's consciousness.

`Kurama! She's not supposed to be laughing at us! Why is she doing that? You did something to her didn't you? What did you do? Did you break her?'

`No, I did not,' he responded in disgust. `She's not broken - and I didn't do anything!'

`Then why is she laughing?! Why? Is this a normal reaction for a human to have?'

`Well…no…I don't think so.'

`Then why? Why is-?' He broke of, suddenly horrified. `You! This is your fault!'

`Eh? What are you babbling about now?'

`You made her not love us anymore!'

Kurama winced at the wailing accusation, the volume of it resounding in his mind almost enough to give him a headache.

`I can't believe this! I should have known better than to leave the romancing of our lover to a wanna-be kitsune human! Now you've ruined everything and now she hates us!'

`Calm down! Nothing's ruined yet.' At least, he certainly hoped not. `And she doesn't hate us.'

`Then why is she laughing now that she knows how we feel?!'

`I…don't know.'

The resulting anguished howl in his mind made Kurama flinch. If he didn't die of heartbreak, he knew it was only a matter of time before his life was cut short by the implosion within his own mind unless he did something drastic to appease the kitsune spirit and reassure him that they were not going to lose their lover.

`Settle down!' Kurama pleaded almost desperately. `I'll fix it, I swear.'

`I don't believe you!'

`We're in the same boat -"

`What boat? This is body we're in, not a boat!'

`It's just an express-`

`Who the hell cares?! And why are you still talking to me?! Instead of having such an asinine conversation, you should focus on her! She's much more important than anything you have to say - so hurry up and do something to make her love us again! Or better yet, I'll-'

`Settle down and shut up,' Kurama barked sharply, losing his temper at the panicking kitsune. `Or I really will lock you away and put up a mental barrier so thick you'll have to wait until the end of my lifetime to get free and talk to her yourself again.'

Shocked by his normally more even-tempered half's words, Youko fell into stunned silence.

`Now you listen to me,' Kurama said in a calmer voice. `You, more than anyone else, knows what matters to me the most in this world. So you should also know that losing her isn't something I have any desire for either.'

Youko absorbed the words, quiet and intent.

`I'll do whatever it takes to keep her with us, I promise. You can feel whatever it is that I feel - you know that what I say is the truth. So let me handle this and make things right. Okay?'

`You had better.' Youko scowled. `Or else we'll find out just how difficult it is to kill you while our souls share this body.'

Kurama barely, just barely, restrained himself from the luxury of rolling his eyes. If he hadn't wanted this so badly, he would have walked away without another glance just to spite the demanding kitsune spirit whose ruffled fur was only slightly appeased. But Kurama did want this, her, so he stayed put, frowning at her laughing form and wondering at the cause for her merriment at his declaration.

She didn't really hate them did she?

Before the wayward thought could depress him too much, he ventured hesitantly, "Keiko?"

"Ah," she held out a placating hand, still chuckling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to laugh so much. I hope I didn't offend you."

Kurama was silent.

It sobered her, made her stop laughing though humor still glinted in her eyes. "I did offend you, didn't I?"

"Laughter," he told her quietly, "is not what we anticipated after opening our cherished memories to you."

"Oh." She winced. "I'll admit that I could have handled that a little bit better."

Kurama remained silent.

"Okay, a lot better." She gave an exasperated shake of her head. "I guess I've still got a few things to learn about starting relationships too. But…I do want you to know that I wasn't laughing at you, either of you. So I apologize if I hurt your feelings. It's just that, looking back, everything seems such a mess and the thing that I was really laughing at was our entire situation." She sighed wistfully. "So much wasted time."

"What do you mean?"

"Idiot," she said affectionately.

`Idiot?' Kurama and Youko inwardly echoed, bemused.

"Well," she commented in amusement at his expression. "Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't realize a few things."

He stared at her in confusion.

"Looks like I'm going to have to spell it out for you a bit." A smile trembled on her lips. "Just what - or who - exactly do you think I was thinking of all those times when I was out in there in the rain?"

He blinked. Then his eyes widened in dawning realization that left him bereft of speech.

Within, Youko was just as stunned.

"Didn't expect that, eh?"

Speechless silence continued.

She shrugged, released a deep breath. "Whew! You know, it feels pretty good to finally get that off of my chest. I hadn't realized."

"Did…did you really mean it?" Kurama finally asked hesitantly once he regained use of his voice, hardly daring to believe yet hopeful nonetheless. "You thought of me? Of us? Are you sure?"

"Yes." Her lips curved. "I'm eighteen years old, considered an adult by society's legal standards. I'm pretty sure I know my own mind by now."

"But…how? When?"

"For a while, I suspect. Possibly just as long as you've held such feelings for me." Her smile held a touch of sadness. "There was more than one reason for the break up between Yusuke and I, you know."

He looked at her, shocked.

"It's nothing you did directly," she reassured him, "so don't worry about it, don't feel guilty over what happened. Things had always been rocky between Yusuke and I from the beginning, after all. But when I began to realize that my feelings were branching out towards someone else…well, it was wrong to continue being with him. Yusuke deserved better than a girlfriend who was thinking about another guy. So we parted."

Amazed at her revelations, he could only listen silently as she spoke.

"I think, perhaps, Yusuke might have actually suspected there was someone else on my mind…but I don't believe he realized just who it was. Doesn't matter, really, because the result was still the same and we broke up. And despite whatever reason was behind us separating, it still hurt to let go of him because he was more than just a boyfriend - he was also one of the most important friends in my life." She shook her head. "But forcing ourselves to stay together…it would have made the both of us even unhappier than we already were. And now, we've gone back to being just friends again and we're happy that way. That's why I told you earlier that everything worked out for the best."

"All this time…" Kurama trailed off, still feeling dazed as he processed everything.

"Yeah." She rubbed the back of her neck self-consciously, cheeks pink. "It's…been a while."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Why didn't you?" she countered.

He frowned. "I couldn't. At least, not when you were with Yusuke. It would have been wrong to trespass on the relationship involving a co-worker and a friend and, despite the opinion towards a certain kitsune thief that some may have, I do have some morals that I adhere to."

`Meaning I don't?'

`Not now, Youko.'

`Ah, well. Doesn't matter. It's true. Compared to me you're much too prissy.'

"And after?" Keiko questioned and, unbeknownst to her, diverted Kurama from trying to respond to the kitsune spirit.

"And after…after, I didn't want to catch you on the rebound. So I said nothing and waited for the right time to approach you to arrive."

"Which is why you waited such a long, long time."

"Don't take that tone with me. What about you? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Are you kidding?" She gave him a look filled with disbelief. "Have myself lumped together with the legion of other obsessive worshipping admirers of the extensive Minamino Shuuichi fan club? No thanks."

"I wouldn't have thought that about you."

"And how was I supposed to know? Maybe I would have said something if I'd had an inkling of what you felt but…you never gave me a clue. To me, you treated me first as Yusuke's girlfriend, and then as just a friend. And…actually, I got the impression that you didn't like me very much. "

"What?"

`What?' Youko echoed. `Where'd she get a crazy idea like that?'

"Well, we hardly ever really interacted unless there was some sort of danger involved. You almost never spoke to me unless someone else was around. And you always seemed to be keeping your distance, as if you were trying to avoid me. Those were hardly things that made me think you might be receptive to my feelings."

`Damnit, Kurama! I told you that you were going about things all wrong! But did you listen? Nooooooo.'

`Leave me alone. I'm busy.'

`Busy screwing up our lives!'

`Youko…' Kurama said warningly. `Do you want to be locked away?'

`Fine, fine. Just don't botch this up too!'

Kurama refocused his attention on her. "I'm sorry. I had never meant to give you the impression that I was…averse to you. Especially when such a thing couldn't be farther from the truth."

"I know that now. But…did you have to be so aloof? Acting as if you couldn't be in the same room as me wasn't very flattering."

"Ah, that." A smile tipped his lips. "Well, there were times when that was partially true - I really couldn't be in the same room with you."

She started to scowl.

"But," he continued smoothly, "that was because I was afraid of what I might do if I were."

She gave him a startled look.

"Oh, yes," he said immediately in response. "It's true. With Youko constantly pressuring me to steal you away to someplace more secluded where he could have his way with you, combined with my own urges that really weren't so very different at heart…there were moments when I didn't think I'd be able to control what I might do around you. So…I kept my distance, watching and waiting."

"Oh…well." Her words were a tad breathy. "I suppose I can forgive you then."

"Good to know." He inclined his head, eyes serious. "Now, I have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"I want it said clearly so there are no misunderstandings between us." He drew in a breath, trying to quell his nervousness. "You spoke of your love to Youko but…well…"

"You want to know if I feel the same about you?"

He tensed. "Yes."

"You have nothing to worry about."

He didn't relax. "I need to hear the words, Keiko."

"I was afraid you'd say that." She gave a strained laugh. "It's not easy, you know."

"You confessed to Youko easily enough." His words were more sour than he'd intended, the idea jolting him with a pang of something that felt suspiciously like -

Jealousy.

Inside, Youko preened.

"Ah, that." Keiko shifted uncomfortably. "Well, that's a bit…different. There's just something about him that's more open and direct…it makes it easier somehow to say words like that to him than to you."

"So I'm closed and indirect," Kurama said darkly, "and harder to love?"

"Oh, boy." She grimaced. "I'm really not doing very well at this, am I?"

He inclined his head, waiting.

"Okay, okay. Let me try again." She tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous gesture. "You and I, for the most part, we're both products of Japanese human society, correct?"

He nodded.

"We were raised to behave a certain way. Japanese reserve, I believe, is what some people call it. It's a quality that most people of the older generation have but, for those of us who strive so hard to please the parents we love so much and make them proud," she cast him an expression of shared understanding, "I think that we sort of absorb those qualities into our own personalities, sometimes without even realizing it."

"So I'm reserved, am I?"

"Do you deny it?"

He shook his head.

"You shouldn't be bothered by it. I think, perhaps, that the natural reserve that you may have unconsciously adopted from your parent, as well as the environment you grew up in, was also aggravated by the secret of your shared personalities. Most people, after all, don't react well to the unusual so you probably kept yourself on guard out of instinct if nothing else, distancing yourself from others to lessen the chance that they might find out about it. Given the circumstances, something like that is only to be expected."

"And my reserve…puts you off?" he asked quietly.

"Ah, now. I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth," she chided gently. "As for you being reserved…truthfully, I am too, at least in certain matters. And that's what makes this harder. When you have two reserved people and put them together…letting go of reservations becomes even more difficult, especially in the light of day." A rueful smile touched her lips. "Some things are easier to deal with in the dark."

Silently, he agreed.

"Youko…the words were easier to say to him because he's more…free with his emotions, less hindered by the social rules of conduct that we've grown up with and been taught to conform to." She gave a small laugh. "I guess having existed for several centuries has worn away most of his worries about adhering to certain social rules of interaction."

"No argument there."

`I am not insulted,' Youko interjected in a miffed tone. `Some of your human rules are unbearably silly and I am beyond such ridiculousness.'

Kurama ignored him, too intent on Keiko to be distracted.

"So," Keiko started hesitantly, "is what I'm saying making any sense?"

It did, unfortunately. Kurama gave a small nod, not feeling particularly happy with her revelation. "Because of the different characteristics we have, you feel more at ease with confessing emotions to Youko because he draws them more easily out into the open than I'm able to."

"Why are you deliberately twisting things to make yourself look worse?" she asked in exasperation. Frustrated and not knowing what else to do, she reached up, framing his face within her hands and directing him to focus on her gaze which was swirling with emotion. "Now, you listen to me. The two of you, for all that you share the same body and some similarities, you're still two very separate personalities. How that works exactly is still a mystery to me, but that doesn't make it any less true. And because of that, the differences between you, of course I react differently with him than I do with you. But that doesn't make either one better or worse than the other. Or that I feel for one any more or less than the other."

From the look on his face, it was obvious he didn't quite believe her.

An eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Are you being purposefully obtuse just to irritate me? I'm finding it extremely hard to believe that the Minamino Shuuichi fabled for his intelligence in a dozen school districts in the city and probably beyond is finding it so hard to grasp the concept that the feelings I have for you are just as great as the ones I hold for your other half. In short, you dummy," she huffed, "I love you, too."

His breath whooshed out in a rush. It was unbelievable how relieved he felt at her words for all that they weren't quite spoken in the loving tone he would have liked to have had with such a concession.

Still, the only thing that mattered was that she'd told him she loved him.

"It's incredible," she was grumbling, "that being who you are, you still seem to have such a self-confidence prob-"

Her words were abruptly cut off when he kissed her. Caught by surprise, she gasped, only to have him take immediate advantage by delving in a tongue to sweep across the moist cavern of her mouth while his arms crushed her close as he poured everything he was into that kiss. His love, his excitement, his soaring emotions - he gathered them up and showered her with them in an intense maelstrom that had her knees going weak as she sagged against him and he took the brunt of her weight, the strength of him holding them both upright.

Then he drew back, leaving her dazed and glassy-eyed with cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink. It made his heart swell with feeling to know that he, and no one else, was the one that had put that expression on her face.

`I'm so proud,' Youko remarked as he savored her taste on their lips. `And to think…some people were beginning to think you were gay.'

Kurama restrained a scowl. `Now is not the time.'

`What? Can you blame them with the way you-'

`Youko…stop distracting me. Unless you want us to lose her at this critical stage.'

Youko huffed but, nevertheless, fell silent, watching.

`Thank you.'

Kurama turned his full attention to the young woman in his arms, a small smile creeping over his lips as he regarded her warmly, pleasure at her reaction instilling him with a sort of pride he'd never felt before. It was the first time without Youko's influence that he'd put a look like that on a woman's face - well, deliberately anyway.

"Well…" Keiko blinked dazed eyes. "Wow."

"I see what you meant about wasted time," he said softly, finger stroking through the wetness of her hair. "When I think about how things might have been different between us before now…"

"Don't think about it," she responded once his regretful words registered in her mind. "That's in the past and no good will come from constantly dwelling on it."

"Well, then." He bent down to nuzzle the curve of her cheek. "You'll just have to give me something else to dwell on then, won't you?"

She made a sound of amused disbelief. "You're a lot more playful than I thought you were. Both you and Youko."

"Before we were holding back, afraid to scare you by revealing our feelings for you too quickly." He breathed in her rain-washed scent. "But we have no need of that now." He drew away enough to gaze at her a bit uncertainly. "Do we?"

"No." She gave him a crooked smile. "I want you, the both of you, to be yourselves. At least, as much as you can without getting into too much trouble," she hastily amended when she thought of the mischievous kitsune counterpart. "I don't want you to feel you have to hide your feelings or hold back on your actions when it comes to me. Because…I think I sense it, and it bothers me."

His green eyes reflected puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

"You said you kept your distance from me because you weren't sure how you'd react around me, right?"

"I believe I actually said that I wasn't sure if I could control myself around you."

"Ah, right." She cleared her throat, blushing. "Well, anyway, I often had the impression that there was more beneath that calm and cool façade that I always seemed to see you with. And I can't tell you how many times it drove me crazy when I felt that there was more than on the surface but I just could never pinpoint what exactly it was. It was like one of those elusive thoughts that you try to remember but can never quite seem to grasp before it vanishes from memory before you even manage to catch it. Every time I saw you, I always felt as if there was something I was missing but couldn't figure out what it was." She frowned at him. "It was very irritating."

`She felt us,' Youko purred, pleased. `Even when we hid the truth of our nature, she still felt us. That means we were connected, even back then.'

`So it seems.'

Kurama's own pleasure glittered in his gaze as he traced the downward curve of her soft lips. "It's only proper to apologize after being the cause of such distress. Perhaps I can make it up to you…somehow?"

She rolled her eyes at his suggestive tone. "You really can't think of anything else, can you?"

He gave an embarrassed shrug, which might have been more effective if not for the slight smirk that curled his lips. "When a man has a goddess at hand, he has a right to be a little moonstruck."

"Oh, please. If you keep up with these cheesy lines, I'm going to have to reevaluate the merits of becoming an official couple. They're sweet and everything but…a girl's got to have some standards, after all."

Inside, Youko chuckled then abruptly stopped. `She wouldn't really do that would she?'

`Where'd all your self-confidence go?' Kurama chided. `Keiko's not like that. Of course she wouldn't…I don't think.'

"Of course I wouldn't," Keiko responded to the expression on Kurama's features. "Honestly, I just told you how I felt and you're already doubting me?"

"You were a bit angry when you said it," Kurama reminded her. "A lot of things can be said in that mood which you don't really mean."

"And you're going to get me in that mood again if you don't quit being so doubting," she huffed. "What is it going to take for you to get it through that stubborn skull of yours that I'm not just going to up and suddenly change my mind?"

"I - no, we - know better, truly we do." He drew her into another loose embrace, pleased when she let him without any fuss. "But it's the nature of most beings to dwell on the negative and for too long there has always been a lingering fear that perhaps you would never return our feelings. We're ecstatic that you have but…we're still afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that you'll slip away." He drew his arms tighter around her, taking comfort in the contact. "Afraid that this will vanish, that it's just another dream that will disappear after waking, that you'll realize you can do better than us and leave us, that you'll find us too much trouble to handle and move on to someone else less difficult to deal with, that-"

`Kurama! What the hell are you doing?!'

Kurama blinked, startled out of his diatribe.

`You idiot! You're supposed to convince her to keep us - not point out the merits of being without us!'

With a wince, Kurama realized that's exactly what he'd been doing. `I didn't mean to…'

`Who cares about that? What matters is that you did! Now fix it!'

A sudden constriction about his waist distracted him from whatever reply he might have made in response. There was another tightening then a loosening as Keiko released her grip on him and drew back enough from their embrace to look him in the eye. What expression she saw on his face, he wasn't sure, but what he saw on hers…

`Would it be unmanly to melt?' Kurama wondered.

Youko merely sighed in contentment. `I want to see more of that face.'

In that, the two were in complete agreement.

"It's something," she told him solemnly, "that's going to take me a little time to get used to. I never really thought that I'd actually get a chance to tell you how I feel and the newness of it all is bound to give me moments of discomfort. But, despite how uncomfortable it makes me at times, I want you to know without any doubt that," she smiled at him softly, "I do love you, too."

He released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding.

"Now, what about you?"

"What about me?" he asked, startled. "I already told you that I-"

"No, not that," she broke in gently. "I remember. It's not something I'm likely to ever forget either. The both of you can be so intense that it's almost scary at times, but that's okay. It doesn't really bother me."

"Then…what did you mean?"

She sighed, looking off into the distance as her mind struggled to give voice to her concerns, ones that seemed to have formed since she'd first met him but never had to explain until now. Slowly, the words took shape, falling from her lips in a soft whisper of sound that flowed around them before being doused by the pouring rain.

"This world…the human world…it has certain standards, the written and the unwritten, that shape the way people live. You've grown up in it and have been influenced to some extent by it as well for all that part of you might cling to old values held long before this point in time."

He didn't understand. "What are you trying to ask?"

"It's…what I'm trying to ask is…well…." She struggled, made a frustrated noise. "Do you…do you think less of me?"

His features were perplexed. "Why would I think anything like that?"

"Because…you and Youko…you're not the same." Her brow crinkled as she concentrated to find the right words. "Like I said before - there are certain characteristics that are similar, and you may both share the same body, but you're still two different personalities, different men."

"And so…?"

She gave him a speaking look. "What does our society think about someone who's in love with two different men at the same time?"

"Ah." He was suddenly inexplicably amused and could feel the same sentiment flowing from Youko within. "You're worried that I - we - may think less of you because you love the both of us?"

She inclined her head, eyes intent upon him.

Kurama laughed, a light sound, low and warm. And Youko, who she could not see, lay just beneath the surface and mirrored the gesture, laughing as well with a heart full of loving humor.

`Isn't she adorable, Kurama?' Youko asked affectionately. `Worrying about such silly things…it's so cute!'

`Yes,' he agreed. `She is.'

`Now who's the one laughing at inappropriate moments?" Arms crossed, Keiko glared at him, lips pursed in a pout. "It really doesn't bode well for our future."

"I'm sorry," he apologized immediately with a smile. "But the idea that I-"

`Hey! Don't forget about me!'

"-that we," Kurama amended, "would ever think such a thing about you is impossible." He took her hand in his. "Indeed, it would be more troublesome if you did not hold the same feelings for the both of us as we cannot be separated. And the fact that you know our secret, can accept both of us, love us each for who we are - that is very special and precious to us."

"Yes, but…." Indecision gripped her. "Even so…."

"We are not bothered by this."

Her expression was still troubled.

"But, perhaps," his gaze was understanding, "the one most bothered by this is you yourself?"

"Maybe." Her smile was self-depreciating. "Most likely. After all, my parents raised me to be a good girl, a good person who didn't get in trouble or get sidetracked easily by vices. For the most part, I did pretty well at living the way I was raised to be aside from a few odd moments here or there, and I always believed that I had fairly decent morals. But when I always thought that there was only one person I should love, that I should devote myself to…." Her eyes cast downward, her words barely a soft whisper. "What does…this…say about the kind of person I am?"

`Hold her, Kurama,' Youko ordered, touched by her emotions. `Comfort her.'

Kurama didn't need to be told twice.

His arms were already reaching for her, enfolding her in a protective embrace even before the kitsune spirit had spoken. He drew her to him, the warmth of her frame pressing against his as he offered her the support of his presence in the face of her self-doubt. He held her close, swaying slightly back and forth in a lulling rocking motion as he tucked her head beneath his chin while his rested lightly on the wetness of her hair as the rain continued to fall around them. And only when he felt the tenseness of her body begin to relax did he speak.

"You're a wonderful person," Kurama said quietly. "A wonderful person who has a heart loving enough to accept us when other humans would run screaming for their lives were they to discover that the youkai that exist only in their fantasies are, in fact, a reality. You know the truth and yet you accept us, treat us like you would any other, love us like you would a normal person. To us, that's a very rare and special gift. And I'm sure you know that Youko, in his lifetime of thievery, has had extensive experiences with valuable treasures so he would know just how special it is."

She smiled, silent, listening.

"We know that you're a pure soul - not given to deception, loyal to those you care about, and possessing many respectable moral values that you hold yourself strongly to. You're an upstanding citizen who does the best you can in adhering to the laws and values set by human society. But…you're also and intelligent person with a mind of your own and I'm sure you realize that those laws and values are sometimes flawed, yes?"

She gave a slow nod, her cheek rubbing against the damp cloth covering his collarbone with the movement.

"I've seen you bend those values in certain situations without hesitation, following whatever internal voice it is inside that guides you. And during those times, I've always seen your actions as worthy though an ordinary person who was to witness the same might not. But, in all actuality, the opinion of others doesn't matter nearly as much as your own. And so I ask you - do you ever regret those times, the course of action you chose?"

She took a moment to mull it over. But, in the end, she shook her head.

"I didn't think so," he murmured, tone pleased. "The rules of society are good guidelines to follow and keep a fair amount of order in the way of things, but they only work up to a point. And I've observed you enough to know that you have a firm grasp on where exactly that point is and when you can go beyond it and how far you can step from it before tumbling completely over the edge."

He nuzzled her hair, breathed in her scent, taking comfort in it. And she, feeling his actions, took comfort as well while his heartfelt words flowed around her in gentle eddies.

"Our situation is unique, and I know that it tests the boundaries of those values of yours until they're straining at their limits. And I apologize for the conflict that we're causing you now and for the difficulties that will, no doubt, lie ahead of us. But…we've learned that the most worthwhile things in life don't come without some effort and this is too important to us to let go of so easily. We're serious about this, and I can promise you that we'll do whatever we can to make it work."

He drew back again to look her in the eye, his gaze straightforward and reflecting such a sincere honesty that it nearly had her feeling ashamed at her wavering indecision.

"I won't lie to you and say that there will never be problems that arise between us. All relationships have them at one time or another and the…uniqueness of our particular case is sure to bring us our fair share. Be we are willing to try, nonetheless." His gaze was gentle, but demanding. "Are you?"

She held his gaze, feeling the weight of the moment resting on her shoulders like a heavy cloak. Finally, she closed her eyes and sighed, "Yes. Yes, I am."

Relief resounded through him from outside to in, pooling from both of his souls. "Good." He chuckled. "I really can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am to hear that."

"I'm sorry I worried you."

"Think nothing of it," he responded easily to her contrite words. "Just as long as you're feeling more settled about this." He hesitated. "You are okay with this now, aren't you?"

"For the most part. I mean, doubts don't just vanish into thin air by waving a magic wand. They take time to fade away." She gave him an arch look. "Just like the doubts you have about me suddenly deciding to wash my hands of the both of you."

"Heheh…yeah, I guess that's something similar…"

Humor sparkled in her eyes at his faint embarrassment. "Yes, it is." Her expression turned more serious. "I do want to be with you, both of you. It's just that…I wish this little voice in the back of my head would stop telling me that it's so wrong."

"Ah, but that's just your head talking." He stroked it, fingers threading through wet strands of earth toned hair. "When it comes to relationships, it's the mind that often causes people to second-guess themselves, doubt what they should do, worrying too much about the proper way to go about things until it all becomes a hopeless muddle." He smiled at her. "Believe me, I know from recent personal experience."

She gave a small laugh. "You're not the only one."

"And so…what about you're feelings?"

"What about them?"

"You said your head tells you it's wrong. But what about your feelings, your heart? What do they say?"

"They say…" She sighed. "They say it's right. They're perfectly at home with idea of being with the two of you, especially since you both seem to be in agreement about me. But the fact that my heart is completely at ease with loving two different people is why my head keeps telling me `No, this is bad - it should only be one.' And if it's more than one, then can it really be called love? When I think about it, having feelings for two seems like I'm straying from the other, like I might not have what it takes to be…faithful."

`That's ridiculous,' Youko scoffed. `Tell her, Kurama!'

He did. "You're one of the most faithful and trustworthy people that I know, Keiko."

"Tell that to Yusuke."

"That's different. Did he ever accuse you of cheating on him?"

"Well…no. But I'm sure he suspected that I had feelings for someone else."

"Feelings you never acted upon," Kurama reminded her. "If you had, that would have been cheating. Feelings aren't something you can always control, and actually choosing the one you fall in love with is even more impossible - it's something that happens on its own. It's admirable that you stayed with Yusuke and did your best to make the relationship between you work, even if you didn't feel for him the way you should. And the fact that you did should prove just how faithful you are. To stay with someone, remaining true to them, trying to maintain a failing relationship even as feelings change - if that's not faithful, then I don't know what is."

"I think you're making me sound better than I actually am."

"No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth the way I see it. And what I see is a woman who remained loyal to the person she was involved with and, when the relationship she did her best to maintain started to fail, she made the right decision to break it off so both could move on to something better that would bring them the happiness they each have every right to seek."

She was pensive, still not completely convinced.

Seeing it, he started to get exasperated. "When you were with Yusuke, and even when he was gone on his long absences, did you ever flirt with another guy or go out with him?"

"Of course not! I'd never-!"

"That's right. You'd never do that to anyone you happened to be involved with because you see a relationship as a promise, and I know how hard you try to keep your promises. Despite whatever doubts you may have, you're not the type to stray."

"Well, I certainly hope not. But-"

"No. No `but's. Loving two people doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that your heart is big enough to allow for it." He gaze turned intense, seeking an honest answer. "And no matter what concerns you may have, do you really think that you would ever stray from a relationship with us?"

Even the idea of it boggled her mind. "How could I? I can't even imagine being with anyone else. The only thing I can think of is you." Her tone wasn't completely happy. "The two of you always seem to be on my mind, even when I try hard not to think of you."

Kurama and Youko were quite pleased with that particular admission.

"That's how we feel," Kurama commented.

"Annoying, isn't it?"

"Well, it does have its moments." He studied her. "Better now?"

"A little, yes. Though I still feel a bit guilty."

He tensed. "Why?"

"Because…well, it's silly but I have this niggling feeling that there's something wrong with me for not feeling guilty about this."

He grasped onto the thought like a lifeline. "So you don't feel guilty?"

"No, I don't. Not really. Not about us. I feel guilty for not feeling guiltier about it though, if that makes any sense. It's all still…kind of confusing and I don't think I have it completely straight in my own head yet."

She looked so adorably forlorn he couldn't help himself from cuddling her closer. "Well…I'm sure that we will figure it one of these days."

"`We,' huh?" she asked, amused.

"That's right. Unless…you want to do it alone?"

"Uh-uh. That's a negative." She laughed. "As much trouble as the two of you have caused me, life is definitely a lot more fun to deal with when I'm with you than without." She twined her arms around him as her eyes sparkled up at him. "I'm afraid you've got me for as long as you care to keep me. If that's okay with you?"

`YES!!!' was Youko's triumphant cry. `Yes, yes, YES!!!'

Kurama's response was more restrained though he was feeling no less ecstatic. "You don't even have to ask," he told her with a smile. "We're more than willing to keep you."

"You'd better." She winked playfully. "You don't want to see me mad."

Heart light, he adored her with his eyes, loving the ease she was displaying with him, with their relationship. Emotions washed over him, flooding through him and spilling over, the overflow from two happy souls housed in one body that sought an outlet to express the joy filling them by -

"May…I kiss you?"

The question was hesitant, unexpectedly sweet and shy. Her startled gaze blinked up at him as a becoming blush flourished across the pale skin of her pretty features. Actually being asked for a kiss…it was different approach that had a bashfulness of her own blooming within her as her pulse stuttered with a nervous excitement. But despite the odd tension stealing through her, her answer came easily.

"Yes," she whispered shyly.

His emerald eyes lit up with a sort of surprised boyish glee that had her insides trembling pleasantly like a bowl full of jello. Anticipation curled within them as they shifted closer together. They moved slowly towards each other, as if drawing out and savoring the moment to its fullest until -

SQUISH!

She made a face, stomach lurching. "I think I just stepped on a piece of intestine."

`Damnit, Kurama! We were just getting to the good part. Couldn't you have picked somewhere more romantic?'

`Hey! Don't blame me. I wasn't the one that created this mess in the first place!'

"Like I said before," Keiko was sighing, drawing their attention, "you're very distracting. I can't believe I forgot where we were again!" She wrinkled her nose. "I don't suppose we could erase this from our memories and do this all over again at a newer - and less bloody - location?"

"I can't help with the forgetting," Kurama chuckled, "but I think the new location can be done."

"Better than nothing."

She shifted, felt the undeniably soft squishiness beneath her feet that was still firmer than mud and absolutely refused to look down. She already had enough horrific images courtesy of the day's events to last her for quite a while and she saw no need to add to her reluctant collection any more than necessary. And so she kept her gaze fixated on the collar of Kurama's shirt, trying to forget about what it was she had stepped in and where exactly it had come from.

"Can we leave?" she pleaded. "Now?"

"Alright," he said soothingly as he grasped one of her hands. "Just follow me. We'll be far away from here in no time."

"Oh, now. I don't know about that," came a new voice.

`Now what?' an exasperated Youko and Kurama thought as their senses went on alert trying to detect the location of this newest threat.

As before, the situation bringing about a strong sense of déjà vu, one by one forms spilled out from the forest until they formed a ring around the figures that had fallen into their trap. Only this time, there were twice as many enemies in number as Keiko and her companion found themselves surrounded once more with no open exit in sight. And also, as before, it was one that seemed to be designated spokesperson of the group that clearly proclaimed their goal.

It wasn't reassuring.

"You're not going anywhere," was the sharp command. "At least, not until we kill you first."