Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Endless Waltz Series ❯ Endless Waltz Series: Blade One ( Chapter 1 )

Yo! I got so many reviews for Concrete Angel, that I thought I’d try my hand at a different YYH one-shot/songfic. I hope you like this one. This one deals basically with Kurama by himself and the thoughts in his head. Suicidal and angsty. And please do not kill me for the ending. I feel very dark right now.   Tourniquet   I tried to kill the pain,
But only brought more.
(So much more)
I'm dying,
And I'm pouring, crimson regret, and betrayal.

A lock of hair fiddled between long, nimble fingers. Blood red hair, the color of freshly spilled crimson life. Emerald green eyes filled with sorrow gazed mournfully at the locks that covered his head. He gazed at the mirror, revolted by what he saw. A pretty boy…a momma’s boy…a murderer. So much blood has been spilled on my account…Yusuke…Hiei…Kuwabara…they’ve all shed blood and tears on my account. A vision of Yusuke’s crying face when he thought Kurama was going to die in battle swept through his head, and brought a sharp pang to his heart. I can’t live like this much longer! A new voice entered the conversation, one he knew well…Youko… But did you forget? It’s not about you, Shuiichii. You know that you are merely me. A human me that I have been using as a puppet for the past decades. Tears swelled in Kurama’s eyes.   I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved ?
Am I too lost ?

No! No! You’re lying! I am not being used by you! You don’t control me! You damned kaito! You are not my master! Unimaginable pain wracked Kurama’s head, and spread throughout every limb of his body. This was what Youko did when Kurama didn’t agree with him. On anything. He was a dictator. And a thief. He took any means to get what he wanted. Do you not like this, Shuiichii? Do you want me to stop? Tell me what I want to hear and I’ll stop this pain. I’ll stop it.   My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.

I’ll stop it…I’ll stop it… The words rang in Kurama’s head, echoing each other, bouncing off the walls of his brain. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. Youko didn’t rule him. Kurama was his own person. Nobody controlled him.  
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long.
Will you be on the other side?
Or will you forget me?

Tears poured down Kurama’s porcelain face, staring at his reflection when his features twisted in disgust. ::Shatter:: Blood dribbled from Kurama’s knuckles, glass shards wedged into his hand. Spider web cracks covered the mirror, obscuring Kurama’s vision of himself. Shards fell down into the sink, blood dripping and covering some. Kurama pulled back his fist, allowing more glass to fall with gentle sounds that should have soothed him…but didn’t. He inspected his knuckles, curiosity on his face as he saw the blood trickle in rivers down his wrist when he clenched his fist. This is life? Crimson blood is life? Why? Why must life be so beautiful? When I am so… A cruel laugh entered his head, via his demon side. Oh, poor sweet Shuiichii. Are you confused? You know that once you reach seventeen that I’ll take over your body and return to Makai. You know it. And I know it. I’m waiting. You’ll be seventeen at midnight. So, be ready my beautiful ningen counterpart. You are about to never exist.
I'm dying,
Praying,
Bleeding,
Screaming.

Kurama’ s eyes widened…he had forgotten. There is…no way…I am going to let you take over my body and do as you please. Kurama opened the mirror, a look of determination and sorrow set on his face. I would rather die. Inside lay a butterfly knife, covered in its beautiful switch covering. Slender, pale fingers gripped the weapon, and skillfully flipped it open with the ease of a trained assassin. An assassin. Isn’t that what Koenma’s been using me as? Killing those who get in his way and calling it a threat to the Living World? He’s been lying to us. I know he has. I just don’t know why I’ve never seen it before. Slowly, Kurama put down the knife on the counter of the sink, and carefully started to unbutton the sleeve of his school uniform. This hideous pink color that made him want to wretch. This will finally be over. One small moment, and it will all be over, and Youko will be gone forever. I’ll be free. Tears flowed down the porcelain of Kurama’s face, and his face set. He picked up the butterfly knife with care and a firm grip, and gently set the blade against his skin. Against the large vein in his wrist.   Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.

The blade sank into his skin, and he grimaced. It hurt like hell…but it didn’t matter. This pain was nothing compared to the pain he had been forced to endure these past eighteen years of his life. The blade sank in deeper, and dark red, thick liquid swelled around the blade, coating the delicate metal with crimson. Kurama remained precise, like in everything he had always done, moving deliberately and without mistake. Without faltering. Kurama pulled the blade farther up his arm, the blood dripping in the thick, dark line that now covered the middle of his arm. He felt a scream of pain rising in his throat, rising from deep inside his heart. But he quelled it, made it stay down. He had never truly screamed in pain before, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start now. Not when he was about to die.   (Return to me salvation)
(I want to DIE!)

Kurama bit his lip, keeping the whimpers of pain silent, even though there was no one in the house. I’m sorry, mother, father, little brother. If I continue living, Youko will kill you all. I know he will. Shuiichii! What are you doing!? Shuiichii! Stop it! Worry echoed in the spirit’s voice, but Kurama ignored him.   My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God! My Tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.

Go away, Youko! I’m doing what I should have done years ago! I’m not going to allow you to take over my body and kill my family and friends! You can’t be serious!? Shuiichii! Don’t do this! Stop! I mean it! Stop it! Too…late… Blood flowed down Kurama’s arm, dripping to the innocently white linoleum of his floor in a steady drip. Kurama began to feel lightheaded. He fell to the floor, unable to catch himself, and a loud thud resounded throughout the room. I’m finally going to be free. Free from all the lives I’ve stolen…all the lies I’ve told...all the promises I’ve broken…I’m free.   My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries, for deliverance.
Will I be denied?

Hiei landed silently on Kurama’s windowsill, silent as a ghost. “Fox? Where are you? The toddler needs to see us…” he sniffed the air. Blood? Kurama’s blood! “Kurama!” Worry for his best friend etched Hiei’s features as he followed the scent and opened the bathroom door, hearing a loud thud coming from that room. Blood-red eyes widened as they took in the scene before them. Kurama…calm, beautiful, clear-headed Kurama…was lying on the floor, surrounded in a river of his own blood. “Kurama! Kurama!” He knelt near his friend and shook him, the blood-red bangs shadowing the beautiful green eyes Hiei felt safe under. “Kurama!” The Forbidden Child ran from the room, picked up the phone and quickly dialed 911. I don’t usually trust these humans…but…Kurama will die if something isn’t done soon! “Hello, 911, please state your emergency.” “My friend…he’s committing suicide and he’ll die if you don’t get down here now!” “All right, sir.” The voice sounded more panicked now, more concerned. “Address?” Hiei gave the address of Kurama’s house, and was told that an ambulance would be by to pick up Kurama and take him to the hospital.   Christ! Tourniquet! My suicide.   Hiei ran back to his friend, and gathered him up. “Come on, Kurama. Open your eyes. Open your eyes, damn it!” Emerald eyes slowly fluttered. “Hi…Hiei…” “Kurama, you bastard! What the fuck are you doing!?” “I’m finally free, Hiei…I don’t…have to listen…to You…You…ko…any more…” “Kurama, don’t talk, the ambulance will be here soon! You’ll be okay!” There’s no way in hell that I’m going to lose my best friend…I’ve lost too many people already! A red and yellow light flashed into the bedroom as a siren sounded from the street. Medics broke the door down, and ran into Kurama’s bathroom, and pulled him onto a stretcher. “Let me go with him! I’m…I’m his brother!” Hiei jumped into the ambulance as they pushed Kurama in and headed off to the hospital. Medics rushed the boy into an ER, and they ran around in a frenzy. “Come on, Shuiichii! Work with me, here! Hey, we need to stop this blood flow! Get me bandages and tourniquets!” Kurama’s heart rate slowed…a straight line showed. He was gone…he was free. Hiei’s heart broke.   A/N: Okay, that had to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write! Please review!