Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Faux Pas ❯ Chapter 5

Faux Pas - Chapter Five

 

 

“Shinobu...”

 

His clothes still bore the evidence of his final battle. He looked as he had when he died, just less… serene. Though Koenma could tell he was trying to put on an air of indifference, it wasn't working. The way his shoulders were slightly hunched, how he almost seemed to spring on the balls of his feet as he walked forward... Koenma had not watched Sensui serve as a spirit detective for years without being able to pick up at least some of his moods. He was tense. His posture gave away his underlying defensiveness. And why not? He was in the last place he ever wanted to be.

 

For an instant, Koenma felt a pang of regret. This man was his old friend. Why had it come to this?

 

Sensui raised his eyes but remained silent. The blue orbs lacked their previous luster. There was no raving madness, no desperate need, no vibrant life. They were dull. Koenma's jaw worked and he turned on Hinageshi. He did not need an audience for the discussion he was about to have.

 

“Thank you, Hinageshi. That will be all.” The finality in his tone bore no room for protest. It was a clear dismissal. The girl's eyes widened and she dashed out of the room, throwing one last glance over her shoulder at Sensui. The door shut firmly behind her.

 

Silence settled over the room like a thick cloud. Sensui continued to stare at Koenma, eyes unreadable. Koenma himself could only stare back. Now that the time had come, he found he could not form the words to express himself. His tongue snaked out and wet his lips nervously.

 

Sensui shattered the silence. “Why am I here?”

 

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Koenma said. It had been so long since he had heard his former detective speak without words laced with hatred. He rubbed his fingers together. He was uncomfortable. But why? This was what he had wanted, hoped for. A chance at redemption for his past mistakes.

 

“I don't know,” Sensui replied.

 

Did he chance telling him about Itsuki? No, not yet. He wanted, no… needed, Sensui's undivided attention. “It seems that the void collapsed,” he said slowly. “Your soul was most likely expelled in the process.”

 

“I thought that was impossible,” Sensui mused. “The void is supposed to be indestructible.” His posture had yet to change.

 

Now that they had started talking, Koenma found he was eager to move on. However, he believed Sensui deserved some answers first. Answers that had come, in part, from Itsuki. Answers that he inexplicably wanted Sensui to hear come from him instead.

 

“To all known knowledge, it is indestructible. Apparently it is possible for it to collapse temporarily while switching spiritual planes.”

 

The deeper meaning behind the words was, at least temporarily, lost on the man. A soft sigh escaped Sensui's lips and his eyes lowered. “So I was dropped out for you to find. You must be ecstatic. It seems you'll have the last move in our game after all.” Koenma was relived that Sensui had not asked why the void had switched planes. Itsuki would come later. All that mattered now was him and Sensui. He had to lead the conversation away now, while he had the chance.

 

Otherwise, he could lose it forever.

 

“I am.” Koenma drifted closer. “Just not for the reasons you're thinking.”

 

Sensui looked up warily, yet he stayed where he was. That was always a good sign.

 

“You think I want to judge you. You think you're going to hell for the sins of your past. You think wrong.” He was now directly in front of the taller man. The height difference made him cock his head back slightly but there was no need to be intimidated. He was in control. Regretfully, he wondered exactly why it had become a battle for control in the first place. A struggle to gain the upper hand in a dangerous game. All because of an irreversible mistake and a shattered friendship. “I wanted you here because I needed to speak with you. I failed you, Shinobu.”

 

Sensui's jaw clenched tightly, making the chords in his neck stand out. He opened his mouth to speak but Koenma interrupted.

 

“I should never have sent you on that mission.” There was no doubt on what that mission had been. “I should have sent Kuroko. I never wanted you to see what happened there. I am truly sorry that it has caused you such anguish. As your boss, it was my job to protect you. As your friend, it was my job to be there for you. I did neither. Please, Shinobu, forgive me. I have wronged you terribly.”

 

For a moment, Sensui was silent. Slowly, he relaxed. His jaw unclenched, his shoulders smoothed out, and his feet planted firmly on the floor. Calmly, collectedly, he spoke a single word.

 

“No.”

 

Inside, Koenma felt his stomach clench. It was not unexpected, and certainly not unwarranted. Still, it filled him with some horrible, unspeakable, pain. He wet his lips once again. “I understand.”

 

“No,” Sensui repeated. “I don't think you do.” Koenma half expected Sensui to lash out, venting his frustrations upon him. It was what he deserved. He steeled himself for the punch that would inevitably come.

 

All that pressed against his skin, breaking against it, was air. Sensui had not moved.

 

“I would have found out eventually,” Sensui said, unexpectedly. “Humans are evil creatures at heart. Their true nature reveals itself at some point in time. It just so happened that certain events solidified that knowledge for me. In a way, I must thank you. You showed me the truth. It hurt, but at least I had a true enemy to fight against, something I knew without a doubt in my heart was true.”

 

Koenma felt sick. He did not want to hear any more. This was not how it was supposed to happen.

 

“Why you continue to protect them, I do not understand. Some have admirable qualities, yes, but how long until those qualities give way to their true malicious intentions? How long can they honestly claim purity?”

 

“Enough,” Koenma whispered. “You're wrong.”

 

“Am I?” Sensui asked. “You and I were friends once. I turned on you. I showed my malicious side. I tried to destroy my own kind. Before that, I killed innocents. Do you understand, Koenma? I killed them!” The former detective's voice was rising. “Demons you sent me to destroy, and why? Because they had violated the rules and stumbled, maybe accidentally, into the Human World? Is that your definition of justice; slaughtering innocents?”

 

“You're wrong,” Koenma repeated. It came out as a hiss. “They were thieves, murderers, some even preyed upon the flesh of man. What I sent you to apprehend were not innocents, they were monsters!”

 

“Was Itsuki a monster?” Sensui snapped. Koenma flinched. Was Itsuki a monster? He had to wonder. When it concerned Sensui, he could be ruthless. But overall? He forced his attention back to Sensui. At the man's side, his hand clenched into a fist. Nails bit into the flesh breaking the skin, causing a thin rivulet of blood to seep out between the thumb and forefinger. Koenma tracked it with a sense of fascination. Wherever Sensui went, there always seemed to be

(so much blood)

blood spilt.

 

“Perhaps,” Koenma murmured, distracted. Drops of blood were descending to the floor, marring the pale blue tiles. Tainting it, like Sensui's life had been tainted. Like his mind had been tainted.

 

Sensui snorted. “You would think that, wouldn't you? Why, because he got the best of you? If anyone were the monster, it would be me. I asked him to take my soul. He did it for me.”

 

The situation was beginning to spin out of his control. It was not yet irreversible, but if he did not act soon then there would not be anything left to grasp a hold of.

 

“This is not about Itsuki. This is about you.” Taking a chance, Koenma reached out and took Sensui's hand. The other man flinched as Koenma gently pried open his fist, pulling his fingers away from his palm. Once that was done, Koenma closed the bloody hand between both of his own. He raised his eyes once again to Sensui's.

 

“I would never have knowingly asked you to kill innocents. There are evil demons, just as there are evil humans. It's not fair to classify the entire species as evil just because of a few twisted individuals. You killed the evil demons to protect those humans that were innocents; that were pure at heart. You defended them when they had no chance to defend themselves. What you did was noble.”

 

“What I did was savage,” Sensui whispered. He did not, however, pull back his hand.

 

“You did what you had to.” Carefully, taking caution not the scare the other man off, Koenma rubbed his thumb gently against Sensui's knuckles. A gesture of comfort, or so he told himself. Deep down, he wondered. “I only wish you could understand that good and evil are not black and white terms. They are not set in stone.”

 

“But the past is.” Blue eyes looked down and studied their joined hands. Without looking up, Sensui stated rather than asked, “I'm going to hell.”

 

“No.” The words were spoken simply, leaving no room for doubt.

 

Sensui's eyes raised. “Why?”

 

“It's been arranged for a scapegoat. You are free of all past charges.”

 

“Why?” This time his voice was filled with disbelief.

 

“You were… no… you are my friend. It was my fault. I need to make this right.” He had almost added please, but his pride got the best of him. Instead he added in a whisper, “Let me make this right.”

 

Sensui drew back abruptly, disengaging their hands. He backed up a few steps, then began a slow pace in front of the desk. “Your father-”

 

“Will never know.”

 

Koenma had expected relief. He should have known Sensui never did as predicted. He seemed distraught and the junior lord of hell was pretty sure he knew the reason why. He had gone through with all his plans in order to die, to be free. Away from the battle of good and evil, away from the world which was cruel to him, away from judgment. Koenma was now willing to give that to him, as though it were nothing.

 

“What happens now?” Sensui stopped pacing abruptly, standing between Koenma and his desk.

 

“What do you want to happen?” Koenma asked gently.

 

The blue eyes were suddenly filled with emotion. When Sensui spoke, his words were laced with defeat. Koenma could almost feel the internal pain radiating off of his body.

 

“I want to rest.”

 

“Then you will,” Koenma said simply. The plan on how that could be achieved was already forming in his mind. The hard part would be keeping it concealed from his father. He was determined to do so; after all, he owed the other man. Koenma was to blame and Sensui had been under the influence of insanity.

 

Are you so sure? a small voice in his mind whispered. Or are you only making up excuses in hopes of salvaging something that was lost a long time ago?

 

This is no excuse, he argued with himself. This is fact.

 

Is it? The voice trailed off.

 

He was drawn from his thoughts as he sensed Sensui's penetrating stare. Once his attention was caught, the former detective spoke.

 

“I don't want to be in your debt. I have nothing to offer.”

 

“You won't be, and I don't ask anything in return. The past will be laid to rest today, old friend,” Koenma spoke with an air of practiced patience.

 

Sensui was silent, undoubtedly deep in thought. At last, he questioned, “Can I go back to the void?”

 

Koenma hesitated. Was it possible? He hadn't even thought to ask Itsuki. More so, did he want it to be possible? If it was what Sensui wanted, then he would allow it. He wouldn't be happy about it, but he would accept the man's decision. Still, he'd much rather take care of Sensui's soul himself, and see to it that things really were made as close to right as possible. If it were left in his hands, then he could rest easy. There would be no doubt and no worry, because he would ensure Sensui's happiness and safety. It was something he had failed him in this life, but would not fail in again.

 

“I don't know if that would be possible. You can, however, be put up for reincarnation. That way I can arrange for you to remain in limbo until your time of rebirth. You will have at least a few hundred years of the rest you desire. You will also not encounter any other souls, and when you are reborn, you will not remember anything from this life.”

 

Tattered sweater clad shoulders slumped. “Very well,” Sensui replied at last.

 

Koenma wondered about Sensui's current sense of defeat. Why should the other man feel as though he had not gained out of this? The result would have been hell. Surely, he could not really prefer that over the offer Koenma had made... could he? No, the demi-god argued, this was the best solution. This way Sensui would be able to start over again. He could live the life he should have led. There would be no Spirit World involvement the next time around; there would be no killing, no constant battles or struggle for survival. There would be peace.

 

“You're displeased,” Koenma mused. He was curious.

 

Sensui made a vague attempt to shrug. “I just wish I could have remained in the void. I had my peace there.”

 

“You shall have it again.”

 

“Maybe.” Sensui massaged his injured palm gently. “But why did it even switch planes in the first place?”

 

Before Koenma could reply, a large tremor shook the room. Sensui was sent stumbling back against the desk while Koenma was thrown to the floor. Loud cries could be heard from out in the office area. Another tremor washed over the building and the light fixtures swayed dangerously.

 

Koenma jerked himself to his feet, stumbling towards the room's exit. Sensui lay against the desk, momentarily dazed, as Koenma thrust open the door of his office. He turned to call over his shoulder, even as he walked briskly out.

 

“Wait here!”

 

The sense of unease that had started with the strong vibrations of the building was giving way to something else. Koenma slammed the door shut and strode quickly towards the adjacent room. The Spirit World was not subject to natural disasters such as earthquakes. There was only one logical explanation behind what was causing the tremors. Some how, some way, it was undoubtedly the result of one individual.

 

Itsuki!