Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Healing ❯ Devistating ( Chapter 1 )

Healing

 

Summary: His masks were flawless. His lies were numerous and complex, like the threads of a spider's web. In guilded silver and crimson, Inari put upon earth a born predator. But what happens when that predator becomes prey? Will the masks crack? And what of the desperation of his lies? Sequel to The Sacrifice. YxK, HxK

 

AN: Well, here I am, bored out of my mind waiting for a date that's probably gonna stand me up. Oh well. It gave me an excuse to wear this new shirt I got at Utopia, so…yay! Erm, anyway, here's the fic! I hope y'all enjoy!

 

Updated AN: Grr. The Sacrifice has been deleted AGAIN for explicit content, even though I kidsed it down as much as I possibly could. Whatever. Read the full version at www . mediaminer . org if you want.

 

Disclaimer: I own the angst. Not the show. And toes. I own ten toes.

 

Chapter One- Devastating

 

******Yukina's******POV**********

 

I remember the day he was taken from us. Was it truly only a month ago? I cried twelve hiruseki for the one called Kurama. He had been one of the few demons in this realm who even bothered to aid me on my search; one of a select few who didn't want my gems. He had been warm, friendly, nothing like the sneering ice maidens on my cloud who whispered behind their hands of Hina, and brother…the cursed, the Forbidden.

I always felt that I wasn't far from being an outcast as well, until I met my saviors. Yes. Kurama had been sweet, intelligent; a beautiful compliment to his lonesome companion and special friend;

My oniisan.

I know it.

He won't say.

But I know.

And I know now that his friend's state is killing him inside. All of them. Even Genkai.

 

“ Yukina!”

 

I lift my head obediently and hand the old woman the bandages I had been soaking. I know my eyes must be full of worry, and I think she understands. It is the worry only fellow healers can share. When they must mend something unspeakable.

 

“ Please, Genkai,” I say softly. My timid words seem to resonate throughout the temple, shattering the deceptive peace with sadness.

 

“ Tell me he's alright/ Did…did your techniques work? Is he better, inside and out? Onegi…tell me…”

 

Genkai glances behind her to the common room, her expression troubled. Yusuke is in deep conversation with Kazuma and his sister, as Koenma looks on ominously. Keiko has just left with Boton after sobbing a whole lot. And Hiei sits by the window, staring glumly into space.

 

“ I don't know, Yukina.: she answers gruffly, a voice she uses to hide compassion.

 

“ It's only been two days, and he doesn't seem any different. I don't expect you to understand…in fact I don't think many can, but what Karasu did…can have long term effects. And not just on the body. He may never come back. Not really.”

 

Tink * Thirteen now. Somberly I nod and retrieve my teargem, then walk inside and serve them all tea they do not want.

I am always the housekeeper, ready with a smile. But as my brother shrinks away from me, from my false stoicism, I just…I just want to cry with the rest.

 

******Hiei's*****POV******8

 

My mind keeps going over the crow's demise. Again and again I see the dragon leave me and roar like a god unto hell towards my enemy, devouring him slowly so that he felt every excruciating second of it. I see indigo eyes, still laughing at me as they close in sublime death that twisted bastard no doubt enjoyed.

It wasn't harsh enough. Because two souls died in that room. And it is going to be the hardest battle of my life to try and resurrect the second one.

 

“ Hiei!”

 

I jump, startled, and accidentally spill the tea my sister brought me. She gazes at me sadly as I ignore her for the moment and turn to the baka.

 

“ What is it, fool?”

 

For once he doesn't whine about the insult, merely turns his black eyes down and tilts his head to a nearby doorway.

 

“ Genkai said to tell you that he was asking for…erm, someone who fits your description.”

 

My heart sinks as silently I walk to the familiar room. He's still not using names. I don't appreciate the look the hags gives me as I tred inside; something between pity and respect.

 

“ I've done all I can. He needs your help now, not ours. If he doesn't show any signs of improvement, we're going to have to return him to his mother as is. I unfocus my gaze so that she and the whole chamber is nothing but a colorful blur. The blob that is the human psychic leaves, and I am forced to see clearly again.

I am forced to see him again.

As I sit by his bed, I realize sorrowfully that even now, he is the life of the drab room; a beautiful crushed rose whose scent fills the air, unrivaled in loveliness; in tragedy. Kurama's back is plastered to the headboard, his knees drawn up to hide his face. Red hair falls in rivulets around him, for once not shining and lustrous. Now, he is clad in a light pink kimono, but I saw him before he was all cleaned up and prepared.

It is a sight that will stay with me for the rest of my days. It almost makes me want to blind myself, so there'll be no chance of anything like tat marring my mind again. He is shaking again; crying. Always crying and staring, like a frightened fox caught in headlights, or a caged one; waiting for the execution.

I want to speak, but my throat will not obey, and so I reach out to stroke his crimson tresses. I could do that forever, and once upon a time he'd let me, but now he yelps at the touch and tenses so violently that I pull away, paralyzed under the scrutiny of wide spruce eyes.

 

“ You.” He chokes, and I watch in anguish as he rubs my teeth marks. “ N-no. NO! I d-don't know you! Go away!!! It never happened! That thing that's my fault never happened!!! D-did you hear me, Dark One?! I said t-to leave me alone!”

 

His hurt breaks my heart, and my temper too. For 48 hours I have had to see this…this damage. It is wearing thin on those damned things called emotions. Briefly I consider invading his head with the jagan, but both the risk and the betrayal are too great. So instead I grab his shoulders, forcing him to face me.

 

“ Listen, fox.” I snarl. “ I know you know me. You just don't want to remember because a foolish guilt lies in your heart for a crime you think you committed! Now, say my name, dammit! SAY IT! Please…”

 

He is frozen in terror; indeed, it doesn't even seem as if he's here. I loosen my grip ever so slightly.

 

“ Gods, don't hurt me again.” He mutters. “ Have you come back from the dead to hurt me? Not…again…Inari…no…let me go…let me go! LET ME GO!”

 

“ NO! FIGHT ME, FOX! SAY THE THINGS TO ME. For I am your tormenter's murderer. You helped. You know.”

 

“ …Yes. I helped. I helped betray. Betrayed my little flame. Nothing left of me now. Nothing he'd want. Hiei…sorry…so sorry. So pathetic. Why am I so weak? Why couldn't I have fought it…I hate him. I HATE HIM! The crow…won't touch me! Too many times…too many…oh lord…no.”

 

My heart wrenches at my name and nickname. This small progress we have made…but he is breaking down again…NO.

 

“ KURAMA! What is it you want to say to him? To me? What did you do but try to protect your friends…y-your lover?”

He becomes angry and shuts his eyes.

 

“ NEVER A MOMENT'S PEACE! ALWAYS VIOLATED! ALWAYS DEFILED! NEVER ALONE, BUT PREPETUALLY ONE WITH MY FEARS AND YOU!! And then I ate…I ate your food and drank your wine and w-wanted you. I wanted you! Poison pleasure crawling through me like a virus…except you weren't in me…I was in you, taking you…hating it…hating you…loving it…loving Hiei…I didn't want it! I didn't! I swear I didn't! but you know better you BASTARD! Y-you know because I l-let go…forgot my mate, and worshiped a cruel, torturous blackbird. He'll n-never forgive me…I don't deserve it…I'm all alone…that woman in white; kaasan…she'll turn away too. I am alone. So end it. Please.”

 

This time, I let him sob, lost in the midst of dawning comprehension.

Oh, Kurama…how am I supposed to feel? Is it much different? The justification for the selfish resent that burns its way through my heart? What is the conflict you battle with? That victim became consensual rapist. When pumped full of so much ward, pain, and drug? How can I judge, when this Jaganshi reduced himself to the adoration and murder of ningen?

Both traitors then. And both still very much in love. No matter what. No matter who…that was the agreement. I have no right to hate you. And I do not want to.

 

********* Kurama's***POV**********

 

If I don't acknowledge it…then it isn't there. A cowardly philosophy, but one I've tried to live. With the pain, went the haze. And now there's only muddled memory. I want to forget, but the scars tell all…and so do garnet eyes.

 

“ KURAMA! What is it you want to say to him…to me…”

 

Gods, just go away. Don't you see, I'm not ready to face you…anyone, yet. H-he could still be here. I can't distinguish the nightmare, the myth, from reality. For all I know this too could be a dream. Was there ever a time I trusted in anything? Love? Family? Mere hieroglyphs…just beyond my reach of understanding.

And yet my heart, my puncture wounds, know this face; this name;

I am a slave to it. To guilt and longing. I want to hold, to cherish, to know somehow that everything is alright.

But I don't want to be touched, ever again. I c-can't…

So be it. Maybe with the truth he'll do as I predict and become the Flying shadow…my little flame no longer mine. Maybe he'll move away and take his hands from my cringing form. At least then…it would make sense; be complete.

Nothing is complete. Not even my explosive confession, my worries and fears. Even the contortions of his face as I shriek at him, and Karasu, and whomever else the features melt into before my eyes. The tears never stop their flow, and never will.

Two pillars of sureness.

Rejection and grief.

I ruin everything. With beauty. With deceit. And now it is finished.

My flow of broken phrases ceases, and he just stares at me. We stay like that for a few minutes of eternity, and I take those moments to rid myself of the dam I have put between my consciousness and memory.

After all, what's the point in denying? It won't change how much it hurts. Ah, but wait, he's moving now. The moment has come. I'm almost elated; drowning in a giddiness that threatens to consume my spirit. It takes all that I have not to giggle…weep, as slowly he reaches out.

To slap me. That's what is coming, is it not? Karasu slapped me. Told me that he, that I, were nothing but a body to be twisted for the pleasure of others. My insides burn at the thought.

Not again.

NOT AGAIN.

And yet I can't seem to make myself move away. The small hand continues its path to my face…and cups my cheek. A gentle touch…one that soothes the aching of the fading bruise there and makes me shudder.

 

“ Hn.” He grunts, all the while stroking me, petting me, like I did once to him…long ago…before the apex of this storm-which-has-no-end.

 

“…Our indiscretions, our faults, and behavior this last cursed April, have taught me something I have been meaning to overlook for a very long time.”

 

Some distant, normal, untainted part of me gasps in surprise. This Dark One…my Dark One…Hiei, doesn't like to use words. But now he respects my space, my fears, and speaks as if it came natural.

 

“ Kurama; at some point…at, some point we became one being. S-so, when you left we…we did not do well, you and I. Fox…you are hurt now, and I-I understand, and will h-help all that I can…b-but kitsune, I'm, hurting too. Because I don't think we were meant to be without each other f-for very long. S-so…please…”

 

I blink repetitively, for I am confused. That small sane part of me is amazed. There is such agony in his countenance. His hand is shaking violently, as are his shoulders, and ruby eyes are filled with wet purple fire.

 

“ What do you want of me?” I ask, knowing the answer so surely it may as well be blazed upon his flesh.

 

Hiei moves closer, his knees straddling my blanketed hips. I am frozen in his amorous grasp as tenderly he cradles the back of my head. Frozen and powerless.

 

“ I want to…to…”

 

He kisses me. His lips are warm and soft against my own, kindling heat and comfort that are alien to my recent life.

 

I am about to open my mouth and give into this dormant passion; dormant love, when the door opens behind him, and Yukina walks inside. She sees us and pauses, her cheeks bright red.

And suddenly it is Karasu groping me, and Casa looking on, unmoving, uncaring, unable to stop it. Hands like spiders, clammy, crawling over my starving form with a psychotically gentle insistence so that I want to moan…to scream…

I push him away, and watch the image of the crow melt into that of the wounded dragon. Yukina looks down at the tray of food she carries, and Hiei wears the expression of the heart broken.

 

“ I'm sorry.” I whisper, hoping the sincerity shows through. “ I love you, Hiei, I do, b-but I am not what I was before. J-just, give me some time. Affection…d-doesn't come easy.”

 

Stiffly he stands and shuts his eyes. I study the bedspread as if contains the secrets of the universe, trying to calm my nerves as he nods and grips my fingers.

 

“ Hn. I…understand.” He forces out, then leaves in a blur out the still ajar entrance. As Yukina sets down my food, I begin to cry silently. In my palm are two, newly formed black gems, immortal, constant reminders of this unhappy moment. My unhappy flame.

 

TBC

 

AN: …So? Is Kura screwed up enough? Please review. Horrible people need anonymous feedback to keep them thinking positively about their poison contributions to the world. Woo-hoo! Yeah! Angst! Hatred! Evil!…I am so sad.