Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ i had to let you go ❯ confessions ( Chapter 1 )

Title: I had to let you go

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They rightfully belong to their respective owners.

Summary: One-shot. I loved him but he loves her.more than life itself. *sigh* It hurts so much seeing them together and I feel that it's time for me to tell him so I would be able to move on. (Botan's POV)

I had to let you go.though you were never really mine in the first place.

I saw you, sitting by the benches near the cherry trees in the park, patiently waiting. You seemed to be in deep thought that I felt rather reluctant to approach you. Nevertheless, I have to do this.mostly for myself. I slowly got off my oar a few meters to where you were sitting. I stood for a while, carefully observing you as if it were my last chance to look at you. You are absolutely breath-taking. You've grown since the first time I met you. Instead of a young brat who often picked fights, I saw a young man who was a bit wiser and even more mature than what he used to be. Indeed, I was proud to be a part of that change.and most importantly, your life. I took a deep breath and cautiously approached you.

You seemed to have sensed that I was nearing you. You slowly turned around and smiled at me. A smile that often made me weak in the knees.a smile that frequently made my heart skip a beat and most of all, a smile that made me feel human. I stared at you for a while and grinned weakly. "Hi, Yusuke- kun," I greeted you and sat down beside you, cautious of the space that I was invading.

"Hey, Botan-chan. A new mission for Koenma, I presume?" you asked as you observed the cherry trees in front of you.

"Iie," I answered quietly, looking down at the ground.

You slowly looked at me. "Then why did you ask me to meet you here?" You again asked raising an eyebrow. I chose not to answer you yet. You seemed to notice the change in my demeanor, I mean who wouldn't. I was usually a cheerful ditz around you guys and now here I am being uncharacteristically restrained and mysterious. "Is something wrong, Bot-chan? You don't seem quite yourself today?" You commented with a note of concern clearly evident in your voice that it made my heart feel heavier.

I didn't answer and you seemed to respect my silence. "We.uh, I have to talk to you." I began. I didn't know where I found the courage to speak, as I never had it in all those years that I stood by your side and watched you fight to protect those you love. I didn't know what drove me talk to you.perhaps it was the realization that you truly loved her.or that you didn't return the feelings I have for you in the way that I want you to.or possibly because it hurts me so much to harbor these feelings that I have for you and I have to let it go and move on.

You slowly glanced at me and asked in your careful tone, "About what, Bot- chan?"

A few minutes passed before I spoke again. "About me.uh, you.us," I quietly stated. "Yusuke-kun, I--"

"No!" You abruptly stood up and shouted, "Don't say it!"

I shook from fear? Rage? Or perhaps even love? I don't know.tears slowly welled up in my eyes threatening to fall. "You knew all along?! Why didn't you tell me?" I asked you in disbelief.

"Probably the same reason why you didn't." You looked away but remained standing.

"I'm telling you now."

"You shouldn't.You deserve someone better."

"Then why not you?"

You fell quiet. It seemed like an eternity passed before you chose to speak again, carefully weighing out the words so as not to hurt me that much. Nevertheless, however you may say it.it would still hurt. "I love her more than life itself." You carefully uttered.

Your very words struck my heart. You didn't have to state the obvious. I was silent. I didn't know what to say or how to retaliate. Tears were freely flowing from my face. "I know, Yusuke-kun, I know." I whispered barely audible as I quietly sobbed.

This is it. I know that my confession wouldn't change a thing about me or about her. But I had to tell you. I had to let you go though you were never really mine in the first place. I had to move on. It hurts to just be a friend when you wanted to be more. It also hurts trying to convince myself that your happiness would make me happy. And most of all, it hurts loving someone who doesn't seem to feel the same way about you. I felt that I owed it to myself.I longed for some kind of freedom from the bondage of these feelings I have for you.

"I love you." I slowly said. There, I've said it. I looked down at my feet waiting for your response. Not that it really mattered. It wouldn't even change a thing! You're in love with Keiko. I softly cried.

You turned to me and looked at me in the eye. "Thank you." You quietly said.

I shook my head and smiled weakly at you. "There's no need to thank me.I just wanted to tell you how I felt. For you to know that I love you is quite enough for me. I know that you love her so much and that you're willing to risk everything for her. And.that you only see me as.your friend." I lifted my eyes and looked at him. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of your happiness." I sighed and stood up. I moved near you and squeezed your hand. Then, summoned my oar.

"This doesn't change a thing, you know." You quietly said. I hoped that it doesn't but eventually, it would. You would stop telling me about her and the other things that made you happy until you stopped telling me anything at all. We'll slowly drift apart as much as we don't want to.it is, but, inevitable. And yet, I risked it all just for a chance to tell you how I feel.

I turned around. "No, Yusuke-kun, this changes everything." I mounted my oar, hovering over the ground.

"Keiko's having a dinner party. We'll see you later at Keiko's house?" You asked, trying to sound as if nothing happened.

I slowly shook my head. "I don't know if I'll be able to make it.Koenma- sama and I have a lot of things to do in Reikai but we'll try to be there." I will not be healed by then. Loving you had done nothing but hurt me. Nevertheless, it has also given me a reason or perhaps a little hope that life is indeed worth living.hoping that someday, somehow.I'll eventually meet someone meant for me and until then, I am going to keep the faith. Hoping that I would find to strength to keep on waiting.

"Hope that you guys would be able to make it. We'll wait for you guys. Ja ne, Bot-chan." You waved goodbye and slowly made your way to Keiko-chan's house.

"Ja ne, Yusuke-kun." I whispered as I watched you disappear from my sight. I slowly made my way to Reikai.however, I didn't want to go yet. I decided to drop by the beach.my sanctuary. I stopped when I reached the edge of the cliff that overlooked the ocean and the beach. I sat down by the boulder facing the ocean, drawing my knees to my chest. I slowly closed my eyes. I needed to breakdown and reflect. I felt at ease with the nature around me. I didn't even notice someone approaching me until I felt someone hovering over my petite form. I opened my eyes and noticed a pair of gentle emerald eyes looking through me. I lost myself in his emerald eyes.

"Hi, Botan."

~~~owari~~~

Author's notes: hiyee, peeps. How was it? Hope you guys liked it. It's my first ever Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic so please be gentle with the reviews. I'm more of a Kurama/Botan fan.or maybe a hiei/botan fan.though I can't help but wonder at the possibility of Yusuke falling in love with Botan or vice versa in the series. I mean they were practically together fighting demons and etc throughout the series.well, just wondering.hehehe.thanks for reading.