Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If Roses Are Dark ❯ I Look To (You in the Night) ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

Part II of the Silver Obsidian series

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I Look To (You in the Night)

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~Kurama~

Maybe if he had been looking, he would have felt a carefully shielded ki outside his window, lurking in the crown of the vibrant willow growing there. But he wasn't, and he didn't. And maybe if he had, he wouldn't have found it anyway.

Rolling over in his bed, Kurama glanced at the clock and sighed loudly. The neon red "4:37 AM" blinked at him innocently enough, but it was doubtful that this early, he would get much sleep, if any. Besides, today was Saturday, which meant it was only one day of school left before the weekend and he had an obligation to go.

He burrowed down into his pillow and moaned. Schoolwork was not what he needed just then. Not when a certain little youkai no faia was haunting his thoughts.

"I should have left when I had the chance! I should have seen you didn't really love me and left before all this 'feelings' crap came out!"

No…no, no, no…don't go…don't leave me…

What if I do love you? Then will you stay? Please tell me you will… Please…

The pillow was probably cutting off his air supply, but he didn't notice. Some small, obscure part of his mind may have, but the rest didn't care. This was more important than anything like that.

This was more important than life itself?

This was life itself.

What if I do love you?

Because I think I do…

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~Hiei~

Kurama rustled around his bed fitfully, trying in vain to fall asleep, ignoring his senses, not looking for anyone who might be watching over him.

But Hiei was there, and Hiei was watching.

Why he was watching, he didn't know. He suddenly had an urge to remain shielded and hidden by the kitsune's side. Something was going to happen, something involving the pair of them, and he wanted to be nearby when it happened, so Kurama wouldn't be able to interpret his absence as unacceptable and his reappearance as reluctant.

He scanned the area around the apartment for the umpteenth time, suspicious, despite Kurama's insistences that no enemy youkai would attack in Ningenkai.

Kurama insisted lots of things.

Kurama insisted that he loved Hiei, insisted time and again, but not in the way the little youkai hoped.

"…You're my best friend, and I love you for it, and…"

The pair had been in battles together before, some of which involved either of the two fighting with injuries, and yet they were both still alive. They defended each other tooth and nail, when necessary, and Hiei liked that. It sometimes made him feel weak, at the beginning, at least, but he had grown accustomed to it, and it was nice to have someone he could trust at his back.

A sudden thought reappeared unbidden, interrupting his peaceful contemplations.

You can't stay away from him, can you? You weak little bastard. You don't deserve him.

I know,he insisted bitterly, but I can still protect him, can't I? From a distance now, but I can still do it.

He doesn't love you, you know.

…No…

He doesn't. You know he doesn't. It's true. Give up and stop trying.

…No…no, I don't know he doesn't love me… Maybe it isn't true…

He argued with himself for what seemed to be hours, though was probably only ten or so minutes. Each time his argument lapsed, however, one pitiful thought reemerged time and again, no matter how he tried to push it away.

What if he really doesn't love me? Then what will I do?

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~Kurama~

He could practically see the words streaming across his mind in a vibrant, sharp red texts, screaming captions at his confused mind about his realization. "The Revelation has been made… what will be the result?" "The pair remains cool and distant, hiding from the Revelation…" "Will the Revelation bring positivism, or will the Silver Rose wither in the dark?"

It made his life sound like a damn soap opera.

The next decision appeared simpler than it probably was: search for Hiei and discuss his new feelings, or hide from Hiei and try to sort them out himself?

He instantly wanted to find Hiei and talk about…everything, really, but a calm demeanor and collected thought made him realize he couldn't do that. They had tried to talk earlier and it had lead to Hiei's disappearance, and, assuming Kurama could even find Hiei again to begin with, having him run off wouldn't help anyone. Kurama couldn't expect him to stay, though. It wasn't really fair.

Glancing up at the clock again, this time greeted by a cheerfully blinking "6:41 AM," Kurama dragged himself out of bed, discarded the light silk clothes he had worn to bed, and dressed in his customary pink uniform. Walking to the bathroom, he reflected again on what he could, or what he should, do about Hiei.

He could ask him to sit down for another talk. He should let him come whenever he was ready, not the other way around. He could search for him. He should let him come whenever he was ready. He could take action. He should -

Deciding that any further reflection would get him nothing more productive than that, Kurama finished brushing his teeth and exited the small room. Picking up his bag as he passed it sitting on a chair, he walked to the foyer and slipped on his shoes, snatching up his keys from beside the door and opening it.

The sights and tints of dawn still echoed through the sky, and Kurama breathed in deeply, letting the fresh morning dew scents of the foliage tingle his senses and wake him further. He walked with a cheerful enough expression pasted on his face, already accustomed as he was to hiding any and all aspects of his life as a Reikai Tantei from the one he ran as a ningen schoolboy.

A flicker caught his eye, and he turned, hand instinctively raised to his hair. But the flicker disappeared, and he thought no more of it. It wasn't Hiei, of course - there was no way the little youkai would have reappeared already, so it didn't matter.

What if it is? a voice taunted in the back of his mind.

"Hiei?" he called in the direction he had seen the flicker before berating himself for even asking. If it was Hiei, he would never respond. Shielding his ki was a clear indication that he wanted to be left alone.

The rest of the walk was uneventful, and he reached Meiou High with plenty of time before first period. He went straight to the biology lab to amuse himself, experimenting and playing with the plants and chemicals housed there.

He kept wondering, though, about that flicker beside him on his way to school. It couldn't have been Hiei.

…Could it?

No. So what was it?

Enemy youkai? he wondered, the Youko aspects of his personality wondering for a chance to play. Unlikely.

Yuusuke or Kuwabara running to school? He nearly laughed at that one. No, of course not.

Hiei searching Ningenkai for something?

He caught himself then in his routine cycling through the possibilities. No, of course it wasn't Hiei. That was foolish.

He mixed a curious purple liquid and purified water with a pH of 7 and withdrew a few drops.

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~Hiei~

Having returned to Meiou after watching Kurama try to sleep, Hiei nestled into "his" tree and dozed sporadically, keeping comfortable. Kurama would arrive soon, if he wasn't already there, but that was something Hiei would have to ignore until - no, unless - the kitsune was threatened. He had used his speed to reach the school quickly, so it was doubtful Kurama had arrived yet.

Indeed, minutes later, Hiei looked down, sensing a familiar and unshielded youki. Kurama had arrived and entered the building.

Hiei noted that, without his mental consent, he had dropped a few branches, level with the biology lab's window, hidden amongst the leaves.

He draped himself over the branch and watched Kurama.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

I love him. Now that that's settled, what do I do about it?

It was as if the little cartoon angel and devil of his conscience had appeared on his shoulders, each calling out different things.

You want Hiei. You never wanted any of them. Talk to him.

Ignore it. It'll go away. It always does.

You want Hiei.

Ignore it.

You never wanted any of them. Talk to him.

It'll go away. It always does.

"No it won't," he said aloud, covering his mouth quickly as he realized he had spoken. A drop of the purple liquid hit the floor, and it bubbled slightly. Apparently the purple was some sort of acid.

Cleaning the mess, Kurama thought.

The flicker, as I was coming to school…

What if it was?